Time & Time Again

I bounced my leg up and down nervously as my finger floated over the green call button on my phone. I didn’t want to call Fin but I knew I had to, there was a good chance this story was going to end up on the news, even though I had asked they keep my name anonymous, I knew Fin would call, he always did when he heard things like this in Chicago. I took a deep breath and swallow hard, pressing the button. I swung my legs up on the stiff hospital bed and leaned back against the pillows, wrapping my free arm around Jace who was sleeping soundly, we were both fine but the hospital had offered us a room, being as our apartment was currently a crime scene.

The phone rang twice and the sound of Fin’s voice on the other end instantly calmed me down, I smiled.

“Hello?” there was music in the background and I realized that he was probably in the middle of an after show party, damn I hated to put an end to his fun. “Scottie? Hello?” he asked again and I realized I still hadn’t said anything.

“Fin?” I said and cringed at the way my voice came out. It was hoarse and raspy from all the crying I had done earlier and it sounded so small.

“Scotland?” he asked, he could tell something was wrong right away. “Hold on a sec, okay? Hold on.” I heard shuffling on the other end and heard Fin yelling about people shutting the fuck up before there was finally some quiet on the other end and I realized he must have gone in the back lounge. I closed my eyes and waited for him to speak.

“Scott? What’s wrong, what happened? Are you okay? Is Jace okay? Scottie please talk to me.” his voice sounded desperate but also comforting and I couldn’t help but think back to our childhood, when I would cry at night, wondering where mom and dad were and why they didn’t want to see me.

Scottie, it’s okay, please don’t cry, I’m here, I love you, please stop crying. Please.

I started to tear up again, thinking about it and finally managed to find my voice. “I’m okay, we’re okay.” I whispered and the sigh of relief that came from Fin would have been comical if it weren’t under these conditions.

“Shit, Scottie, what the hell? You fucking scared me. What’s wrong?” I heard a muffled voice come from the other end and I heard Fin tell someone to be quiet and I realized that he must not be alone. I didn’t care at this point though; the guys were bound to find out.

“Do you remember that guy Ray that I told you about, Janet’s ex-boyfriend?” I asked, my voice still a little raspy but slowly starting to go back to normal.

“What that prick that hit her? What does he have to do with –“ he suddenly paused and I swear I could hear the wheels turning in his head. “Oh my God Scott, what happened, what did he do?” by the time he got out the last words his voice was smeared with venom, his older brother instincts in high gears. I quickly rushed through the story, starting from how I had a bad feeling all day to now, how Jace and I were sleeping in the hospital because our place was trashed.

“How’s Janet? Is she going to be okay?” he asked and I could tell he was trying real hard to control his anger, I had already had to pause in the middle of my story as I heard a crash on the other line and some muffled shouting before he came back, breathing hard.

“Well, I don’t know how okay she will be mentally, but physically she’s finally just a couple bruises and a slight concussion. Ray took out most of his frustrations on our furniture.”

Fin sighed again. “Shit, Scottie,” he whispered and I understood exactly what he meant in those two words. Tonight could have gone a completely different way and we were both beyond grateful that this was the way it turned out.

“Yeah,” I said with a sigh. “I don’t know what I’m going to do now.” I muttered.

“What do you mean?” Fin asked and I heard him let out another sigh and it sounded like he had sat down, I also heard a groan and muttered curse come from a familiar voice I couldn’t quite place and Fin laughed to what I assumed was the other guy in the room.

“Oh, yeah, well I talked to Janet and she apologized endlessly, even though this wasn’t her fault,” I paused as Fin grunted, showing that he didn’t quite agree with that but I ignored it. “And she also told me that she decided she is going to move back in with her sister once we get everything cleared up, this really messed her up. And I’m not going to lie, I really don’t want to go back to living on my own again, with just Jace.”

I sighed and waited for Fin to respond. It was quiet but I knew it was just Fin thinking, we had that in common, keeping to ourselves, being quiet as a million thoughts ran through or minds. He finally spoke after a few minutes.

“Go back to California,” he said simply.

I laughed. “Yeah, okay.” I muttered.

“Scott, I’m serious, I miss you like hell, I barely know my nephew and after this tour I’ll be off for three months, well, kind of, we’ll mostly be recording so I won’t be traveling at least.”

I sighed. “Okay, Fin, even if I could, how on earth would I be able to pack all my shit, book a flight and fly across the country with a two year old and move back into your place, once again all alone, I might add. You still have three weeks left in this tour.” I laughed at the ridiculousness of this entire thing.

“So you had thought about California then?” Fin asked and I could just picture the smirk he had on his face. He had been trying to get me to come back to California since the day I left.

I sighed again, wishing I could smack him. “Maybe. That still doesn’t change the fact that you still have three weeks left in your tour and I have no place to stay until then, I can’t just leave tonight, or tomorrow for that matter.”

“Alright, so get a hotel for now, pack only the necessities and then when I’m in Chicago in two days me and the guys can help you with all the other shit and we can set up a shipping plan, or just get Janet to ship all your other things, it’s the least she could do.”

“Finland!” I scolded.

“Don’t Finland, me Scotland, some serious shit could have gone down tonight and she is just as much to blame as that dick Ray.” There was another muffled conversation and I heard Fin say something along the lines of I’ll tell you in a minute calm down.

I sighed, realizing there was no point in arguing with him. “Okay, so once again that leaves me with trying to move back into your place while trying to take care of Jace and once again, I’m all alone.”

Fin laughed and I got confused. “Oh, you’re not moving back to California yet. We can wait until the tours done that way I can help you and you’re not so alone.” I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t be an ass.” I muttered and he laughed. “And okay, where am I supposed to stay until then, I’m not living in a hotel for three weeks, not with Jace.” I cringed at the idea.

“Uh, with me, duh, damn Scott, you sure you didn’t hit your head you’re awfully slow tonight.”

I scoffed and shook my head. “What the hell are you talking about Fin? You’re not making any sense.” I rubbed my temple, a headache coming on strong.

“Oh come on, Scottie, don’t act like you don’t miss touring.” He said and I heard the smile and suggestive way he spoke and this time I was the one whose wheels were turning as I laid there, staring at the patterned wall.

“Oh God, no, no way, that is not happening Finland, I am not going to tour with you for three weeks. I have a fucking two year old kid Fin, I can’t bring him on tour!” I was whisper yelling, not wanting to wake the sleeping child next to me.

“Why not? It’s not like he would be the first kid to tour, and it’s only for three weeks.” I could picture him rolling his eyes, of course this wasn’t a big deal to him, he wasn’t the one who would have to deal with an impatient two year in a tour bus all day while he was out playing a show.

“Fin -“ I started but he quickly cut me off, growing impatient.

“Oh cut the shit Scottie, you know it’s the only option. You have three, one, staying in Chicago, in a hotel, for three weeks until I’m off tour. Two, trying to move you and Jace back to California all by yourself, or three, touring with us while Janet ships your stuff back to my place and by the time tour is over all your stuff will already be there and there would be dozens of guys willing to watch Jace while you get settled.”

I sighed, he was right, of course he was. “Ok even if I agree to this-“

“Which you will.” The sound of victory ringed in his voice as he cut me off.

“Even if I agree to this,” I repeated. “How are the guys going to react, you do realize there will be a two year old on your bus which means no booze, no drugs, no women, and no parties.” I bit my lip.

“Damn what a kill joy.” Fin muttered. “But Scott, trust me, the guys will understand. Especially after I tell them what happened. And besides we’ve been touring for almost seven years now, we don’t party nearly as much as we used to.” I heard a laugh in the background I swear I could recognize it but I was so exhausted I just couldn’t put a name to the voice. “Shut up, Tony!” I heard Fin yell and I heard more muffled voices and a few curse words. Tony, that’s who it was.

“Fin, you’re at a party right now,” I pointed out.

“Am not!” he whined, childlike. “Me and the guys are just hanging out on the Pierce the Veil bus, we arrived at the venue early and had some time to kill. It’s a kickback at the most,” he said and I rolled my eyes, my version and Fin’s version of a kickback were two very different things. He sighed again. “Scottie, seriously, what other choice do you have? I know it’s not ideal but I promise we will be on our best behavior. I know the guys are going to be stoked, they miss you being the merch girl, your annoying ass killing our fun, we all do, plus everyone is going to be so excited to have a little turtle around here, well, one that’s not covered in tattoos.” I grinned at the last part, knowing exactly who he was talking about. There was more muffled noises, including a loud groan and a thud. “Besides, I know a certain somebody who will be super-duper excited about you coming on tour.”

I laughed as I heard Tony yelling something about shutting up and getting the fuck off of him, at least I think that’s what he said, I was slowly starting to fall asleep, the events of today finally catching up to me.

I yawned. “You’re right.” I muttered.

I heard Fin laugh and heard some more shuffling. “Alright Scottie, get some sleep I’ll call you tomorrow.”

I picked the blanket up around me and laid it across Jace and I. “Okay, talk to you tomorrow. I Love you Fin.”

The last thing I heard was Fin’s voice before sleep consumed me.

“I love you to Scottie. I love you and Jace.”

Notes