Running Around In Circles

I ran off with Tino shouting my name. I was drunk and lonely. Why couldn’t this be Alan following me? Wait a minute…Alan’s drunk. Why the fuck would Alan waste his time on me for? I’m no one special.

“KATHERINE!” Fucker called me but my real name. Great it’s like everyone wants to piss me off now…even Tino. I slowed down running so Tino had a slight chance of catching up but even if he did it wouldn’t mean I’d talk to him. “PLEASE STOP!” I heard the desperation in his voice and decided to stop. My breathing heaving I sat on the slightly damp floor expecting to be shouted out.

He crouched down in front of me a grabbed my face. The moon reflected on his dark rimmed sunglasses. Slowly he removed them from his face placing them gently on the ground.

“Now Kitten, why did you run off like that?” He asked somewhat confused and out of breath.

“It doesn’t matter.” Something I always said when I got asked a question to do anything with me.

You okay? It doesn’t matter.

You calmed down? It doesn’t matter.

What’s wrong? It doesn’t matter.

What triggered it? It doesn’t matter.

Why? It doesn’t matter.

Sometimes it was like that was the only thing I could say.

It doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter.

The words ‘It doesn’t matter’ haunted me.

“Well you help me so why can’t you let me help you?” A question I always hated to be asked. I hated when people wanted to help me. I don’t need help. I DON’T NEED HELP. I DON’T NEED
FUCKING HELP.

“Because I don’t matter, I don’t matter to anyone.” I know I didn’t matter, not to him, not to Austin, not to Aaron. I was one of those people who were always picked last in football at school, that person everyone tried to ignore because they were too quiet or too fat or too, too something that caused them to be too different to the rest of the perfect humans on this world.

“You do matter. You matter to me.” I was about to argue but that’s when I realised him leaning in. He soft lips touched my cracked ones. Slowly our lips moved in unison and his tongue reached the inside on my mouth. I wasn’t keen on the whole using tongues when kissing but it wasn’t terrible. After what seemed like forever we pulled ourselves away from each other.

“Want to do that again?”

“Fuck it.”

Notes

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