I'm Not That Perfect

The doorbell rang for the eighth time and I knew I should probably get off the floor and stop throwing up but the minute I tried to stand up, I sank back down again.
“Avery, babe! Everyone’s here! I might have to tell them the news without you!” Austin called from downstairs, teasing me. He’d had the bright idea to invite all our friends over and tell them how many humans lived in this house.
“I’m puking and my goddamn pants don’t fit, so fuck you!” I yelled, standing up and looking in the mirror. I was starting to show. Most people don’t start until they’re at twelve weeks when they’re pregnant with their first, and I was eight and looked massive.
“Look who finally decided to show up.” Alan said when I walked downstairs.
“Shut up.” I replied, sitting down and shutting my eyes.
“So, me and Ave have some news. . .” Austin said. I could tell he was bursting to get it out. “And we’re having a baby.”
I couldn’t have cared less what anyone thought so I kept my eyes shut. Being pregnant was exhausting.
“You’re pregnant?” Vic asked, being the first one to speak.
“Duh.” I replied. “Eight weeks, bitch.”
“That’s awesome. Congratulations, guys.” He said.
“Someone can say it. I know you’re all thinking it.” I said, sitting up and crossing my arms.
“You guys have only been together for like, a year.” Jack said. “And you’re having a fucking baby? Don’t you think that’s a little soon?”
“I’ll hit you. Fuck you, Jack. I’m pregnant and hormonal and I won’t have a problem with kicking you in the asshole right now.” I fumed. “Fuck you guys. No uterus, no opinion! You can either be happy for us or get the fuck out because if you’re not here to be positive then what’s the fucking point?”
Alex looked at Jack. “Stop being an asshole. I’m very happy for you, Ave. That kid’s probably going to come out eight feet tall and a hundred pounds, but still very happy for you.”
I laughed a little at that one. “Really?”
“I’m going to be an uncle. Holy shit, of course I’m excited. Can I babysit?” Alan asked.
“Totally.” I nodded. “Oh, Jesus. I have to throw up. Hold on.” I ran upstairs into the bathroom and hurled yet again.
**
“That went well.” Austin said after everyone left.
“Very well.” I agreed slightly sarcastically.
“I think it’s cute when you yell at people.” He replied.
“I’ve thrown up six times today. Six.” I moaned, burying my head in his chest.
“Have you even eaten anything?” He asked.
“No!”
“You have a little person inside you. You need to.” He said. “Come on, lady.”
“It’s almost my birthday.” I noted, sitting down at the kitchen table.
“It is almost your birthday. What should we do? You don’t turn 24 every day, you know.” He said. “Grilled cheese?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “I don’t know. Let’s go to fucking Babies R Us.”
“You want to fuck in Babies R Us? Weird.” Austin laughed. Loser.

Notes

happy christmas eve :))))