My Understandings

“D-d-dad? Chris? Stranger?” in front of me were three people I loved and held dearly to my heart. Well two people. The lady is a complete stranger to me. she noticed this and chuckle. It sounds so familiar.
“I’m Lisa Carlile.” I gasp and take a few steps back. “Your father would not stop talking about you. As I recall, my son is very in love with you.” His mother is even prettier in person. I only saw what she looks like in photos. She pulled me into a hug.
“I don’t get it. Why am I here?” I ask after I pull back. Chris is my cousin who died in a car wreck at the age of 16. I was ten at the time.
“My cousin is all grown up.” He claims. He came over and hugged me.
“You are here because we need to talk.” My dad says in his stern voice. I run over and hug my dad.
“About what?”
“You. Your supposed to fall in love at Warped. We can’t tell if it’s with Andy, Vic, or Austin. But whoever it is, you will feel something.” Chris says.
“Feel what?”
“It will happen at the moment. You will feel like you’re on fire. Burning up. Your chest will feel like it’s swelling up. But when you collide lips with the person, it will feel like fire in the water.” Lisa speaks up. I turn around and see nothing but whiteness.
“And, you are not supposed to die yet.” My dad speaks.
“When will I die? How?” I ask, curious.
“You will live to the age of 29.”
“Only four more years?”
“Yes. Just know a bumpy road lies ahead.”
“But why can’t I die now? I already make you disappointed in me.” I mumble as I kick the air around us.
“You already make me proud. Lisa and I look down on you guys everyday and I couldn’t be more proud.” Lisa and my dad hold hands. “But if you die now or even later, before your time, I will be disappointed.” The frown as now displayed on my face.
“Ellie, wake up. I just want you to wake up.” Chris says. But it’s not in his voice. It’s in Austin’s.
“Another thing, Austin will live miserable without you for the next year after your death.”
“But he can’t I can’t die and leave my best friend!” I blurt out. A single tear rolls don my face.
“Don’t cry.” Chris/Austin says. I’m engulfed in a hug as my fingers shake. “David and Lynzie will get married.” I pull back.
“Really? Will I be alive for it?”
“Yup. A month before. You’ll love it.” I blush and smile. My best friend will marry my best friend. Man, wow.
“We should tell her Zachary! We can’t keep that from her.” Lisa hisses.
“Fine. Sweetie, one more thing. You will be a-”
The unmistakable sound of my lifeline goes flat. We all look at each other. My dad and Lisa’s eyes go wide.
“Go.” She ushers me. “You’ve been here too long.”
“We love you, even Lisa. See you soon sweetie.” And with that a giant light is shined on them. And one by one, they dissolve into nothing. I stand in the white empty room by myself with the sound of my flat lifeline screeching through. How do I even get back into ‘my body’?
“Abra cadabra?” nothing. “Hookie dookie?” I sigh and close my eyes. Looks like I’m stuck here.
“Ellie?” I open my eyes. No one is even here, but yet I heard it. “Ellie please don’t die. Not yet. I-I-I love you. I'm sorry about our argument, it's just hard to trust people. After all, it's my fault my marriage went downhill."
Austin.
Great. The love of my life wants me back. But thanks to me, I claimed I wanted no dating. Now my dad is saying I’m supposed to fall in love on Warped. Great. What if it’s Austin? It can’t. Thanks to the contract one or both of us can lose our contract.
But, love makes you do stupid things.
Gosh it’s so uncomfortable here, just turn over here and……. shit!
~Austin~
Our lives have been turned upside down. For three days she’s been unresponsive. Her lifeline went dead yesterday. I smell like hospital, but I refuse to leave her side. Mitch has been coming in and out visiting me. But three hours ago, three hours we were talking about her and then out of the blue she turns over to her side.
She moved!
I was jumping around and squealing like a little girl while holding hands with David.
Man, I haven’t been so happy in a while, well unless you count that time when I divorced Gielle, than yeah! Ellie has also been the inspiration for a new song I’m writing. It’s called The Storm. We’ve been thinking we should do a re-issue of The Flood. Max and the guys have been getting ready to head back to Warped with Shayley and Kellin and his fiancé and daughter are coming to visit Ellie later in the week. Even Jaxin is coming over to visit once he found out Ellie was back.
“Man, can’t you see it?” Mitch asked. We’re currently watching football on the tiny TV in the hospital room. Jolie and Kenadee had stop by earlier and it as the cutest thing when Kenadee asked her mom; “Why is Austin’s girlfriend sleeping?” Mitch was choking on his water while Jolie as laughing.
“See what?” I scroll through my Twitter feed before giving him my full attention.
“That you’re in love.”
What?
I know I love Ellie, but I don’t think I’m in love with her. Or am I?
“What do you mean?”
“It’s pretty damn obvious Austin. Your eyes have that sparkle in them. You haven’t had that spark since you divorced Gielle.” He gave me the duh look. But I wasn’t playing dumb, I really didn’t see it. “Ask her to be your girlfriend.” He said.
“I can’t. Not even if I wanted to.” I sigh and kick my feet up to the edge of the bed.
“Why not?” he ask.
“Because, she’s signed to Rise Records where there’s a strict no dating policy.” I sigh. If only I could be like David and Lynzie. They’re so in love, they should get married. Or at least engaged. They are so cute.
“Well, date in secret.” He says again in that duh tone.
“I can’t Mitch. I already broke her heart once and I’m pretty sure the feeling’s mutual. Plus, she wants to focus on her career. A boyfriend will drag her down.” I flick my fingers and go back to Twitter.
“Okay, but why on earth did you pick Shayley to tour with her band. Do you know what may happen when she gets signed to Sumerian. Her and Shayley are gonna be spending way too much time together, more than ever if he’s with her band.” God, who made him so smart. Groaning, I turn over in my chair.
“You know, she should do a solo career. I seriously don’t trust her band. What if they kick her out during Warped?” he asks.
“I would hope they wouldn’t do that, but if they did, she would be good as a solo artist. I heard that Devin wants to collab with her. And she already masters the guitar. I don’t know, maybe the three of us should start a side project, you know, in case that happens. I could ask Beau to see if Valerie (Lights) would help. Her and Vic are already writing a song together, so she has a lot coming in for her.” I smile at the thought of my two best friends working together.
“See, already thinking about the future for her. Just admit it, you love her.” I felt my cheeks burn up. Great, evidence to prove he’s right.
“Man hush.”
“You know, she should do Metal-core. Teach her some death growls. Make her screams deeper, dude, I swear she’s the perfect girl for you. Even Jolie senses it.” The color in my cheeks deepen. “Dude, you’re blushing! Just ask her out on a date. See where it goes from there.” I put my hands in my face and laugh.
“Who made you Mr. Right?”
“Eh? Having a kid does that to ya.” His phone buzzed and he checked it. I stared at Ellie while he did.
Would she even say yes? What if she turned me down?
Too. Many. Thoughts.
I stared at the pink scar that now lines her chest. I wish this wasn’t happening to her. I wish I could read her thoughts. I heard a slam, knocking me out my thoughts.
“What’s wrong?”
“Oli, he called saying that some hot chick is running around the venue grounds with a beer bottle looking for Mike.” He sighs.
“Well, Warped is full of crazy people.” I chuckled.
“Remember in 2010 where after you broke up with that girl you were dating, you got some coffee with a fan who basically tried to kidnap you?” I flinched at the memory, but gave a fake laugh. Mitch doesn’t know that Ellie is the same girl I broke up with two years ago.
“Yeah, she was crazy, what was her name? Kathy?”
“Katherine.”
“Yeah, crazy kid.” I remember that night. I thought the girl was pretty hot. Blonde hair, nice tits, nice ass, nice everything. But yeah, I forgot the part where I mention she’s a fucking psycho! She was writing down everything on her thigh. How I like my coffee, what treats I eat at Starbucks, my license plate, gosh. Then she tried to kidnap me, she failed miserably, but still. Who tries to knock out a celebrity icon?
Crazy kid.
~Ellie~
I couldn’t get out the conversation I had with my dad and Lisa out of my mind. It was the only thing keeping me from going insane. I couldn’t find a way out. I’ve been laying here, staring at the empty room for days now. I wish I could at least hear something or see something. All white is seriously the most annoying thing I’ve stared at, besides Max’s ass when he went skinny dipping. I wanna be at Warped, working on my song with Vic.
Vic.
Man, my dad made things complicated. I either fall in love with Andy (HA! Not happening.), Vic (A little awkward, but it could work.), or Austin (…………). Yup. My mind goes blank there. I didn’t even get to talk to Maisie or Sarah at all since I’ve came home. Well, I have been asleep for three days. I turn over again and feel myself slipping. This means my life line is going dead or it’s another memory…….
*flashback 2009*
“What about…..this one?” I hold up a picture frame. We’re trying to find photo frames to put pics of Lynzie and David in for there one year anniversary. The one I had was big enough for six photos and it was black, their favorite colors. I had some paint left over to add designs on them.
“I don’t know babe. What about this one?” he held up a poop green picture frame.
“Austin, no. That is, no.” I shudder at the thought of even thinking of giving that to Lynzie. “But we already got David a gift!” he whined, stomping his feet. Passing Target staff stared at us, but after a years of being in stores with Austin, you get used to it.
“Well, there’s a girl in a Boyfriend-Girlfriend relationship too. Now stop whining before I cut you with this picture frame.” Sometimes, I don’t know why Austin keeps his hair as long as it is. It’s to his neck, but he complains about it all the time. When you offer to cut it, he gets all defensive. But that’s why I love him.
“Fineeee.” He says dragging out the ‘e’ while flailing his arms around. I pay for the frame and we get in the car to drive.
“Hey Austin,” I ask. I wanted to have his honest opinion about my band.
“Yea?”
“What do you think about my band?”
“What about it?”
“Do you think we could make it? Like All Time Low or Blink 182?”
“Well, you are an armature band, so I don’t know.” He shrugs his shoulders and sinks further in the seat. I grip my hands on the wheel.
“Whadya mean?” I ask, slightly annoyed.
“I mean, all you guys do is play gigs and practice in a garage.”
“But that’s what you guys did. Now Attack Attack! Is signed to a record label. And you have a side project with Jaxin.” I point out.
“Well yeah, that’s because we worked to get to where we are.” He snaps.
“So, you’re saying that we don’t work hard enough?”
“I’m not saying that,”
“But you’re implying it.” I interject. “You don’t think we can make it. Do you?”
“Well, not really.”He turns his head towards the scenery.
“Well, you wait. Just wait Austin. We’re gonna be somewhere one day and I will laugh in your face. Just wait.”
“Okay, if you can get your band to perform at Warped, the first thing you do is find me and laugh in my face. until then, stick to hometown gigs.”
Oh, we will perform at Warped. Just wait Austin.
Just wait.
I never did laugh in his face. I had the chance to, but I never even remember this memory until now.
That’s what this place must be. Some sort of memory trigger place. What memory will trigger me to wake up? Maybe if I turn a certain way……
I turn to face the empty air that surrounds me and I felt it another memory…….
*Flashback 2010*
“Hello?”
“Ellie, I’m coming over, we need to talk.” The line goes dead. This sounded serious and Austin is never serious. I nervously paced the living room, trying to think of reasons why he would want to talk. Did I do something? Did he cheat? Is he dumping me? I need a shower to relax. I take a hot, but quick shower to settle my nerves. After getting out, I wrap the towel around my body and stare into the mirror. This bad vibe feeling would not go away. I change into some comfy clothes and sit on the couch, twirling the ends of my wet hair. Five minutes, ten Ding Dong! I got up, with shaking knees, and opened the door. there stood Austin looking down on me. he walked past me and stood in the middle of my living room. I hope he hurries, I have a band meeting to get to.
“Ellie,” he sighs. Oh god, that is never good. Whenever someone starts off your name with a sigh, it’s never good. He ran his fingers through his hair. “I think we need to, break up. I feel like it’s not working, you’re not the one for me.” his words hit me like bricks. I’m not the one for him? But, two years of commitment and god dammit I even let him take my virginity! Sadness was now filled with anger.
“What the fuck? You think two years isn’t enough time to be the one?” I use my fingers to quote “the one”. I put my finger on his chest. “I let you take my virginity! I went through an off again on again relationship! I loved you and I thought I was the one god dammit!” I yell.
“Ellie, I’m sorry, it’s just, I don’t feel any chemistry!” I was taken back at his words. I felt like a bubble ready to bust in any moment. “It’s just, I met someone. Her name is Gielle and I really like her.”
And my bubble popped.
“I hope everything is all fucking dandy in Austin’s world!” I yell. My boyfriend of two years is breaking up with me. I don’t know what I did. I don’t know what I can do. He shook his head. He walked to hug me but I backed away.
“Get away from me.”
“You’re being ridiculous.” He spat.
“OH! I’m being ridiculous! You’re the guy who’s dated a girl for two years and then out of the fucking blue you fucking dump me!” I walk upstairs and I here Austin trail behind me. I run into my room and open my closet. I pull out my guitar case and my notebook. I grab the iPhone off the table and my car keys. I make an attempt to leave my room but Austin blocks me.
“You’re not going anywhere.”
“The fuck I am!” I have bad language. I thank my father. And I’m not being sarcastic. The profanities give me an extra boost of courage. I had a band meeting to be at in half an hour. I wouldn’t get there any faster with dickhead blocking my way.
“Ellie,” he put a hand on my shoulder.
“Get the hell away from me! I hate you Austin!!!! Get the fuck out of my life!” he stood there motionless. I shoved by him and ran down the stairs. I forgot one important thing. I grabbed Squidgy off the counter and placed it in his hands. I got in my car and drove away. As soon as my house was out of sigh, I cried.
I felt myself slip further and further. My eyelids flutter open and they we’re met with chocolate brown eyes. The heartbreaker himself. I begin to laugh. I laughed in his face.
“What’s funny?” he asks me.
“Remember what you said?” I croaked. My voice dry. I didn't even know it was my voice. It sounded like I just survived the desert or I had sand in my mouth. “You said when my band plays at Warped, I can laugh in your face.” his chocolate orbs were filled with sadness. I felt myself slipping once again. But this time, my lifeline was going out of control. I couldn’t focus on the other stranger in my room. I was distracted by the soft lullaby being orchestrated on my lips.
“I’ve been waiting so long.”
~Austin~
Five days ladies and gentlemen. The day I felt her hand twitch on my cheek, I screamed out to Mitch in excitement. It was even better when her icy orbs opened and the first thing they saw were my eyes. Then she laughed. She began to laugh in my face.
“What’s funny?” I had asked.
“Remember what you said?” her dry voice asked. I shook my head, not remembering what I said at all. “You said that if my band plays at Warped to laugh in your face.” I remember that now. The car ride, one of the few arguments we had. A frown had form their way onto my lips. Mitch kicked my leg and nodded his head towards Ellie. I frowned at him before I attached my lips to hers and listened to the sound of her heart monitor beep out of control.

Notes