She ran and ran with all of her little might, but it still wasn’t enough. He was just as fast. And then, all at once, he was faster. His arms encompassed her waist and gripped her with such force that she had no choice but to lose. That isn’t to say she didn’t fight all the time as he dragged her down the hallway and up the stairs, it’s only to say that no matter how hard she tried she still lost. She was so severely underweight that you could practically hear her bones rattle against each other as she was tossed unceremoniously atop the single mattress which was perched precariously on five or so milk crates that served as the make-shift bed frame. Rowan’s arms and legs seemed to be detached from the rest of her body. Even as she told herself to be as still as possible and just take what she knew was coming –less fight usually meant less punishment– they continued to flail around helplessly. She felt such pity for her body at that point; though Rowan never allowed herself a moment of pity for her own being, she did allow a certain amount of pity to be felt for her poor body which was so beyond repair, all because of the shitty life she was dealt.

Eventually, the pain of his punches and kicks and slaps and pinches and thrusting gave her body enough of a shock that it stopped aimlessly fighting. She lay limply and took not only the beating but also his violation of her long-lost purity all without shedding a single tear. Rowan’s eyes watched the peeling wallpaper. It was from years and years before her birth, the roses and thorny vines intertwined in intricate designs that were just entertaining enough to keep her mind occupied.

His weight rolled off of his place on top of her and landed beside her on the bed with a crash. The crates and springs beneath them shuddered under the weight, but he was already too far out of it to care. The toxic scent of smoke and alcohol which seemed to be permanently flowing from his pores wafted Rowan’s way, making her gag slightly. She dropped her right hand, which had been tracing the path of one of the wallpaper vines to distract herself whilst he satisfied himself, to her side and pushed herself into a sitting position. Rowan felt a dull ache as she sat, she was sore again, but she ignored the pain as she always did. Instead she focused on checking his state: unconscious. An unintentionally-released sigh of relief puffed from her lungs and she sucked in a new breath. She held it in and willed herself not to scream out in pain as she gathered her clothing from where it was strewn around the room before she limped out of the room altogether.

Once she’d made her way to other side of the room’s door again, she began slipping on her leggings and the loose shirt she’d once stolen from her mother that came all the way down to her knees. Every move she made was a struggle. Her muscles ached and her skin was raw, she felt as if she’d just run a marathon whilst on fire. More than that pain, though, was the feeling of absolute filth. She was dirty. And that wasn’t just because she hadn’t had a shower in over a week, she was dirty from the inside out.

Rowan’s body raged in protest as she forced herself to descend the staircase. She was going toward the door, she couldn’t take it anymore. She would go to the library, that was her only real escape seeing as it was free, easy to hide in, and near enough to the house that she could walk. Just as her fingers brushed the cool glass of their expertly cut crystal door knob, she froze. There was a hot puff of breath on her back, it ruffled the hair at the nape of her neck and sent her body into a frenzied panic. Cold sweat dripped icily between her shoulder blades as she reached again for the knob, she twisted it and began to pull the door open.

Dammit. A strong hand was above her head, holding the door closed.

She closed her eyes tightly, willing herself not to let him know how much he got to her. Weakness wasn’t a possibility in Rowan’s life. Weakness was deadly.

“Where do you think you’re going? I wasn’t done with you.”

---

Rowan’s eyes shot open again, only this time there was no light. She was drowning in darkness. Her breathing became labored as she fought to sit up on whatever surface she was laying. There was something holding her down, an arm was wrapped around her shoulders. She began to shake violently as she continued to gasp for air. Her hands were quaking when she raised them to shove off the dead weight of a man’s arms which pinned her to the bed. Any minute now he would wake again and it would be too late to get away. She could feel the immediate chill that spread through her at the loss of body-heat, but ignored it. She could feel things attached to her arms, and she pulled them from her skin without hesitation. In the fog of sleep, Rowan wasn’t able to decipher what exactly those ties were, but whatever they were it was obviously some sick way to keep her here and she wasn’t having it. Her body trembled as she edged toward the side of the bed. It was a few feet off the ground, so she had to hop slightly to make her way down. Once she hit the icy tiles, she knew she wasn’t in a familiar place and she began to feel her panic increase ten fold. With every step Rowan quavered, but she wouldn’t be weak. Weakness was deadly. She would make it to the door.

“Rowan?”

A gruff male voice rasped out behind her, making Rowan jump a foot in the air. There was a rustling sound coming from the bed where she’d been. Just as she did before, Rowan refused to look at him and let him see just how terrified she was. Again, she squeezed her eyes closed and sucked in a sharp breath before twisting the door knob. Yet again she was stopped, this time because the door was locked from outside. Her hands ran frantically over the surface of the steel door in the pitch black, desperately searching for any way out.

“Rowan? Rowan.” The voice was closer than before. The croaky depth of sleep made his voice scratchy, it felt like sandpaper against Rowan’s ears.

She daren’t turn, instead she slunk into the corner by the door, folded herself to be as small as possible, and hoped the darkness could shield her from the rapidly approaching form of the man she so despised. With her face tucked tightly into her folded arms and legs, Rowan could only tell a light was turned on because the inside of her eye lids turned a blood-red. She could feel the sweat dew on her forehead, palms, and slide down her spine with a sickly slickness. Rowan’s breath hitched in her throat as the muffled sound of sock-clad footsteps neared her with each passing moment.

A heavy hand landed on the top of her head, the only exposed part of herself, making Rowan cringe further into the baggy neck of her clothing.

“Rowan, look at me.”

She shook her head, to answer his request and to remove the hand that was making her skin hot and her eyes sting with salty water.

“Please?”

How dare he pretend to be kind to her! How dare he ask anything of her! He’d already stolen her every last shred of self, she was in shattered pieces because of him. How dare he! She shook her head more furiously, pulling herself into an even tighter ball.

There was the sound of a sigh. Oh well, he was annoyed with her again, this never ended well for Rowan.

“Rowan, I mean it.”

“NO, Scott. No. No... no...” She could feel her voice peter out as it was muffled into the collar of her gown.

Next Rowan felt the presence of the man step back from her. That was a shock, but it was also a relief. Still, Rowan braced herself for the blow; a kick, a punch, a slap... But none came. Had he gone off to drink then?

She raised her chin ever so slightly, but as her eyes cracked open to assess the room, she was blinded with that moment of first-light after a night in blackness. She blinked a bit and rubbed her eyes, allowing herself to drop her legs so that she sat Indian style on the icy floor. Once she could better see, she looked around herself. At her eye-level she saw tile floors, white washed walls, and a lot of metal machines and tubes. It was then that she heard the steady, sustained beeeeeeep that rang throughout the room. A monitor that had been unhooked. A hospital room. She finally looked to herself and saw she was in the pink gown with white piping, a pair of too-large tube socks were also in her line of sight. Following the socks, there was a man sitting to Rowan’s right. She blinked again. It wasn’t just any man, it was Kellin. His eyes were dilated, his pupils blown hugely wide as he looked to his own hands. He was sat just like Rowan, facing her but not daring to look at her.

“I... Kellin... I...” But she couldn’t really find the words.

He nodded at her, but kept his eyes diverted to his hands.

Rowan looked over his shoulder to see a large digital clock proclaiming it to be 4:57AM. She sighed.
“I’m sorry, Kellin. I’m not sure what’s gotten in to me. I’m not, er, myself today.” Rowan had to swallow thickly to clear her voice as it too was raspy from sleep.

“It’s fine, Ro. Do... Do you want to talk about it?” Rowan’s eyes doubled in size and she shook her head with such force that Kellin worried it’d fall off, “Okay! Okay, no big deal... We can figure that out later. I think we’ve both had a hell of a day. Why don’t we get settled again, yeah?” His voice was careful, as if he was treading on egg shells. It pissed Rowan off. She hated being treated as if she were fragile. Granted, she’d had more than enough breakdowns in Kellin’s presence, so she could see why he would maybe think this was the best approach but he was far from correct. Rowan didn’t give his condescending tone any more thought, she just shrugged and tugged her still shaking body from the floor.

Once she was standing, Rowan placed one hand on the wall to steady herself. She was pale all over, she knew she needed more blood and realized she’d stupidly tugged her IV out earlier thinking it was some sick bondage equipment of Scott’s, if she’d had enough healthy blood flow though she knew she would be blushing. Partially from the strain she was putting her body through by ignoring Kellin’s outstretched arms for the sake of her pride, and partially from her embarrassment. She wasn’t used to feeling any emotion at all, but somehow Kellin managed to make her feel all of them at their most intense degree. It was overwhelming. The amount of weakness she’d shown in his presence was just too embarrassing. He surely thought she was a fucked up kid who flinches at the sight of life itself and runs from her problems with her tail between her legs. That was the only version of herself he’d seen, so why wouldn’t her just write her off and move on? Or worse yet, what if she’d done as she used to and shown him all her weaknesses and he turned them against her. Rowan could remember when she was very small, she couldn’t remember exactly what age, but she was watching a scary movie with her mother as they always did on Halloween night. Her mother let Rowan curl into her side and scream to her heart’s content, though they also laughed together at the fake blood and false gore, but that was the first year Scott was with them too. He laughed at her. That night, he’d dressed in all-black, snuck into her room, and scared the life out of her tiny, petrified from. He’d hit her to his fill and told her that’s what she got for showing weaknesses to someone who could use them against her.

As Rowan got to the bed again she found that, thanks to her thoughts mixed with her episode, she was too drained to climb up. She put her arms on the edge of the bed and attempted to get some leverage but they buckled under the strain.

“Fuck.” She bit her lip, hard, in concentration as she tried again. Again she was too frail to even do this small task. She was equally frustrated and ashamed, she let out an animalistic growl and tried again.

Kellin couldn’t take it anymore. As much as he wanted her to be as independent as she wished, he couldn’t handle the look of absolute pain and brokenness her face held. He knew she wouldn’t like it, but he couldn’t just stand there any longer. “Here,” He took a step to her and reached out to help her, “Ro-”

“NO!” She screamed, and stumbled away from his hands. Her eyes snapped wide open as she fell onto the floor behind her. She shook her head repeatedly, “No. No. No. No...”

Kellin’s heart broke a bit, but he put on a show of acting as if it was no problem. “Oh, yeah, fine. No big deal.” He wasn’t sure how to help the tiny, immobile child sat before him, “I... I’ll just... get the nurse.”

“O- Okay.” Rowan panted, trying to regain her balance without any helping hands.

Kellin bolted for the door, pressed the small, white button to unlock it, and walked over to the nurse’s station. “Hey, um, she needs a hand getting back into bed... and re-hooking her IV.”

“Sure.” Though there had obviously been a shift-change recently, the male nurse who followed Kellin away from the desk still looked beyond exhausted. Nonetheless he seemed kind, and happy to do his job.

Kellin reached the door first and took a moment to knock lightly, not wanting to barge in and startle Rowan, “Ro? Can we come in?”

“Yeah...” Her voice was small and delicate, something so different to the voice of the girl Kellin had met three weeks ago in the Chemo waiting room. He pushed the door open, revealing Rowan sitting Indian style again in the same spot she’d been, on the floor beside the bed. She looked up to them and immediately she was different. She crossed her skinny, scarred arms over her chest and shook her head defiantly. Her expression was firm and intimidating, yet still blank. Kellin knew her well enough to see the small glint of fear shinning in her eyes, but other than that she was a totally different person than the one who’d hidden in the corner or sliced her own skin in the bathroom or fell asleep in his arms. This was the Rowan everyone else saw, and seeing her again after knowing her so differently was eerie, it sent a small chill down Kellin’s spine. “No.” She said, for what seemed the thousandth time tonight, “No.”

The nurse didn’t look offended or surprised, only a bit worn out. Like they’d been having a conversation for hours and he was saying the same thing over and over again. “Rowan, come on now. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Ha! Me being ridiculous? You’re a real jokester, Matt. Cute. Hilarious. Now go and get me a professional. Kay?” Her tone was catty, sharp, and monotone all at the same time.

Kellin felt extremely confused. “Uh, am I missing something here?”

“Matt here is just a Grade-A-Asshole. He and I go way back, right Matthew?”

“Oh yeah, we got a past alright. Rowan thinks it’s funny to pick favorites around here. Somehow I never made the cut, eh kid?” Kellin tried not to get angry as Matt put an ever-so-slight emphasis on the word ‘cut’ whilst giving Rowan a near-poisonous grin.

“Well then.” Kellin saw Rowan quirk an eyebrow up at him as he spoke, as if challenging him to agree with Matt’s attitude. He hated seeing this side of her. “I guess I’ll just go get another nurse.”

Kellin spun on his heel but not before he saw a small smirk tugging at the right side of Rowan’s chapped lips.

Matt scoffed loudly, making Kellin turn back to him. “Excuse me?” Matt chuckled and gave Kellin a disbelieving look while he spoke, “You’re just going to agree with a messed up kid who has majorly out of place authority issues over the adult who’s just doing their job, huh? Wow.”

“Yeah,” Kellin crossed his arms over his chest just as Rowan had and took a step toward Matt, “See, I think Rowan here has a say in who helps her, after all she is the one who’s getting a needle stabbed in her arm, right?” Kellin’s attitude was a clear challenge to Matt, begging him to give Kellin a reason to get his ass fired, “Also, I think Rowan is an excellent judge of character... and she obviously senses something in you that is in an issue. Therefore, yes I take her side. Hell I’d take her side in a hand-to-hand battle with the Devil himself. So you can go now,” Kellin gave a flourished wave of his hand in the direction of the door, “and get me a different nurse who is appropriately equipped with a positive attitude. Cool? Great.”

Matt shook his head at Kellin before stomping over to the door. At the last moment he spun on his heel to face them again, “She’s not who you think she is. She’s never who you think she is because she’s nothing but a sham of a person, so don’t waste your time on her.” With that, Matt turned and left.

Kellin shook his head in disgust, “Yeah, well FUCK YOU!” He called after the retreating form. How dare someone talk about a child like that? Especially a ‘professional’ in the workplace, it was so out of order on so many levels. Kellin was as shocked as he was pissed off, but he couldn’t find the appropriate words to reassure Rowan that he didn’t believe a word of it.

Meanwhile, Rowan couldn’t help but feel a sharp pang in her chest at Matt’s words, something she’d never before felt when they’d battled. It seemed emotion only came to her at all in Kellin’s presence. Either way, what concerned her most was that Matt was right. She could feel a mounting nervous energy surrounding her as she waited for Kellin to realize that Matt was right and take off running. She feebly reminded herself of Kellin’s promises, but it didn’t do much to assuage the lead ball of fear that seemed to inhabit her once empty heart.

Before either of them could do much more worrying, there was a tap at the door. Kellin went to open it after receiving a small nod of ascent from Rowan. The door swung opened to reveal a petite asian nurse in pink and purple scrubs. Her large, doe eyes were made to seem even larger by her coke-bottle glasses, but they complimented her small smile and nervous nature well. She smiled with half of her mouth at Kellin before she stepped further into the room.

“Hey kiddo, how ya been?” Rowan’s expression was one of carefully cultivated distance, but she forced her lips to tug up a bit so as not to scare the kind nurse off.

“Just dandy, Melissa, thanks. Yourself?”

“You know it’s never the same around here without you visiting.” Melissa seemed to accept Rowan’s masterfully fake smile in response. “Well, what’ve you gotten yourself into this time, huh?”

“Well I was busy battling a burglar. He snuck through the door while Matt was at the vending machine, selfish prick. Anyway, I had to tug my IV out to jump in and save the day. The guy was after Kellin’s girly hair, you see,” Kellin let out a little ‘hey’ in protest but Rowan continued spinning her tale to Melissa without a moment’s hesitation, “so I had to go all ninja on ‘em.”

“Oh?” Melissa grinned at Rowan, this was their routine. Rowan hated to admit that she was too stubborn or that she had night terrors or anxiety attacks, so Melissa always accepted whatever long-winded spiel Rowan’s wounded pride could conjure up. “Is that so? Well I’ll have to keep my eyes peeled incase he comes back for my hair.” By this time Melissa had gathered the supplies to re-insert Rowan’s IV and had come to stand in front of Rowan herself. “Looks like you got away pretty much unscathed, but –for my own reassurance– will you let me help you up? I know you don’t need any help, but I just gotta do this to ease my own guilty conscience since I let him slip past.”

Rowan took a moment to deliberate it, pretending to weigh her options, but then appeared to give in with an exaggerated sigh, “Oh fine. But don’t think this means you’re off the hook for letting Matt almost get me killed!”

Melissa extended a hand to Rowan and tugged her lightly to her unsteady feet, “Oh, of course not. I’m definitely forever in debt to you for not getting me fired for my blatant ignorance!” Rowan nodded and pasted on a superior look as she shakily was guided to her bed. Kellin stood a few paces behind the two of them, continuing to stretch his hands out as if he could help with his mind or long-distance catch Rowan if she slipped. He felt too helpless and couldn’t stand to watch Rowan’s face contort in fear and anticipated pain as she saw the needle laid out beside her.

“Liss? Do we have to do this?” Once Rowan had been settled in her bed again, she stared at Melissa with thinly veiled pleading eyes, “I’m not scared. Just don’t wanna wear you out seeing as, uh, I’m sure you’re already pretty emotionally compromised tonight...”

“Rowan? Scared? Never heard of such a thing. But still, yeah, we gotta do this. Sorry kiddo.”

Melissa hands worked expertly over the supplies while wearing teal gloves. Kellin’s stomach churned as he saw Melissa take the last steps in preparation and start to tie the tourniquet on the upper-half of Rowan’s arm, this time on the left side. He couldn’t help coming to stand on Rowan’s opposite side. He reached out and grabbed her right hand without even thinking, keeping his eyes locked on Melissa actions as she felt for a vein in Rowan’s arm. Rowan jumped, Melissa stopped to make sure she hadn’t hurt Rowan, but instead saw the young girl yanking her hand away from Kellin as if he was on fire. She hurriedly stuffed the hand Kellin’d grabbed beneath the sheets that she was once again tucked under. Kellin’s eyes widened as he looked down to see Rowan’s gaze focused on Melissa’s work. Life seemed to go on, but Kellin was frozen. Why had she jumped away from him? Why hadn’t she explained it or apologized or even acknowledged that it’d happened at all? His head was still swimming with these thoughts but he felt a twist in his gut as Melissa lowered the needle to Rowan’s arm, still he didn’t dare reach out to support Rowan again, that was obviously an issue. His mind was still cloudy with exhaustion and, once Melissa had set Rowan up and thrown away the bio-hazard trash, he felt his lids get heavy again. He took a moment to study Rowan, who was now using the pointer finger of her right hand to trace a jagged pattern around the fresh incision sight and carefully avoiding Kellin’s presence altogether. It was obvious something had changed between the time of them falling asleep to when he’d found her awake. She’d had a nightmare, apparently. So had the nightmare been about him? Surely she didn’t think he would ever hurt her. But it couldn’t have been about him, could it? After all, she’d woken and called him ‘Scott’, which was the name of her mother’s boyfriend from what Kellin could gather. Nevertheless she wouldn’t even let him help her stand or grip his hand while she got an IV, even though she knew damn well that he was not whatever man she’d mistaken him for. He was seriously freaking out in his head by the time Melissa had reached the door, but he snapped out of it as the nurse and Rowan ended whatever conversation they’d been having.

“Wait, Melissa,” She smiled at him, “I’m Kellin by the way, and uh...” She nodded and laughed lightly at the obviously distracted train of thought of his which seemed to jump tracks so fast even Kellin himself looked confused, “And can I have a cot please?”

She nodded again and headed out, leaving the door ajar in her wake.

“Is...” Kellin turned back to Rowan as he spoke to her, still not receiving any eye contact, “Is that alright, Ro?”

She paused for a second in her mindless pattern-tracing along the cuts and scars that lined her arms, but then resumed and gave no further acknowledgement that he’d spoken. Just as Kellin was about to ask what he’d done to upset her, she sighed a bit and spoke. “You never take ‘no’ for an answer anyway. I suppose it’s fine, even though you can’t seem to take a hint and leave as I clearly don’t want or need you here.”

“Rowan...” Kellin was stunned, what had he done to her? What could he say to that? He knew she was lying about not needing him, she needed him more than either of them could even understand. However, what if she meant it when she said she didn’t want him around? He knew he wouldn’t leave. He’d promised not to abandon her, and even if she hated him she needed someone to keep their promise to her and prove that not all of humanity was untrustworthy, he was determined to be that person. Still, who was he to assume she’d want him around just because he wanted to be there? He was just some random man who happened to have a family member getting treatment at the same time. He was no one to her, even if she was quickly becoming so important to him. He knew he wouldn’t leave her, but what if she ran from him?

Before he could muster up any more of a response, Melissa backed into the room, tugging a fold-out cot with Finding Nemo sheets and a Disney Fairies blanket. It reminded Kellin of a Kindergarten nap-mat or a gymnastics mat, it was basically a pleather-covered sheet of foam. But it would do, and he didn’t much care where he slept as long as it was near enough to help Rowan –whether she wanted it or not– if she had another episode. He could clearly tell there was no way in hell she’d let him close enough to sleep alongside her again, and he could deal with that, he could see she had deep-rooted trust issues, but he couldn’t deny that it was disheartening. Kellin thanked Melissa before she left. The clock now read 5:43AM. Fuck. He was completely drained, but he wouldn’t let himself sleep until he found out what exactly had caused this change in Rowan’s attitude.

“Ro...” He sat facing her atop his mat-bed, but she continued to look the opposite direction and doodle across the freshest cuts littering her skin, “Rowan?”

She huffed a bit in annoyance at his persistence but finally rolled her eyes and muttered, “What do you want?”

“I want to know what I did to you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” He sighed and tugged his beanie off to run his hands through his hair roughly as he tended to do when he was nervous, “I mean I’ve surely done something to make you pissed off, but I don’t know what, so I’d at least like to be clear as to why I’m in the dog house?”

“You’re on an uncomfortable cot, not a wet grassy floor, lets not be a drama queen about it.”

“I’m not being--” He blew out a slow breath and drew in another, calming himself as he’d learned in past experience Rowan didn’t cope well with yelling, “Okay. The Metaphorical-Dog-House. You know what I meant, Ro. What did I do?”

“Why do you assume you’ve done something? Isn’t that a bit presumptuous? A bit self-centered? I’m sure you're used to things being all about you, but contrary to popular belief not everyone’s life revolves solely around you, Kellin.” She spat his name like it was the filthiest of curse words and began to run her fingers over her cuts with more intensity.

“First of all, I am not self-centered. Contrary to your narrow-minded assumptions about me, I have not had life easy. Let’s make that clear, okay?” She barked a humorless laugh at that, but Kellin ignored it and kept going, “Also, you’ve done a really great job of avoiding my questions so far, but that isn’t going to last. I’m not stopping till I get some answers, alright?”

“No.”

“I’m going to pretend I don’t notice you’re oh-so-intimidating remarks and talk to you as if you weren’t acting like the child I know you aren’t.” Kellin could almost feel her roll her eyes, “So, if it wasn’t me, then who was it? Did somebody upset you?”

“Well maybe I’m just usually in a bad mood. Maybe this is just me. Did that ever occur to you?”

“Possibly. But then I remembered the Rowan I spoke to this afternoon, the one who had a crush on Ash and wanted to hear me sing her to sleep. That Rowan wasn’t this Rowan. So come on, fess up. What happened?”

“You don’t know me. I lied about all of that. It was all bullshit.”

“No. If anything is bullshit it’s your current hard work to avoid answering me. You can trust me, Ro. Come on, please talk to me.”

“I don’t trust anyone. You’re stupid to trust anyone. Especially me.”

“Don’t try to change the subject, Rowan. I’m serious, I’m not going to quit until I get a real, honest answer.”

“I’m going to sleep now.” She shrugged further into her bed and began to lower the top half so that it would be level and resemble a real mattress.

“No, you’re not.” Kellin walked over to her and pulled the remote out of her hands without letting a single part of their skin touch. “Instead, you’re going to tell me what the fuck happened. Did you... I don’t know... have a nightmare?”

FINALLY Rowan’s eyes snapped to his, but they showed nothing but the most hotly burning glare she could muster up, “Fuck off. I don’t do nightmares.”

“You don’t do nightmares? Rowan, why won’t you just talk to me? What happened?”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“Rowan, I am an adult. You have to treat me with some shred of respect.”

“Adults are just glorified children who are a few years closer to their impending deaths.”

“Fine. Don’t respect that I’m an adult, respect that I am a human being. One who’s also been through a hell of a lot of struggle. Can you give me that much?”

Rowan broke eye contact again, as quick as she could... but not quickly enough. Kellin still saw a flash of something akin to regret light her eyes. She refused to look back toward him as he was now standing too close for comfort. Instead she busied herself with tracing over the words carved in her right arm, ‘mistake’, 'dirty', ‘monster’... The list went on and on.

“Rowan, please.” Kellin could hear himself begin to sound whiny, he was begging and they could both feel the pitifulness of it, but he couldn’t stop himself. He needed to know what happened, he had to help her. “Please?”

“Kellin, I mean it when I say: No. I am not going to talk about it so quit making a fool of yourself by begging for a measly ‘secret’ from a child. You’re just embarrassing yourself. Don’t be so pitiful. Grow up and then get the fuck away from me.”

Her words were sharp, measured, and carefully chosen. She wanted to make him feel so ashamed that he wouldn’t dare to continue pestering her. He wouldn’t say he was unaffected, her words no doubt made him flinch, but he also wasn’t put off for long. He could see her just trying to push him a away with every trick she could think of. Ignoring him, the silent treatment, attitude, language, hateful comments, demeaning, condescending, embarrassment, teasing... She was trying it all. Anything to keep him at a distance. But he knew that somewhere, hiding behind all of that, was the little girl with the bruises and cuts and burns and scars who cried in his arms and clutched his shirt with bloody hands while he sang her to sleep. Somewhere in this armor there was a chink, and he wouldn’t give in until he found it. Because wether Rowan like to admit it or not, she needed to be rescued.

“Your old tricks aren’t going to work on me, Ro. You can’t shake me away that easy. I’m also not forgetting this topic, okay? But I will give you some rest, you obviously need it.” Kellin handed her the remote and she resumed the task of lowering her bed. Kellin meanwhile moved back toward his cot. He wouldn’t dare take them off, but his jeans were incredibly uncomfortable and his shirt was stained with salt-water, dirt, and a mass of dried blood. He was just going to be uncomfortable, so what? It didn’t matter to him, so long as she would see he wasn’t going to break his promise. He climbed under the heavy blanket and turned to face Rowan. He found her also under her covers, but she faced away from him. He couldn’t tell but he was almost positive he saw her shoulders tremor with suppressed sobs. He couldn’t just pretend not to notice, but he also knew she wouldn’t allow him to play with her hair, or hold her, or sing to her. He didn’t know how to help. “Rowan?”

“Whuh?” Her voice had dropped a few octaves, reinforcing his belief that she was crying.

“I... I just...”

“Just go to sleep, Kellin.” Her tone wasn’t quite as cutting as before, but it was plenty brisk, she wasn’t over it.

“Goodnight, Ro.” Kellin waited, but he received no reply. He sighed a bit as he turned over to face the wall. With a near-suffocating silence surrounding the two broken hearted companions, they chased after sleep. It was broken by the quietest whisper Rowan could manage, but one they both heard nonetheless.

“Just leave me the fuck alone.”

Notes

Shoutouts to:
BVB_and_roleplay

This is my absolute least favorite chapter so far... not to mention the short length! I am so sorry. Because I don't think you understand how much this story and every one of its readers mean to me. But it was important. This crappy chapter really was necessary. Though I still understand if you want to drop-kick me, I do too.

The next one, which I'm in the middle of writing, is much better and will be longer. We are finally getting to the heart of the story, the real beginning of Rowan and Kellin's adventures in their growing relationship. Again, thanks for sticking around and putting up with me. Hope you are liking the story.

Thank you again for the subscribers and reads and votes. You guys have no idea how much it means to me, and the comments especially. You guys are awesome.

Much love,
MM