What Daddy Doesn't Know
This song is for my dad
It has been about a week since we have been on tour and my birthday is in a few days. I love being on tour its amazing being able to see the country. Dad and I have gotten a lot closer, though he doesn't know about my past or me and Alan.
When I say my past I mean my depression, the night when I was taken advantage of and my virginity was taken, my constant struggle with self harm and the time when I was beat up at school for a week straight. And my battle with my heart and mind to let my dad into the part of my life that I keep hidden from the world
"Hey kid, You looked bummed whats wrong?" I looked up to see Aaron sitting next to me on my bed.
"Its because I am bummed and I would tell you but I don't want to dump my shit on your shoulders" He sighed and I thought about what was going on.
"What ever is getting you down you can tell me about because nothing that you feel is stupid. I am here if you need to talk" I looked up at him with tears in my eyes because I was so overwhelmed with emotion. Aaron scooted closer to me and pulled me into a hug,
"I- Um Today marks me one year self harm free, two years since I was beat up at school for a week straight, and I think a year since I was raped" I sobbed into his chest earning sniffles from him and someone at the door.
I looked up to see Tino and Phil standing in my doorway.
Aaron pulled me away from him so that I was looking into his eyes.
"You are the strongest person that I know" He hugged me once more before Tino and Phil entered my room and sat down.
"We love you, you know if you ever need to talk we are here for you and I know you probably don't want to hear this but so is your dad, He cares about you the most. There isn't a time when he isn't talking about you. " Phil said and Tino nodded placing his hand on my shoulder.
"Speaking of him where is he anyway?" I asked.
"Oh uh him and Alan went to look for a birthday present for you" Aaron said and I smiled.
4 HOURS LATER........................
I sat alone in my room strumming my guitar and singing the song that I had written yesterday trying to memorize the lyrics for tonights show.
"Hey Katie what are you up to?" I looked up to find Austin standing in the doorway.
"Oh just going over some lyrics of a song that I am going to sing tonight" He smiled and came closer causing me to close my notebook.
"Why can't I see? Its a nice acoustic song" He gushed and I laughed
"Its not acoustic I am going to need Alans guitar when I sing it tonight I just can't use that on the bus and you can't see because it is a surprise." I said putting the book underneath my mattress.
"I see and did you know the show starts in an hour ?" He asked and I shook my head
"No I didn't and if thats the case you need to get out so I can get ready please?" He laughed and I rushed around picking out some cloths and shoes. http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=102051428
I walked out and everyone looked at me and smiled.
"What?"
"Nothing its just your personality is shown in the way that you dress and you look beautiful" Austin said and I looked behind him to see Alan air humping .
"Thanks and Alan I didn't know you were gay" I smiled and everyone laughed. Alan just flipped me off.
We walked into the venue and my dad immediately went onto the stage and introduced me.
"Please welcome my daughter Katie May. She will be singing something but she didn't tell me what tonight so it will be a surprise" He said and ran off
"You'll be great" He said and gave me a kiss on the cheek as I went out to screaming people.
"I wrote this song about two days ago. I wrote it for my dad because I felt that I need to thank him. When I first moved in with him I don't want to admit it but I honestly hated him because he walked out on my mother and I and my mom told me she hated me ever since that day. But being here living with him for about three months now I see that he isn't so bad and that every one deserves a second chance. He has shown me that he really does care and that he is willing to change to be there for me if I am willing to change and let him into my life, So this song is for him. I love you dad. I also told him that this song was heavy but I lied so he didn't catch on" I laughed and looked over to see Alan patting my dads back while my dad had his hands over his mouth with tears in his eyes.
(I know that this song wasn't written by her but pretend that she wrote it kay? I don't know the meaning behind this song but I really love it and it has been stuck in my head so I decided to put in here)
My father he told me what goes around, Comes, comes around again
The faces you see on the way up
Are those on the way back down, my friend
But you've been climbing shoulders around you
Trying to reach the big blue sky
And all above you is just the blackness, darling
And everything below you dies
And everything below you dies
You've been growing up
You've been growing on
Further away from us now
You've been growing up
You've been growing on
Further away from us now
And nobody gives a f..ck about you
Tell you it's a damn shame
The prettiest eyes in the whole world
The same fool in the same game
The same fool in the same game
You've been growing up
You've been growing on
Further away from us now
You've been growing up
You've been growing on
Further away from us now
You've been growing up
You've been growing on
Further away from us now
I finished and the crowd erupted into screams.
"Before I leave I want my dad to come out here" Before I knew it Austin was coming towards me at a full sprint. He engulfed me in a hug and whispered.
"I love you so much and this is the nicest thing I have ever gotten" I kissed his cheek and wiped his tears.
"Dad" I said into the microphone "I love you and I am sorry about anything I have said to make you feel bad can we maybe start over? I know that I am a teenager and I am going to make mistakes because well mistakes as a teen are truly inevitable" He shook his head and hugged me one last time before I walked off the stage
Today is my birthday and dad and I are getting matching tattoos
"Ready?" I asked
"Sure thing. Are you sure you want to do this?" Austin asked and I nodded
"I am one hundred percent sure" With that we drove to the tattoo place ad got our tattoos
Once they were done we showed each other and just about cried because they looked so good. http://media1.fashionfreax.net/outfits/4feb7ed06e8f8_f528764d624db129b32c21fbca0cb8d6
We got tattoos that said "Througth struggle comes strength" because I feel that we went through so much to get to where we are and I couldn't be happier to be living with someone who cares so much about me
"I love you dad" I said and he hugged me
"I love you too baby girl and I am happy you came to live with me" I smiled and didn't say anything I just kept hugging him.
When I say my past I mean my depression, the night when I was taken advantage of and my virginity was taken, my constant struggle with self harm and the time when I was beat up at school for a week straight. And my battle with my heart and mind to let my dad into the part of my life that I keep hidden from the world
"Hey kid, You looked bummed whats wrong?" I looked up to see Aaron sitting next to me on my bed.
"Its because I am bummed and I would tell you but I don't want to dump my shit on your shoulders" He sighed and I thought about what was going on.
"What ever is getting you down you can tell me about because nothing that you feel is stupid. I am here if you need to talk" I looked up at him with tears in my eyes because I was so overwhelmed with emotion. Aaron scooted closer to me and pulled me into a hug,
"I- Um Today marks me one year self harm free, two years since I was beat up at school for a week straight, and I think a year since I was raped" I sobbed into his chest earning sniffles from him and someone at the door.
I looked up to see Tino and Phil standing in my doorway.
Aaron pulled me away from him so that I was looking into his eyes.
"You are the strongest person that I know" He hugged me once more before Tino and Phil entered my room and sat down.
"We love you, you know if you ever need to talk we are here for you and I know you probably don't want to hear this but so is your dad, He cares about you the most. There isn't a time when he isn't talking about you. " Phil said and Tino nodded placing his hand on my shoulder.
"Speaking of him where is he anyway?" I asked.
"Oh uh him and Alan went to look for a birthday present for you" Aaron said and I smiled.
4 HOURS LATER........................
I sat alone in my room strumming my guitar and singing the song that I had written yesterday trying to memorize the lyrics for tonights show.
"Hey Katie what are you up to?" I looked up to find Austin standing in the doorway.
"Oh just going over some lyrics of a song that I am going to sing tonight" He smiled and came closer causing me to close my notebook.
"Why can't I see? Its a nice acoustic song" He gushed and I laughed
"Its not acoustic I am going to need Alans guitar when I sing it tonight I just can't use that on the bus and you can't see because it is a surprise." I said putting the book underneath my mattress.
"I see and did you know the show starts in an hour ?" He asked and I shook my head
"No I didn't and if thats the case you need to get out so I can get ready please?" He laughed and I rushed around picking out some cloths and shoes. http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=102051428
I walked out and everyone looked at me and smiled.
"What?"
"Nothing its just your personality is shown in the way that you dress and you look beautiful" Austin said and I looked behind him to see Alan air humping .
"Thanks and Alan I didn't know you were gay" I smiled and everyone laughed. Alan just flipped me off.
We walked into the venue and my dad immediately went onto the stage and introduced me.
"Please welcome my daughter Katie May. She will be singing something but she didn't tell me what tonight so it will be a surprise" He said and ran off
"You'll be great" He said and gave me a kiss on the cheek as I went out to screaming people.
"I wrote this song about two days ago. I wrote it for my dad because I felt that I need to thank him. When I first moved in with him I don't want to admit it but I honestly hated him because he walked out on my mother and I and my mom told me she hated me ever since that day. But being here living with him for about three months now I see that he isn't so bad and that every one deserves a second chance. He has shown me that he really does care and that he is willing to change to be there for me if I am willing to change and let him into my life, So this song is for him. I love you dad. I also told him that this song was heavy but I lied so he didn't catch on" I laughed and looked over to see Alan patting my dads back while my dad had his hands over his mouth with tears in his eyes.
(I know that this song wasn't written by her but pretend that she wrote it kay? I don't know the meaning behind this song but I really love it and it has been stuck in my head so I decided to put in here)
My father he told me what goes around, Comes, comes around again
The faces you see on the way up
Are those on the way back down, my friend
But you've been climbing shoulders around you
Trying to reach the big blue sky
And all above you is just the blackness, darling
And everything below you dies
And everything below you dies
You've been growing up
You've been growing on
Further away from us now
You've been growing up
You've been growing on
Further away from us now
And nobody gives a f..ck about you
Tell you it's a damn shame
The prettiest eyes in the whole world
The same fool in the same game
The same fool in the same game
You've been growing up
You've been growing on
Further away from us now
You've been growing up
You've been growing on
Further away from us now
You've been growing up
You've been growing on
Further away from us now
I finished and the crowd erupted into screams.
"Before I leave I want my dad to come out here" Before I knew it Austin was coming towards me at a full sprint. He engulfed me in a hug and whispered.
"I love you so much and this is the nicest thing I have ever gotten" I kissed his cheek and wiped his tears.
"Dad" I said into the microphone "I love you and I am sorry about anything I have said to make you feel bad can we maybe start over? I know that I am a teenager and I am going to make mistakes because well mistakes as a teen are truly inevitable" He shook his head and hugged me one last time before I walked off the stage
Today is my birthday and dad and I are getting matching tattoos
"Ready?" I asked
"Sure thing. Are you sure you want to do this?" Austin asked and I nodded
"I am one hundred percent sure" With that we drove to the tattoo place ad got our tattoos
Once they were done we showed each other and just about cried because they looked so good. http://media1.fashionfreax.net/outfits/4feb7ed06e8f8_f528764d624db129b32c21fbca0cb8d6
We got tattoos that said "Througth struggle comes strength" because I feel that we went through so much to get to where we are and I couldn't be happier to be living with someone who cares so much about me
"I love you dad" I said and he hugged me
"I love you too baby girl and I am happy you came to live with me" I smiled and didn't say anything I just kept hugging him.
Why does everyone hate Alan?!?!?! I NEED TO KNOW!!! Please update soon!!!!
3/4/14