When You Fall Asleep Tonight (Sequel To My Understandings)
“No matter the weather there's never a break. Conquer a ladder then slip on a snake. Cried 'til my river turned into a lake. And I'm wondering now before it's too late. How can you save me when I am angry? Reasons I'll never know!”
It was the last song of my set and I can say that Florida brought the competition this year.
My band sounded absolutely amazing and I was proud at how many people actually liked my solo music and it made me proud to know that I can succeed in another genre of music.
It also made me proud (and weirded out) that other members of bands know my solo music as well, for example Cam. Which meant people liked Lights. And as long as they like her, I’ll continue to be her.
“Give me a second go. Don't let me go alone. You saw me at the worst. You caught me falling first. All I wanted to know, give me a second go. Give me a second go. Give me a second go, again. Give me a second go. Don't let me go alone.”
And in the background I could hear blessthefall’s set for See You On The Outside. Which meant TA goes after them in about an hour. I comb my hair back with my hand as the techs run to grab the equipment as the fans start to leave.
“Oh my God, Ellie, that was amazing!” Jenna squeals and hugs me. “I can’t wait to see you as a band!!” I smile was as about to say thank-you when a teenage fan came up to me.
“Is it true?” she asked with tears in her eyes. I couldn’t tell if they were happy or sad tears.
“Is what true?” I stared at her ash-blonde hair as her almond eyes searched mine.
“That Austin doesn’t love you and your son anymore.” She held up a magazine and I quickly took it from her hands.
“Ellie, let’s go!” someone grabbed my wrist and I was dragged away, still clutching the magazine in my hands. I didn’t have time to look at it when it was tore from my hands and thrown onto the tour bus.
I was handed my guitar and we were chugging through the crowd. I couldn’t think straight because her words still cut through my mind. I couldn’t comprehend anything because her words still rang throughout my mind.
That Austin doesn’t love you and your son anymore.
What the hell was that supposed to mean?
I stared at the scene before me. Emily holding Matthew, cooing and holding his finger.
This is what I wanted, but why does it feel so wrong? It aggravated me when Emily would hold Matthew because he’s not Emily's. He’s Ellie’s.
I couldn’t grasp if I wanted Emily or if I wanted Ellie. I don’t want Ellie, but I need her. Raising a kid single handed is not as easy as it sounds.
There’s certain periods during the day when I can’t get him to stop crying. In the end, he cries himself to sleep.
But no child should cry themselves to sleep.
But whenever Emily picks him up, I want him to cry, so she won’t have to hold him like he’s her child, when he isn’t.
I close my eyes and reopen them.
“Hey, who’s car is in front of the house?” Emily asked, peering from the curtain, her mixture of brown and blonde hair cutting off my view of her face. I walk towards the door and open it, stepping out into the outside and walking down the patio.
The familiar eyes stared back at me. The eyes that held my best friend, but now hold a stranger that I don’t want to know.
“I got an ass to beat and it has your name written all over it Carlile!” David yell. He stormed up towards me and shoved me, making me fall. And that was saying a lot, since he was tiny against me. Against most people for that fact.
“David what-” I tried sitting up, but he grew more angry.
“SHUT UP!” he yelled, kicking me in the side. I grunted in pain and fell back down. “I can’t even write an album or focus because once again, you broke my sister’s heart! You don’t fuck with my sister twice and get away with it, especially with my nephew in there!” he roared, kneeling down to my height and grabbing a fistful of my shirt. “I love my sister more than life and you will NOT screw her over like this.”
“David, please-” I croaked.
“Austin?” I closed my eyes. Perfect timing Emily. Perfect fucking timing.
She stepped outside with, of course, Matthew in her hands.
“Who the hell are you and why are you holding my nephew?”
“I-” David dropped his grip on me and hastily took Matthew out of her hands. She didn’t put a fight as he went to put the baby in the hands of another man, who was standing outside the car. He came back and cut a glare to me.
“Get his stuff,” he said to Emily. She nodded and rushed inside. He kneeled down again to my side and grabbed my cheeks and lips in a tight grip. “You disgust me. If you ever, ever come near my sister again, so help me God, they would have to send me to prison because you would not make it back.”
Fear coursed through me because on rare occasions is David mad. And when he is, it’s nothing fun.
He lifted my head up and gave it one quick slam to the ground. I hissed through my teeth as the pain surged like vibrations throughout my skull. No doubt my head was bleeding.
“You’ve pissed off the wrong family Austin, the wrong brother.” He snarled. "The wrong brother."
The last thing I saw was David walking away with Matthew and his stuff.
“Ellie,” I wheezed.
Four more chapters left.
There will be another sequel.