Forgive Me- Part 1

Amelia's POV

I was filled with relief when Becca left. I felt horrible, I know she was just trying to help but I can't let myself eat, I don't deserve it. Not after what I did...

I look at my phone, longing to hear Jaime's voice but also terrified because I broke my promise to him. What will he think of me? Will he be angry? He probably won't want to be with me anymore... The only reason he stuck around was because I promised it wouldn't happen again, so will he break up with me? My heart drops, he doesn't even need to do that... Technically we're not together, we never had the chance because of Isaac, and now when we finally could I had to go and screw it up. It's okay though, I can put off talking to him; he doesn't have my new number so I can take my time.

I was walking aimlessly around the apartment, my hand subconsciously scratching at my thigh. I had forgotten how addictive the feeling was, how much you long for it. I need Jaime... But I can't, talking to him will probably make me feel worse. I'll do what I did last time. I look at the clock. 1:17 pm, so it's like... 9pm in Baltimore? I dig the number out of my draw and call him.

"Hello?"

"Hey Alex"

"Amelia?"

"Yea it's me"

"Who's phone are you using?"

"Mine, I got a new one"

"Oh okay how come?"

"I got upset and threw my old one at a wall"

"Shit, what happened?"

"I broke up with Isaac, words were exchanged... Alex I broke my promise..."

"The one you called me about the first time"

"Yea" my voice broke as I spoke

"Can you tell me what it is?"

"I-I made a promise to Jaime, the day that I first met you, I promised him that I wouldn't hurt myself again and that if I wanted to I would call him so he could talk me out of it"

"Oh god, you didn't..."

"I wanted to call him, I tried, but I- my phone I-" I was sobbing as I tried to explain to him what happened.

"Hey! Hey, shh, it's okay! I understand. Are you okay? How bad was it?"

"I-I'm fine, I jus- I need him..."

"So why are you on the phone to me? Call him, if he can help you then you should talk to him."

"I can't..."

"Why not?"

"Because then I'll have to tell him that I broke my promise, when he asks if I've been eating properly I'll have to tell him that I haven't eaten an actual meal in over a week and he'll be so mad! What if he hates me? What if he doesn't want me anymore?" My heart is pounding in my chest, my stomach exploding with nerves; God what is happening to me lately?!

"Amelia? Amelia listen to me, you need to calm down okay?"

"I-" my voice was choked by my breathing. Calm down, calm down, please, I don't want another panic attack.

"Amelia?" I couldn't answer "shit, umm, god okay, listen to my voice okay?" I tried to squeak out a yes but I couldn't form words and then Alex was singing.

"He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past 2 in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days

Leaning now into the breeze
Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees
They had breakfast together
But two eggs don't last
Like the feeling of what he needs" as always, Alex's voice began to calm me down.

"Amelia? Come on honey, sing with me...
Now this place seems familiar to him
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs
Left him dying to get in"

"Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm going to ask her to marry me" I whispered the lyrics into the phone. My breathing was slowing down and my body was starting to relax.

"That's it, keep going, you'll be fine" Alex comforted from the other end of the line. He kept singing quietly with me whispering the lyrics with him until I had completely calmed down.

"Alex?"

"Mmm?"

"What if he doesn't want me?"

"MillyMaw that guy is head over heels for you. Trust me, he'll probably freak out that he wasn't there for you but that's it. And if he does get pissed let me know because I'll fly to San Diego and kick his Mexican ass."

"Thanks Lex, for everything"

"That's okay MillyMaw; let me know how it goes okay?"

"Okay, I will, bye Lex"

"Bye-bye MillyMaw"

I hung up and I felt a little better, Alex was turning out to be a better friend than I had ever expected. I fiddled with my phone in my hands, trying to convince myself to dial Jaime's number but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Despite Alex's reassurances I couldn't help but feel as though he wouldn't be happy... My phone started vibrating, I expect it to be Becca considering only her and Alex have my number but when I look down the number hasn't been saved into my phone, but it's one I know very well. How did Jaime get my number? Should I answer it? I hesitate too long and the call rings out. I'm relieved for a moment before I feel guilty. I should have answered. A moment later he rang again, this time I knew I had to answer.

"H-hey Jaime"

"Thank god! You have no idea how worried I was!"

"What?"

"I've been calling you for days and I kept getting your voicemail"

"My phone broke"

"Yea I heard"

"How?"

"Oh, um, I may or may not have sent Becca to check up on you."

"Oh, okay" does that mean he already knows I haven't been eating?

"Yes Amelia I know,"

"Huh?"

"Becca told me, that's what you're thinking right? Whether or not Becca told me that you haven't been eating"

"Yea, how did you know?"

"I know you Amelia. I also know you're avoiding me"

"What? Why would you think that?"

"Because Becca sent me your number almost three hours ago and I waited, hoping that you would call to let me know but you didn't"

"Jaime I-" he cut me off

"Becca, I know you broke up with Isaac, I just want you to know that if you want, if it would make you happy, you can stay with him, you don't have to come to America and you can be happy with Isaac. I'm so sorry; I can't believe that I made you go through that, if I knew how much you loved him I wouldn't have asked you to come..."

"Jaime no! I don't want to be with him" I was shocked by what he was suggesting. Is that really what he thought? Did he really think I wanted Isaac over him? Why would he think that?

"Then why did breaking up with him affect you so much? You obviously love him if you haven't eaten in a week because you broke up"

"Jaime listen to me. Isaac compared me to Michael, said I was exactly the same as him and it broke me, I threw my phone at the wall as soon as I got home because he called me and I didn't want to think about how right he was. The reason I haven't eaten and called are both the same reason..." I don't know if I can say it

"Which is?"

"Jaime, I broke my promise" it was quiet on the line. I began scratching my cuts out of fear of what he would say. "Jaime?" The silence was getting to me, I wish he would say something, anything would be better than the suspense of waiting.

"How bad" his voice was broken, and by the sound of it, he was holding in tears.

"I- well, I didn't have to get stitches or anything..." I whispered

"Are you okay?"

"Yea they're healing well"

"That's not what I meant, mentally, how are you?"

"Honestly? I’m a mess. I've been freaking out since it happened because I don't want you to hate me for doing it and I knew that if we spoke I would have to tell you which is why I never went and got a new phone and then just before I we having a panic attack because I was freaking out about telling you and I had to call Alex so he could help calm me down but I had an even worse attack and he had to sing to calm me down and then he said he'd kick your ass and he reassured me and I don't know what's happening and I'm still worried about you ditching me here an-"

"AMELIA! Stop! You need to calm down" I took a deep breath in and let it go slowly "did you really think I would leave you because of this?"

"Well, I- yes?" My voice was so weak.

"Amelia, I would never leave you. Never. There is absolutely nothing you could ever do to make me leave"

"Promise?"

"I promise"

"Thanks Himes"

"It's okay, I would do anything for you Mil..."

"Why? What's so special about me? I'm sure you've met thousands of girls better than I am"

"Milly, no one can compare to you, you're sweet, compassionate and would do anything to avoid hurting someone. Hell, you picked up a stranger on the side of the road because you were worried about them getting wet. How many people are willing to do that? You're amazing Milly, never let anyone tell you otherwise okay?"

"Okay..."

"Now I need you to do something for me"

"Yea?"

"I want you to hang up and make yourself a huge meal okay? I want you to start eating properly again, I don't want you to be a pile of bones the next time I see you" I chuckle slightly at his tone

"I guess I can scrounge something together..."

"Good, text me when you've finished stuffing yourself okay?"

"Okay, goodbye Jaime"

"Goodbye Milly, I miss you"

"I miss you too" I whispered before I pressed the end call button. How the hell could I think that he would ever leave me like that? I was so stupid. I guess that's what happens when you start to feel like this. People in love will always expect the worse. But that's because if everything is as good as it gets, then things can only get worse... How can something thats perfect get any better? I guess I'll soon find out.

Notes

YAY so they worked it out!! kind of...? I dunno... anywho, I'm thinking that there are only about three or four chapters left until this part is finished. Hope you enjoy what is left of Part-1 of the Forgive Me Trilogy!! xox