It was five days later, Friday morning, that things began moving again, no longer trapped in this surreal bubble in which the family could block out the world and focus on learning to be... well, a family. Rowan was settling in, she found herself able to sleep easier and she even managed to eat three meals a day, small meals but meals nevertheless. Katelynne wasn't due for another chemo session until the following Monday, Kellin had been practicing each day with the band in preparation, even Copeland had taken to the new lifestyle by clinging to Rowan at any chance she got.

Despite Kellin's suggestion Rowan, who had woken up at six in the morning and didn't want to go back to sleep, had spent her morning surfing the web. She did the best she could to follow the rules, avoiding social networks and anything related to the addictions she was fighting to conquer, but she couldn't help herself at one point. She was given a load of Kellin's music but he didn't have much in the way of his own songs so she'd chosen to find some. YouTube was able to provide Rowan with every song she could think to ask for. She searched 'Sleeping with Sirens' and actually surprised herself at how much she enjoyed the sound, same with 'Pierce the Veil' and 'Memphis May Fire' as those were the only other bands she knew to look up. Hearing Kellin sing Deja Vu was perhaps a little odd, but other than that it was all fine until she went on Google to search Kellin Quinn, wanting to know how the fans perceived him to prepare herself for what was to come, and stumbled upon the world of fan fiction. Kellic it seemed was the most popular one and Rowan, always a curious person, decided to find out what it meant. Bad idea. Only one page in she realized that the pairing was Kellin and Vic and the text made her a mixture of queasy and appalled. Whoever spent their time on this was a mystery to Rowan.

She quickly slammed the laptop shut and shivered, deciding to avoid the internet for as long as possible from now on. Instead Rowan busied herself with her thoughts. Most prominently she was pulled into thoughts of what that very day would bring her. Six hours from that moment a large bus would be sitting outside their front door, one that would take Rowan on some kind of adventure that she had never imagined was possible in her life. How did the little girl who knew the hospital staff on a first name basis become the girl who would be going on a tour with a famous rock bands whose lead singer was her... It was still hard for her to even think the word, much less say it. She wasn't sure how she would explain to people who she was, 'I'm Kellin's charity case'? 'He's my distant cousin'? 'I just snuck on the bus, I don't know where I am'? She wasn't sure how to approach it but in order to tell the truth she'd have to say The F Word.

How was she to explain her magical appearance as part of Kellin's life? It took only an accidental crossing of paths and Kellin's persistence to actually get her to talk about herself at all, but to have to explain her sordid past every time someone asked how she knew Kell? She had a headache just thinking about it. Her story might tell itself if anyone saw her skin anyway. The bruises had long since faded to memories but the slashes, carvings, and burn marks were still very much visible. Looking down at her arms, exposed as she'd been wearing short sleeves around the house as of late, she knew that it'd only be a matter of time before someone figured it out. Then she'd get that look (the pity mixed with their relief that at least their life wasn't that bad in comparison), that people unintentionally gave her every time without fail.

What about the fans, what would they think of the little girl always clung to Kellin's side? Or the other bands, would they be annoyed that a kid tagged along on what was supposed to be their rock and roll summer? She'd only voiced these concerns in the vaguest way possible the day before, but Kellin had just told her that if anyone had a problem they could take it up with him, she'd never have to face that. This pulled forth another thought, Kellin's attitude. He wasn't rude or even anything less than caring as ever, but he studied her harder. He seemed to observe her every breath in a way he never had before, at least not to this new extent. Rowan also caught him many times with this look in his eyes that she could only describe as concerned, yet on a whole new level.

Another concern of Rowan's was that of living quarters. She knew that she'd now be living with not only one but five men, and that didn't include the friends that might come over to hang out, all within the confines of a tour bus. They'd see her eat, see her get shots, even see Kellin's hand have to pry her fingers away from scratching her arms as she seemed to still do unconsciously. She'd been forced to go to two therapy sessions that week, once Monday and the other on Thursday, but she'd stayed steady in her refusal to talk. Seeing as she'd destroyed the little journal given to her as homework she was given a fresh one and ordered to write in it at least once a week in order to be allowed to tour.

See, here was the part that confounded even Rowan herself... Despite the endless possibilities for this to go absolutely egregiously (even if it went perfect it'd be breaking down a lot of walls that she wasn't ready to demolish) she still fought to get to go. As terrified as she was Rowan still felt an undeniable excitement, which was something she felt very rarely.

Looking at the time on her phone Rowan saw she'd successfully wasted three hours between her internet reconnaissance mission and losing herself in her head, deciding to go ahead and get ready. She pulled on her clothes, the only things left out from her suitcases (yes, Kate had managed to sneak back in every item Kellin had 'vetoed' and supplied Rowan with two suitcases full of clothing). She knew that the majority of their day would be spent driving and had opted to wear something comfy: black leggings, a Blink-182 shirt that was the cover art of their self-titled album, and a black cardigan. She hadn't seen any of these things in her own purchases and knew Katelynne had slipped them in. As guilty as she felt having them waste money on her, Rowan couldn't help but feel glad they did as the clothes Katelynne picked were actually pretty great for the most part. Still, Rowan blushed just thinking about the lacy underwear Kate had slipped in because apparently ‘underwear-lines seen through leggings are a fashion faux pas’.

Rowan's suitcases had been lugged to the front door the night before so all that was left was her board, which she refused to let out of her sight for fear it wouldn't make it to the bus, and her laptop and its case. Now left with nothing to do and still the only one awake as Kellin and Katelynne had been up late the night before watching movies together (they'd invited her to join but she felt as though they needed that time together before they left), Rowan picked up her phone and twisted it around in her hand idly for a moment. Eventually she unlocked it and opened her music, plugged in headphones, stuck the right earbud in and clicked shuffle, still trying to learn who was who in her Artist list.

Rowan burned another two hours laying on her bed and listening to one track after another, trying to familiarize herself with at least the music made by those she'd met so far. Nothing she knew had played until finally she heard it. Her heart fluttered in her chest as she listened to the familiar tune, unable to place exactly why she knew it.

'And I'd give up forever to touch you,
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow.
You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be,
And I don't wanna go home right now.
And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your life.
When sooner or later it's over,
I just don't wanna miss you tonight.'

The music swelled and she knew the chorus would come next. She didn't know, however, just how hard it would be to hear those words.

'And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,
Or the moment of truth in your lies,
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive.'

The memory hit her like a freight train, sending chills racing over every inch of her skin. It was as if she was there all over again, her throat burning from having expelled the chocolate cake, her arm bloody from her cuts and even more so from the shattered mirror, sitting in Kellin's lap as he tried to soothe her. His voice now filled Rowan's ears with that very melody and she had to choke back a tsunami of tears. Half of her demanded to turn the song off, unable to endure the sensory onslaught, but the other half spoke just a bit louder and encouraged her to let it play, to allow Kellin's voice to croon this heart-wrenching song to her again. She now knew it was called Iris, by The Goo Goo Dolls, and what she was hearing was Kellin’s cover.

“What're you listening to?" Kellin's voice tore through the sound of his own singing and Rowan jumped so violently that her phone tumbled to the floor, effectively cutting off the music. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine, I'm fine. Um, I'm not sure what song it was, I'm still trying to learn all the names." Rowan had no clue why she didn't tell him she knew exactly what song it was, she just couldn't seem to make herself say it. Even having shared the memory with the person asking her, it felt too personal. "Is it time to go?"

"Eager to get outta here?" Kellin's tone was offhand and relaxed but his eyes still bore into hers as if searching them for the answers to life.

"No, no. I mean, yes but no, I love it here I just—"

Kellin's chuckle cut off her babbling as he strode into the room and mussed her hair kindly, "I'm just kidding, I'm excited too. The bus is outside, the guys are on their way. You better go grab a bunk before they get here."

Kellin winked at Rowan as she patted down her hair and took off for the front door, board and bags in hand. No strange cars were outside so she could still make it in there without the rest of Sleeping with Sirens to claim beds. She took only a minute to admire the outside of the bus, shiny and sleek and all tinted windows, before going around to the door. It was locked and she suddenly felt really stupid for just rushing out there without asking how she was supposed to get in. Just at that moment it popped open to reveal a kind looking man around thirty years old. He smiled at her but even this unassuming, welcoming man made Rowan nervous.

"What's your name?" He asked, partially tough yet also polite.

"I'm Rowan." She pulled the sleeves of her cardigan over her hands and chewed her bottom lip with nerves but as soon as the words left her lips he grinned.

"Just making sure you weren't some crazed fan, c'mon in." He stepped back and Rowan desperately wished Kellin were here, she didn't think she could handle going into the bus with a strange man, but she would feel rude and ungrateful to refuse and therefore stepped up the stairs and into the main living area. "You're Kellin's daughter then?"

The casual question caught Rowan by surprise, still adjusting to this new fact. She realized she'd opened her mouth to speak and left it hanging there without uttering a word and snapped it closed, simply nodding in response.

"You should go claim a bunk if you don't want a top one," he suggested with a smile, "I'm the driver, by the way. My name's Calvin but everyone calls me Cal."

"Nice to meet you." Rowan gave him what she hoped was a grin in response but then quickly turned on her heel and zoomed past the kitchenette and straight toward a door which revealed two rows of bunks.

Three high, two sets on each side, they looked compact but comfortable enough. Kellin had told her that rookies make the mistake of getting top bunks because they seem more open but they end up hotter than the rest. Bottom bunks often kept the resident awake as they had to hear every footstep right on their level. By process of elimination, Rowan decided on a middle bunk. She took the first one on the left, placing her skateboard and laptop case inside and then drawing the curtain closed. This, she was told, was their way of communicating ownership. You pick it, you write your name on the piece of tape beside it, and then you shut the curtain, from then on it's yours.

Muffled voices reached Rowan but even only barley hearing it, she knew the speaker without a doubt. She pulled open the door and returned to the living area to find Kellin chatting with Cal animatedly. As soon as he saw her Kellin shot Rowan a soft smile of assurance. He excused himself to grab his own bed and Cal went up to the driver's seat, leaving Rowan to plop down on the couch. It was soft leather and she drew her legs up close, pulling out her cell again. She had Kellin and Katelynne's contacts as well as various others including Kate and Kell's parents and a variety of band members. Other than that and the music she hadn't put much on there, not even any games, so in the end she clicked it off and dropped it into her lap.
Kellin reappeared and offered her his hand, which she took, and was pulled back into the house. "Kate and Cope want to say bye."

Rowan was hit again with the feeling of guilt, feeling terrible leaving Katelynne behind, but every time she even started to mention it Katelynne laughed and told her that she'd been on plenty of tours, this one was all Rowan's. Even so Rowan waked into the living room with a solemn expression to find Katelynne bouncing Copeland on her knees, the adorably giddy child telling Katelynne to go faster.

"I'm sorry th—" Before could finish her sentence, Katelynne butted in.

"Don't you dare," Katelynne then motioned for Rowan to came sit beside her on the couch. As soon as Rowan sat Katelynne took one of her hands, "I better hear that you're partying all night, okay?" She made a threatening look but Rowan could only laugh gently to herself, "I'm gonna miss you so I better get FaceTimed regularly, too. And please, have fun."

The earnestness of Katelynne's words made Rowan nod, determined to make Kate proud. Katelynne kissed Rowan's forehead and pulled her closer in a hug, "I'll miss you too." Copeland insisted on climbing onto Rowan's lap and asking for her big sister to play with her. Rowan smiled at her sadly, "I can't play today, but I promise I will as soon as possible."

Copeland of course didn't understand this concept but before she could ask for an explanation Katelynne's voice called out, "What the hell is that?"

Rowan turned in her seat to see Kellin standing in a way that told her he'd been on his way to the bus and with an expression that looked like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar, "Um... What are you talking about, dear?"

Katelynne gave Kellin a withering look, "That thing that looks like a stuffed monkey in your hands, darling."

"Oh!" Kellin enthused, feigning surprise, "Oh this! This thing? Right, well, it's a toy. For... Rowan."

Rowan was confused as to why in the world Kellin would be giving her a stuffed monkey, but Kate didn't seem phased, "Can I see it then?" Kellin walked slowly toward the couch and offered the animal to his wife. She rolled her eyes and looked back at him, "Really, Kells?"

"Yes! It's perfectly reasonable and totally necessary!"

Rowan now got a good look at it and found there were straps attached, it was a backpack with what appeared to be a leash. "What's that?"

"He joked about getting Cope one of these when she grows up and goes to concerts—"

Kellin interjected, "I wasn't joking!"

"Not happening, Kell." Katelynne was exasperated on the surface but beneath it was a fondness Rowan had only ever seen between these two seeing as she'd never before been exposed to a loving couple. She turned to Rowan and took Cope back, "You two better get out of here before Kellin decides to pack you turtle necks."

It seemed there was some joke that Rowan didn't understand but she nodded glumly and gave Cope one last hug before trudging toward the door. Kellin held Copeland close and showered her with kisses, causing her to erupt in giggles, then he and Katelynne shared a private farewell in the form of whispers and a brief but tender kiss before he followed Rowan and they left together.

Just as their feet hit the curb, Kellin pulling the front door closed behind himself, two cars parked. Rowan was surprised to see Jesse and a woman in the first, Justin and another woman in the second. The ladies hugged their guys and helped unload their bags into the bus while Rowan and Kellin made their way over. The woman with Jesse, Ashley she'd introduced herself as, didn't try to hug Rowan as she did Kellin but she was kind and offered the girl a small smile. The girl with Justin was polite too but Rowan felt relieved as they drove off again, still trying to cope with the amount of people she'd be faced with daily. Kellin guided Rowan into the bus where they found Jack and Gabe already on the couch. The four others joined the pair, crashing onto the couches and chairs nearby. Rowan was unsure where to be but eventually Kellin patted the seat between himself and Jack and she took it. It was far from quiet, they were all chattering and laughing boisterously, but Rowan was able to tune it all out and gaze at the shredded knee of Kellin's skinny jeans.

"—right, Ro?" Kellin's voice yanked her back into the present with a start. He noticed her glazed stare and chuckled, "Sleepy?"

"Sorry," she rubbed one hand on the back of her neck, feeling her face heat up as they all laughed, "what was the question?"

"I was saying—" Jack began, but Kellin cut him off.

"Just say yes, Rowan." She could now tell there was some conversation she'd missed completely and Kellin was trying to get her to agree with him.

Rowan quirked up one brow at the others and Gabe explained, "Kellin and Jack were fighting about something stupid, just don't comment."

Rowan rolled her eyes and leaned back against Kellin, her head now on his lap, and stared right up at him with a look, "Really?"

Kellin stuck his tongue out at her but right away he contradicted his apparent annoyance by running his fingers through her hair, "Have you eaten yet?"

Just like that she felt herself deflate, the reality of her problems popping the bubble of oblivious relaxation, "No."

Kellin called loudly toward the front, "Cal, can we go by McDonald's?"

"Sure thing!" Rowan tried to ignore the looks she felt tossed her way, the guys seeming concerned for her.

"Can I go lie down?" Rowan wasn't really tired but she didn't know what else to do with herself to avoid the now awkward atmosphere. Kellin's eyes locked with hers in that probing way, trying to read between the lines, but he eventually just nodded and let her sit up. She spared them all one small smile, pausing by the door to the bunks, "Thanks, you guys, for being so kind about me coming along."

They all threw her words of assurance that it was no big deal and she disappeared. Shoving her board to her feet, she clambered into her bunk and drew the curtain almost closed behind herself. It was quiet in here, Rowan took a deep breath and heard her own sigh break the peace. Her stomach wasn't empty, it was filled with butterflies. She couldn't tell if it was anticipation or fear but the fluttering made every nerve in her body feel like exposed electrical wires. This was it, this was the beginning of something new. Despite her worries Rowan felt her lips tug up into a half smile at the thought.

A vibration in the pocket of her cardigan alerted Rowan, pulling it out she found Kellin had texted her. She hadn't even realized they'd left the house's curb but he said they were apparently already at the restaurant and he wanted to know what she'd like. Chewing her lip, Rowan realized she didn't even know what McDonald's served.

To The Coolest PERSON You'll Ever Know AKA. Kellin:
What do they have?

From The Coolest PERSON You'll Ever Know AKA. Kellin:
A lot. Do you want a burger? Chicken?

To The Coolest PERSON You'll Ever Know AKA. Kellin:
Whatever you think I'd like. Thanks.

Only a few minutes later the front area was full of laughter and the banging of cabinets and such, Kellin's voice calling above the racket, "Rowan! Food!"

Another deep breath, another moment to gather herself, and Rowan braved the hectic living area with a small grin. "Thanks," she told Kellin, accepting the container of chicken nuggets and french fries. The guys crashed on the couch and Rowan took the available seat at the small booth that served as a dining table.

"So, Rowan, are you excited?" Jack smiled at her kindly from his place between Kellin and Justin.

"Definitely." And this time when she smiled it wasn't even planned. She cut up the nuggets into small pieces and slowly began eating. Not wanting to be rude, she continued the conversation, "What exactly are we doing today?"

"Mostly just the drive, once we get there we'll probably go grocery shopping to stock the fridge," Gabe answered, "and then tonight is the opening night barbecue which'll happen at the first venue."

"Who all will be there?" Now that she could tell their attention was torn between their meals and her words, she didn't feel as if she were being ogled at and felt a little more free to speak.

"We have the list of bands playing in that packet of papers on the counter," Jack replied, pointing toward a small stack of pages atop the counter beside the coffee maker, "other than that it'll be the crew, Kevin Lyman, his daughter Sierra, and probably friends of the bands' who live nearby or girlfriends and stuff."

Rowan took a break from eating to pick up the papers and sit down again, pulling her legs up to her chest and looking at the packet. The first page had a Vans logo and a birthday cake with twenty candles, proclaiming this to be Warped Tour's 20th birthday. Behind that was a list with what seemed to be the bands seeing as Rowan saw Vic's band, Matty's, and Kellin's on the list, followed by a list of the cities in which they'd be playing.

Line Up:
All Time Low
Asking Alexandria
Black Veil Brides
blessthefall
Bring Me The Horizon
Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!
Escape the Fate
Falling in Reverse
For All Those Sleeping
Get Scared
Issues
Mayday Parade
Memphis May Fire
Miss May I
Motionless in White
New Years Day
Of Mice & Men
Pierce the Veil
Tear Out The Heart
Tonight Alive
Upon This Dawning
You Me At Six
+ Various home town bands/ limited run bands

Venues:
Ventura, CA
Las Cruces, NM
Mesa, AZ
Las Vegas, NV
Salt Lake City, UT
Denver, CO
Indianapolis, IN
Toronto, ON
Buffalo, NY
Holmdel, NJ
Virginia Beach, VA
Washington, D.C.
Boston, MA
Camden, NJ
New York, NY
Hartford, CT
Scranton, PA
Pittsburg, PA
Cleveland, OH
Detroit, MI
Chicago, IL
Minneapolis, MN
Kansas, KS
St. Louis, MO
Atlanta, GA
Tampa, FL
West Palm Beach, FL
Orlando, FL
Charlotte, NC
Cincinnati, OH
Milwaukee, WI
Dallas, TX
San Antonio, TX
Huston, TX
Seattle, WA
Portland, OR
San Diego, CA
Pomona, CA (2-Days)
Mountain View, CA

Reading the names over, Rowan giggled to herself.

"What's funny?" Jesse asked, all of them looking at her curiously.

"How the hell do you people come up with some of these names? Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!, Falling in Reverse? And I'm pretty sure I read a book called Of Mice and Men when I was like ten."

Kellin shook his head as if mesmerized, "Some bands, man."

"Says the guy in a band called Sleeping with Sirens," Rowan muttered sarcastically to herself, unable to stifle another chuckle at the thought.

Kellin didn't appear to have heard her, he just finished his meal and tossed it in the garbage before sitting across from Rowan in the booth. He didn't draw attention to her, knowing it'd upset her, but based on the look he was giving her Rowan knew she had to eat more. She set the papers down and refocused, though she was only able to get down four of the six chicken nuggets and a handful of fries anyway. Afterwards she met Kellin's gaze and found him to be searching her expression for something as he spoke softly, "Did Kate give you your meds?"

It dawned on her that they'd both totally forgotten this crucial matter and she shook her head, still not enthusiastic about the whole ordeal. "We packed it, right?"

"Uh," he hesitated, jumping up and running to the fridge. He pulled it open but didn't seem to find what he was looking for. Holding up one finger, he darted into the bunk area, making a good deal of noise before returning to the table, "Fuck." He slumped into the seat, putting his elbows on the table and burying his face in his hands, "I left it out in the bathroom to give it to you before we left. Shit."

"What do we do? How far away from the house are we?" Rowan hated the thought of taking the medication but was much more freaked out by the idea that she wouldn't get it. She knew that her body needed it, she could almost feel the anxiety typically kept at a bearable level by medication now boiling beneath the surface, threatening to spill over as her heart raced with the thought of not getting the shot. It would take only one incident to let the guys know just how unstable she really was, they'd regret ever letting her come. Kellin would see what a hassle she was to bring along and would send her home, and she hadn't even made it one day! Or maybe he'd realize that she'd never be able to handle his lifestyle and send her into foster-care. This was it for her, if she didn't get that shot she was done for.

"I'll go ask." Kellin jogged up to the driver's area, leaving Rowan to run her hands through her knotty hair repeatedly, desperate to calm herself. She could feel the faint tremors, her frame quivering where she sat, and knew as soon as her hands became clammy that she was on the verge of a panic attack. Kellin returned to the booth but whatever he'd been about to say was swallowed as he knelt before Rowan, putting his hands on her knees and trying to get her to open her eyes (which she hadn't even meant to close) to look at him. "Hey, hey, look at me. Ro."

Her wide eyes met his, looking glossy with the tears building up in her distress. A sheen of sweat coated her face and her hands were laced together in her lap so tightly she looked as if she'd break her own bones.

"Rowan, you gotta calm down. We're barely an hour away, we're turning around right now and we'll have it here before you know it. But you've got to relax, it's the only way we can fix this, okay?" Kellin's words had become almost habitual, flowing from his tongue as if they were a speech he'd practiced for months, and the other guys were struck with the realization that something serious was going on, though he spoke too quietly for them to hear what exactly he was saying.

Rowan's thoughts were slow moving, sloshing around inside her head like molasses as she fought to keep calm. She knew that the lack of one shot wasn't what was throwing her, it was her own fears that she was letting take over. In an attempt to clam herself she reached out and grabbed both of Kellin's hands with a vice tight grip, her unblinking eyes staring at his mouth and trying to make the sounds reach her ears. He was trying to tell her to relax, that he was going to fix it, but she could only use her energy to keep her breathing steady. She knew the moment her breaths became panting gasps she was toast.

"What can we do, Kell?" Gabe asked anxiously, his looks flickering between Rowan and his bandmate.

"She's gonna be fine, right Rowan?" Kellin directed it at Rowan to make sure she didn't feel as though they were discussing her like an inanimate object, but really it was said to reassure Gabe, "The only thing we can do right now is get to the house. Actually, can you text Kate to let her know what's going on?"

"Sure." Gabe pounded on his cell, typing furiously while Kellin was busy keeping Rowan from falling onto the wrong side of the wall atop which she was currently teetering.

"Rowan, we'll be there in just a bit. Alright?" It took everything she had but Rowan managed to nod at him detachedly, her eyes still seeming someplace else entirely. "Hey, I know this isn't easy Rowan but I'm gonna need you to look me in the eyes." Her eyes slid to his again as if in slow motion, "Breathe with me, okay?"

Kellin drew in an exaggerated breath, his chest rising carefully, and held it in as Rowan slowly copied before releasing it just as drawn out. They repeated this pattern four times before she was able to open her mouth and actually try to talk.

"I–" She could feel tears slipping down her cheeks but couldn't figure out how to stop them, a sob made her next words mangled, "I'm sc– scared."

"That's okay, I'll protect you, though. I'm not going to let you get hurt." Kellin chewed the inside of his cheek, trying to gage what would be the best approach. He knew better than to destabilize the person having the attack unless it was clear they were okay with it. "Is it okay if I hold you?"

Rowan bobbed her head numbly, releasing her death grip on his hands one finger at a time. Finally she had let go and Kellin was able to pick her up easily. He put her on his hip and supported her weight until she moved to latch her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. He sat down just where she'd been, not wanting the movement of the bus to cause her any motion sickness.

It was silent in the room aside from Rowan's gasping breaths, she was hyperventilating. Kellin had to force himself to stay calm, knowing that it was his best shot at getting her to come down. He softly took one of her hands from around his neck and placed it against his chest, "You've got to take deep breaths, Ro."

Again his chest rose at a practiced pace and she could feel the movement as he held her hand against him, she timed her breathing to his and after a minute she didn't feel so lightheaded. Kellin could remember vividly the last time he'd seen her this intensely broken up, she had barely even been conscious. The memory of her scream as it'd morphed into gut-twisting sobs felt too tangible and Kellin pushed it aside, determined not to let that happen again.

"We're five away," Justin told them quietly, to which Kellin nodded in understanding.

It was silent until they pulled up at the house, Kellin then pulled back from Rowan to lock gazes, “Do you want to wait here or come in with me?”

Rowan was so terribly mortified and couldn’t decide wether she’d be more embarrassed for Kate to see her like this or to be left in the bus for the guys to witness her mental breakdown. In the end, they’d already seen this much and the fear of Katelynne suggesting she stay at home won out, “I’ll stay.”

Kellin let her slide back onto the booth and disappeared, leaving Rowan to try to remember how to breathe on her own. The seconds stretched to minutes then into what felt like hours before he finally returned, a backpack on his shoulder. “Rowan, wanna come with me?”

Rowan stood on wobbly legs and followed him into the back, past the bunks, to a little lounge. She sat on a couch while Kellin began riffling through the bag, extracting a syringe, vial, alcohol swabs, and the coffee-cup-sized sharps-disposal. He had to coax her to stand and allow him access to her stomach but as soon as she was able he gave her the injection without fault. She fell onto the couch again and they both breathed a sigh of relief, “I– I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s all good now.” But something in the way Kellin leaned against the wall tiredly told Rowan there was more stress beneath the façade than he was letting on. “How do you feel?”

“Fine.” All the years of that question had made her answer automatic, she wasn’t even sure she would be fine but she’d already said it; and besides, if she hadn’t she might’ve been forced to stay.

As if reading her mind, Kellin crouched down in front of her, “You’re still sure you want to come?”

He seemed to think she was lying, or maybe that she’d just changed her mind, but neither were true. “I promise.”

Another moment saturated with silence that almost made their ears ring with its force fell over them. Kellin cleared his throat, “I’m gonna tell the guys we can go.”

“I think I’ll lie down for a little while.” They had to shuffle past each other at the door as if they were complete strangers or distant relatives that only saw each other from opposite sides of the dining table at Thanksgiving.

With Rowan settled in her bunk, Kellin closed the door and went to tell Cal they were good to go. He resumed his seat on the booth and turned to his bandmates, though no one seemed to have the words.

Eventually Jesse spoke, “Is she going to be okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kellin replied, but then paused because he wasn’t sure if that was true. “She was having a mild panic attack. She’s okay right now, sleeping it off.”

“Is that what happens if she misses just one dose?” Justin’s tone was tentative, not wanting to seem harsh.

“It shouldn’t be, I think it was the fear of missing a dose, not the lack of the shot itself.” Kellin sighed, running his hands through his hair and tugging on the ends in frustration, “I’m just sorry she had to go through it at all.”

“She’s a hell of a kid, Kellin. She’s strong, she can make it through this. At least she’s not having to go it alone anymore.” Kellin nodded at Jack, trying to soak up his words but finding it hard to take anything in as his brain was already chock full of worry and apprehension.

---

Rowan jolted awake, bathed in sweat and feeling her head throb as she’d smacked it against the ceiling of her bunk in her stupor. “OW! Fuck!”

There was a small chuckle, muffled through the curtain separating them, and after drawing back the blockade Rowan found the culprit to be Gabe in his top bunk in the row across from hers. His smile was kind and slightly apologetic, “Welcome to tour life, kiddo.”

“Lovely,” Rowan grumbled, rubbing her hand against her head as if to soothe the pain whereas in reality she was just making it feel worse.

“You’ll get used to it eventually, it’s not all that bad.” Rowan gave him the biggest grin she could manage, which ended up being more of a smirk.

“Where are we?” Rowan hugged her arms around herself, checking that she was covered, and thanked her past self for not taking the cardigan off to sleep.

“You’ve been out about a couple hours, we’re almost there.” Like the universe was helping Gabe to prove his point, the bus slowed and eventually halted, causing Rowan to bang her shoulder against the bunk’s wall with the abrupt change in inertia.

“Shit!” Her curse was met with another stifled chortle from Gabe, to which Rowan scowled in response. Gabe raised his hands in a motion of surrender.

“We’re here!” Jesse’s voice echoed through the bunk alley and Rowan hurried to pull back on the boots she’d kicked off, jumping down and rushing out into the main area, “Well at least someone’s excited.”

Rowan followed Jesse’s line of sight and found Jack and Justin playing on their phones whilst Kellin snoozed, his head looking onto Justin’s shoulder.

Gabe emerged and began trying to wake the slumbering beast– Kellin.

Jesse stepped out the bus’s door, got a look around, and returned. “Damn, we’re the last ones here.”

Rowan knew this was her fault. She’d made them over an hour late with her ridiculous reaction. Her whole face felt hot, terrified to look up from her feet for fear the others would be giving her accusatory, aggravated looks.

Kellin yawned and stretched, “Good. We’re fashionably late.”

All of them alert and accounted for, Jesse popped open the door once more to reveal a parking lot packed to the max with other similar buses. Rowan hoped to God there was something on the buses with the band’s name because if not and she wound up lost she was doomed. Friendly chatter and teasing banter ricocheted as they stepped off the bus and Rowan got her first glimpse of The Warped Tour. This was going to be one hell of a summer.

Notes

I've decided to stop labeling them 'Shout Outs' because that doesn't quite cover what I mean to do by putting your name here. I mean to thank you, to let you know I notice and appreciate you fantastic people for taking time out of your lives to write something about what you read. Henceforth, this shall instead be called Roll-Call of Rowan's Rad Readers. Or R⁴ if you prefer.

Roll-Call of Rowan's Rad Readers:
Cin-D182
tiff (x2 <3 )
Jordan070701

Happy Valentine's Day. For the first time in about five years I had a Valentine. In fact, today a really sweet, intelligent, caring, pretty much all I could ask for guy bought me roses and asked me to be his girlfriend. You probably don't care to hear about my personal life, sorry. I'm just really stunned still and I felt like sharing this news with you all since you've become such an important part of my life. I hope you all had good days as well. If not, give me the address of whoever made it hard on you and I'll go kick some butt on your behalf ;)

I'd like to point out that just since the last chapter was posted about 1K more readers have visited this insane story for one reason or another and we've also gained a few new votes and subscribers. To all of you: Welcome, and thank you.

I fell like this chapter was, too, sub-par. Maybe I hit my peak and it's all downhill from there in my writing. Maybe I'm just really down on myself. I'm not sure, but I apologize if the case is the former and if it's the latter... well, I'm sorry for whining about it. I just really don't want to let you guys down, nor the characters. I also changed the banner... I thought this one was a little more fitting, less distractions and more focus on the girl we're all here to read about? What do you think? I hope you like it. Took me ages cause I'm not all that good at that sort of thing, hope it doesn't suck. Haha

Good News: NEXT CHAPTER BEGINS THE FICTIONAL WARPED TOUR!! Are you guys happy with the line-up I ended up with here? I tried to take everyone's thoughts and requests into consideration and pretty much ended up with my dream tour. x)

Thanks again for all of the kind words about Savannah. Still awaiting more information but I talked to one of the girls who used to hang out in our little 'group', we're all just trying to figure out what to think and how to feel but thank you guys anyway for caring.

More unrelated stuff... I'm on the 5th season of SN. I'M STILL FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. AGH. Sorry, I've been holding that in all day.

As always, I want to express my gratitude and also just say Hi to anyone who's taken time to invest in reading this story. Until next time...

Much Love,
MM