*1 month later*
How am I managing? So many things that can go wrong do. First, Mitch dies, then, this shit load of stress is on me. I"m so close to snapping I-I-ugh. Austin has been secretive lately, I've ignore it, but it's been bothering me lately.
I know that high school never ends
High school never ends ends ends
I groan at the annoying voice of Devin singing. I turn over and slap my arm over my eyes to shield them from the bright light.
It will be up
It will be up to them
“Ugh!!!” I groan turning over, loosening the grip on my waist. I open my eye one at a time to find my phone on the nightstand vibrating and playing out Devin’s voice.
To cast you out and make you feel worthless
Congratulations to the class of two thousand fail
I grab the phone and slide it unlock, not bothering to check the caller ID.
“Whaaattt.” My groggy voice whines. The arm around my waist tightens.
“Good morning to you too.” The thick York accent speaks.
“Oliver?” I’m so tired.
“Nope.”
“Vegan?” I wanna go to sleep.
“Nope.” I groan out of frustration. I felt the body next to me stir. I look back to see Austin mumbling in his sleep.
“Lee?” I’m going to cuss this person out.
“Noooo.”
“Jordon?” If I could just reach through this phone and choke someone…….
“Nope. Nope. Nope.”
“Nicholls.” I’m about to lose it.
“Bing! It only took you the whole Bring Me the Horizon yea.” I curse under my breath and let my head fall back on the pillow. I check the time and gasp.
“Why are you calling me at five in the effing afternoon?” I snap.
“What are you doing sleeping till five in the afternoon?” he retorts.
“I was busy all night long!” I blush.
“Oh yea. Would that business included skin flapping against skin with Mr. Carlile?” I gasp.
“Matt.” I heard snickering in the background.
“It’s okay, call me back later, if you’re not busy.” He puts emphases on busy. I hang up and snicker myself. It was quite for about five minutes, just the faint noise of Austin’s breathing, when I felt Austin kissing my face. “Mhm, good afternoon to you too.” I said with a laugh as I opened my eyes to his smiling face. “Afternoon princess, wanna go to dinner?” He asked after placing a kiss to my lips. “Very much so.” I replied with a nod before getting out of bed, shivering as the cold air hit my naked body. “Fuck it’s cold.” I said with a laugh, running my way to the dresser to grab some underwear from my bag, slipping them and a bra on as I heard Austin’s hesitant voice.
"Ellie?" He asked softly, gaining my attention, I turned around to see him looking at me with wide eyes. "Yeah babe?" I asked, curiosity filling my voice wondering what was up with my boyfriend. He just held out his hands, wanting me to come to him. I walked over to him, his hand going around my waist. "Did…did I do this?" He asked, his long fingers tracing something on my hips. I looked down to see fresh, purple bruises in the shape of finger prints on my hips.
I shrugged. “Probably.” I replied, not really caring since the sex last night was some of the best. “I am so sorry, Ellie.” Austin said sincerely, looking up at me with sad eyes. “Aw, babe. Don’t worry about it.” I said with a smile, running my hands through his hair. “Don’t worry about it? I hurt you, physically. How am I supposed to not worry about it?” Austin said, resting his head on my bare stomach.
"Austin, they are bruises. They come and go. God knows I clawed up your back badly, but you don’t see me worrying about that." I said with a laugh as he shook his head mumbling it’s not the same. "Austin. It is. Stop being sad about this. They come and go. I don’t care. It’s your marking on me and I like that. Now stop pouting and go buy me food." I said with a laugh, kissing the top of my boyfriend’s head. "Don’t worry." I added after, Austin nodding with a soft smile. But I knew he was still worrying and still feeling bad about it. Once he was out the room, I sighed. Once I heard his car leave the driveway I went downstairs and went to the cupboard and took out a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. A present from Kellin. I took a swig and went upstairs to watch a movie. An hour later I was somewhat drunk with half a bottle left when I heard my phone vibrating. I grabbed it off the bed and slid it unlock not bothering to check the ID. Before I could say hello a voice rang through.
“Are we still on for tonight?” a female voice ran. It didn’t sound like Katelynne, Miley, Jolie, or Cassadee. Not even Taylor. I pull the phone back as the screen lit up revealing who’s calling and who’s phone I answered.
“Austin?” the voice rang again. I hung the phone up. Then a text appeared.
Why are you acting all weird? Did she find out?
I set the phone down and took another drink of the bottle. I stumbled for the keys and attempt to lock the door. Failing as the keys fell, I left the door opened and walked out the house. Taking more gulps of the bottle I find myself stumbling towards the beach. I plopped on the wet sand, clutching the Jack Daniel’s bottle for dear life, and sat on the sand. My feet getting washed by the waves.
“Ellie! Where are you?" I heard a voice coming from my phone. I didn't even remember answering my phone. "Who's this?" I asked.
“It’s Shayley Ells. Where are you?”He said worriedly. My eyes flicked to the cliff a few feet away.
“At the beach. Oh! A cliff. I’m gonna go sit on it.” I slurred.
“NO! Ellie stay away from it!” he shouted.
“Shayley, don’t shout. I’m gonna go sit on it. Byeeee.” I ended the call and stumbled to get up. Somehow I managed to get myself to the cliff.
As I stood on the edge of the bridge I thought of everything I had done in my life. Everyone always seen me as the perfect little girl that runs Sorry Not Sorry. No I'm in a band with my best friends. I love them. We are a fucking team but no one listens. 'Ellie & co' they always say. No its SORRY NOT SORRY. I took another swig from the bottle. It was finally done so I let it fall off the cliff and down the big drop into the water below. I was never a suicidal person. I always believed things got better. Maybe not always though. I closed my eyes and took a breath.
“There's something in the look you give
I can't help myself I fold. I can't help myself at all. There's something in each touch when we kiss. I scream "God forgive me please," Because I want you on your knees.” I sang while standing up.
“ELLIE!” was the last thing I heard as I saw Shayley, Austin, Alan, Phil and Tino running my way. The old Of Mice & Men is back.
“But I don't wanna think about it now. I know I won’t get out if I'm falling. So I don't wanna think about it now. It's dark in my imagination. It's dark in my imagination. Something in the look you give. Now, are you giving you to her 'cause I'm not entirely sure?” Ironic because that’s how I feel about Austin and Gielle. I lost my balance and suddenly I was falling backwards. I closed my eyes and waited for the water to engulf me. The last thing I seen before the blackness hit me was Austin’s face as he leaned over the bridge. The sadness in his eyes. The darkness welcomed me and I welcomed it.






THE END

Notes

Welp, this is the official last chapter of My Understandings. Thank you all for sticking with me. I have an epiloue writtne, would anyone want to read it if I post it up?