Upon waking, Rowan found herself yet again in the sterile room of the PICU. Sigh. Her arm itched, but as she reached down to scratch it, she found that the IV and tape were in her way. She settled for scratching at the exposed, scared skin of her forearm beneath it. She noticed dried blood crusted over the newest cuts and blood dotting the bedsheets where she’d laid her arm in her sleep. Last night she’d just felt too overwhelmed, however she’d not been able to slip away and tend to her secret release, so she’d instead scratched her skin raw before she eventually fell into a restless slumber. Rowan knew she’d managed to reopen enough cuts to cause the peaceful stinging last night, and it’d subdued her enough. Still, she couldn’t help but wish Kellin had never stuck her in this stupid hospital room so she might’ve been able to do a bit more damage. Speaking of whom, Kellin was still sound asleep. How nice it must be, she mused, to be able to sleep without fear constantly suffocating your every living moment.

Her eyes found the clock next, 7:44AM. Breakfast usually came about now, so she quickly licked her finger and set to scrubbing off the excess dry blood in a vain attempt to make herself look unharmed. She was able to remove it for the most part by the time the door eased open to reveal Calvin carrying a small tray and balancing a single-serve milk carton in his other hand. He smiled warmly at her as he sat the tray atop a larger one that would roll over and be sat over her bed.

“Morning, kiddo. How’s it goin’?” He stood by her side while he popped open the milk, poured a bit over the pre-measured bowl of Rice Crispies and then set the remaining drink aside. He quickly tore open the small package to pull out a plastic spoon which he sat beside her bowl, warm biscuit, and packaged jelly and butter.

“Going good for me,” her sarcasm was there, but also only slightly came across through her deadpanned expression. “I just love spending my time in an uncomfortable bed with a numb butt and a needle jabbed in my arm. What about you?”

“Glad to hear it.” He smiled kindly her way and chuckled a bit, “I’m just glad to see you up and at’em. Heard you gave Matt and Melissa quite a scene last night.”

She did not want to talk about that at all. So instead she focused her energy on dismantling her meal. She plucked the warm biscuit off the tray and set to picking it to inedible pieces.

“Fine. Don’t talk about it if you don’t want to. But don’t take it out on your poor biscuit. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

Calvin’s lighthearted joke didn’t do much to distract Rowan. She simply ignored him and continued to destroy her bread. “Thanks, Calvin, but I think I’ve got it from here. I’m thirteen, I think I can manage to feed myself.”

Calvin gave her a look, one that said he wasn’t so sure that was true, but she wasn’t paying it any mind. She was almost done ripping her biscuit into shreds.

“I’ve got it.” Kellin’s voice interrupted the two of them. Kellin was now wide awake, sitting on his cot and placing his beanie back on his head after attempting to straighten his bed head. “Don’t worry about it, Calvin.”

Calvin smiled and turned to go. He threw a look back to Rowan as he paused at the door, however, “They make us mark how much you eat, it’s a factor in how quickly you get released. Alright? Don’t make me have to keep you here, I know you wanna get home as soon as possible.”

Rowan nodded but she’d already known as much. She also knew that, though she wanted more than anything to be out of this room, she wasn’t planning to eat a single bite of the food before her. Clavin left and Kellin began to stand and fold the blanket on his bed.

“Well,” He turned back to her once he was done, plastering on a smile, “good morning, Ro.”

She nodded and let out a little ‘Mhm’ in response. So she was still ignoring him. Kellin supposed this could be considered better than her barking out rude comments at him, but he wasn’t sure. At least when she was taunting him he knew she wasn’t thinking about ways to harm herself. At the moment, he couldn’t distinguish what she was thinking, her face was a blank canvas. Rowan’s hands never stopped moving, she hardly seemed to take notice as Kellin moved to sit at the foot of her bed. She was incredibly focused on her task: Ruin the Meal.

Rowan finished ripping up the biscuit. She left the bits of bread on the small plate and picked up the strawberry jelly, which she proceeded to squirt over the top of the mess. Next she poured all of her pepper and salt over the top before scooping the butter from its small container and adding it to the pile.

“Rowan, what are you doing?” Kellin had a feeling this wouldn’t end well, but he was mostly consumed with his confusion. Rowan held up one finger, signaling him to wait, without sparing him a single glance.

She continued with her mission. She squished the grape jelly atop the messy plate before dumping the entire thing into her cereal bowl. She used her spoon to stir and mash and mix and pound the heap into a gushy wreck. Rowan looked pretty satisfied with herself, but still she took a moment to pour the remainder of her milk into the mush. She pushed the whole contraption and tray away from herself with what little strength she had gained. She smiled and looked down on the completed masterpiece with a soft fondness.

“Rowan, you have to eat something.” Kellin was careful not to sound demanding, but he knew her body was in desperate need.

Her eyes flashed up to glare at his, “All that food was crap. I won’t eat it, and you can’t make me.”

“Maybe I can’t, maybe I could.” Kellin got off the bed and walked straight toward the door, calling back to her over his shoulder as he left, “I’ll be back.”

“Terminator much?” She shouted his way as he left, he chuckled. Her joke was a clear sign that she wasn’t nearly as bad as she was last night... this morning? What ever you want to call it. For only getting a few hours of sleep in total, Kellin was surprised at how awake he felt.

He reached his destination quickly, got what he needed and made his way back to her room.

Rowan saw him reenter the door with his hands full. Of what? She was trying to figure that out. He dropped a mound of what appeared to be plastic bags and baseball sized balls onto his cot. He then walked over and picked up her messy tray. Kellin took the time to dump it all into the trash but ignored Rowan’s small ‘hey!’ in protest. He set the small tray back on top of the larger one and then grabbed up all the bags and such again before dropping them onto the foot of Rowan’s bed. He then smiled up at her with a smug sort of ‘ta da!’ gesture.

“What is this?” Rowan asked hesitantly. She reached down to snag one of the bags. She dropped it as if it had bitten her once she saw what it was. Chips. All different flavors. And what Rowan had mistaken for balls were actually small candy packages... It was all overwhelming her. “Ew, fuck, get it off my bed!”

“Not a chance.” He smiled warmly at her the whole time, but he got no facial expression in return, “They won’t release you until you’ve eaten. It’s fine if you don’t like breakfast food, I don’t favor it too much myself, but you’ve gotta eat something. Theres candy, chocolate bars, chips, cookies, animal crackers... Take your pick, you just gotta pick something.”

“What makes you think you’re the boss of me?” Rowan quipped, immediately going on the defensive once faced with the prospect of having to eat any of this fatty, disgusting food.

“Rowan, please, I’m only trying to help.”

“What if I don’t need your help?”

“You’re here which means, whether you like it or not, you’re obviously in need of some kind of lifestyle change.”

“What if I don’t want your help?”

“I’m not taking no for an answer. Just pick anything. Whatever you want. Just one, please?”

Rowan didn’t respond. She took a moment to study the pile before her. She just wanted to get out of here at this point, so she snatched up a bag of Sour Cream and Onion Lays chips carefully. She pointed to the tray and signaled for Kellin to push it closer. He did so with a kind smile, he was honestly just so damn grateful she was listening at all right now. She tugged on the bag but it wouldn’t budge. She looked disappointed in herself, but at least she wasn’t too focused on her pride this time, she held it out toward Kellin a bit.

“Will you, uh, help open it please?”

Kellin smiled at her and nodded. He pulled it open and gave the bag back to her.

She didn’t start eating right away, though. Kellin watched as Rowan cautiously plucked out one chip, examined it, found it to be completely whole, and set it on her now-empty tray. She did the same with the next few. Finally she came to one that was broken, she set that one into a separate corner of the tray and continued. She eventually had two piles: Whole Chips and Broken Chips. She slowly placed each Whole Chip back into the bag and put that onto the tray. What seemed like years of small activity later, she was slowly munching on each of the Broken Chips left out. Kellin was beyond confused.

“What’s wrong with the other ones?” Kellin asked her softly. She held up a finger to once again signal for him to wait. He did so quietly, munching on a Three Musketeers in the meantime.

After a few minutes of quiet eating, Rowan was finished. She pushed the tray away from herself again and looked blankly at Kellin.

“So..?” He questioned.

“So what?” She shot back.

“So what was wrong with the other chips?”

“I only eat the broken ones.” She shrugged, as if it were that simple and made complete sense.

“Well then...” Kellin picked the bag up and into his own grasp. He proceeded to put it between his palms and crunch, the whole bag was now filled with broken chips.

Rowan squeaked out a whiny, “KELLIN!” But she still couldn’t totally hide her giggle that followed. Kellin’s eyes lit up in response, she laughed! She actually laughed, and smiled! He was beaming as he handed her the bag once again. She took it with a mock look of shock and shook her head playfully at him, “You,” She mumbled around the chip she was eating, “are batshit crazy.”

“Meh,” Kellin couldn’t wipe the grin off his face as he shrugged nonchalantly, “I’ve been called worse.”

They laughed together as Rowan finished the snack and dropped the empty bag onto the tray. She smiled at him slightly, only letting half of her mouth twitch, but it was enough for Kellin. He was so happy. There was a silence that came over the two of them which neither felt inclined to break, it was a comfortable kind of silence.

“Kellin...” His head shot up from the water bottle he’d been opening at the sound of resigned exhaustion in her voice, he nodded for her to go on and she did after a few more moments of struggling to find the right words, “Look. I can be loud and talk a lot when I want to, but that doesn’t mean I’m good at this, so bear with me okay?” He nodded again, hoisting himself up to sit Indian style at the foot of her bed. She took a deep breath before continuing, “I don’t, uh, talk about my feelings often. I’m supposed to go to this therapist, but I usually just end up battling with her about the possible existence of parallel universes so as to avoid talking about me. But I’m trying to give this a go anyway. So... I’m... I’m sorry. Alright? I wanna lead with that. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take it all out on you last night... this morning... whatever it was. I...” She seemed to really struggle here. She sucked in a deep breath, and then ended up letting it all out, blowing a stray strand of hair out of her eyes in the process. “I have... ‘night terrors’, as the nurses like to call them. But they aren’t about some Freddy Kruger character chasing me in an alleyway or Jason hiding under my bed. They’re memories...” She let that sink in as she looked up from the imaginary thread she was playing with on her quilt’s edge to see Kellin looking back at her. He appeared to be listening intently, with a look of concern in his features, so she went on. “Some of them are so old that I can’t consciously recall them unless I’m asleep, they say it could be suppressed stuff. My mind trying to work out its issues when my defenses aren’t up so strong, or something like that. It was, well, it was a pretty bad one last night. It was recent, and those tend to be more vivvid and realistic. That’s why they have a lock on the door to this room. This is the room I’m always put in here, the Eyore room, it has the lock that you have to be conscious enough to push the button to open it. Anyway,” She looked him in the eyes, trying to assess his response as she went on, “it was about Scott. He did some really awful stuff in it and when I woke up I just... I snapped. I’m not used to being here with anyone in the room with me. Usually a nurse wakes me up from it. That’s why I hate Matt, he found me after a particularly brutal one once, and he was a man and new here and didn’t know me or the fact that I hate physical contact of any kind --especially male-- after a terror and... well I ended up giving him a few bruises that night.” Kellin chuckled a bit at that, which Rowan was insanely grateful for, it felt like that meant he wasn’t too repulsed by her. “I’m sorry you got caught up in all of that, and I know you were only trying to help but I just...I woke up and I swear you were Scott for a second. Not that I think you’re anything like him! You haven’t even acted like him I just... I still don’t know you all that well and that’s scary. Because you could be just like him, and you’re just a good actor. He seemed nice at first too. I just... Fuck... I don’t know!”

At this point Rowan was furiously scratching at the skin of her left forearm without seeming to even notice she was doing it, her eyes were wide as saucers and she was staring at the wall. She was reopening wounds quickly and Kellin didn’t know what to do. He acted on instinct, reaching out and grabbing both of her hands lightly, forcing her to look down and see what she’d been unconsciously doing.

“I...” She swallowed thickly, refusing to look Kellin in the eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, Ro. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

Her wide eyes bore into his with such longing that Kellin felt a wave of pity wash over him. She was desperate to hear that someone knew it all, her past and her present states of pain, and cared for her anyway. She watched his every movement, trying to figure out what his thoughts were on seeing just how fucked up she could get. Kellin knew she was begging for him to be okay with it and love her anyway... and he did. He’d subconsciously decided at some point in his time with her that he did love her, she was already like family and he couldn’t not care for her, no matter what she told him about her sordid past. He wasn’t sure how to convey that love, so he just dropped her hands, stretched his arms out to her, and leaned forward. Rowan hesitated a moment but didn’t flinch back. Instead, after a moment’s hesitation, she reciprocated the hug. She lunged into his chest and buried her head in his ruined shirt and listened carefully to the newly-familiar sound of his heart. It beat so evenly, so calmly. It was so peaceful, something she could trust to never change. His heart beat would keep on going and would be there for her to listen to when she needed it. Kellin’s arms were wrapped around her, carful to avoid her bruises and IV tubing, and he lightly ran his finger over the hair around her face to brush it out of the way. She had a smile so genuine on her small, beautiful features that it brought tears into Kellin’s eyes.

“You know, I don’t care about any of that stuff.” She kept her cheek against his chest, but looked up at him through her lashes with guarded wonder painting her features, “I mean it. I care about you anyway, Ro. You could have a third arm and eleven toes and come from Mars, I wouldn’t care a fucking bit. None of that matters. We are not made of where we began, we are where we are going. And I know you’re going wonderful places, and you’re going to do big things, and I will be so damned proud of you. Okay?” She smiled up at him and nodded before turning to bury her blushing cheeks in his chest. She couldn’t deny how amazing it felt to hear all of those things. Even though her head was screaming at her not to get attached, her heart was crying out for her to let Kellin mend her wounds. She decided that, even if it was only for a few more minutes, she would listen to her heart just this once. For once in her life, she was going to let herself care. She knew now that it would mean immense pain later on, but she couldn’t find any part of herself that truly cared. She was okay here, and she wanted to enjoy that. “Rowan?” She looked up to him again warily, scared that he would take it all back. “I think they might let you out soon,” Another smile broke across her face at that, “Want me to go ask?”

Off her enthusiastic nod, Kellin let her move back into her old position on the bed and he headed for the nurse’s counter outside. He had a plan, and he was going to make it happen no matter what.

---

"Well," Calvin pressed the cotton ball to Rowan's arm, keeping blood from flowing where he'd removed her IV, "don't let me see you around here any time soon, alright?"

Rowan smiled, perhaps the first genuine smile she'd given this man, and felt that her happiness was too prominent currently to be ruined even by the idea of the fact that she wasn't sure what would come next for her. No matter what it was she only cared that she wasn't to be trapped in this room once more. She was grinning at him as he set her clothes by her feet and bid her farewell before leaving.

"Excited?" Kellin asked, only semi-mocking her with a small chuckle.

She wasn't bothered by his teasing, she was much too content as well as the fact that she'd grown incredibly comfortable around the man she'd seemingly only just met. She only stuck her tongue out at him, which he returned in an equally childish manner. Their laughs bounced off each other and fueled their positive attitudes even more. Finally their chuckles petered out, leaving a mostly comfortable silence in its place. Soon it became awkward, however, as Rowan tried to figure out the least uncomfortable way to suggest he step out while she changed.

"Er," She mumbled, "I should probably, uh, get, y'know, dressed and stuff..."

"Yeah." Kellin stood there a second longer before realizing that was his cue to book it, "Oh! Right. Yeah. I'll just... um... go out there then... just lemme know when I can come in, alright?"

She nodded, permitting herself to smirk a bit at just how awkward Kellin was acting. "Sure thing, Tatt." She gave him a mock-salute as he pulled the door closed behind himself.

She found it moderately difficult to untie her gown in the back. However she had much more trouble trying to get dressed seeing as she was still a bit weak. Her muscles ached and for some reason everything seemed much too hard to do, like her body really didn't want to listen to her requests. She had her underwear on and tank over her head, messing up her hair a great deal in the process, and was attempting to shove one leg half way into her leggings when she groaned in frustration. This was too hard. Her arms were shaking a bit with the strain of such a simple task and it was equally infuriating and embarrassing to Rowan, a girl who'd spent most of her life raising herself no matter what state she was in. She fell back against her pillow, burying her face into the fabric so as to muffle her scream.

"Ro?" Kellin's head came around the door, his eyes still averted incase he'd caught her too early, "You dressed?"

"No," She shoved herself up a bit, but couldn't manage much more more movement, "I am not fucking dressed because my body hates me!"

"Uh," Kellin didn't move, unsure of what to do, "What do you mean?"

"I'm fairly descent but I cannot get my limbs to function properly! They won't fucking listen to me!"

Kellin felt incredibly sorry for her, Rowan sounded wounded and desperate, "Want me to grab a nurse?"

The prospect of having Calvin, despite his kindness so far, dress her was absolutely petrifying. She felt a small shudder roll down her spine at the idea. "No. No." She shook her head furiously, even though she could see Kellin wasn't even looking her way, "Can you just, like, help me?"

He was shocked that she trusted him so much but was also hesitant. He knew there was nothing for her to worry about but he didn't want her to have another flashback and associate himself with Scott again, he didn't want her to lose that near-impossible trust he'd finally gained. "Sure." He muttered, finally stepping in to the room and walking over to help Rowan.

He chuckled as he saw that her head and arm were stuck into the same hole of her tank top and she was sat with one foot stuck out and the other stuffed into the tangled mess of tights. She shot him a glare which quickly shut him up. Rowan let Kellin help her into her tank more properly and straighten out her leggings before helping her tug them on. In the end she was dressed and they both looked quite proud of that achievement. Kellin raised his palm towards her, but she flinched back. He quickly went to drop his hand but at the last second she seemed to notice the mistake she'd made and smacked her hand against his, high-fiving him and receiving a wide smile from Kellin in return.

"Thanks." She murmured, ducking her head. She looked up through her hair to see him smiling back at her.

"No prob, Ro. Now," He hopped up, offering her his hand and then helping her to her feet, "Let's get this show on the road!"

She wasn't sure where she was headed but as long as it was far away from here she didn't mind. She took her backpack, slinging it onto her shoulder, and tucked her board under her least-damaged arm before following Kellin out of the room. She felt a rush of cool air surround her and smiled, even if they were only in the hall it was still a relief to escape that horrid room she visited much too often. Once they'd reached the elevators Rowan hit the round button printed with a faded number '8'. Kellin followed her in and she went to press 'Street Level', but he stopped her.

"Nah, I'm going with you. I wanna make sure you're settled before I set out." Rowan was partially grateful but for the most part she felt nervous. Her mother was not a kind woman. Even in her childhood Rowan thought of her mother as a distant figure. She was often gone, even before 'cancer' was in their family's every day vocabulary. When she was home it was always a negative thing. Rowan's most vivvid childhood memories were of the nights her mother stayed out before stumbling home drunk, the sound of her heels clacking against the hard wood floors would always send a thrill of fear through her body. As she became sick her mother began the physical aspect of abuse, but Rowan had been born into a family where abuse was expected. Her father had abused her in every sense of the word, physical, mental, and sexual. After he'd gone her mother had become mentally and emotionally abusive, her multiple flings would join in. At some point her mother had gotten 'serious' with Scott, he was just like the others, but about a month after he moved in with them he chose to sexually abuse her as well. Even as her mother's illness was forcing her to decay, she still managed to find the strength to take her anger out on her only child. Rowan's head was spinning with these toxic memories as the elevator dinged. She felt as if every sound were too loud, every light too bright, every gust of wind too painful. She slipped through the doors of the elevator before turning to Kellin.

"Thanks. Now you can go on. I need to go." She spun on her heel and began to make her way to her mother's hospital room.

"Hey, wait!" Shit. Kellin followed her, hot on her trail. "I want to make sure you're alright."

"I'm fine. Now you can go." She kept going, furiously stepping as fast as her feet would carry her. She could still hear him close by though she refused to look at him. "I said," She turned toward him, making them both freeze in the middle of a deserted hallway, "go!"

"Rowan, I can tell something's up. What's going on?" He tugged her carefully toward the chairs of a small waiting area nearby. They both sat facing one another, still Rowan's eyes stayed glued to her hands. "C'mon, you can tell me."

"I just..." She sighed, not knowing how best to phrase this, "I feel like I best do this on my own."

"Sure. Okay." Kellin wasn't upset at all. He understood that there were some things about your suffering loved one that were best handled alone. Still, he wanted to make sure she was fine. "Rowan, I know you mean well, but lying isn't the way to keep people from worrying."

She could feel her cheeks heat up under his caring gaze but tried to tug some of her hair around to hide herself.

"I..." Kellin paused, reaching out to tuck Rowan's hair, once a cloaking device, behind her ear. "I just want to know that you're honest. At least with me. I won't think of you any differently. I'm here, you're stuck with me." She smiled a bit, though there was a slight tightness about her grin that made it seem false. "Here," He pulled out his iPhone 5 and held it out toward her, "put your number in."

She took his phone cautiously, careful not to drop it in her shaky hands, and put in her number. He retrieved the phone and saved her contact, noticing she'd saved her name as, 'The Coolest Kid You'll Ever Know. AKA: ROWAN.' He couldn't help but chuckle while he texted her. Her cell rang and she pulled it out to see a text from a random number. It read: "Save this number. Love, The Coolest PERSON You'll Ever Know. AKA: Kellin." She laughed too while saving the contact in his exact words. She felt a true smile tug at the corner of her lips as she slid her beat-up iPhone 3 into her backpack.

"Honestly," She stressed the word, smirking at Kellin and teasing him a bit, "I'm fine. Always am." She shrugged, as if it were that simple. As if the past 24 hours had never occurred. Kellin allowed the subject to drop, sensing she wasn't in the mood to talk about it. "Now, you go home and take care of your wife and baby. Alright?"

Kellin laughed at the mock-glare she gave him, finding her attempt at a parental-authority voice quite entertaining. He bit back his chuckle and saluted her, "Yes ma'am!"

She stood and he followed suit. Before she could pick up her belongings again she felt arms wrap around her. She hugged back without hesitation, trusting Kellin without a second thought. She smiled into his chest, burying her face against his hoodie. He rubbed circles on her back between her shoulder blades, trying his best to offer her a feeling of comfort.

"Text me anytime, Ro. I'm pretty much on my cell most of the time." He laughed and she felt it shake his frame and squeezed him a bit tighter in response. She nodded against him and he smiled. "You've not seen the last of me, kid."

"Aw damn," Her voice was muffled against his jacket but the sarcasm was loud and clear, "I was hoping I'd finally ditched you!"

"Muwahahaha!" He grinned evilly down at her, "Not even close!" They laughed together before it trailed off into a soft silence. They were still standing in the middle of an empty waiting area wrapped in a hug, but neither seemed bothered. "Hey, what are you up to tonight?"

She looked up at him, still not tugging away from his grip nor loosening her own, "Oh I have tea with the Queen at four, then dinner with Ellen Degeneres..." She pretended to think hard, "After that I believe I'm free."

Kellin grinned back at her, "Well good. You might have to reschedule with Ellen, though, because I'm kidnapping you later."

"Oh well, I suppose I can shift some things around." She played as if she were exasperated, heaving a dramatic sigh. "What did you have planned?"

"Nope." He smiled with a wicked glint in his eyes, "Not telling!"

Rowan pouted, dropping her arms and pulling away from Kellin so she could cross her arms over her chest and better show off how upset she was acting. "No way!"

"Yeah way!" Kellin put on a high-pitched valley-girl voice, crossing his arms as well and popping out his hip. Rowan couldn't keep a straight face, she almost fell to the floor she was laughing so hard. Her raucous laughter shocked Kellin, "Hey, it wasn't that funny!"

"Bu-- But..." She was gasping for air, clutching her aching sides, and forcing herself to speak, "But you didn't sound any different! It-- It sounded like your normal voice!"

She continued to laugh as Kellin threw a hand over his heart, playing wounded, "Ouch! That hurt, Ro!" She sobered up a bit, swallowing her giggles and trying to paint on a straight expression. Kellin pushed it even further, though, as he turned to face away from her, crossing his arms over his chest again and sticking his nose in the air. At Rowan's breathy attempts at fake apologies he stuck his hand out, palm facing her. "Talk to the hand!"

"What are you? In elementary school?" She continued to giggle.

He turned his hand around... and stuck his middle finger straight up.

"Hey!" Rowan's laughs were still going, she thoroughly enjoyed watching Kellin sulk. "I am a minor! Aren't you supposed to be the adult here, such as, y'know, NOT flipping me off?"

"Hey, I could've said much worse. Be grateful for the hand gesture." He stuck his tongue out at her and she did the same in return, once again. They were being exceptionally childish, which was a very rare occurrence for Rowan, but she was loving it. Eventually she reached over to pick up her things, shrugged on her huge hoodie, and gave him a final nod. He nodded back, understanding that some situations were best handled with no words, and watched her march off down the cold, tiled halls. He shook his head at nothing in particular, simply thinking of what a whirlwind experience he'd been living through in the past twenty-four hours, and turned to go toward the elevator himself. Once he'd pressed the button, he pulled out his phone to text her.


From The Coolest PERSON You'll Ever Know. AKA: Kellin:
Be ready, I'll see you about 5, k? Make sure it's cool with your mom.


In a moment he received a response.


From The Coolest Kid You'll Ever Know. AKA: ROWAN:
Deal. All is good. See u then.


He smiled to himself as he tucked his phone away and stepped off the elevator before bolting for his car, ready to make his plan happen.

---

To say Kellin was nervous was an understatement. He felt like he had back in high school when he'd gone to pick up his prom date and was forced into a conversation about abstinence with his date's father who'd obviously had a few too many. His palms were sweating and his feet were a bit unsteady as he parked and made his way toward to door. He wasn't sure why he felt so unsure. His wife was beyond understanding, they'd only been married for a few months but already they felt as if they'd been together for years with how well they fit together. As Copeland was nearing her second birthday they'd been handed the news of Katelynne's diagnosis, still it'd only brought them closer together as a family. Even so, there was a nervous energy Kellin couldn't seem to shake. He had a bad feeling. He didn't let that deter him, however, he still went right on.

He opened the door cautiously, stepping in but remaining careful not to hit the squeaky floorboard by the entrance. As he rounded the corner into their living room, Kellin found Copeland cuddled into Katelynne's side as they both napped on the couch. Kate's parents had stepped out together so his wife and daughter were home alone. He couldn't help the smile that broke across his exhausted features at the sight of his family. He quietly picked the remote up from the coffee table and turned the TV off, they'd been watching Sponge Bob, before kicking off his shoes and settling on the couch next to Katelynne, leaving Copeland tucked between them. Cope stirred a bit but only then cuddled into Kellin's side, clutching a fistful of his hoodie in her chubby starfish hands, sticking her left thumb into her mouth as well. Katelynne unconsciously curled into Kellin's side as well, making Kellin grin even wider. Kate murmured, waking just a bit, before nuzzling into the crook at the base of Kellin's neck.

"Hey, babe." Katelynne's voice was muffled against Kellin's skin, though a smile was still evident in her tone.

"Mornin' beautiful." Kellin kissed her forehead and she kissed his neck where she was cuddled, "Having a good nap?"

"Mmm," She pulled away and stretched a bit, before meeting Kellin's waiting lips with a brief kiss, "What about you? Have fun getting drinks?"

"About that..." Kellin's voice trailed off, causing Katelynne to shoot him a quizzical look. He knew he had to tell her sometime, it felt wrong to lie to her and Rowam was quickly becoming such an important person to him, as Kate was as well. He wanted them to know each other. 'Well,' He thought to himself, taking a deep breath in preparation for what was to come, 'Here goes...'

---

Rowan's footsteps echoed off the bland walls as she traced the familiar path. Upon arriving at the door she couldn't help the small twisting of her stomach, a fearful panic running through her veins. She was used to this, though, this was old hat and in a sick way it was comforting to the small girl who's life had been so unusual that day. Her fingers ran over the brushed metal door knob with an odd sense of comfort. As she prepared to enter, though, she sucked in a full breath, mentally readying herself to be hit with the onslaught of her mother's anger, fueled with her dwindling strength.

She squeezed her eyes shut, tight, and pushed the door open. She wasn't expecting what she found, however. As always she saw the sterile walls and plain decorations. The only difference was the exceptional sense of emptiness. Stepping into the room Rowan was overcome with a wave of loneliness. She ached to have Kellin by her side, holding her small clammy hand. Instead she was alone. She let her eyes trail over the contents of the room she'd seen one too many times in her young life. It was still as white and open as ever, only accented with sage green and pale yellow. There were only a few general paintings framed cheaply and hung slightly crooked. Rowan's small pile of clothes were tucked into a duffel bag at the end of the leather couch situated to the left side of the room. Her cot was folded up and pushed against the far wall, hidden behind the tall metal pole that was always dripping with handfuls of bags of clear liquid, the bags that were keeping her mother clinging to the final thread of life. Rowan's fingers trailed over the fake wane's coating that was nailed to the wall fitted with the door, it was all so familiar and all so painful. Finally Rowan noticed the one thing that was out of place in this all too usual room: the silence. There wasn't a single beeping monitor... They were all shut off. Every screen was blank, and every IV drip was empty. The bed was covered in fresh sheets, made new and laid with a pale yellow fluffy blanket at the foot. Her mother was nowhere to be found. Rowan's heart pounded in her chest, her blood was rushing in her ears. Just as Rowan could feel her confusion mounting, there was a tap on the door as a nurse came into the room. She didn't acknowledge the child in the room as she came in and picked up the remaining personal objects: the baby blanket of Rowan's that was folded atop the cot and her duffel on the couch. After her freeze seemed to thaw, Rowan found her voice.

"Hey, that's mine!" The nurse dropped the bag in the midst of her surprise, causing a small crack to sound as something broke in the bag now on the floor.

"I'm so sorry, Rowan. I didn't realize anyone was still in here." The nurse gave Rowan a small smile, one which wasn't returned, while picking the bag up and setting it onto the couch once more.

"Wha-- What happened? Where's my mom? Did she get released again? I... I'll have to get the bus home again. I'll check that all her stuff was packed up, sometimes she forgets things..." Rowan ran her hands through her hair, tucking it behind her ears and beginning to give the room a once-over. "I didn't realize she was doing well enough to go home... I would've been here to help her pack if I knew..."

The nurse clamped a hand on Rowan's shoulder, stopping the child from continuing to spin in circles, "Rowan, didn't you know?"

"No. I just said I didn't know or I would've been here. Matt and Melissa were making it hard to get out from the PICU or I would've come here right after Group yesterday... I should make sure they got her extra wig, I'd left it in the bathroom in case she as feeling well enough to get ready and walk around..."

"Rowan," Again the nurse caught Rowan in her flurry of movement, "That's not what I meant. I... I thought you knew..."

Rowan shrugged her off and continued to pick up the lotions and shampoos left behind, barely throwing her a glance, "What are you on about?"

"Rowan... Rowan." But Rowan didn't listen, she was in a hurry, knowing she had to rush to get home. If her mother arrived home to a messy house she'd be in trouble, not to mention the fact that her mother would be returning to Scott's hung-over and angry self. She kept moving until she was shocked by the jump in volume, "Rowan!!"

"WHAT?" She spun on her heel to face the nurse, "What is it that cannot wait?"

"Sit down, Rowan." Rowan rolled her eyes, but huffed and gave up on ignoring the flustered woman and went to sit at the foot of her mother's bed. "Thank you." Rowan didn't respond, only waited impatiently for the lady to go on, "Rowan... I'm not sure how to say this, but..."

"Look, I'm kinda in a hurry here, so..." Rowan urged her to go on, growing increasingly anxious to get home.

"Rowan you mother didn't go home..." The nurse was wringing her hands.

"Then where is she? She can't be at treatment, she went yesterday... She didn't have any surgery or appointments today... Did she get moved to a new room?"

"Rowan, I thought they told you..." Rowan just shrugged, giving her a look: 'Obviously not.' The nurse sighed before going on, "Your mother, she... She passed away yesterday. They think she was upset after Chemo. Once she got back here from Infusion she got very angry at her nurse and threw a bit of a fit... It caused a mild heart attack. Her system went into shock, she passed on last night. I'm so so sorry."

"This isn't funny." Rowan shook her head at the twisted sense of humor, standing and going back toward the bathroom to continue packing. "Did my mother put you up to this? It's just like something she'd do..."

"Rowan. Please. I'm being serious." The nurse followed her closely, but Rowan never stopped moving. "Rowan, please." She finally snagged Rowan's hand but she was left empty handed as Rowan jumped back in surprise, hurrying to hide her tears. "I'm sorry for your loss."

Rowan stumbled back, shaking her head furiously. "No. No. No." The words were muffled by the lump in her throat. She only stood there a second longer before spinning around and taking off running.

---

Kellin took in a final breath, feeling an almost physical sensation of having a weight lifted off his shoulders. Katelynne's expression was blank, taking in all that she'd just heard. Finally, she spoke.

"Holy shit." Katelynne looked directly into Kellin's eyes. "Wow."

"I know." He watched her closely for any reaction, she didn't seem upset. "So...?"

"Well... I'm not sure what to say..."

"I just wanted to know if you want to meet her? I thought maybe we could all go out to dinner tonight? I really think she needs a helping hand here, she's got this heart that's just... made of gold. She was just handed to wrong life... She doesn't let it stop her though, she just... I don't know, baby, I just really think we could be saving a girl's life here."

Katelynne stretched her hand out, swiping her husband's hair out of his eyes. He leaned into her hand, and she smiled in response, "Kellin I can't remember the last time I saw that look in your eyes. You look... I don't know, excited. I can tell you really care about this kid. I'm happy to meet her." Kellin's eyes lit up even further, as he reached out to wrap his wife in his arms, leaving Copeland tucked between her parents. "But," Kate leaned back a bit, making eye contact with Kellin, "you also have to realize that she has a family of her own, we can't just swoop in and steal her away. Even if she needs it."

"I know, I just want to give her a little escape. This girl, this child, has more on her shoulders than any person much less one who's not even of legal age should have to deal with. I just think she deserves a break. I want to just let her know that there's somewhere for her to go if she needs it, some place to run to when it gets too much. You and I both know that I didn't have it particularly easy at that age but never have I encountered something like this..."

"If it's this important to you then let's do it." Kellin leaned forward to his wife and gently let his nose graze her cheek, teasing her a bit. She giggled softly.

"Thank you, Katelynne." He finally gave her an Eskimo kiss by brushing his nose against her own, loving that he could still make her blush like a schoolgirl, "I love you."

"I love you too, babe." She let her fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck, "Forever and always."

Kellin leaned his forehead against her own, "Forever and always." Copeland stirred again and Kellin scooped her into his arms, rocking her a bit so as to keep her relaxed. His eyes flickered up to see Kate smiling at them.

"I'll go get ready, okay?" He nodded and accepted the kiss she left upon his cheek before dropping to kiss their daughter's forehead as well.

He let his gaze fall back to his daughter. Her eyelids fluttered, her eyelashes brushing against her rosy cheeks. She looked so young, so peaceful... So innocent. He hoped she stayed that way. As he looked at her lovingly, watching as she held tightly to his pinkie finger in her sleep. At that moment he promised himself two things. One: that he would never let Copeland hurt as he had without a father, and that he would give her the best of everything he could offer. Second: that he would make the same oath to Rowan, though he might be a bit late he still swore to save that little girl who didn't have a mother like Katelynne or a father like he hoped he was.

"I love you, Cope." He whispered, watching as she turned in his cradled arms and snuggled into his chest. His phone rang, but he hurried to silence it before answering quietly, "Hello?"

"This is Calvin..." He sounded worried, and rushed. "I think you'll want to come down here..."

He dropped his phone into his pocket and stood quickly, hurrying to Cope's room and laying her into her bed. He shut the door lightly and ran for the door, calling over his shoulder, "Be back, babe!" He was determined to get there, at whatever cost, he would get to her. He was determined to keep his promise to Rowan.

---

Fingers ran over the child's ripped up wrist, searching for a pulse. Voices were shouting words of intellect, unaware of the child's listening ears. People passed the body back and forth, jostling her with little care given. All was done in attempts to aid the limp form of the girl, yet not one person stopped to see if she was conscious. Once again unable to find her voice, the child was passed between blurred figures and checked with various tools. Her sight was dotting with black stars, she stopped trying to see. She stopped trying to hear. She stopped trying to breath, to live. She allowed the darkness to wash over her, feeling as if she were drowning. She blinked once more and saw one familiar mop of dark hair, a man with tattoos littering his skin stood beside the various doctors. She was almost positive she was dying, as she was equally sure that her vision of the tattooed figure was a hallucination created by her mind as its futile final attempt to keep her from giving in to the all-consuming blackness that tempted her. The oxygen around her was sucked away, but not before she muttered the only words she could think of. "I'm sorry."

Notes

So, the site's being dumb and I can't tell how many readers this has because the number hasn't changed in like a month but I know more of you have joined in since then. Also, I didn't have any comments so no S/O either. I'm not sure why, but you know what I'm not going to have it stop me. I love this story and every character in it with all of my heart. This story is my baby. I hope that I'm going someone, anyone, the sense of hope that writing it has brought me... hope that there is someone out there who would notice, someone who could rescue me. I can promise you that I love every one of you, every reader, because whether you realize it or not each one of you has saved my life before. I could only hope to return the favor.

Hi to whoever is new. I'd love to hear your thoughts on what you think is next. Do you think Rowan will survive? If so, what comes next for her? How will Kellin handle it?

IMPORTANT:
I think we've all heard the news about Jesse by now, I sobbed. I'm happy he's taking responsibility and caring for his family though because that's something some girls like myself would die to be able to say for our own absentee fathers.
Anyways. I realized this story could go on in one of three ways, and I'm giving you the power to decide.
A) Continues as is with Jesse in the story.
B) From here on out I find a way to excuse Jesse from the story before going on.
or
C) I go back and edit Jesse out and the continue on without him as well.

It's all in your hands, I'll tally up the votes and go with the majority.

Thank you,
MM