When You Fall Asleep Tonight (Sequel To My Understandings)

Austin stared at Ellie’s body as the doctors rushed over to save her. why did this happen? Why? Why can’t things ever go right for him? Things were perfect, sort of. Their son was born, his life was finally brought upon the world. Although he may have been a tad soaked in blood, he was still the most beautiful baby alive.

He got carry his son after being pushed, cut his umbilical cord, and hold him. He watched Ellie hold him and he realized right there in that moment, he couldn’t have asked for anything more. Nothing seemed wrong, she seemed just fine. He watched as Matthew opened his eyes and cry out to the world.

He watched as Ellie smiled just before her eyes, her beautiful eyes flutter close and her heart line went flat.

That brings him to now, watching her grow paler by the minute. Austin just stood nearby with a stiff look on his face, playing with the hem of his bloody shirt.

“Clear!” they shocked her for the first time. A nurse finally noticed his presence and exited him out the room. He sat on the floor of the waiting room, a million and one thoughts exploding through his mind at once, causing a serious migraine.

“Austin!” he turned his head at the mention of his name. he saw Alan rushing his way with Tony and Vic behind him. They began yelling questions, asking where the blood came from, what’s happening to Ellie. all of which, he didn’t know. He doesn’t even know what’s really happening himself. But he knows it his fault. If he would’ve kept his temper under control, Ellie probably wouldn’t have went into labor on stage. She could’ve been safely wrapped in his arms, home.

And what hurts most is what Beau told him.

“Austin, your mother would be disappointed in you.” And that hurts more than anything.

Tears prickled his eyes and he let them fall freely down. This is the second time he’s seen Ellie closes to death and the fact that it’s right after the birth of their son makes him think, he’s created a killer. He killed Ellie. it was his sperm that created Matthew. His son that has Ellie on death row.

He leaned his head back against the wall as he thought back to a forgotten memory, long gone lodge in the back of his head;

“Can you please help me with this Austin?” Ellie asked him while trying to hold up the Christmas lights in the living room.

“I dunno. What’s in it for me?” Austin asked from the couch, pausing the movie that was playing to take a sip of hot cocoa.

“I don’t know, there’s a stash of alcohol my dad keeps hidden in the space between the two couches. Alcohol and Star Wars, how does that sound?” desperation laced in her voice and he smiled. He loved her so much, he only wished she was his to keep.

“Sure.” He lazily got up and walked over to Ellie, struggling on the ladder and easily hung and tapped the lights up.

“Ugh, fuck nuggets!” She yelled at Austin. He smiled and wrapped her in a huge hug. Ellie smiled into the hug as she felt Austin’s heartbeat against her head.

“So alcohol?” He nodded, but tighten his arms around her. “I can’t get it while you’re hugging me.” she joked. He chuckled too, but frowned when she wiggled out of his embrace. She walked over to the couch and grabbed the bottle.

“You’re beautiful.” He said to her. she snort and shrugged her shoulders. But he thought the opposite. Even in too-big sweatshirts and shorts, she was beautiful.

Austin flopped back on the couch, sliding his packed suitcase over. It was close to that time of the year where he, Ellie, her brother David and his girlfriend would drive north for Winter Break.
Ellie hit play on the DVD player and flopped next to Austin, laying her head in his lap and turning to face the TV. He played with the strands of her light color hair.

“Hey Aussie?” he groaned at the nickname she’s so caught in calling him.

“Yeah?”

“H-How do you cope with….the lost?” She whispered. He knew she was talking about Daniel and his mother. Both of which are recently gone. Although she’s still trying to trust him, she still needs a friend who understands.

“I dunno really. I just surround myself with friends and you just kinda get by.” Ellie yawned and snuggled closer to his side.

“You know, I’m glad I met you. I really like you. I can see myself-” she yawned again, but didn’t say anything.

“Ellie?” He looked down and saw her eyes close. He sighed.

He forgotten about that memory and never got the chance to ask Ellie was she was going to say. He may never get the chance.

“Mr. Carlile?” Austin looked up and saw a nurse standing over him. “Would you like to see your son?” he nodded without hesitation and sat up, taking the nurse’s hand to lift from the floor. He followed her into a room down the hall, passing the room Ellie gave birth in.

It was empty.

“He’s right over there.” She pointed to the small baby snugged in a blue blanket, his curly hair peaking from the beanie.

“Matthew.” He whispered. And he lost it. He burst into tears as he ran down the hall to the elevator.

“Mr. Carlile!” the nurse’s voice yelled. He slammed the button to the first floor. About half way down, he pressed the emergency button that stops the elevator and collapsed on his knees.

“I hope everything is fucking dandy in Austin’s world!” she yelled at him. Austin walked to hug her, to explain, but she measly backed away.

“Get away from me.” She snapped. It sent a pang of hurt to his chest, but he still approached her.

“You’re being ridiculous!” He spat, but instantly regretted it, knowing Ellie is sensitive.

“OH!I’m being ridiculous! You’re the guy who’s dated a girl for two years and then out of the fucking blue you fucking dump me!” She walks, more like stomps, upstairs and Austin trails behind her. She runs into her room and opens the closet. She pulls out a guitar case and a notebook. Austin couldn’t move, he was just frozen as he watched Ellie grab her stuff. She grabs the iPhone off the table and car keys. She make an attempt to leave the room but Austin blocks her.

“You’re not going anywhere.” He pleaded. “Just, just listen.”

“The fuck I am!” She yells and tries to shove by.

“Ellie,” He puts a hand to her shoulder.

“Get the hell away from me! I hate you Austin!!!! Get the fuck out of my life!” He stood there motionless. He let her words sink in, spiking up his heart rate.

No, not another person who hates me. Not the one person who means everything to me. She didn’t even get to see the tears form in his eyes as she shoved him and ran down the stairs.

Austin soullessly followed her into the living room. She grabbed the plush colorful tentacle squid named Squidgy from the counter and placed it in his hands. She walked out and slammed the door behind her, leaving him standing there. A sob left his body.

“Come back.” He whispered.

“Come back.” He whispered as he hit the button to start the elevator up again.

Notes

Whoa. Those flashbacks really get to ya.