My Understandings

~Ellie~
I stood in front of the house that is now built over my burnt home. The lady who lives here peeked from her blinds, making sure it was only me. I looked down at the ground to see some black smudges left. This is all that remains of the place I once called home. Driving here to Long Beach took a while, but it was all worth it. I fell to my knees, only for them to be touched by soft gentle grass, not hard concrete in which I had cried on. I dig my nails into the earth and pick up chunks of grass and dirt, only to toss them back into the ground. I did this process over and over until it hit me that I was crying. I got up; jeans dirty by dirt, hands covered in it. I drove to my dad’s place.
His final resting place.
It wasn’t that far from the house. Just a short thirty minute drive. I pulled up into the gray hellhole that held my father captive. Grabbing the piece of paper from the passenger seat, I walk to my dad and fall on my kness.
“Hey dad.” Nothing. What did I expect? For him to pop up, telling me this is not real, and talks to me like old days? “So, uhm, I bet you’re wondering what happened for the past couple months. I miss you, that’s something that hasn’t changed. Uhm, I’m on Warped currently, and I’m on my way to becoming that musician I promised you I would be. I’m getting signed to two record labels. And I’m getting a new member to our band soon. Mom has been doing so well, though I wish she was at home more often. Me and David are getting along……..” I wipe away some stray tears. “I met some really awesome friends. Matt the drummer from Bring Me the Horizon. Alex Gaskarth, Vic Fuentes and so many more. Remember Austin? Well I’m touring with him again in a month. He kissed me tonight and now I’m all confused. I think we're dating. I want us to date. But, I dunno.” I wipe away more tears as they poured out like a fountain.
“Why did you leave me dad?!” I sobbed. “I fucking miss you so much and life it’s…….it’s so fucking hard without you! Mom never home and David isn’t any help! Why did you save me?! You could’ve just let me die! At least mom would be happy! It’s my fault you died! It’s my fucking fault! Mom lost the love of her fucking life and now I’m just a God damn burden because deep down inside, even though she doesn’t show it, she knows too that this is my fault!!! Why did the fire happen?! Why us?! Why you?! Why me?!” I sobbed even more.
“Austin wrote a song about his mother. I want to sing it to you.” I murmur after my little break down. I run to my guitar and grabbed my acoustic guitar. I sat down in front of him. I struggled to get the words out.
“Let me.” I turned around to see David staring at me with watered eyes. He sat next to me and I pulled out the lyrics.
I believe it's time for me to be famous,
I believe it's time for me to move forward,
When I break through. When I break through. When I break through.

This time I'll, make you,

Proud to see me over, come on daylight.

Proud of, who you raised.

Your shelter, your peacefulness.

So this time I'll make you proud.

Proud of, who you raised up.
You know that I will,
Always be here 'til the end.

Come back so I can say thank you for this,
Home cooked meals and a place to rest,
My troubled head when you're away,
I've passed the test, I have earned an A,
Not just in school, but in life,
You'll always be right by my side.
To show hope to all,
That are lost and sick in this dying world.
I'll use the love you left behind. I’ll use the love you left behind. I’ll use the love you left behind.
I'll change their minds, I'll change their minds.

I hope, I hope you smile,
When you look down on me.
I hope you smile.

This can't, we won't know.
I hope that I make you proud.

This is not what it is, only baby scars.
I need your love like a boy needs his mother's side.

This is not what it is, only baby scars.
I need your love like a boy needs his mother's side.

Oh, this is not what it is, only baby scars.
I need your love like a boy needs his mother's side,

Oh, this is not what it is, only baby scars.
I need your love like a boy needs his mother’s side.

I lean on my brother’s shoulder and cry with him. Gripping his hand as tight as possible.
I want my father back.
I miss him.
This wasn’t supposed to happened.
Why did it happen?
Why us?
Did we do something bad to deserve this? Did our dad not deserve to live to see us mature and make him proud.
David began choking on his own sobs. My brother is never heart broken. I put a hand on top of my dad’s tombstone and David placed his hand on top of mine. I put a hand to my mouth to quite my sobs. David put a hand on my back as we sat there in peace.
Zachary Porter Schmitt.
Loving father, husband, best friend, and soul mate.
1965-2005
R.I.P
I clinged to my brother tight. Hugging him.
I miss my father.
Nothing’s gonna ever change the fact that I should’ve died that night.
~Miley~
My best friend is in pain. So much pain. It breaks my heart to see her in this state. At least she isn’t cutting. Her other option is writing and right now she’s been locked in the studio writing and testing out chords. She may be the oldest, but she is also the weakest. It hurts to see her break down so easy. Right now she needs someone who understands her pain. I walk to her room and bang on the door.
He opens and I haven’t realize how freaking tall his is.
Jesus.
He must be like 6”5’.
Snap out of it Miley.
“Austin, Ellie is hurting, please I’m begging you, talk to her.” his chocolate orbs stare into mine. They’re hard to read, but the pain isn’t hard to distinguish.
“Austin, please.”My voice breaks at the end. “Please. This is not supposed to happen! We’re all supposed to have happy endings! Just do it, for her.” my voice cracks. He looks at me and nods. I walk out the way as he walks down to where Ellie is.
~Austin~
“I’m sorry for the things I’ve done. Can I redeem my life? Are take backs even allowed?” Ellie quietly sings to herself while writing it down. Her hair has been thrown into a messy bun and black streaks line her face. Her hands are constantly shaking, but when they touch the guitar, they stop. She becomes alive. The door was cracked a bit so I opened it further and leaned against the door way. “Can your return be bought because, because,” her voice starts to crack.
“I’d give the world to see your face.” I say for her. She turns around and the color drains from her face.
“What?” she stutters.
“How about this,” I sit next to her. “Start playing.” She looks at me and raises her eyebrows before plucking chords.
“I’m sorry for the things that I’ve done. Can I redeem my life? Oh-oh. Are take backs even allowed? Whoaaa oh! Can your return be bought, cause I’d give the world to see you again.” She looks at me with pure happiness.
“You have a beautiful voice when you’re not screaming.” She smirks.
“You have a beautiful voice when you are screaming.” I walk over and hug her. “Be happy.” Is all I say.
“Well, I can’t be happy.” She whispers.
“Don’t be. Everyone deserves thier fairytale ending." I rub her shoulders.
“Of course. I know that.”
“I’m confused.”
“Austin. I want to know your feelings. What are you feeling right now?”
“About what?” I sit down next to her.
“Just, tell me how you felt when you first got signed.” She leans her head on my shoulder.
“Man it felt amazing. It’s like finding your place on the world and feeling belonged.” I lean my head back, remembering when Attack Attack! Got signed. It was the most amazing feeling ever. I smile at the memory. The feeling of getting somewhere.
“What if you felt like it wasn’t the right choice?” I look at her.
“You don’t want to be signed?”
“I don’t want to disappoint my dad. I already wanted to make him proud when he as alive, but it’s even harder when he’s not here. What if he isn’t proud? What if he’s disappointed in me?” she shivers and begins to cry. “I went to my dad’s grave and all I could feel was negative energy. Like he wasn’t proud of me.”
“Elizabeth, that is non-sense. Your dad is proud of you. I’m proud of you.” Her eyes meet mine and they’re glistening with tears.
“Really?”
“Really.” She leans in the same time I do, our foreheads touching.
“Thank you Austin.”
“For what?”
“Everything.” She gently attacks my lips with hers. The familiar taste of oranges and honeysuckle fills my mouth in a never ending race.

Notes

Lyrics provided by; Second & Sebring (acoustic cover)