Time & Time Again

We both stared at each other for a few seconds more, shock still on both our faces. I couldn’t believe Tony Perry was standing right in front of me, here in Chicago. I tried to think back to see if I could come up with an explanation why. I knew they were on tour but I didn’t remember seeing a Chicago date, then again, I hadn’t really been keeping too close of an eye on their schedule, I had a lot to deal with. Plus I had been so busy stressing over this modeling interview I hadn’t been on any social networking site in days. Tony was the first to break the silence.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, smiling and I couldn’t help but notice that he still hadn’t released his grip on my arms.

I laughed. “Uh, I live here, remember? What are you doing here?” I raised my eyebrows.

“Oh, right.” He said and shook his head. “I guess I forgot, but we’re playing a show here tonight.”

I frowned. “What the hell, why did no one tell me about this? I would have loved to hang out with you, with all of you,” I quickly added.

Tony grinned sheepishly and finally took his hands off my arms and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't disappointed. “I guess we all forgot that you were staying here, you haven’t really been around much lately.” He looked at me then and couldn’t help but get lost in his eyes.

“Yeah, I guess that’s true,” I muttered, looking down. “I’ve just had a lot going on.”

“Hey, you okay?” he asked and I couldn’t help but think back to the first night we had spent together, he had said the exact same words to me.

“I’m fine,” I lied, looking up at him, forcing a smile.

“You sure about that?” he questioned as his hand came up and I couldn’t help but shiver as his thumb brushed across my cheek, wiping away a tear I hadn’t realized had fallen.

I closed my eyes, suddenly not being able to look at him anymore. “Yeah, I just, I had a job interview today and I talked a little too much about myself, brought up some old memories,” I shrugged and opened my eyes again to see him giving me a sad smile.

“A job interview, where at?”

And this was one of the many reasons I loved Tony Perry. He knew exactly how to read a person, to know that even though they had mentioned something that made them upset, he could tell that they didn’t want to talk about it. Instead of asking me about the memories that had brought me down he instead changed the conversation to my job interview and I couldn’t help but smile. Tony always knew exactly what to say.

I laughed nervously. “Uh, well it was actually for a modeling company. Mostly just modeling various clothing lines and stuff. I think I got it, I have to go back in a few days, to take some practice photos but the owner really seemed to like me.”

“Modeling huh?” Tony asked, giving me a suggestive smirk.

I laughed and pushed against his chest lightly. “Don’t be a perv!”

He laughed and placed his hands in the air in surrender. “I’m just playing! But hey, that’s awesome, you’ll do great.” He winked and I laughed again.

Just then I was pushed forward by a rude passerby and I fell right into Tony’s arms again. I realized then that we were standing in the middle of a very busy Chicago sidewalk. Tony caught me and chuckled as he slid us off to the side.

“I guess this isn’t the best place to catch up,” I said looking around.

“Guess not,” he agreed and looked down at me, giving me a goofy smile.

“So where is everyone else?” I asked and stupidly looked behind Tony, as if Mike or Jaime would just pop out from behind a light pole.

“Ah, they’re all back at the venue, our show is in a couple hours and we just got here not too long ago. It’s a short stop were leaving tonight as soon as everything is packed up. I shouldn’t even be out here but I’ve been craving Starbucks.” He said the last part with a laugh.

I laughed with him. “Of course you are,” I said; if there was anything Tony loved more than Starwars it was probably Starbucks. He grinned down at me and shrugged. “There’s actually one right around the corner up here, I can take you there if you’d like?” I offered and shrugged my bag back up on my shoulder, my search for my phone now forgotten.

“I would love that.” He said and gave me this look that gave me butterflies. I smiled and motioned for him to follow me.

As we were walking I couldn’t help but think back to that night, the first night we had met. The night we were on Fin’s back porch and Jace had kicked me for the first time. I had held Tony’s hand over my stomach and then we even shared the same bed that night. I remembered how Tony had held me close to him and even stroked my belly as I drifted off to sleep. He had even said goodnight to Jace, calling him a little turtle. That was the first night since I had found out I was pregnant that I didn’t have a nightmare.

I was disappointed when I had woken up the next morning, alone in my bed, the faint smell of Tony’s cologne on my spare pillow the only proof that he had been there at all. At least that’s what I had thought. I had taken a quick shower and was getting dressed when I had dropped my shirt on the floor. Bending down to pick it up, I noticed a crumpled piece of paper on the ground that must had fallen off the bed when I woke up. I picked it up, along with my shirt and noticed it was an old Starbucks receipt, a message in Tony’s messy handwriting on the back.

Sorry I couldn’t stay. I’m always here if you need me. P.S. Thanks for sharing your bed with me, you only kicked me twice. –Tony

As we reached the Starbucks, I smiled, remembering the note, I was pretty sure I still had it somewhere in my boxes of stuff from California. I had tweeted him the following day, apologizing for kicking him, and he had responded back, joking that it wasn’t a big deal, the bruises would heal, which of course caused the fans to go crazy. It was around this time that they started to “ship” us, which I found funny because even to this day, there were no pictures of me and Tony together. I had even read a few things that the fans thought Tony was my baby’s father, being as no one actually knew who the real father was, except for Fin and I and a few close friends. Basically anytime I was seen with any male band member, he was coined as Jace’s father, it had become a bit of a joke now, many of the guys looked forward to it.

“Scottie? Hello?” I saw Tony’s hand fly past my face and I was brought back to the current time. He laughed when he finally noticed I was paying attention again. “Where’s your head at babe?”

I bit my lip, trying to hide my smile as I shook my head. “Sorry, darling, I’m all yours.” I teased and reached up to flick his hat.

He chuckled and we got in line. “Good, I was starting to get worried for a second there; did you even hear what I said?”

I smile sheepishly. “Uh, no, sorry.”

He shook his head and grinned. “Well, I said, that I can’t stay here for too long but do you want to sit in here and talk for a bit?”

I nodded and we placed our orders then found a seat toward the back and Tony pulled his hood up on his head, we didn’t expect anyone to recognize him but many people knew there was a show tonight, well except me apparently, and we didn’t want to risk it.

“So, other than you becoming this sexy model, what else is new in Scottie McQueen’s life?”

Tony asked with a smirk and I couldn’t help but blush, which was very unusual for me, I mean I had grown up with my obnoxious brother and his three best friends, I had heard and seen everything that would make any normal girl blush and run away.

I looked down and scooped some whip cream up on my straw, shoveling it in my mouth. “Really, nothing more than that. I’ve been living a pretty boring life.” I laughed. “All my time really just goes to taking care of Jace.”

Tony grinned. “Oh, yeah, how is my little turtle doing?” I raised my eyebrows at him. “Fin told me that you called him that before he was born, and I’m pretty sure I was the first one to give him that nickname.” He raised his eyebrows this time and squinted his eyes at me.

I laughed and shrugged. “It suited him, I still call him that sometimes actually. Did you know he was a turtle for his first Halloween?”

Tony’s eyes lit up. “No way, really?” he was smiling like a little kid on Christmas.

“Yeah,” I said with a giggle and reached into my purse to grab my phone. “I think I put it on instagram…” I let the sentence trail off as started to go through my phone. I noticed Tony doing the same.

“Huh, I thought I was following you,” he muttered and I suddenly got a notification that told me he now was.

“Well, you are now,” I laughed as I finally found the picture of Jace in his turtle costume. I held my phone out and Tony took it.

He grinned and laughed. “Damn you’ve got a cute kid.” I noticed his thumb flick across the screen, going through more of my photos.

He would occasionally grin and laugh, sometimes just blowing out a breath of air as he laughed silently and watching him I realized just how much I missed him. I missed all of my “band friends” I guess you could call them. Before I had gotten pregnant, I had actually been my brother’s bands’ merch girl and I used to tour with them all the time. I became close with everyone and anyone. When I was on tour with them I wasn’t just Fin’s little sister I was everyone’s little sister. That’s what band life was like though, you might have been strangers at the beginning of the tour but by the end, it was like you had known each other your whole lives, it was kind of hard to keep secrets when you were trapped on buses for months on end.

The one tour I had to skip, of course, happened to be the one that Searching Souls was sharing with Pierce the Veil. It wasn’t like I wanted to skip it, I was actually really looking forward to it but some things came up and I realized that I needed to stay home for a bit, after all, before that tour we had taken a three month tour in the UK. I was a bit exhausted to say the least. Thinking back, I can’t remember if this had been a good decision or not. The sad part is I missed meeting all the guys in Pierce the Veil, although I had met Mike a few times before, at drum practice. The good part was that I had had one of the most amazing summers of my life even though it came to a tragic end and not to mention I got pregnant, it was still special.

“Seriously Scottie,” Tony said, handing me back my phone, once again snapping me back to the current time. “You have an adorable son, he looks just like you.”

I smiled. “Thank you, even though I think he looks more like his Dad,” The last part slipped out and I instantly regretted it as an awkward silence fell between Tony and I. I looked up to find him staring at me, studying my face.

“I’ve never heard you talk about him,” he whispered and a quizzical look crossed his face.

“It’s kind of a long story,” I whispered back, “And it’s kind of hard to talk about.”

Tony nodded. “I’m sorry.” He still looked at me and normally I would have hated this, having people say how sorry they were and then giving me these sympathic looks but from Tony it was different. He wasn’t just apologizing he was also letting me know, that if I was ever up to it, he was there, he would listen.

I sighed and took a drink of my Frappuccino. “Thank you, Tone.” He smiled and I knew that he understood that I had meant more than a simple thank you, I was telling him that as soon as I was ready, I would tell him about it, about everything.

We sat there in comfortable silence, just enjoying each other’s company until Tony’s phone started to ring.

“Shit,” he muttered looking down at it. “I need to start heading back to the venue before Vic shits himself.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I should probably get going too, I still need to pick up Jace from daycare.” I started to stand when Tony suddenly jumped up and slid into the booth with me. “What are you doing?” I questioned with a laugh as he knocked into me.

He grinned. “Here, take a picture with me,” he said, holding out his phone in front of us, clicking the camera on. “So I have a good excuse for being late.”

I scoffed. “Is that the only thing I’m good for now, a late pass?” I joked.

“Yup,” he laughed. “Oh, and I want to have some proof that I knew Scottie McQueen before she becomes this hot famous model.” He nudged me and I playfully pushed him back.

“Oh. Okay, well if that’s the case,” I teased and looked up toward the camera, sticking my tongue out just as Tony was taking the picture, causing him to smile widely.

“Aw, now we both look like dorks,” he said, faking sadness and I laughed. “Now come on, serious mode.”

He held out his phone again and this time I smiled, leaning into him, my head resting slightly on his shoulder. He flashed his signature toothy grin and snapped the photo, we both looked at it and I smiled again, it was a great picture.

“Damn, we’re sexy,” I joked as Tony played on his phone.

“Hell yeah we are,” he laughed as he got up and held his hand out to help me. I placed my hand in his and stood. We grabbed our drinks and made our way toward the exit.

Once we got outside I frowned, Tony noticed and bumped my shoulder. “Hey, come to our show tonight,” he said suddenly. “I can put you on the list, I know the guys would be excited to see you, we haven’t seen you since Fin’s last party.” Tony looked down and smiled and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was remembering what the two of us had shared that night.

I sighed. “Uh, I wish I could, but I promised my babysitter she could have the night off and I don’t think it would be a great idea to bring Jace with me,” I said, imagining how disastrous that could be.

Tony sighed and scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. But hey, don’t be a stranger, message me, all of us, talk to us.” He looked at me like he was scolding a little kid.

I couldn’t help but giggle. “Okay, okay, I will.” I promised.

“Good, I’ve missed you Scottie, and I want to meet Jace,” he said pulling me into a bone crushing hug. I didn’t mind it, I enjoyed it actually, the closeness, it wasn’t something I had often anymore. I wrapped my arms around him and breathed in his scent, my mind wandering back to that night we shared once again. “You know I’m always here if you need me,” he whispered and I hugged him tighter, my silent answer.

We finally pulled away, though I was pretty sure neither one of us wanted to and Tony sighed.

“Love you Scott,” he said and started backing away.

“Love you too, Tone.” He flashed me one more smile before he turned completely and started walking away.

I sighed and turned the opposite way, starting to head home. I couldn’t help but notice how weird Tony and I’s relationship was. We hardly knew each other yet each of us both felt so comfortable with the other, like we had known each other our whole lives. I had even told him I loved him, granted neither one of us meant it in a romantic way; it was still a big thing, at least on my part. There were a few guys in Searching Soul’s crew that I have known since the start of the band that I had never said the word love to, yet here I was saying it to Tony as he was leaving. That was another thing about Tony and I’s relationship, as much as I wanted to keep seeing him, there was never enough time, he could never stay as long as I would like him to.

My phone beeped in my bag and I pulled it out, opening it to see I had a new instagram notification. I opened it up to see that Tony had posted the picture of us, the “serious” one as he put it and I couldn’t help but smile at the caption.

Got to spend some time with the beautiful @scottiemcqueen in Chicago today. She’s my favorite McQueen if ya know what I mean ;)Sorry @finmcqueen

I couldn’t help but laugh looking through some of the comments, even Fin responded, joking about how he thought Tony and him shared something special. Still laughing as I put my phone away I could help but realized that Tony Perry had once again come into my life just when I needed someone to remind me that I was not alone.

Notes