One Moment

I woke up in a thin layer of sweat, panting and trying to swallow down my nerves. I gripped onto Austin's shirt tighter as I tried to settle down, knuckles turning white I was holding so hard onto it. My body was trembling and I could feel the bus moving. We were headed toward Houston.

Houston, Texas.

Even though it was still two hours away from Mark and my old home, the anxiety was still very much present.

"Haze, baby," Austin's fingers ran through my hair, trying to get me to calm down.
This was the third, maybe fourth, time I've jolted myself awake tonight. I feel bad because each time I'd end up waking Austin and he'd have to comfort me back to sleep.

He pulled the blanket up higher on my shoulders as if it would stop the trembling and strong shaking of my body, holding me into his chest tighter. "Breathe, in and out, you can do it," Austin cooed into my ear, trying to stop the anxiety attack we both knew was trying to come on. "Aus.." I whimpered, still frantically gripping onto him.

"You're okay, Haze.. You're gona be just fine," he now started to rub my back. Even though it felt like my chest was collapsing on my heart, I focused on the pattern of Austin's breathing and tried to time mine with his. I listened to the beat of his heart as he rubbed my back and soon enough the worry of a full on anxiety attack was slipping out the window.

But then I started crying.

"Shh, baby, shh," he started to rock me a little bit. He was being completely calm and strong for me, which was all I've needed all night. He's been my anchor and held me back from the oncoming hysterics. "We're gona get through these next few days just fine, okay? I'm gona be right by your side and we'll all make sure you're safe. You will be safe. You hear me?"

I nodded against his chest, now just trying to control my annoying breathing, wiping away tears with the back of my hands. "Sorry," I mumbled weakly.

"Don't be sorry, lets go get some breakfast, okay?"

"Kay," I nodded, letting Austin hold onto my hand as he snuck out of the bunk and helped me down after. I didn't let go of his hand as he led me into the kitchen and still didn't as he poured us some cereal. I hated feeling as scared and weak and needy as I do today, but I couldn't help it. We were in Texas. All the old memories and bad things that happened here were floating in the air. And Ian was here. Yeah, the one that wanted my head on a stick. Not literally.. At lease I hope not...

I sucked in a breath to compose my self as Austin led me to sit down, holding me close to his side still as we eat, letting his fingers trace up and down the back of my arm.
It was quiet besides the clanking of our spoons on the bowls..

I ended up just playing with most of my food, my stomach not feeling well enough to eat. I was already full with anxiety.
I'm having trouble to even muster up encouraging thoughts, let alone any words to say to myself. My whole body was screaming at me to run back to bed and hide away under the covers all day and not leave the bunk. Something bad was going to happen today. I just knew it.

But I also know I'm feeling way too sorry for myself.

"I think Alan's up, do you mind if I go shower real quick?" Austin leaned down and asked quietly in my ear. He had been talking in almost a whisper all night and morning, not wanting to panic me even more.

Honestly, I wanted to grip onto Austin all day and never let go once. I needed him to be here, but since he'd only be a couple feet away and Alan would be with me, I nodded. No need to be too clingy and annoying. I already felt bad enough for waking him up. "Go ahead," I tried to give him a small smile.

"I'll be right back," he gave me a sweet kiss before getting up and heading to the bathroom, passing Alan on the way.

I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, resting my chin down once I felt the emptiness Austin left. Alan was quiet as he now got his only cereal and sat down, instead of sitting across from me, he sat next to me where Austin was. I appreciated it.

"Knock knock," Alan said, looking to my pale face.

"Who's there?" My voice was hoarse and weak, but Alan pretended he didn't notice.

"Honey bee."

"Honey bee who?"

"Honey bee a dear and wipe that frown of your face," he poked my cheek and I couldn't help the small smile that broke free. "That's it!"

"That was a bad one," I said, referring to his joke.

"Oh was it now? And you think you can do better?" He humored me.

I nodded, "knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Howie."

"Howie who?"

"Howie gona hide the dead body?"

Alan laughed and told me mine was better, even though I'm pretty sure it sucked, but he just wanted to make me feel better. "Okay, how bout this one.. Knock knock?" Alan looked to me.

"Who's there?" I now shifted to face him.

"Smell map."

"Smell map who?"

"Ew you're fucking disgusting!" Alan exclaimed, laughing while he did. It took me a second to realized, but I let out a giggle when I did.

"That was bad," I chuckled, shaking my head.

"But it was so good," Alan corrected and we watched as Aaron shuffled out into the kitchen now. "Knock knock," Aaron this time said, joining in.

"Who's there?" Both Alan and I said at the same time.

"Shut up!" He cut us off and Alan started booing him. "That sucked! Haze, I've got another."

"Okay, shoot," I nodded.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Urine."

"Urine who?"

"Urine secure, don't know what for," Alan broke out into the one direction song and I started laughing a little bit harder this time. "That was a good one," I giggled and he proudly smirked.

Soon the other guys were now shuffling back in, besides Austin who I heard moving around in the back of the bus. "Knock knock," Tino surprised me when he came up behind me, but I smiled when I turned to look at him. "Who's there?"

"Who ever you want it to be, baby," he said in a sexy voice, making Alan nearly spit out his cereal while I giggled. A few more knock knock jokes were sent around, all making me laugh a little bit and feel a little bit better.

I soon spotted Austin standing at the door way, smiling at me before he came over and sat on the other side of me. He kissed the side of my head before intertwining his fingers back with mine when my hand searched around for his. "I'm glad you're feeling better," he whispered into my hair, making me smile up at him. I'm glad I am too, but I feel like as soon as I step foot outside that might change.

I shook my head to get the thoughts away before turning to Austin. "Knock knock."

He chuckled. "Who's there?"

"Butch, Jimmy, and Joe."

"Butch, Jimmy, and Joe who?" He was smiling down at me.

"Butch your arms around me, Jimmy a kiss, and let's Joe."

Austin let out a laugh at me, Alan snorting a small laugh, and I proudly smiled as Austin did the first two requests. "That was really cheesy," he said against my lips.

"I know," I giggled. "But it was good."

"It was," Austin agreed, leaning back.

"So what are the plans for today?" Tino asked, leaning up against the kitchen counter.

"Well our set is at two, but we've got press like all fucking day," Alan responded, bringing his bowl up to drink the milk out of it.

"Sounds exciting, what about you Hazel?" Tino now turned to ask me.

"Uhm, I have my acoustic concert at like 4 and that's really it for me today," I informed them nervously, still leaning into Austin.

"Everything's gona go fine here, Hazel. No worries," Phil added, sensing my nerves.

"Yeah, and anyways, if anyone tries to come near ya, I've been working out.. I mean look at these bad boys!" Tino said, rolling up his sleeve to show off his flexing biceps.

"Thanks guys," I gave them a weak smile. As long as I have them here, I'll be fine. Especially with Tino's "big" muscles.

Notes

okay, might have gone overboard with the knock knock jokes... hehehe

Two chapters in one day!! Yes!!

I'm excited to write what's coming up! Get ready!

Let me know what you think!