Please don’t judge me, please don’t judge me
That was the thought that repeated itself in my head as I hesitated outside Alan’s door. Should I knock, or should I leave and hope that tomorrow would be better? No. It would probably not be. So I knocked on the door and I listened. Waited to hear some footsteps. But I didn’t hear anything. I sighed and turned around and got surprised when I saw that he was standing there and looking at me. Judging me. Like he usually did when I came over. Alan was the brother I never had, he judge me but he cared. He really did and that was the only reason I always came to him when I was sad.

"And what are you doing here Chris?" he asked. Chris is my nickname, my name is Crystal but everybody calls me Chris.
"I didn’t want to go home, because I didn’t want to be reminded of what happened" I said and looked at him.
"And what happened this time?" he asked and walked up to his door, and unlocked it. He let me in and closed the door behind me. It was around eleven in the evening and he was usually home at this time. I wondered what he hd been up to.
"Chris, what happened?" he asked and looked at me. I had spaced out and looked at him.
"The usual" I said and looked down at me feet. He sighed and asked me if I wanted something. He wasn’t hungry because he had been out eating with his bandmates. Apparently they were going on tour again and I felt in the way.
"I’m sorry, you’re going up early, aren’t you?" I asked and looked at him.
"I’m going to the airport at 4 tomorrow, so yeah" he said and nodded.
"I should go, it was my bad to come here… Have fun on tour" I said and turned towards the door again.
"You’re not going anywhere, not without food anyway" he said and pushed me inside the kitchen.

He made me a cup of ramen and sat down by the table and looked at me.
"So are you going to tell me what actually happened?" he asked and looked me in the eye.
"I told you… the usual" I said and sighed.
"If it was the usual you wouldn’t be here" he said and sighed himself. Why did Alan have to be so observant? I didn’t really feel like talking about it.
"His name was Derek, and I really liked him… but he only wanted boobs" I said and looked at him.
"And… what more?" he asked without looking at me. Fuck you Alan for being so observant
"He tried to force himself onto me earlier tonight" I whispered and Alan nodded.
"I know you, so I knew that it was something more then just the usual" he said and looked at me.
"Well Captain Obvious is back in town" I snapped and glared at him.
"Don’t snap at me Chris" he said calmly and rolled his shoulders.
"I seriously just want to get away, to leave this fucking place… But I don’t have the guts" I sighed and looked outside the window and the night view. Alan looked at me and I could see that he was thinking about something.
"Would you like to get away then?" he asked and I looked at him. What now?
"I just said that I wanted to" I said.
"Give me a minute" he said and walked out from the kitchen. I could hear him calling someone and that he talked for a few minutes. Then he came back into the kitchen, sat down by the table and looked at me.
"I’m taking my bags, and we’re going to your place to pack your bags. You’re coming with me and my band, as our merchgirl" he said and looked at me.
"Your merchgirl?" I asked.
"It’s either that or staying here" he shrugged and gave me a small smile.

While Alan was sleeping on my bed I packed a few clothes and the things I knew that I might need. It had been nice of him to drag me along. I needed the “get away”. And hopefully it would be better on tour then being home, even if I had to be a merchgirl. It couldn’t be that bad?
I finished packing my bag and I threw myself on the bed and Alan grunted in his sleep. It was around 2 and I would only have around two hours of sleep. If even that much. But it was better then nothing.