My Understandings

~Ellie~
My head is hurting like crazy. I turn over in attempt to get comfy, but an arm around my waist stops me. I open one eye and smile to myself. Ben is knocked out cold next to me. We did it. Ben and I hooked up last night. This may sound strange, but hooking up with Ben has given me this weird since of….pride? I mean, I was being a cocky bitch. Last time I did that, I got raped. But this time, I got a hookup. I shook the thought away and slipped out of Ben’s arms. I grabbed some sweat pants and a tank top from my bag and took some of Ryan’s clothes and left them out for Ben. I grabbed a light and a cigarette and stood on the balcony. As I let out a puff of smoke, arms wrapped around my waist and my cigarette was taken from my mouth.
“You really shouldn’t be smoking.” He stuck it in his mouth and took a puff.
“But you can?” I questioned. He shrugged his shoulders.
“It’s a bad habit.”I leaned my arms against the rail.
“Well, it keeps the hunger crave at bay.” I mumbled. I look over the rail and see the ground below. All I would have to do is jump over it……..
“Well, a pretty face like you shouldn’t be worried about your weight.” I snort.
“Ha! That’s what everyone says. They just don’t see it from my point.” The sun was barley up. It’s about five in the morning. No one would even notice if I jump the rail…….
“I would.” I give him a weird look. “I would noticed if you jumped over the rail.” I was speaking my thoughts out loud.
“I don’t see why you care. You’re just a hookup.” I point out. He tosses the cigarette over the rail and stands next to me.
“My intentions was to hook up, not get attached.” I give out a hoarse laugh.
“I’m surprised you even got this far. No one has been able to touch me since the rape. With the exceptions of a few people. Man, would my dad be proud.” I say sarcastically. I’m pretty sure I already have the tile of a Band Whore again. Or a Slut. But at this point in the game, I don’t care.
“But you seem so happy.” He says.
“It’s called fakeness. I fake everything. My happiness, my laughter. Gosh, the only thing that isn’t fake is my stupid cockiness. But that’s what got me raped in the first place. I’ve changed. Ever since the love of my life broke up with me, I’ve changed. I mean, I took fashion advice from Andy Biersack for good sakes! Then my recent relationship with Andy Glass ended up with him being drunk and he cheated. My dad died, my brother and I are slipping apart. My best friend Lauren died and I was forced to listen to a song about it for years.” The tears are on the brink of pooling over. I turn to face Ben. “You give me a reason to not jump over this rail and end my misery.”
“Well for starters, you would have so many people who will miss you. I mean you have an awesome band and are getting sign to a major record label! You met so many amazing people. Do you want to just leave them? You have fans that will miss you dearly and your brother and mother wouldn’t want to see their 25 year old bundle of sunshine not shining. Pale and in a casket. Austin is like your protective best friend, if anything he would take this he hardest. Hell he would probably commit suicide. And me, you are a strong person Ellie. Even I would miss you. I’m begging you, don’t jump.”
“That’s a fucking lie! Do you know what my high school teacher told me? She said that the things that you love will never stay and look how my life turned out!” I scream at him.
“Open your eyes Ellie!!! You have so many people who care about you!!They’re still here!!! Stop pushing people away!” he screams at me.
“You don’t fricking understand!!! No one loves me! Austin Carlile, the love of my whole fucking life has fucking dumped my sorry ass two years ago. Right when I was catching a break he shoves his ass back into my fucking-” Ben pushes me against the rail and presses his lips against mine. It was totally unexpected and it could’ve killed me if he would’ve pushed me hard enough. He lifted me up and carried me back to the room.
-----
I woke up alone.My fingers felt around by the empty spot next to me. Instead of finding flesh, I found paper. There was a note on the empty spot next to me.
Had to find Danny. Meet me at Tilly’s stage at four. My number is at the bottom.
-Ben
Nice to know he didn’t completely ditched me. the clock next to me told me that it is eleven in the morning. At least somebody should be up if they aren’t completely wasted. I slowly get up and then quickly sit down. My body is so sore. I groan looking for a towel or something. I find a white towel on the ground a few feet away and I carefully get up to retrieve it. Wrapping it securely around my body, I go into the bathroom. Walking in front of the huge mirror, I place my hands on the counter, but keep my head down. I don’t even want to know how I look or what everyone is going to say about me. Nothing good of course, but at least the people I trust are with me. Well, except We Are In the Crowd. I trust Taylor, but the rest of her band, I’m not so sure.
Just look up.
I tell myself.
Don’t be a wimp.
I lift my head up and gasp.
My hair is a fricking crow’s nest and my eyes look crazy. Like I haven’t slept. There’s a love bite behind my ear and finger prints on my arms. I drop the towel to inspect the rest of my body. It’s just as worse. Finger prints on my waist and my legs are a little red. I quickly put the towel back on. I run the shower and I sit on the edge of the toilet. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel so depressed, so sad, so…ugh. I don’t know. I step in the shower and then I completely break down. I should’ve never listened to Ben. I should’ve just jumped over the rail.
But it’s too late.
I quickly wash myself and dry. I slip on some shorts and a tank top. I throw my wet hair into a bun and throw myself on the bed.
I am not ready for today.
~Austin~
A nagging feeling in my stomach would not go away. I turn over in the bed to face the ceiling. Its eleven o’clock, I should probably get some breakfast. I change boxers and throw on some random jeans, not bothering to put on a shirt. I walk past Ellie’s door and decide to see if she wants something. I knock on the door.
No answer.
I knock again.
No answer.
I turn the knob and the door flies open.
I walk around the room and I don’t see Ellie anywhere. I walk towards the shower when a glimpse of black on the bed. I walk over and see her face forward on the bed.
“Ellie, let’s go get some breakfast. We have a show today.” She groaned. I sat on the edge of the bed. “Ellie.” I poked her in her stomach and she squirmed. “Elliiiieeeee.” She scoots over, but doesn’t move. I climb in the bed with her and continue to poke her sides.
“Go away Carlile.” Her tone doesn’t sound very happy.
“What’s wrong?” I ask her. She mumbles something, but it’s hard to tell with a pillow in her face. I snatch the pillow from her face and she groans again. She flips over until her face is facing the ceiling. “Come on! Get up silly!” I poke her over and over until I see a smile on her face.
“Ugh, I hate you right now.” She props herself on her elbow and stares at me. “What are you doing here?” she asks.
“I was going to get some breakfast.”
“Shirtless? Shoeless? I don’t know, lack of socks?” she pushes me gently. God, I miss this side of her. the side that jokes around, cracks a smile, and points out the obvious.
“Well no!” I say in a fake shock voice. “Now let’s go! I’m hungry.”
“Nooo. I wanna sleep.” She turns over to the other side.
“Have it your way.” I slip my arm under her stomach and pick her up bridal style before throwing her over my shoulder.
“Austin! What are you doing! Put me down!” she begins to hit my back, but it feels more like a massage with her tiny fists. I bust through my hotel room, all the guys glaring at us.
“Whoa! Ellie! Was Ben good in bed?”Alan screamed at her. she began kicking her legs and squealing.
“Shut up Alan!” this time she bit my back my hands went up and I dropped her. she fell with a thud to the ground.
“Austin you fucker!” she began beating my stomach with her fists.
“Baby, slow down. Heart problems remember?” I put on my beat up black Chuck Taylor’s and a stripped tank top. I walk back to the room and throw Ellie over my shoulder again. While the guys are taking photos, she is screaming profanities at the top of her lungs. Swearing, threatening, and cursing me to the fullest.
“Elizabeth Summer Schmitt, that is not a nice thing to say!” I mock.
“What the fuck?! How the fu-” Alan grabs a piece of duct-tape and seals it over her mouth.
“Thank you.” But she is still screaming. Even though it’s muffled by the tape. I walk out the room and we pass Andy. I give him a sly smile and in return I get a glare.
Wut?
Ellie begins to pinch my butt, making me squirm.
“I would stop that if I were you, you don’t want me to drop you again.” She instantly stops. I walk into the lobby where almost every head is turned my way. David looks at me weird and then he shouts “Everyone take a pic and post it on Twitter!” I feel Ellie’s head shoot up as she screams in protest, but thanks to Alan, we can’t hear it.
Ellie Schmitt: @AlanAshby @austincarlile @davidlovesit I swear to God I’m going to murder you guys in your sleep

David Schmitt: @EllieSNS you’ll have to find me

Austin Carlile: @EllieSNS no need to get mad babe @AlanAshby she’s being a meanie

Ellie Schmitt: @davidlovesit are you kidding me? you’re my brother! @austincarlile can it Carlile. I still know where you live

Alan Ashby: @austincarlile indeed she is

David Schmitt: you don’t know where I live :) @austincarlile someone over dosed on bitchyness this morning

Ellie Schmitt: @AlanAshby are you serious! There’s fucking photos?! @davidlovesit you live with me!!!!

David Schmitt: @EllieSNS that don’t mean nothing.

Austin Carlile: someone’s just mad because she had duct-tape on her mouth @AlanAshby @davidlovesit

Miley Roberts: @austincarlile @davidlovesit @AlanAshby guys go check your Instagram @EllieSNS I wouldn’t check your Instagram if I were you

Ellie Schmitt: @Mileysthebandwh0re why?

Austin Carlile: @EllieSNS er mer gerd your face! @Mileysthebandwh0re priceless!

Alan Ashby: @davidlovesit @austincarlile @Mileysthebandwh0re let’s Facebook and Tumblr it!

Ellie Schmitt: dafuq! Are you serious! @Mileysthebandwh0re I will suffocate you tonight.

Miley Roberts: someone’s grouchy after getting it in with@BenAfuckingA @EllieSNS

Ellie Schmitt: oh. My. God! @Mileysthebandwh0re I’m gonna kill you @davidlovesit I’m killing your cat tonight.

Austin Carlile: I already put it on Facebook @AlanAshby @EllieSNS whoa you got some cake with @BenAfukingA good job!

David Schmitt: @EllieSNS nooo!!! Pickles did nothing to you

Ellie Schmitt: @austincarlile shut up! @davidlovesit I will cook and poach that cat to perfection just think of it as revenge for it pissing in my shoes!

Ben Bruce: @EllieSNS that’s a little harsh for @davidlovesit….@austincarlile @Mileysthebandwh0re why are you cunts blowing up my fucking feed?

David Schmitt: @EllieSNS that cat did nothing to you! Mom adores that cat! And that was @BreatheKyleEvens who pissed in your shoes, it was a dare……

Austin Carlile: we all heard you two hooked up last night @BenAfuckingA

Alan Ashby: she got the British works @austincarlile @davidlovesit @Mileysthebandwh0re

Austin Carlile: @EllieSNS was it anal? Oral? Did you give him a blowjob?! Oh my god! He fingered you!!! EHHHHH!!!!

Ellie Schmitt: shut up @BenAfuckingA @davidlovesit you told Kyle to piss in my shoes? Lynzie bought me that pair! @austincarlile SHUT UP AUSTIN YOU PERVERTED FREAK!

David Schmitt: @EllieSNS whoops.

Kyle Evens: @EllieSNS @davidovesit hey if I would’ve known Lynzie bought you that I would’ve never did the dare……

Ben Bruce: @austincarlile @Mileysthebandwh0re yup. We hooked up. Are we done here? We are? Good.

Ellie Schmitt: @austincarlie @Mileysthebandwh0re @AlanAshby @davidlovesit why is it when I check my Tumblr there’s over a thousand fucking reblogs of 15 different photos?!?!

Alan Ashby: @austincarlile hey we have that thing to attend

Austin Carlile: @AlanAshby right the thing, see you in a few babe.

Ellie Schmitt: @AlanAshby @austincarlile I will murder you two you just wait.

David Schmitt: @BreatheKyleEvens hey, I think we hit another skunk gotta go!

Ellie Schmitt: we’re not leaving cos’ we have a show today! @davidlovesit

David Schmitt: @EllieSNS can’t hear you, we’re running over too many skunks……..

Ellie Schmitt: @Mileysthebandwh0re you’re next

Miley Roberts: @ryansnotsorry @maxmaxium run!

Ellie Schmitt: fuck my life

Notes