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Navy Blue Eyes

Her Game, His Rules.

Vic stood impatiently outside of Rowan’s hospital room, refusing to join his band mates where they sat in the waiting area. He just couldn’t reason sitting still while his, for lack of a better word, niece was unconscious on the other side of the door. He knew, he really did, that she wouldn’t die. But that didn’t settle his stomach which was churning like the stormiest sea. Like a boat capsizing, his logic had sunk beneath the surface and all he could see was a deluge of what ifs that threatened to drown him. This was all his fault. How could he possibly apologize to Kellin for putting his daughter in a hospital?

Vic paced back and forth, waiting as behind the door they stripped Rowan of her suffocating layers in place of a thin hospital gown and sponged her with ice water. Finally the door opened and he was allowed inside. He was told Rowan had been placed on IV fluids as her minuscule size meant she had absolutely no water weight, she was too thin to get this dehydrated. Vic nodded, passing the nurse on his way into the room. There, laying on a hospital bed with no blanket to shield her, lay Rowan. Vic sucked in a breath, having to clamp his teeth to his bottom lip to keep from gasping audibly, as he saw her skin for the first time. He knew now why she’d refused to remove the layers, even stacks of brackets couldn’t hide this. He made sure she was totally unconscious before coming inside, knowing she’d want Kellin there when she woke. He took a seat on the couch, far enough back that he wasn’t crowding her but close enough that she wouldn’t think she was alone if she did awake before Kellin arrived.

Try as he might, Vic couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. He felt awful saying it but he was glad she was unconscious, just so that she couldn’t see his reaction. He didn’t want to but Vic couldn’t help but tear up, his hand to his mouth and his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward in his seat on the couch. Her skin was mutilated, but somehow still intoxicatingly beautiful. She looked like a damaged porcelain doll, her skin was covered in hills and valleys between the thickest scars. Being that he’d harmed himself, Vic could plainly pick out which ones were self inflicted, the others weren't her own doing. Kellin had warned Vic but for the sake of his daughter he’d kept a blanket on her the last time Vic’d sat in a hospital room with her, so this was something torturous to watch.

There was a tap on the door and before Vic had a chance to answer, Mike was peering in. “Hey,” he murmured, coming fully into the room, “we couldn’t stand to wait any longer, we had to see that she’s okay.”

As the rest of his band piled in, Vic tried to find something to say but words evaded him. It was for the best because no words could explain as one by one the guys saw Rowan, witnessing her scars for the first time as well.

Jaime flinched, having to tear his eyes away and stare fixedly at his shoes. Tony looked pale, his mouth open as if in a silent scream. Mike was the worst, his eyes glazed over with unshed tears and his hand reached out like he wanted to hold her hand.

The door banged open before any of them could muster up any sort of response to this image, and a flustered Kellin appeared. He didn’t seem to notice the guys, he dove straight for Rowan but held himself back at the last second, not daring to hug her or move her for fear he’d pull at her IV or something of the sort.

It was a long, silent minute of Kellin holding Rowan’s unaffected hand before he turned to the guys, all of which we still frozen awkwardly as they tried to look like they hadn't just been staring at Rowan. “Hey, guys.”

There were mumbled greeting but each of the other four were afraid Kellin would be mad, guilt settling like a bolder in their stomachs. Vic swallowed a lump in his throat and began, “Kellin–”
“Is the parent of Rowan Bostwick here yet?” asked a female voice, the nurse popping up from behind the door a moment later. Kellin raised his hand a few inches and the nurse signaled him to follow her out.

It was silent again, Kellin and the nurse’s muffled voices from outside the room were like the distant crackle of a dead radio station. Vic sunk back into his seat and Mike took the spot beside him. Tony and Jaime took the spare chairs and tried to pretend they weren't feeling sick to their own stomachs at the sight of Rowan's scars.

A small cough sounded through the room, jolting the guys as if they'd been struck by lightning, and Rowan's eyes fluttered open. She blinked, squinting in the whiteness of the room, and as she did so she focused on the men before her. Shock and embarrassment tinged her sallow cheeks pink. She started to try to sit up and Vic rushed to her side, trying to calm her, but she ignored him. Realizing she was too stubborn to argue with, he helped her sit up, one hand behind her back to support her meager weight as she rubbed at her eyes.

“Please tell me you didn’t call–” Rowan began in a scratchy voice, but she stopped short as Kellin reappeared, his expression flat until he caught her eye, at which point he looked a cross between relieved and more panicked than before. Too low for Kellin to hear but just loud enough that Vic caught it, Rowan muttered, “Fuck,” without moving her lips.

“Thank God,” Kellin sighed, coming to sit at the foot of her bed. Rowan was still weak but no one seemed to try and take Vic’s place so he remained holding her up. “Are you hurting anywhere? What happened? No, just tell me, are you okay? What can I do? Are you hungry? I think I can find the cafeteria–”

“Kell, I’m okay,” she assured him, her tone seeming honest but Vic could feel the rigidity of her stature and knew she was just as stressed as Kellin was.

“I still think you should eat,” he replied, kissing her on the forehead before walking to the door, “anyone else want anything?”

“Water,” Mike replied, the rest shaking their heads as Kellin left yet again.

“How are you really?” Vic asked, hesitant to make her any more stressed than she already was.
“Fine,” she answered, much the same as before. It fell silent once again, now the dense quiet was permeated only by their breaths and the beeping of Rowan’s heart monitor. “Is all of this really necessary?”

The question was more to herself and none of the guys were sure if they were supposed to have heard it at all. Still, Jaime couldn’t help himself. “You really scared us, kid. We didn’t know what to do.”

“So pawning me off on the hospital was the easiest thing?” Rowan snapped, but regretted it instantly as Jaime’s eyes dropped to his hands. “I just– I’ve spent a whole lot of my life in these places, I’m… I’m sick of it.”

Rowan sighed, situating herself and raising up the top of her bed so that she could sit without assistance. Vic wasn't sure what to do with himself at that point and settled for sitting in the space Kellin’d vacated at the foot of her bed. “Ro,” Vic began, his voice a little strangled as he tried to remain looking in her eyes, not at the word ‘Monster’ that stretched the length of her forearm, running from her wrist to elbow on the back of her right arm. “The nurse said you might’ve died.”

“From a little heat?” Rowan scoffed, wanting—but not daring—to say that she’d faced much worse in her lifetime.

“Not a ‘little’,” Mike chimed in, “you were as dry as a desert inside. You’re too small to get that dehydrated.”

No one commented on it but they all heard the way he tripped over the word ‘small’. It didn’t quite encompass her diminutive size and the term therefore didn’t fit well on his tongue. It was a few moments later that another word even made it into the thickening air in the room, the sound coming from Rowan.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Vic responded immediately.

Rowan shook her head sadly, “I don’t mean to be such a hassle.”

“You aren’t a–”

“It’s true,” she said, effectively silencing Vic’s protest. “What time is it?” she asked absently, her eyes glazed over as she stared out the window to the right of her bed.

“Just past six I think,” Tony replied, speaking for the first time since he’d entered the room.

“When did Kellin get here?” she went on, now switching her heavy gaze around the room like an FBI agent grilling a perp.

“Uh, not long,” Jaime told her, shrugging.

“Well, when did he get off stage?” she pressed, now with one eyebrow raised as if daring them to give her an unsatisfactory answer.

“He, uh, well,” Vic stuttered, but Mike stepped in.

“He didn’t go on.”

Rowan’s eyes bore into each one of them in turn, settling on Mike, her voice measured and eerily calm. “Who called him?”

Mike’s response was a jerk of the chin toward his brother. Vic mentally cursed his brother to an eternity of celibacy and sobriety, knowing Mike would shrivel and die like a salted snail in such a life.

Vic?” she challenged, not looking nearly as scary as she might usually what with her skin so pale and one hand hooked to her IV.

“Yeah, I called him,” he said, keeping his concerned eyes locked with her irate ones so as not to back down, “and I’m not sorry.”

Rowan huffed, pissed that she’d ruined yet another day in Kellin’s life with her pathetic frailty and pissed that Vic wouldn’t let himself be her scapegoat. She bit her lip harshly and stared pointedly in the corner of the room as if she were angry with some little spider over there. Sighing once again, she seemed put out with her own anger now and asked, “Can we… not talk about this?”

As harmless as the question was, Vic wondered if—given he gave in to her request—she’d ever talk about it. He knew that keeping things bottled up was unhealthy. “Sure,” he acquiesced. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I dunno,” she mumbled. Then something lit in her eyes and she met his gaze again, “Tell me about yourself.”

Vic barked a humorless laugh, “Me?” What a silly thing to talk about at a time like this, he thought.

“Fine,” she shrugged, turning to Mike, “you’re his brother, I bet you’ll tell me juicer stuff anyways.”

Mike grinned evilly and nodded, “You wouldn’t believe the dirt I’ve got.”

“If we’re gonna go there, let’s make a deal,” Vic cut in.

Rowan sized him up before nodding, “Alright, what’s your offer?”

“I tell you something personal, you do the same,” Vic said, his eyes guarded so that Rowan couldn’t see what his intentions were.

“I’m in,” Mike added, but his expression was openly relaxed. Well, as much as he could be with the disquieting sight of her skin still spinning in the back of his mind.

“Me too,” Jaime added, smiling at her kindly.

Looking more tempted with each offer, Rowan seemed to waver. Tony, his eyes distant but locked with hers, really baited her as he concluded, “Me three.”

“So, truth or dare?” she asked, trying to understand what she was getting herself into.

“Yeah, except no dare,” Vic explained.

“Deal,” she said, finalizing the matter with a sharp nod. She couldn’t help but remember the last time she played a game like this, it’d ended with her in a hospital bed. With a glance down at her current placement, she decided it couldn’t really get much worse, so why not? She turned to Vic, “Your game, you first.”

“Uh,” Vic wracked his brain for something good. He sat up straighter and his dark eyes zeroed in on Rowan as he realized what he wanted to know. “Fine, what was the book you wouldn’t tell me and Matty about earlier?”

Noticing the others’ confusion, Rowan rolled her eyes and muttered, “One of my favorite books when I was little. Ugh,” she groaned slapping her non-IV hand against her face in preparation to mortify herself, “it was Harold and the Purple Crayon.”

“My little sister loved those,” Tony said, grinning at her which eased her embarrassment.

“Okay, Tony,” she redirected attention toward him, “favorite movie?”

All three of his band mates groaned simultaneously, earning them a look of apprehension from Rowan. Tony beamed. “Star Wars of course,” he answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. He glanced around to see the guys looking at him with almost pity. Annoyed, only a little as this was routine for them, he spun to Mike, “Fine, since you’re so original, why don’t you tell us your favorite movie?”

Mike looked caught a moment before smoothing his expression into one of superiority, “Harry Potter, which is the best so, there.” He looked proud of himself but Jaime snorted. Mike looked to the latter, “Hime, oh wise one, why don’t you tell us what song has the most plays in your iTunes library?”

Jaime gave Mike a contemptuous look, “Low-balling I see,” he said. He crossed his arms and looked Mike in the eyes, “It’s FU by Miley Cyrus.”

Rowan laughed without inhibitions, her giggles bouncing off the walls of the white washed room. The sound was so free and childish that the others joined in without realizing they had.

“Think its funny, huh?” Jaime shot back, but he was barely heard as everyone laughed. “Well, what’s your secret obsession?”

Rowan, biting back her smile, opened her mouth to respond.

“Ash Ketchum was her secret childhood crush,” Kellin answered with a sly grin, coming into the room with a few bottles of water and two styrofoam boxes presumably filled with food.

“Hey!” Rowan whined, “I told you that in confidence!”

“That wasn’t in the rules,” Kellin sing-songed, placing the water bottles on the bed, next to Vic, while pulling her tray around to place the food on. As he pushed it before her, he spoke to the rest, opening the lids of the boxes at the same time. “She can also lick her elbow.”

“No way!” Mike laughed, “Show me!”

Rowan glared at Kellin but he only smirked back. She felt their eyes on her and decided she wasn’t going to back down now. She did the trick and received applause, at which point she bowed to her imaginarily-magnified audience, “Thank you, thank you, I’d like to thank my weird joints for being weird and the people in this room for proving I am not the weirdest person here today.”

She smiled teasingly as they all protested. Kellin finally chuckled, sitting beside Mike as he opened his own water, “Have you asked all the perfunctory questions yet?”

“We just started,” Vic answered, “all we got was that her favorite childhood book was Harold and the Purple Crayon.”

“Huh,” Kellin said, looking to Rowan as he uncovered her various options of food, “I didn’t know that one.”

“Is this turning into the ‘Let’s-Grill-and-Make-Fun-of-Rowan-Game? Cause if so, I quit.” Rowan folded her arms, her intubated hand stinging from the movement but she ignored it.

“No, no,” Vic gushed, “we’ll be fair.” Rowan still looked skeptical so Vic went on, “It’s your turn to ask someone.”

“Right,” she said, picking up the plastic fork and chewing it idly as she thought, “Vic, what’s your most embarrassing story?”

“I plead the fifth,” Vic said, folding his own arms across his chest in defiance.

“Pussy,” Rowan taunted, but it hardly seemed to bother Vic.

“Well, there was this one time that he–” Mike began, but he was cut off by Vic.

“When did the nurse say Ro can leave?” Vic asked Kellin, and the shift of focus was palpable to everyone in the room, pins and needles taking place of their seats.

“Once the IV bag is empty,” Kellin concluded, earning nods from everyone. “Still, you’re supposed to eat water-rich food to speed this thing up. Go!”

Rowan rolled her eyes and focused on her tray, it was set up with two to-go boxes full of fruit, jello, liquid-filled veggies, and broth-y soup. She stabbed her gnawed-on fork into some watermelon chunks and sucked the liquid from them without eating much of the fruit itself. No one dared say a word about it so they struck up conversations about various unimportant topics, their eyes flickering to Rowan periodically. Rowan felt every glance like a distant tingle, a little sting, and realized the reason it was so familiar. It was exactly how she felt when Kellin looked at her like that, like he was worrying more than he let on, that he was concerned for her well-being. She had a hard believing time even Kell and Kate truly cared, only because being cared for was a new feeling altogether, but she just couldn’t wrap her head around the thought that all of these men cared about her. It just couldn’t be. She was just a pain, a thorn in their side, and she just knew that this wasn’t real. But, maybe…

“What’d you do all day?” Kellin asked the room at large, leaning back into the couch beside Mike.

Rowan sighed, “You know what we did, you checked up every second!”

“Not true,” Kellin quipped. Rowan looked at him dubiously. “Fine, so what? Get over it. That’s what it’s like to have me as a dad. And you’ve already agreed to it so it’s too late to back out.”

“Well, shit,” Rowan retorted, snapping her fingers as if she’d been counting on that ticket, only to find out she was stuck. It was an act. They all knew that. She’d take the over-protective hovering with a grain of salt because she’d rather be smothered than abandoned. “We mostly walked around.”

Vic grinned sneakily, “We actually got stopped at least three times by ‘fan-boys’ who were way more interested in Ro than us.”

Kellin, eyes blazing, glared at Vic, “‘Scuse me?”

Vic cackled but finally gave up his fun to spare Kellin’s sanity, “Don’t worry! We shooed them off!”

“Damn straight,” Jaime added, his expression looking just as overbearing as Kellin’s. Rowan rolled her eyes. Boys were the last thing on her mind, she really couldn’t care less if they looked at her, she was busy with every other thing in her life being turned inside out, she really didn’t think even for a second about some silly relationship between kids that never lasted more than a minute. But, maybe she could, one day… She stopped that thought in its tracks, focusing on slicing her strawberry jello into tiny bites and adding bits of celery to it. Tony gave her a weird look, seeing her food, and she laughed.

“I like weird food,” she shrugged. Tony lifted his hands in the air as if to say, ‘Whatever floats your boat.’

“Other than… that… what’d you do?” Kellin asked, pulling the conversation back into line.

“Explored. That’s about it, right guys?” Rowan looked around for them to agree, locking eyes a moment longer with Vic in a silent plea for him to keep her little break down that afternoon to themselves. He winked, turned so that only she would see, and she felt her shoulders sag in relief.

“Right,” Vic confirmed. “She got to see a signing and we had hot dogs, normal stuff.”

Kellin felt his chest swell, normal. She was settling in, then. He was immensely proud to think of Rowan just hanging out, just exploring, just being a kid. But then again, they were still in a hospital. There was still more to go before life could just be simple for her, but he’d made a promise to Rowan and to himself that he wouldn’t stop until she had it easy. If only for a few minutes, he wouldn’t give up until she could be free.

“Where’s my phone?” Rowan asked, realizing she was no longer in her clothes, therefore her phone was no longer in her pocket.

“Here,” Mike said, her clothes and personal items in a small pile on the table beside the couch. He passed her the cell and she held it tightly, as if afraid it’d disappear if she didn’t bruise her hands holding it. She unlocked it and looked at the screen, her expression shocked before she blushed and brought the phone to her chin, looking to the side as if contemplating some huge life decision, an undeniable smile torquing up one side of her lips. Mike noticed, grinning as he said, “Maybe we don’t need to worry, maybe she’s already got a boyfriend.”

All eyes flashed to her so fast you’d think she’d announced she held a bomb in her hand. Rowan, at the same time, was yanked from her reverie and looked confusedly at the guys, “What?”

“I saw you blush,” Mike teased, his tone light while the others had expressions varying between panicked and pissed.

“No! No! Not like that at all!” Rowan said, not able to speak fast enough as Vic snatched her phone. “Hey!”

“…is for horses, aren’t you glad you’re a jackass?” finished Mike, using the expression Vic used to make fun of him with.

“That’s a different kind of hay. I said hey with an E, yours was hay with an–” Rowan tired, but Mike waved his hand dismissively.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just a joke.”

“She’s an English major, spelling and grammar jokes don’t bode well,” Kellin said absently, busy trying to read Vic’s expression as the latter was attempting to guess Rowan’s passcode.

“What? You’re like thirteen, right?” Tony asked, shocked.

“I skipped a few grades,” Rowan shrugged.

“A few?” Tony shot back, slack-jawed, but Vic hushed him.

“Quiet, I’m trying to figure this out.” Vic chewed his lip and concentrated on the screen.

“Try 0-7-3-1,” Kellin suggested.

“I’m right here,” Rowan complained, pouting as Vic dodged her attempts to retrieve her phone.

“Not it,” Vic said, ignoring Rowan altogether.

“Maybe it spells something,” Kellin went on, “try words.”

“Like what?” Vic asked, not sure what word Rowan would use.

“Dámelo,” Mike butted in, saying whatever he did in Spanish so that only Kellin and Rowan were out of the loop, though it was obvious what he’d said as Vic handed him the phone. He typed something into the keypad and they heard the click in response. He’d gotten it. Smirking in triumph, he handed it back to his brother.

“No shit,” Vic said with a chuckle, “what was it?”

Mike winked at Rowan, “Doesn’t matter, it’s open now.”

They were momentarily distracted from wanting to know the passcode by the fact that it was unlocked at all. Vic pawed around the cell until he found her messages. He slitted his eyes dangerously as he looked back up at Rowan, “Got something you wanna tell us?”

“I have literally zero-percent of an idea what you’re talking about,” Rowan grumbled, glaring at the guys who were glaring back in equal measure.

“Andy Biersack texted you, that’s what got you all smiley?” Vic challenged, but Rowan’s mouth dropped into an ‘O’.

What?” she snapped.

“He’s like twice your age!” Jaime butted in, flailing his arms around.

“Rowan, what the fuck?” Kellin added, his own jaw on the floor.

It was dead silent as they waited for Rowan to respond. Finally she shivered, “EW! Ew, ew, ew!!! What? Just, what? You think– Because I– Ew! That’d be like having a crush on Vic! Just, ew!”

“Hey,” Vic mumbled under his breath, pouting.

“Sorry, but, ew,” Rowan finished, thankfully having put them all at ease. “And I wasn’t blushing ‘cause I’m happy, I was blushing because apparently everyone knows where I am. That’s why Andy texted me. They all know I’m here.”

Kellin felt guilty, seeing her grimace, for having told his band mates she was here and for having suspected she had a thing for Andy. “Oh, uh, well, I’m…”

“I know,” she responded, already knowing what he was struggling to say. Vic looked between the two, realizing they already had their own language, and smiled. “May I?” Rowan nudged, pointing to the phone gripped in Vic’s hands.

Rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, Vic passed her the phone with the other, “Sorry.”

“’S fine,” she assured him, smiling as she locked her phone again. Something occurred to her then, “Mike, how’d you know my passcode?”

He beamed, lacing his hands together and leaning on them behind his head casually, “It was mine too once.”

“Mike, all your passcodes are swear words,” Jaime said, giving Mike a look that said he didn’t believe that was Ro’s at all. But then he turned to Rowan, his eyes searching hers. “Really?” he said, looking somewhere between impressed and surprised. “So which is it?”

“I’m gonna change it now anyways,” she shrugged, “it was CUNT.

Tony, who’d been taking a swig from his water bottle, choked. He coughed and tried to get his wind back, spluttering, “Whuh?”

“How old are you people?” Rowan muttered sarcastically, unlocking her phone and choosing a new password.

“Rowan–” Kellin began but she rolled her eyes and looked at him, locking her cell and dropping it in her lap.

“Kellin, you can’t tell me not to curse, that’d make you a huge hypocrite,” Rowan responded.
Kellin opened his mouth to protest, then shut it, opened it again, and sighed.

“Ha,” Rowan said, proud of herself. She leaned back against her pillows and tried to nibble at the pineapple slices.

Kellin’s phone rang and he held up a finger, checking who it was before his complexion went white. Rowan tried to see who was calling but he pressed the phone to his palm, “I’ll be right back.”


Kellin stood in the hallway, hearing a muffled conversation taking place behind the door he leaned against. Knowing stalling would help nothing, Kellin slid the bar, answering the call with shaky fingers, “Hello?”

“Mr. Bostwick?” the sharp voice replied, making him feel like a kid in the principle’s office all over again.

“Ms. Greene,” he greeted the social worker. It was quiet a split second and he had to resist the urge to hang up on the woman. “How are you?” he forced out instead.

“I’m fine,” she replied. She wasn’t a despicable person but because Kellin was terrified of her ripping his family apart, he didn’t currently like anything about her. She didn’t seem to care too much about appearances either and therefore didn’t return the question, instead jumping straight to the point. “I received a call moments ago, however, from Doctor Leslie. I understand our Rowan isn’t doing too well.”

Kellin didn’t like that she said ‘our’. It was a reminder that legally Rowan was still only temporarily theirs, as it would be until they had their court case cleared, but no matter the legality Rowan was his. She was his child. And he didn’t like someone else assuming they had a claim on her. However, he also knew he should be partially grateful. At least Ms. Greene cared about the children in her charge, some kids weren’t so lucky.

“She’s actually doing fantastic,” he said, but realized how snippy he might sound and went on, “aside from a little heat exhaustion.”

“I see,” she replied. Kellin’s nerves were fraying, wearing thinner every second.

“Is that all you called for?” Kellin regretted the words as soon as they slipped from his lips, knowing that he should really be kissing ass right now rather than snapping. “I just, um, Rowan’s waiting for me in her room.”

“Quite right,” she sighed. Kellin felt guilty, realizing he was shooting the messenger. Clearly, Ms. Greene was no more excited to make this call than he was to receive it. “Mr. Bostwick, we’ve spoken on several occasions and I feel I’ve gotten a good idea of who you are as a person. I know you love your wife and value family, I know very well how much you care for Rowan, but after conferring with Rowan’s doctor a few minutes ago… well,” she sighed again and Kellin imagined her sitting stiffly at her small desk, “I have something I need to discuss with you. As I said, I’m well aware of your care for Rowan but her current position still stands and it’s brought me to a bit of a predicament.”

Kellin wanted to yell for her to get on with it, or maybe to hang up, but he fought to keep calm. At the same time his mind was racing, coming up with the best ways to explain the situation Rowan was in and how minor it really was. It was common to have heat-stroke throughout Warped Tour. But maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say. As he listened he also saw Rowan’s nurse walking his way, she looked like she wanted to say something and Kellin knew better than to tell someone with his daughter’s life in their hands to ‘hold on a mo’. Therefore, he decided that of the two, Ms. Greene could wait. “Excuse me, Ms. Greene, I’m so sorry but Rowan’s nurse is here. Could you just–”

“Of course,” she replied, then was quiet.

The nurse waited for Kellin to press his phone against his chest to speak, “Your daughter can leave in about half an hour.”

“Thank you very much,” Kellin said, smiling as kindly as he could at her. He put the phone to his ear again as the nurse left, “I’m so sorry, one more second.” He didn’t wait for a response this time as he put his phone back to his chest, cracking the door open and hissing at Vic, “C’mere.”
Vic jogged toward Kellin, the others still talking, looking confused. “What’s going on?”

“I’m on the phone with Rowan’s social worker, can you do me a solid and call someone, Jesse I guess, to bring Rowan some clothes? She can leave in like thirty minutes or so, just have them bring pajamas, something lightweight, okay?”

Vic nodded, disappearing back inside as he pulled out his own phone. Kellin closed the door and put the phone to his ear again, “I’m back. As you were saying,” he prompted.

“Right. Well, Mrs. Bricker, Dr. Leslie, and I have come to an agreement. We all understand that Rowan needs to be with the family she will be permanently placed with in order to bond, and we also know that this could be a very healthy experience for her as she’s usually so private. We also know that to take her away now would not only feel unfair to her, it could also cause her to withdraw severely. However, her health is the most important thing. Therefore, we’ve implemented a sort of strike-system. We trust that you won’t let anymore harm come to her and understand that this current issue was not the direct effect of negligence. If Rowan is endangered twice more following this we will have to insist she returns. Either to your wife or, if we see fit, to an inpatient rehabilitation program.”

As she spoke Kellin felt himself getting lost in his own thoughts. This was good, right? This meant Rowan could stay. He wouldn’t let two more bad things happen. He just wouldn’t. But, what if they did anyway? What if he tried his hardest and it wasn’t good enough? What if she was sent home anyway? What if she was taken away from them altogether, permanently? What if… But no. For now, this was good news. For now, she could stay. That was better than it could’ve been. They could’ve taken her away right that second.

“Okay, I understand. And I want you to know, to understand, that I have no intentions of that ever needing that to happen. I love Rowan more than I can even explain, I won’t let that happen.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I’ll call Dr. Leslie and Mrs. Bricker now. Have a good evening, and please let Rowan know I send my best.”

“Sure. Goodbye.” Kellin hung up in a daze, almost dizzy as he opened the door and poked his head inside again. “I’ll be back, I’m gonna call Kate and let her now you’re alright.”
Rowan watched as Kellin disappeared again, dying to know who’d been on the first call if it wasn’t Kate and why he’d looked so stricken. She shook it off, focusing on the men before her. She couldn’t help but notice how different this was to her last time in a hospital bed. Yes, the sheets were still stiff and the room smelled of harsh cleaning products that made your nose tingle. Still, this time she was speaking, this time she was even laughing, and this time there were four men surrounding her and she hadn’t even flinched.

“It’s your turn again,” Tony told Mike, continuing the game they’d begun before and had been playing while Kellin was outside.

Mike looked to Rowan, “Okay, Rowan. I see you have two ear-piercings, ever wanted any other body-mods?”

“Any what’s?” she asked, her expression thoroughly confused.

“Body mods,” he repeated, but she still looked puzzled. “Body modifications? Like piercings, tattoos, gages? Anything?”

“Oh, um… I don’t know, I’ve never really thought about it. Well, that’s actually a lie…” she trailed off, remembering the way she’d examined every passing Punk’s body since getting her ears done. She’d taken little notes, thinking about how that tat’d look better in color or that she preferred how belly rings looked without a jewel that dangled from them.

“Oh, yeah?” Mike pressed, “Don’t worry, we won’t tell Kell. What’s said between us stays between us.”

Rowan shrugged, “He really couldn’t stop me. I mean, look at him, he’d be ridiculous to say no when he’s got as many tattoos as he has. And he used to have his lip pierced apparently.”

“Oh yeah, he did,” Vic said, laughing at the memory.

“Well, I like lip rings. Uh, what’re they called, angel kisses? Just the one on the bottom? I like that. And nose rings, hoops like Vic’s not studs, and eyebrow rings. Oh! And I like dermals, like Tony’s. And I’d like tattoo’s someday, to cov– I mean, you know, I like them.” She cut herself off but she knew why she’d like to have them, to cover up her scars. As she looked down at her arms, an old habit from each time she thought of them, she realized for the first time that her skin was totally exposed. She felt her face flush and she wanted to bawl her eyes out from embarrassment.

No one else seemed to notice her internal breakdown, they were all laughing playfully, as if her inner turmoil had never happened. Why are they laughing? she wondered.

“Because Kellin’s gonna have a full-blown panic attack when you turn eighteen and start getting covered in tats,” Mike answered through his chuckles.

Wait, had she asked her question out loud? Shit.

“He’ll deal,” she said, trying to get back to her carefree self. All the while, though, she was trying to find some blanket or something to cover her arms and legs. But of course, she was in here for getting too hot, obviously they weren’t going to swath her in bundles of blankets. “So, Vic, what’s your favorite song to sing live?”

Vic looked like she’d stuck a fork in his firstborn, “What?!”

She looked at him oddly, “Just a question.”

“That’s like asking me to choose my favorite child!” he exclaimed.

“But you don’t have any–”

“That’s beside the point,” he said, cutting her off, “anyway, my question’s for you. So, Ro, what’s your favorite song to see live?”

“But you didn’t answer mine!” she protested, but no one payed her any mind. Sighing, she gave in. “I guess I don’t have one yet. I like when you or Matty join Kellin on stage, though, that’s cool.”

“Well, then what’s your favorite song at all?” Tony asked, wanting a real answer. Vic smirked, but no one understood why until she replied.

“I don’t know the name,” she said, looking disappointed in herself.

“I do,” Vic chimed in. “The one you sang to me the day we met?” he clarified, and she nodded, shocked that he not only remembered that but knew the song’s title. He turned to the guys, “Hold On Till May.”

“AW!” Jaime squealed, “That’s so cute!”

“Why? What’s so cute about it?” she demanded.

“That you like our music,” Tony said, beaming at her as much as the rest.

“That’s your song?” She spun to Vic and he nodded. “I don’t believe you.”

“Wow, be a little more blunt about it why don’t you,” Mike chuckled.

“I just, I mean, I–”

“I’m teasing,” Mike assured her. “Here,” he unlocked his phone and clicked around until music started to play. He handed it to her and they all watched as she examined the album artwork while the tune played.

It came to the bridge and she heard the lyrics, in Vic’s voice. Something came over her and when she raised her head tears sparkled like crystallized ice-sickles on her lashes, her eyes were twice as blue, and her cheeks were pink. She looked at Vic with an expression that resembled that of a child seeing their favorite superhero in person, she just locked eyes with him for a long beat and they all felt the desire to cry just based on the purity of her awe.
As the song wound down she passed Mike his phone reluctantly, scrubbing at her eyes to get rid of the evidence of her brief release. “Um,” she swallowed to clear her blocked voice, “wow. Okay, I believe you.”

No one got the chance to ask about her reaction because there was a bang outside the door. All heads turned and they heard muffled knocking around before the door eased open. Two men who looked familiar to Rowan, though she couldn’t remember their names, were dashing in, looking like kids sneaking past the ticket-booth to see an R rated movie.

“CC? Ashley? What’re you doing here?” Vic gaped.

“Jesse sent us,” Ashley said from behind the pile of clothes he carried, “told us to bring Rowan some clothes to get outta here in.”

Rowan blushed. She knew they knew she was here, Andy had said as much in his text, but it was still embarrassing to know they all could see her so vulnerable. “Thanks,” she mumbled anyway.

“No problem,” CC replied, walking into the room his his arms behind his back. “Where’s Kellin?”

“On the phone,” Tony answered. CC nodded, grinning broadly as he came up to Rowan and pulled three stuffed animals from behind his back.

“One’s from me, one’s from Ash, and one’s Andy’s proxy, he couldn’t get away but said to tell you hi.” CC beamed as he plopped the animals on the mattress.

Rowan giggled, picking up a fluffy monkey and petting it, “Thank you.”

Ashley set the clothes beside the animals and grinned, “Monkey was from me.”

“No, the monkey was from me!” CC argued.

Rowan sighed playfully, picking up all three animals (the dolphin and bear too) and squishing them in her arms, “Well, I love them all so it doesn’t matter.”

‘Monkey, me,’ CC mouthed, pointing to each topic while doing so.

Rowan laughed and then looked at the clothes, turning to Vic, “Who said to send these?”

“Kellin said you get to go soon,” Vic replied.

Rowan’s eyes lit up, “Really? When?”

“Someone’s eager,” Ashley teased, taking the seat Kellin had left as CC sat on the couch’s arm beside him.

“You would be too,” she replied dryly.

“He said half an hour about...” Vic looked at the watch he wore, “well, about twenty-eight minutes ago.”

“Thank fuck,” she said contentedly, leaning back into her pillows with her new stuffies on her lap. The guys snorted at her comment, all just as anxious to get out of the sterile cage as she was.

A knock sounded through the room and the door cracked open, Rowan’s nurse appearing through it. “Would you guys like to get out of here?”

“Yes, please,” Rowan moaned, much to the others’ amusement.

“Have you ever had an IV before?” the nurse asked politely, already getting a bandage ready.
Rowan had to bite back a scoff, instead forcing herself to smile a little, “You could say that.”

“Well, then you know this might pinch a sec,” she explained, pulling up the tape that kept the IV catheter in her hand. “On three,” she warned, but Rowan looked less bothered about this than she had about the squabble over her phone. “...three.”

The guys flinched at the sight of the IV benign extracted but Rowan was more interested in the name tag on the Ty Bear, it was called Huggsy, she smiled at it. Then she looked up and realized the nurse was looking at her funny. Only then did she realize the IV was out.

“Great, can I change now?” Rowan asked, grabbing up her clothes as she was clearly going to change no matter what the lady said.

“Uh,” the nurse shook her head as if trying to bring herself back to reality, “right, yeah. Go ahead, the bathroom door is behind that curtain.”

“Be back,” Rowan told the guys, hurrying into the bathroom before she could worry that her hospital gown exposed her back as well as her arms and legs when she ran. She hoped they couldn't see her spine, she knew it was quite a grotesque sight. She closed the door and set the clothes on the counter, checking what she was to wear. Shit, this was an oversized sleep-tank and a pair of leggings. That still wouldn't cover her scars! She sighed, realizing this was her only choice and began to dress. Checking her reflection before leaving, Rowan saw her nose and eyes were still a little red from crying before and hurried to splash cool water on her face. That’d have to do, she decided.

“Hey, kiddo,” Kellin had rejoined the guys in Rowan’s absence and he tried to smile as she came out in her PJs and socks.

“Jess forgot to send shoes,” Rowan commented, pointing to her feet.

“I’ll just carry you,” Kellin reasoned. “I see you made friends,” he added, pointing to the stuffed animals.

“Mhm,” she hummed, running to her bed and flopping onto it, smushing her pets and making the guys laugh, “they just need names.”

“We’ll cook up some good ones,” Jaime promised.

“I signed you out, you’re good to go,” Kellin told her, chuckling as she clasped her hands together and looked to the ceiling in exaggerated gratitude.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here,” she ordered, making them all laugh yet again.
Kellin had traded out the task of being Rowan’s ride with Mike as the former was tired and the latter was taller, more awake, and Rowan already let him carry her so Kellin knew she trusted the guy. CC and Ashley joined the rest on the small walk to the venue which made for an eventful journey. As the two split off, headed to get ready for the nightly barbecue, they each gave Rowan a small side-hug (as she couldn't detach herself from Mike well) and made promises to see her later. The rest walked toward Sleeping’s bus and once inside they crashed on the couch. The day’s events had zapped them of all remaining energy and Rowan had been sentenced to as much rest as possible. This wasn't something the girl with night terrors was looking forward to. So she tried to stall as long as possible by laying her head in Kellin's lap, her feet on Vic's, and pretending to sleep. This charade morphed into actual lethargy the longer she stayed still and soon she was barely clinging to the edge of consciousness. Still, she was awake enough to hear snippets of the conversation that began after a long talk about the best types of sandwiches.

“This is all my fault,” Vic said, his stress evident in his voice.

“What’re you talking about?” Kellin asked, clearly confused.

“I didn’t make sure she drank enough water,” Vic explained sullenly.

“Vic–” Kellin began but Vic cut him off.

“I can’t say I’m sorry enough,” Vic muttered, “I don’t know what to say–”

“There’s nothing to say,” Kellin conceded, “because this was no one’s fault. Shit happens. It'll be fine.”

“Do you think she’s really okay?” Tony asked, without needing to explain to whom he was referencing.

“You wouldn’t believe how tough she is,” Kellin replied, but none of the rest were sure if he avoided answering on purpose or not.

“But she’s still just a kid,” Jaime edged, his tone obviously as concerned as the rest felt.

“I know,” Kellin sighed, “but she has to be okay. It’s the only way.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mike pressed.

Kellin heaved another sigh, his hand subconsciously having found its way to Rowan’s hair where he combed through her locks, “I had a chat with her social worker earlier.”

Kellin went on to explain the 'three-strike-system' that was now hanging over his head, all the while running his fingers through Rowan’s curls. The rest of his band had gone to the barbecue as well, not wanting to crowd Rowan when she was already so wiped out, so the guys in the front lounge were all that heard. Still, Kellin felt as if he were being watched. He knew why, too. It was this sense that Ms. Greene was now the invisible tour guest that hid behind doors. She would now be in the back of his mind always.

“It’s simple, then,” Vic finally replied after Kellin went quiet, “we won't let anything happen to her.”

“Were you planning for her to end up in the hospital today?” Kellin asked.

“Of course not,” Vic shot back in indignation. Then it clicked. “But we’ll be better now. Try harder. We have to.”

“Thanks, guys,” Kellin had a small smile in his voice.

“Always,” Vic responded, and then it went quiet. The next thing Rowan registered was being carried to her bunk and placed inside, along with her stuffed animals. It was surprisingly Vic’s voice that was the last she heard before becoming engulfed in sleep, “Goodnight, Rowan.”

Notes

Roll-Call of Rowan's Rad Readers:
petewentz
tiff
DanosaurRawrr
A br0ken soul
MyLifeIsMusic
sadieluna
DarlingYou'llBeOkay
Cin-D 182

Wow. Okay. THANK YOU! You guys have no idea how much you've blown me away. Did you know we made it two not only Page 1 of the Popular Page but... drum roll please... #2 on the Popular Page! Thanks you you. That's insane. I pretty much freaked out. I mean, that's counting all stories on this (www.sleepingwithsirensfanfiction.com) site and we hit #2?? There's been over two-thousand reads on this last chapter alone. Wow. And new subscribers and votes! Hi! And thank you!!!

ALSO: It's not been a month and I'm already back! Yay?? I know this wasn't a great chapter but I'm trying to get back in the swing of things. I thought it was important to touch on little things about Rowan and how she interacts with the others as well. In addition, the 'three-strike-rule', if you remember from Chapter Three (I think?) is part of Rowan's past and is now part of her present and future. Will she stay healthy? Will she get to stay on tour? Will she get to stay with the Quinn's at all?? What will she name the stuffed animals???? The answers to these questions and more will be given! I swear!!

I wanted to try something, I wanna get to know you guys! So, from here on out, there'll be a Chapter Question. Answer please? Or not. I know you guys are busy people but I thought it might be fun :) So... for this chapter... What's your favorite lyric? I know that's broad. I guess I mean, what's the one you like to doodle on scratch paper or write in Sharpie on your body or hum in the supermarket. Like, what's a lyric that's stuck with you, lately or ever?

Until next time...

Much Love,
MM.

Comments

Where in the world is Mati Marie!? :(

Hey !
please continue this story... i need to know what happens to Rowan.

Xxbsx Xxbsx
5/10/16

Are you still writing this story?

Are you still going to finish this story. I'm still in love with Rowan and I really need closure. I know it's been like 8 months but please finish it. I'd still love to read it