When You Fall Asleep Tonight (Sequel To My Understandings)
I Don't Know What I'm Doing
“If there's a future, we want it
Now-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow
Now-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow
Now-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow”
And finally, our last performance of the day was done.
Later that day, I walked around the venue. I thought back to my first Warped and how much I favor it than this one because things were so different. My brother was here, the baby wasn’t here and Austin and I still hate each other.
That’s how I prefer things. I could’ve dated anyone I wanted instead of strung along like some jacked up story. Why couldn’t I ended up like Beau and Val? They’re so happy.
I just wanted things to turn out different than they are now. Why can’t I meet a guy who is going through just a hard of a patch as I am? Someone mature, someone who can freaking be there for me and won’t screw me around?
“And everyone on AP thinks and wants you and Spencer Chamberlain to get together.”
Maybe I needed to make new friends with someone who was already that mature.
I grabbed my phone and went to his profile page and saw that we were already following each other.
I hit the DM button and let my fingers hover over the keyboard. I took a deep breath and stared at the taunting iPhone screen.
Hey Spencer, it’s Ellie. When you can, get back me. We should hang out sometime after Warped :)
I clapped along with the crowd as Real Friends finished their set. I’ve been to a bunch of Punk shows including Real Friends, Man Overboard, and The Wonder Years.
Going to shows really took off the time and the anticipation of waiting to hear back from Spencer.
That’s when I decided (and remembered) that I have a child and that I want to see how he’s doing.
I dialed Austin’s number and was confused when he didn’t answer. When I called David, I was surprised when he answered.
“David, have you spoken to Austin?” I heard the sounds of a backtrack being played, along with some murmurs, and smiled when I realized that it meant that Breathe Carolina had completed a song and was a step closer to getting the album finished. One step to having my brother and best friend back.
“Yeah I’ve talked to him.” He basically snorted.
“How is he?”
“Like hell if I know. I only went over there to tell him to stay away from my baby sister.” I rolled my eyes with a smile. “Then I smashed his head on the pavement, kicked him a couple times and took Matthew away from him.”
“YOU DID WHAT?!?!” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Leave it to David to do something this stupid!
I pinched the bridge of my nose and took another deep breath.
“Is Matthew okay?” that’s all that mattered now. I would deal with the Austin situation later, after I knew if Matthew was okay or not.
“Oh yeah. The little baby, he’s doing just fine in Lynzie’s hand. Light sleeper though.”
“That he is.” I noticed in David’s voice that something was off, like a small ray of light had just died. “David are you okay? I mean-”
“I gotta go.” And the line disconnected.
I bit back a cry of frustration as I angrily scratched my arms as I made my way through the venue. This is 2010 all over again. Everything is changing and I hate change. Change means no one cares about you anymore and I don’t need to have a repeat of that.
I leaned my head back against a tour bus and swallowed the urge to cry and cough as the smell of smoke traveled against my nose. I turned my head slightly and saw none other than my ex-boyfriend, Andy.
Just. My. Luck.
But of course, it being Andy, he knew me a little too well.
“You okay?” he asked, taking another drag of the cigarette in his mouth.
“Honestly, no. do I wanna talk about it? No.” Andy nodded his head and offered me a cigarette. I stared at it with uncertainty, but took it in my hands. I took the lighter he offered and put the cigarette between my mouth and cupped my hand over it as I lit it up.
One the burning taste of nicotine entered my lungs, I blew the smoke out, handing the lighter to Andy.
Ironically, I breathed a sigh of relief as I felt the stress being melted away. all of today’s events
just rolled off the cigarette and I’ve never felt any better than I did now.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Andy snickering at me and I just rolled my eyes. Although I can never forget what he did to me, a part of me misses the bickering we used to do. Especially when it came to sharing the same tour bus.
When I felt the vibration of my phone, I hastily took it out and smiled when it read I got a
message on Twitter.
Spencer: That actually sounds like a plan. Here’s my number, we can stay in contact.
And with that message came his number.
Rolling my tongue so the cigarette stuck out on the side of my mouth, I smiled as I saved the number and adding it to a new contact.
Then something inside me clicked. I stared at my reflection on my now blank screen.
This wasn’t me. Smoking, meeting new guys. This isn’t me. That was the old Ellie.Before she started Lights, before she had a kid.
So why on Earth am I starting now? I have responsibilities and if anything, they’re all on my part.
Spencer seems nice; but do I want to go as far as meeting him?
Smoking relieves stress; but do I want to smoke, especially when I’m setting a role model for my kid?
What’ wrong with me? why am I doing this?
The old Ellie is slipping back in. The scary part is, I don’t want her to leave.
Now-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow
Now-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow
Now-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow”
And finally, our last performance of the day was done.
Later that day, I walked around the venue. I thought back to my first Warped and how much I favor it than this one because things were so different. My brother was here, the baby wasn’t here and Austin and I still hate each other.
That’s how I prefer things. I could’ve dated anyone I wanted instead of strung along like some jacked up story. Why couldn’t I ended up like Beau and Val? They’re so happy.
I just wanted things to turn out different than they are now. Why can’t I meet a guy who is going through just a hard of a patch as I am? Someone mature, someone who can freaking be there for me and won’t screw me around?
“And everyone on AP thinks and wants you and Spencer Chamberlain to get together.”
Maybe I needed to make new friends with someone who was already that mature.
I grabbed my phone and went to his profile page and saw that we were already following each other.
I hit the DM button and let my fingers hover over the keyboard. I took a deep breath and stared at the taunting iPhone screen.
Hey Spencer, it’s Ellie. When you can, get back me. We should hang out sometime after Warped :)
I clapped along with the crowd as Real Friends finished their set. I’ve been to a bunch of Punk shows including Real Friends, Man Overboard, and The Wonder Years.
Going to shows really took off the time and the anticipation of waiting to hear back from Spencer.
That’s when I decided (and remembered) that I have a child and that I want to see how he’s doing.
I dialed Austin’s number and was confused when he didn’t answer. When I called David, I was surprised when he answered.
“David, have you spoken to Austin?” I heard the sounds of a backtrack being played, along with some murmurs, and smiled when I realized that it meant that Breathe Carolina had completed a song and was a step closer to getting the album finished. One step to having my brother and best friend back.
“Yeah I’ve talked to him.” He basically snorted.
“How is he?”
“Like hell if I know. I only went over there to tell him to stay away from my baby sister.” I rolled my eyes with a smile. “Then I smashed his head on the pavement, kicked him a couple times and took Matthew away from him.”
“YOU DID WHAT?!?!” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Leave it to David to do something this stupid!
I pinched the bridge of my nose and took another deep breath.
“Is Matthew okay?” that’s all that mattered now. I would deal with the Austin situation later, after I knew if Matthew was okay or not.
“Oh yeah. The little baby, he’s doing just fine in Lynzie’s hand. Light sleeper though.”
“That he is.” I noticed in David’s voice that something was off, like a small ray of light had just died. “David are you okay? I mean-”
“I gotta go.” And the line disconnected.
I bit back a cry of frustration as I angrily scratched my arms as I made my way through the venue. This is 2010 all over again. Everything is changing and I hate change. Change means no one cares about you anymore and I don’t need to have a repeat of that.
I leaned my head back against a tour bus and swallowed the urge to cry and cough as the smell of smoke traveled against my nose. I turned my head slightly and saw none other than my ex-boyfriend, Andy.
Just. My. Luck.
But of course, it being Andy, he knew me a little too well.
“You okay?” he asked, taking another drag of the cigarette in his mouth.
“Honestly, no. do I wanna talk about it? No.” Andy nodded his head and offered me a cigarette. I stared at it with uncertainty, but took it in my hands. I took the lighter he offered and put the cigarette between my mouth and cupped my hand over it as I lit it up.
One the burning taste of nicotine entered my lungs, I blew the smoke out, handing the lighter to Andy.
Ironically, I breathed a sigh of relief as I felt the stress being melted away. all of today’s events
just rolled off the cigarette and I’ve never felt any better than I did now.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Andy snickering at me and I just rolled my eyes. Although I can never forget what he did to me, a part of me misses the bickering we used to do. Especially when it came to sharing the same tour bus.
When I felt the vibration of my phone, I hastily took it out and smiled when it read I got a
message on Twitter.
Spencer: That actually sounds like a plan. Here’s my number, we can stay in contact.
And with that message came his number.
Rolling my tongue so the cigarette stuck out on the side of my mouth, I smiled as I saved the number and adding it to a new contact.
Then something inside me clicked. I stared at my reflection on my now blank screen.
This wasn’t me. Smoking, meeting new guys. This isn’t me. That was the old Ellie.Before she started Lights, before she had a kid.
So why on Earth am I starting now? I have responsibilities and if anything, they’re all on my part.
Spencer seems nice; but do I want to go as far as meeting him?
Smoking relieves stress; but do I want to smoke, especially when I’m setting a role model for my kid?
What’ wrong with me? why am I doing this?
The old Ellie is slipping back in. The scary part is, I don’t want her to leave.
@Cassie
There's a sequel! Don't worry!!!
6/19/14