It was a close call
Sitting in the back of the room
with a ball I had thrown at you,
But you didn't know.
Lookin at my black eye.
I feel safe at times.
Certain emblems
Tell me it's time

Serpents in my mind
Looking for your crimes
Everything changes
I don't want to mine to this time

You enjoy sucking on poison
I will belong to someone other than you
I had a thought you would take me someday
And listen on

Serpents in my mind
I am searching for your crimes
Everything changes
In time

I was lost in my mistake
Now I'm looking for my Intentions,
Even I've been at the dark, dark sea
Better run, Better run

Serpents in my mind
Looking for your crimes
When everything changes
There's no more time
Possibly mine. Nights, Days

Walking on my street at night
I feel a little safe, a little in fear this time,
My hand in clutch,
You've got a knife? Well I've got a gun and

Serpents in my mind,
Looking for your crimes,
Everything changes,
Looking for my crimes,
Twisting in despair

It was like when you watch a horror movie and something gruesome happens... Or like seeing a car crash.. You don't want to look, but you just can't look away.

"Why?" I cried, clinging to myself desperately. "Why...Why?....Why?" I rocked back and forth on the ground, squeezing my eyes shut.

"This is your fault... You did this.." Ian's voice sounded out from above me, coming closer. Suddenly his hand was clasped around my upper arm, yanking me up. I tried to curl away from what was in front of me, but just like last time, Ian over powered me, pulling my weak, crying body over to the bed.

He held my head up, roughly holding onto my jaw. I could already feel the bruises starting to form on my face from his fingers crushing it. "You did this!" Ian shoved my head over so I had to look at what was in front of me, causing another sob of agony escape from my lips, body begging to collapse again.

But I couldn't, I couldn't even take my eyes away. I couldn't stop looking.

His skin was as pale, like snow that had collected over his still body during all this time. Even the color of his lips had faded out like he was a ghost. Which maybe that's all he is?
His brown hair is the same color I had so clearly remembered it as, cascading over his strong cheekbones that now stuck out prominently. It was so surreal. Just the look of him again had every single memory sparking up inside my head. Even with tubes and IVs sprouting out from him everywhere. It was still him. It was still Mark.

Every single ounce of fear and pain and even the small happiness we shared was shoved against the walls of my head, making it feel like it was going to explode. They kept coming, flashing over and over in my head. And it hurt.

"No.." Was all I could whimper out. I did this. Ian was right. I did this. Even if Mark deserved it, I did it.
I remember it happening so clearly now. I remember the fear.. very similar to what I'm feeling now.. I remember the franticness I had to save my brother. I remember the weight of the gun when I found it and first held it. I had never seen one in person before, let alone held one. And I remember what it felt like when I pulled the trigger.

I basically took Mark's life and that blood was immediately spread onto my hands, crawling up my body like some worm. A parasite that got into my head and planted itself there...

After having enough of my numb reaction, Ian threw me down onto the ground without even giving me a look. I quickly took the chance to scurry back against the nearest wall, wrapping my hands around my stomach again, feeling the barely-even-there-baby-bump.

There was a constant beeping that I just now noticed, spotting the screen behind Mark's bed that held the sound and pattern of his heart beating. And suddenly the ring dangling on my neck was burning my skin.

"He may have not been the best guy, but he is my brother. And he was your husband!" Ian spoke, back to me as he looked down at Mark. "What kind of person does that?! You shot him! You just did that to him!" He now spun around, face turning red as he yelled. "Why did you do this?!"

Guilt and pain thumped with my heart. "I didn't mean to!" I cried out.

"You SHOT HIM! Now look!" He pointed behind him. "Look at what you've done!"

"I didn't mean to! I had no choice!" I yelled back, trying to convince myself as much as him.

Ian was about to yell back, his own face looking pained, but then something else caught both of our attentions. It was the beeping of the heart monitor connected to Mark, it was beeping faster. Panicked, Ian went back over to him. "Say something," Ian demanded and at first I thought he was talking to Mark, a whole new type of fear running inside of me, but then Ian looked back to me and repeated himself. "Say something."

"W-What?" I stuttered.

"Say something!"

I clenched my shaking jaw. "Just let me go! Please, Ian!" I cried, not really listening to him. I couldn't be in this room any longer. I felt like I was suffocating. The walls were blinding and the sight of Mark was sickening.

But then the beeping started picking up speed again, his heart beating faster. It was because of my voice.

Now my heart was hammering harder as well, terrified. This must have been the first sign of anything Mark has shown and it was because of me... He is going to wake up and come hurt me. Or worse..

"Get up," Ian growled, yanking me up again and running me to the door, shoving me out. I was confused, but then the next thing I know I'm shoved into an empty room next door and locked inside. I stood there, lost, but then heard Ian shouting for a nurse, commotion following after.

Shaking, I let my body slide down onto the floor, wrapping my arms around myself protectively, but I felt no better. I couldn't protect myself, I couldn't make myself feel better.
Deep down all the self loathing had risen. Or at least the knowledge of the things I've done have scared even myself off. If that's even possible?

And there was no way I could feel any better right now. Terrified was an understatement of what I felt. Too many things were running through my mind..

What if Mark wakes up? What will Ian do to me? My baby? Where's Austin? Is he okay? Is he stressing himself out too much? It's not good for his heart.

Letting out another whimper, I buried my head down, letting myself cry again as the slideshow of my past reoccurred. I could feel the anxiety attack sneaking up not so stealthy on me. I needed to escape my own mind. I needed Austin.

After a while of sitting there numbly, shaking in the empty room, the door opened again and slammed shut. I jumped up, moving fast to the corner of the room to get away from Ian. He had his fists clenched in tight balls by his sides. Face red with anger.. and sadness?

He spotted me and his eyes grew dark, making my stomach churn when he started stomping over to me. His chest was rising and falling with each huff he had, body nearly twitching.

Suddenly he let out a loud yell, turning and punching the wall near me. I whimpered and tensed my body for impact as he hit the dry wall over and over again. "FUCK! AHG!" He yelled as he swung again, this time coming in contact with my cheek bone.

The impact had me falling to the side, hand immediately coming up to hold onto my face, barely catching the look of surprise on Ian's face, like it was an accident. "He's gone," Ian growled, making my heart sink. "I should have never fucking brought you here."

He made another movement, lunging toward me, but when my body tensed and I shielded my stomach for the hundredth time, he stopped. "Why are you doing that?" It sounded more like a demand than a question.

"Just.. Don't hurt me.. Please. M-My baby.." I've never been much of a person to beg, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

"You're pregnant?" He asked, and I nodded, praying that he wouldn't hurt me too bad to hurt my baby. He started backing away, a shocked look on his face. He looked sad and almost as if he felt guilty. I knew underneath everything he wasn't pure evil like Mark, but he's gone dark.

He ran a hand over his face, thinking. I just stayed very still, watching as his eyes looked like they went to another place. And then something happened that I found odd; with a thump he slid down hard onto the floor, sounding as if he was almost crying. He gripped tightly at his hair, yelling while he pulled at it, face beat red again. "I wanted to hurt you," he started in a deep voice. "I wanted to find you at make you feel the pain that you gave me.. my family... And now Mark..." He shook his head, pounding his fists onto his temple. I was watching in fear still as he let out a big, angry sigh as he stood back up. "But you're not evil... You feel guilt and pain and I know it.." He stomped over to me. "So you can live with this. You can live to what you've done to all of us," he was hissing, knowing me well enough to know that I would struggle with living with it. "You can live to tell your child what a horrible person you are."

Those words stung me, knowing the truth behind them.

Soon enough Ian reached into his pocket and tossed what he pulled out over to me. My eyes widened in shock when I saw my cell laying on the ground in front of me. It was on me at the time when he took me, and he was just giving it back?

"I'll be gone before you could even try to call the cops, so don't. Just don't," he was demanding me, but I was having a hard time grasping onto the idea that he would just let me go."I'll leave you alone... My whole family will. I'm done. I'm done with you and all this shit.. It's over now," Ian went to back away, but then stopped. "But if I ever see you again.." His words had me stopping to look back at him. He didn't have to finish, I knew. So I just nodded before he continued to move fast to the door, nearly running out.

It took me a minute to process what just happened, making sure I wasn't dreaming, even though I wish I was.

I stumbled as I used the wall for support to sit back up, grabbing my phone as I did. My eyes were blurry and fingers shaky as I tried to turn on my phone, immediately going to the all so familiar number I had on speed dial.

It barely rang for a second before someone answered. "Hazel?!" Austin voice had a relieved whimper coming out of me as I let my head fall back to rest against the wall. "Oh my God.. Hazel. Are you okay? Where are you?" It sounded like he was in a car, driving. I could hear other voices, who I assumed was the rest of the band, in the background.

"I-I.." My voice cracked. "Some.. Some hospital or home thing.. I don't know.. I-I.." I trailed off. I heard Austin ask frantically if anyone knew a hospital near by, Aaron pepping up not a second later, saying he sees it on IMaps.

"Haze, baby, we're coming. Just hold on. Are you okay? Fuck, please tell me you're okay," Austin's voice was hoarse and the thought of him crying had my heart breaking. But the question he asked was much harder. Am I okay?.. I don't know. Not really. Or not at all.

And with that question I looked around the room, realizing that Mark was dead on the opposite side of the wall. I whimpered again and shot up, nearly sprinting out of the room and down the hallways. I couldn't stand another second in this place... In this nightmare.

I ignored all the odd looks I got as I flew down the stairs, running a little more until I shoved out the doors, the fresh air hitting me hard. I tried to breathe it in, but my breathing was so hard and fast I ended up just wheezing more.

"Hazel?! Are you okay? Please.. What's happening?" Austin sounded so upset.

I just started crying again, which probably wasn't the smartest thing to do because I could hear the worry and pain in Austin's voice. "We're almost there, Haze. I'll be there, just hold on, okay? You'll be fine. Everything will be fine. We're almost there."

"Austin.." I whimpered, slumping down onto the bench that was outside the building, curling up on it, suddenly being hit with a wave of tiredness. Austin's voice calling my name sounded farther and farther away as my chest tightened and un tightened. I could hear the fuzziness of his voice frantically calling for me over the phone, but I felt like I was drifting away from it. Like my mind was finally shutting down, dragging my body with it.

I don't know how long I was laying there, completely zoned out, eyes trying to shut, but I eventually could make out the sound of a car squealing to a stop, doors slamming. "Hazel?!" The sound of Austin's voice had my mind telling me I was finally safe, that I could sleep now. I heard the other guys call my name, barely able to see them all running over to me, Alan's ginger hair the closest. "Haze, oh my God.." he said, crouching down in front of me, taking my hand in his.

"Where the fuck is this guy?! I'm gona fucking kill him!" Austin shouted and I looked to see him with a bright red face, fists clenched as he tried to storm into the hospital, but Aaron and Tino held him back. A bunch of profanities spilled out of Austin's mouth as he tried to get out of their grip. "Austin! Just let it go, he's obviously gone! Get over here! She needs you!" Alan yelled to him, holding onto my hand. Austin still was beat red, but when I let his name spill out of my mouth, he froze completely and I watched as his face fell soft.

He quickly strode over to me, Alan shifting out of the way so he could pick me up. "I'll drive," Alan said, Tino tossing him the keys before they all got into the car, Austin following with me in his arms, bridal style. "Hazel.." he whispered, brushing some hair off of my cheekbone, fingers staying to dance over the bruise there.

I was half asleep as Austin got us into the back seat, still holding onto me. "You're okay now. I've got you," he cooed. "You're safe."

And with those words I let myself fall into the darkness, barely catching Austin's 'i love you'.

Notes

sorry for the random song in the beginning, I just heard it earlier and thought that it reminded me a lot of Hazel. Mostly because it's about a girl who was in an abusive relationship. (here's the song if you want to listen)

I tried to get this chapter up as soon as I could, but ended up falling asleep last night when I was about to post it:p
I'm not 100% sure about how I feel about it, but I really hope you all like it! I'd love to hear what you think of this chapter!

No more threats from Mark or Ian, but how do you think this will affect Hazel? Austin?