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My Understandings

The Ocean

~Ellie~
I just stood there, arms hooked with Miley as I stare at the TV screen, the now blank screen. How could he call me out and say those hurtful words about me? Was I really putting him through that much pain? And Alan, how could he sit there and call me an asshole? I open my mouth but close it as my brain was still trying to process the whole situation again.It’s been ten minutes since the performance, but to me, it was replaying over and over again. I always knew I was going to be stuck on him to the end of time, but it’s even worse when I’m still stuck on him and he’s not. I thought we were getting along, making process.
But no.
Instead, he’s now the main focus of my song, Stuck On You. He’s also the reason I am going to shut myself up. I tare myself away from Miley and go into the bathroom. I lock the door and run a shower. I undo the duct-tape that’s behind the shower head and grab the piece of metal. I sit under the water, a natural presence that’s drowning out the sounds of the banging and screaming coming from outside the door. I turn the metal over and over in my hand. I remember screwing this piece of metal off from a pencil sharpener my mom gave me. I lean my head back on the wall, the replay of the incident rolling through my head.
“So, this bitch of a girl I knew is here at Warped and she broke my heart. I broke her heart. But what she doesn’t know is that I’m trying to patch up our friendship, but the bitch keeps finding some way to ruin everything.” Austin yelled into the microphone.
“Yeah! The asshole!” Alan yelled.
“Here’s four years of misery bitch! This one’s for you Ice Princess!
You play these games, baby honestly?
It's such a shame, you think you control me.
Control my life, and everything around,
I've got my feet on solid ground.
I'm gonna push you away, with every word that you say.
I'm gonna push you away, away…
I've let you win too many times.
If I gave you my life,
it'd be my demise. I'll keep my pride.
This is what I have become in my life,
I won't be deterred by you guilt or your strife.
This are the words back and forth in my mind,
I won't be brought down by your games and your pride.
Sinking apologies, knowing you're leaving me on my own.
Sinking apologies, knowing you're leaving me, all alone.
You won't bring me down. I've got my feet on solid ground.
You won't bring me down. I've got my feet on solid ground.
You said you'd stay, then left me alone.
I can't believe you're fine with what you've done.
Never again, I've watched you change with time.
Your heart is filled with cold, your mouth is full of lies.
If I gave you my life it'd be my demise.
I'll keep my pride, I've let you win too many times.
Sinking apologies, knowing you're leaving me on my own.
Sinking apologies, knowing you're leaving me, all alone. All alone.
FUCK YOU!!!” he stomped the stage and ran off.
I knew he was talking about me. That was my old nickname. Ice Princess. The choice was clear. I ran the cool metal over my left wrist, only making a thin cut. The stinging sensation came and the blood pooled over. Soon, it became addicting. And he was right, I was a bitch. I am an asshole. The next cut was deeper than the first, and then the next one was deeper than that one. Each cut got deeper and deeper until blood was running down the drain with the water. I heard a sob and I looked around. It came again and I realized that it’s me. I’m sobbing. Each sob made me hiccup, not only did my ribs throb with each sob, the makeup now going down the drain, my ankle was hurting too. I turned the water off and sat there shivering. I deserved to shiver, I deserved to die. Finally, I screamed. Out of frustration, anger, sadness, loneliness, and guilt. I leaned my head against the shower door and fell into a nightmare filled slumber.
-Morning-
I emerged from the shower, grabbing the handle. The pressure sent pain down my arm. My left arm now covered with cuts half way up my arm, the name Austin carved in my arm. Alan carved on my thigh. I step outside the bathroom and realize my band is gone. We are here in California. I change into a tank top, a red unbutton shirt, ripped black skinny jeans and bracelets. I take my hair out of its bun and let it fall all wavy. I grab my Taylor acoustic guitar, which has been signed by various band members including my own, and my sunglasses. Limping my way off the bus, I shoot everyone a text.
Ellie: going to work on some lyrics before the show, probably at the interview tent. :-)
The smile was fake, so fake. I actually didn’t need any lyrics to write, for now. I just wanted to feel the strum of my guitar. I end up sitting behind the PTV bus. My fingers begin to strum a familiar tune and soon enough, I find myself singing.
“Choke, tried to wash you down with something strong. Dry but the taste of blood remains.” My fingers shake, but they keep the song going. “Cold, empty mattresses and falling stars. My, how they start to look the same. So keep in happiness And torture me while I tell you,”
“"Let's go in style"” a voice finished for me. Air puffs over me as a figure is seated next to me.
“Hey.” I say, my fingers stop strumming and are now fidgeting with the torn fabric of my pants. He pulls me in a hug, confused as I was, it’s because I’m crying. “It hurts.” I say. He kisses the top of my head.
“I know.” He wipes a thumb under my eye and helps me up. “No need to mope around. Let’s go to the bus and show you how it’s done. Turtle and Hime style!” I laugh and grab my stuff. It turns out the Turtle and Hime style was really Jaime drinking a beer and Tony was watching Star Wars.
“Your method sucks.” I mumble to Vic as I take a seat between the two. I put my feet on Jaime’s lap and take his beer.
“Hey! That was mine!” he pouts. I stick my tongue at him and drink the rest of the beer.
“Suck turtle.” I say. Tony gives us a look before scooting further down the couch.
-five beers and two smokes later-
“MIKEYYYY!!! LET ME BRAID YOUR HAIR!!!!!” I yell. Jaime is rolling on the floor chocking on his sixth beer and Vic is shitfaced, in the corner rocking himself back and forth mumbling something to himself. Mike busts through from the back lounge and sits between my legs as I play with his hair. I twirl my fingers in his hair over and over and begin to braid while he traces up and down my legs. Tony walks through the lounge and stares at us.
“You guys are shitfaced drunk, we have a show to do in a couple hours, Ellie and Vic, you guys better hang out while you can.” Tony’s face looked like a giraffe with a turtle head. So what came out my mouth was unexpected,
“I love you Tony.” I slurred. “Best brother ever.” I heard two someone’s exhale. “P.s you look like a turtle.” And with that I blacked out.
I wake to find Mike between my legs, arms hanging on his side, hair braided and twisted to different styles. Vic is in the corner, knees pulled up as he’s leaning against the couch. Jaime is on the floor covered by beer bottles and Tony is watching something on his phone. His face has a shocked expression, but because of his headphones, I can’t hear what he’s listening to. He covers his mouth with a hand and murmurs my name. He shuffles and I quickly pretend to sleep. I hear him run to his room and I sprint out of the bus. I go to my bus, ignoring the stares from my band as well as my brother and Kyle and I get a change of clothes. I go to the bathroom and lock the door. I look in the mirror and what I see scares me. I see a girl who needs to lose weight, a girl who can look so much beautiful than she does, a girl who is ugly and needs to die. But what others see shocks me. They claim I am beautiful, I’m skinny and she deserves the best, but I don’t think so. But it’s so hard to feel good about yourself when you push people away, making yourself feel even worse. I checked the time, twenty minutes until our set. I change for some shorts, Vans, and one of David’s shirts. I grab mine/Vic’s guitar and walk off the bus, the necklace David left for me and Monster Energy in hand. My phone buzzed and some were texts from Vic and Tony. One from hung-over Jaime and a confused one from Mike. I had three missed calls. All from Alan. Two texts from Alan. I hit ignore and shove the iPhone 4 in my pocket. Our stage was already set up and we had a meet and greet afterwards. The tent is right behind where the fans are going to be at. I want to crowd surf my way over there, I think I will. Soon enough, the manager is yelling “30 seconds!” and the crowd is chanting “SNS! SNS! SNS! SNS!” the sight brings my heart filling to the brim. We walk on the stage and as always the crowd never seems to die down.
“Hey guys!” I yell into the microphone. “We’re gonna start off things slow first, it’s a song I wrote about a guy I fell in love with four years ago. It’s about how no matter what he did when he left, I’m forever gonna be hook on him. A part of him is still in me. And at the moment, he and my best friend said something hurtful to me. So you guys know recently I had an uh, incident that caused me to break a couple ribs, bashed cheek and broken ankle, thanks John for helping me up!” I yell to our stage tech who helped me get on stage.
“I couldn’t let my fans down and I never will and for those people who can relate or has had worse, I’m here for you guys.” Tears are in my eyes. “This song is called, Stuck On You. And I’m having backing vocals from Miley and Ryan today.”
I step to the microphone and take a few deep breathes. I stare into the now quiet crowd as my lip quivers, tears threatening to pool over. I close my eyes and breathe in one more time, muttering to myself. I start off the song and soon everyone falls into place.
“(Ellie)
I heard you driving in my car
Then in a frozen bar
And I claimed I didn't care for you
But your verse got trapped inside my head
Over and over again
You played yourself to death in me

I thought I'd drop you easily
But that was not to be
You burrowed like a summer tic
So you invade my sleep and confuse my dreams
Turn my nights to sleepless itch
(All together)
Stuck on you 'till the end of time
I'm too tired to fight your rhyme
Stuck on you 'till the end of time
you've got me paralyzed
(Ellie)
Holding on the telephone
I hear your midrange moan
You're everywhere inside my room
Even when I'm alone I hear your mellow drone
You're everywhere inside of me
(all together)
Stuck on you 'till the end of time
I'm too tired to fight your rhyme
Stuck on you 'till the end of time
You got me trapped inside

I can't escape your incessant whine
When you beam it out all across the sky
No I can't escape
(stuck on you 'till the end of time)
-Miley
your insipid rhyme -Ellie
(I'm too tired to fight your rhyme)-
Miley
When you shoot it deep-Ellie
(stuck on you 'till the end of time)
-Miley
Straight into my mind.-Ellie”

I look into the crowd who had arms waving back and forth. To the people who had tears in their eyes. To the people who stared at me. I smiled and realize these fans mean the world to me.
~Austin~
She wrote the song about me. How I hurt her and my words scared her. She still cares for me and being the dick I am, I jumped to conclusions and ruin everything. While she was waving her free arm in the air, her shorts rode up and thanks to the zoom, even though it wasn’t focused on her legs, I saw the name Alan carved into her thigh, with a razor. Her arm had new scars that were red and the name carved don her arm wasn’t mistakable.
Austin.
“(stuck on you 'till the end of time)
your insipid rhyme
(I'm too tired to fight your rhyme)
When you shoot it deep
(stuck on you 'till the end of time)
Straight into my mind.”

~Vic~
“Pleeeaaassee!!! I want to meet Matty!!!” Ellie kept tugging at my arm and dragging me to the MMF bus. We had just came back from listening to her brother perform and they were amazing! I would never admit that, we still have some tension, but they are really good. Especially David’s guitar playing. I didn’t know he was that good. I wonder if he taught Ellie how to play.
“Elizabeth Schmitt, please keep the tiger at bay.” Her eyes widen as she swat my arm.
“Victor Fuentes, please take me to meet the one and only Matty Mullins.” I sigh but nod my head. She laces her fingers through mine and gives them a tight squeeze. I squeeze back and walk over to the MMF bus. The door swings open and Kellen walks off, phone in hand. He sees us, gives us a tiny smile, and nods towards the bus. Ellie squeals next to me and now is dragging me to the bus. We walk on and Matty’s eyes darts towards us. He stands up and walks to me.
“Victor! How ya doing? Who is this pretty lady?” he wiggles his eyebrows at Ellie and I laugh. We sit on the couch and Ellie sits between us.
“Good. This is my girlfriend Ellie.” She smiles and shakes his hands.
“Big fan?” he asks. She chuckles.
“Fan. Not a big one.” His eyes widen.
“First time a fan isn’t fangirling right now.” She looks at him confused and then she makes an “o”.
“NO! no! I’m not a fan, I’m a performer here at Warped. My band is Sorry Not Sorry. I really wanted to meet you because there is some bands I haven’t met.” Her fingers weave through mine and she leans her head on my shoulder.
“Have ya met Sleeping with Sirens?” he asks. I let them talk as my attention goes to a Warped update.
“Yeah, Kellin is extremely nice. Jesse is too. Justin, ha!” I hear Matty chuckle as I read the transcript below OM&M performance.
Ice princess? Or bitch princess? Austin Carlile and Alan Ashby from Of Mice & Men have stated in their song Still Y’DGN that the girl Austin used to date was a bitch and did nothing but f***ed things up. Alan has also been stated as to calling her an a**hole. Suspicion is speculating as to if it is Ellie, from Sorry Not Sorry, the rookie band of Warped this year. As been recorded, Ellie did a song about a boy she dated. And how he and a “friend” said some hurtful things to her. did Austin and Ellie used to date? Is there beef behind these two bands? Is there brewing drama conflicting between the two lead singers?
I decided to check twitter. Besides the fans arguing over what the reason really was, a tweet stood out most. From Austin’s friend himself.
Mitch Lucker.
(@mitchluckerSS) @ellieSNS @austincarlile Austin call me. we gotta talk. Ellie, if you’re reading this, hi! I’m Mitch Lucker from Suicide Silence. Get my number from Oli and call me!
Should I show her the tweet? I mean, she’s enjoying her time with Matty. Even though I want to enjoy my time with her. she stands up and hugs Matty.
“It’s really nice meeting you. I’ll look for you during your show.” She winks. She pulls my hand and we walk past the buses.
“Where are we going?” I ask her. she turns to me and plants a kiss on my lips.
“To the beach babe. I don’t know when we’ll be together again, so I want to make the most of it.”
We walk out from the venue and down the block.
“So, how’d it feel to get shitfaced drunk with Pierce the Veil?” I ask.
“Amazing! Even though you were balled up in a corner being the baby you are.” She said. I glared at her before she took off running.
~Ellie~
I was running away from Vic who was now chasing me through the sand. I’m screaming and giggling like a little girl as I run to the waves, running past sufers and jet skis.
“Baby come back!!!!”
“NO!!!!” I screamed as the waves came up to my waist. Vic grabbed me and lifted me in the air. “VICCCC!!!!!!” he twirled me around as the wave knocked us down.
“AH!” Vic swam to me and crashed his lips to mine, the water shoving us close together. My fingers combed his wet hair as his hands circled around my torso.

We lay on the beach, it’s well past midnight. The guys had checked on us earlier, dropped off extra clothes, and went to bed. The buses don’t leave until morning since the next stop in California isn’t but a couple hours’ drive. The moon has a beautiful light reflecting off the ocean. We’ve been dating for a month. Touring is stressful, but somehow we make it through. I don’t want to say I’m in love with him. It wouldn’t quite be an under estimate. I find it cute how his blue long sleeved sweater and black pants are stuck to his soaked body. I wouldn’t mind getting under those clothes, but as usual, Vic probably wouldn’t feel that way. Its two weeks before we can be together again, but even then my band has to get ready to release our first album since so many people loved our EP. Then a week later, our off week, we have to fly out to L.A for our record deal and possible music video, and then when we come back, we’re off to another city for the tour. After that, it’s our headline tour. So basically, this our only night together. I groan and turn to Vic who’s looking at me.
“What?” I ask. Barley a whisper. I want to take in his beauty before it disappears from me for a while. His brown eyes pool into mine, the moon just a tiny dot in his eyes.
“Just admiring your beauty.” I swear if it was bright enough, he could’ve seen the blush in my cheeks.
“How am I beautiful? My face is bruised beneath the makeup. I’m hopping place to place from my ankle. Even my own ex-boyfriend left me without any reason.” I say referring to Austin. “If anything I’m far from beautiful.”
“You’re right.” He says. I knew it! I’m always the one to drive people away. God, why do I even try? “You’re far from beautiful because beautiful is an underestimate. There is no word to describe how pretty you are.” I sigh and turn my attention to Vic. I hate to say it, but our relationship is strained. There’s too much work to be done and on top of that, I have ex-boyfriend problems and argh! I want to pull my hair out of my head and scream to the top of my lungs.
“Vic, we-”
“I know. But let’s enjoy this last few minutes together.” He kisses the top of my head and we snuggled there on the beach. The tide comes up to our necks, but we didn’t move. When we bid our goodbyes, we hugged for a long time.
“This is harder than I thought.” I say.
“Yeah. I’ve never been broken up before. Cheated, yeah.”
“I’ve never broken up with someone. Dumped, yeah.”
“It’s not goodbye though. Only as a couple.”
“Duh.” I punch his arm. He took my arm and kissed the scars on my skin.
“I kissed the scars on her skin. I still think you’re beautiful and I don’t wanna ever lose my best friend.” He whispers in my ear.
“This is it, when it’s done we can say that, oh my god we’re not gonna make it.” He chuckled.
“Why are we quoting A Match Into Water?” he asks.
“Because believe it or not, we were literally a match into water.” I say referring to the beach. “But promise me one thing.” I say.
“Anything.”
“If someone tries to hurt me, promise you say this “Stay away from her she’s mine, it’s not her time.” It would mean a lot.”
“You want me to say it to Austin?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I squeaked. “But mainly Alan.” He nodded before kissing my cheek.
“See you around.”
“See you around!” I called after him. I walked on the bus and flopped on the couch. I didn’t care if I’m soaking wet. I think I just lost the one thing that meant the world to me. I drag my wet self to my room and write down 3 songs I want on the album.
Stuck On You
Beautiful Lie
Life As We Know It
Our album. Gosh the stress. Who knew getting your career started would be so much stress. Well, at least the stress of a relationship is one less thing to worry about. My phone buzzed in my wet bra and I take it out, wiping off boob sweat.
“Hello?”
“HEY!” it was Ben our other manager. We have two managers in total, but Ben is a little more laid back.
“I got you guys a touring band-slash-buddy! So whenever you guys can’t play, they’ll fill in for you!” he exclaimed.
“Great. Who?”
“Well, wait! They’re gonna be at Warped next year and since you guys won’t be the rookie band anymore, try to make friends with them Ellie. Especially the clean vocalist. They’re gonna be staying with you guys, on the same bus and there’s plenty of room. No complaints. Actually they’re here now.”
“Who?!” I snap. I’m not in the mood for meeting people.
“We Came As-”
*Knock.*
“Hold that thought.” I walk to the entrance of the bus and the scene unfolds in front of me. Not only is my band gawking at them, my eyes can’t seem to leave the guy’s eyes. He has a bass guitar in his hand and he is staring right at me. the other people have guitars in their hands or drum sticks. Each though has a small bag of clothes. The man in the front with the shaggy brown hair is cute. Not as cute as the guy staring at me with the short brown hair, but cute.
“Hi! That’s David Stephens with the rhythm guitar our unclean vocals, Joshua Moore our lead guitarist, brain a.k.a Lou with the other rhythm guitar, Eric Choi who plays drums, Andy Glass who plays bass and I’m Kyle Pavone. I’m the clean vocals for We Came As Romans.”

Notes

Well guys, Ellie and Vic are done and the real shit is going down!!!!
P.S this story takes place in 2012, so Mitch Lucker is still alive.

Comments

I love this story!!! And your username is amazing!! I love Heroes!

I want Austin and Ellie back together already!...

i ship ellie and alex

I've been crying trough it all... I love it!!

YAAAAAYYYY

laullypop laullypop
12/11/13