When You Fall Asleep Tonight (Sequel To My Understandings)
The Sound Of Starting Over
Weeks have passed and I haven’t heard a single word from Austin. I’m now six months, going on seven tomorrow, pregnant and staying at Vic’s place in San Diego for the three shows I’m opening this month. I have a giant suitcase with me, because after this, I will be heading to Warped on June 23rd. The first date is May 8th, with Asking Alexandria first, May 16th with We Are the In Crowd and May 29th with Blessthefall.
Now I’m just chilling with a bowl of icing with Vic while watching Jackass. It amazes me how calm I am about this situation…..on the outside. Sure, my friends know about our break-up, our fans don’t. but it’s not bothering me as much because everyone is distracting me with tour dates and album releases and AP interviews, who’s going to be on the cover of this month’s AP issue. Which by the way, is Bassists of the month. Miley, Andy Glass, Vegan, Jeff Valentine and Jared Warth, they all got the opportunity to be on the cover.
“So, what songs are you singing?” Vic asked while taking a sip of beer.
“Well, I’ve been working on a solo album to release under Rise. I’ll probably sing those.” I say while watching Johnny Knoxville get hit in the balls with a basketball. It amazes me how far of lengths a guy would to harm himself for money. Why can’t they put Max on that show?
“Oh, what’s the name of the album?”
“Siberia.” I say with a content smile. “Last year, when I released The Listening, a lot of people like it. It’s nice being a solo artist.” I smile, my fans. They justmake my day. From being a rookie band at Warped ’12 to a rookie solo artists to this big production, they love us, my producers, band mates, guitar and drum techs, they love us to pieces and I just love them for that. they’re the light that keeps me going. The light that made me stop self-harm, the light that brought me to these amazing people and I’m so thankful.
“OH!” Wee-man yells. Vic laughs, spitting splotches of beer on the floor. You can hear Mike upstairs yelling for us to keep it down.
“What kind of name are you gonna use?” he asks as he recovers from his attack.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, do you wanna be Ellie? Or something else, like Lady Gaga, Lorde, Ke$ha, The Ready Set?” He did have a point. New music under a new name? Why didn’t I think of that?
“El? You know, my name shorten?”
“Hmmm. How about, Elica?”
“That’s not even anywhere close to my name!” I say while laughing. He shrugs his shoulder.
“Nah, too, plain.” He snorted. “How about Down and Dirty.” I playfully slap him across the face. the little pervert.
“Vic!” he chuckles. “That’s for one, disgusting, and two, that’s the name of a band!”
“How about Abajo y sucio.” He says in fluent Spanish. “Not only do you attract Americans, but Mexicans like me!” I eyed him.
“What does that even mean?”
“It’s……down and dirty in Spanish.” I roll my eyes.
“You need help Vic.” He smirked at me and wiggled his eyebrows.
“Querida que estarás bien. Darling you’ll be okay.” He said in a serious tone. I smiled.
“How about Lights? Short, simple, and different.” As I said before my fans are my light, so why not put that into use. Lights. My fans are my lights.
“Lights underscore Siberia.” He smiled at me. it gave me an idea.
“You just gave me the perfect format for the album!” I say while sitting up.
“Yes! Lights underscore Siberia!” I grab a pen from the coffee table and a napkin and wrote Lights_Siberia. “And since I write all of my songs from an acoustic guitar, I can do a promotional tour for-”
You’re going on another tour? Austin voice taunts me. I sigh and fall backwards. No matter how much I try to deny it, his voice lingers in the back of my mind, reminding me it’s my fault we broke up. Although most of the fans, correction his fans, weren’t ecstatic about our relationship, they know we have history and they support us even if they hate me.
“Maybe being pregnant isn’t such a good idea.” I mumble. This baby is keeping me from doing things I want. Without this baby, I could start a promotional tour for Siberia in early 2014. But, that’s all my life consists of. For the next two years, it’s touring. Warped, Started From The Bottom Now We Here, Siberia, Headline tours, Warped UK, Warped AU, it’s a lot and this baby is holding me back. Not even Austin could stop me from going on tours, but this thing is. It’s holding me from the one thing I love most and if Austin and I are really done, I’m going to be a single parent.
“Ellie? are you okay? You look a little pale?” then I burst out into tears. Each sob racked through my body and shook me and the baby.
“I don’t wanna be pregnant!” I yelled.
“Don’t you think it’s kinda too late for that?” I glared at him but ended up crying more.
“If only we’d stay together during Warped, this wouldn’t be happening!” I cried onto his shoulder and he rubbed my back.
“I know.” He mumble.
“I don’t want this!” I yell. “I never wanted to be pregnant in the first place! Why didn’t I just got an abortion when I had the chance!” Vic pulled away from me.
“Hey, don’t you ever say that.” He said in a stern tone. “That baby will do nothing but grow up to love you. Is that so bad? Sure it’s taking away your chance at touring, but you have family who can watch it.” He said, clasping my hands.
“But-but David’s on tour!” I cried again.
“There’s Lynzie, your mom, and if it gets to the point, you may just have to cancel a tour. But face it Ellie, you’re going to be a mom. Austin is going to be a father and your lives will change forever. Get used to the sound of starting over.” He said. I slumped down in the couch and silenced my tears. I stared at my bump.
I’m going to be a mother.
A single, tattoo covered, screamo mother.
Oh. My. God.
“Have you seen or heard from Ellie?” I asked Shayley. I drove to house looking for her after giving her time to cool off.
“Nope. Haven’t seen or heard from her. Why?” I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.
“I got upset and broke up with her.” The regular Shayley probably would’ve laughed in my face and slammed the door, but this Shayley offered me to come in. I sat on his couch while he called her. He put it on speaker phone.
“Hey Shay’s.” Ellie says. She sounds like she was crying, or is crying. Most of all, she sounded stress. I told her doing so many tours wasn’t good for her.
“Hey El. What’s been good?”
“Thinking about adding another tour to the agenda.” I ball my fists up.
“Really?” Shayley looks at me, as if noticing my anger.
“Yeah. For my second solo album.”
“What about the baby?” I whispered in Shayley's ear.
“What about the baby?” he repeated.
“Vic gave me an idea. I will give it under the care of Lynzie and my mom.” Shayley did the head bob thing. But all I could here was Vic. She’s with Vic, Victor; lead singer, guitar player of Pierce the Veil, the one fans find extremely hot, the one whose mouth has touched hers, her ex-boyfriend, the thirty year old man Victor!!!
“That’s a good idea.” I throw my hands up at him.
“Yeah. After the tour, with you and the others, I have seven months to myself. I won’t do the next tour until late 2014. Because Austin was right, all I do is tour. Maybe, maybe I should quite my dream as a musician so he can have the beat-down jobless girlfriend he apparently wants.” Shayley turns to glare at me.
“What the fuck?” he mouths to me. I shrug my shoulders. “Look babe, don’t listen to Austin.” I squint my eyes at him. “Yeah, you kinda are touring a lit, but your band is gaining popularity. I remember when Of Mice & Me first started, we were doing so many tours, it pissed Gielle off to the max.” Yeah and that’s why she cheated. “But it was like that because we were gaining popularity.” He says more to me.
“Ugh. Enough about tours. All I know is, the more I do, the more money I make. I wanna have enough to support my child, especially if Austin and I are really done…” her voice cracks at the end.
“Aw babe.” He gets up, not without kicking me in the shin, and walking upstairs. I remain on the couch processing what she said. It does seem like I want a beat-down jobless girlfriend. But I don’t. All I want is Ellie. I just want her to myself before sharing her with a child, especially sharing her with millions of fans.
Does she really think we’re done forever? I-I can’t live without her, and breaking up with her for a couple days was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I can’t even imagine forever, especially with my kid growing inside her.
I spent years trying to get her back and I got her back only a little less than a year and she’s gone again.