That night Rowan had to grit her teeth once more, leaning back against the bathroom counter and biting her lip ferociously. Kellin, knelt before her, wanted to cry but refused to allow himself. It seemed this process was even more difficult now than it had been that morning. He knew it was only in his mind, no variable had changed between that moment and this one, but nevertheless his hands felt detached from his body as he readied the needle and vial. Katelynne had gone to bed a bit before and now the two remaining awake were left to handle this dreaded task. Rowan wasn’t as impassive this time, something Kellin attributed to the shock having worn off and that perhaps her mind was on the conversation they’d had only an hour before. Instead her eyes screwed up, her small button nose wrinkling, and her hands gripped the hem of her shirt to the point that her bony knuckles turned an ashy white.

Kellin pinched up the skin, having to use the opposite side this time as they were told that puncturing the same place too often could lead to permanent scar tissue beneath the surface. His movements were steady, surprisingly, and the medication was in her body without much difficulty, the needle then dropped into the new bio-hazard bin on the countertop. The difficult part was afterwards, when Kellin had no object to focus on, no task at hand, and was forced to look up into her eyes and see that she was fighting not to cry. He understood the feeling completely. He set out the rest of her med supplies for later use and lifted her onto his hip. It still worried him that she was a teenager and it felt easier to carry her around than his two similarly aged stepsons, Rowan Cole at twelve and Liam at fourteen, perhaps even easier than carrying Cope. However he was to the point that he could put those thoughts in the back of his mind and focus on how comfortable it felt to have her head tucked into the crook of his neck, one of his arms around her back and the other under the thigh against his stomach.

She felt so small, not in the sense of her weight but the fact that she seemed fragile, and younger somehow. It reminded him of holding a butterfly on his finger, if you touched its wings the wrong way it would be unable to fly forever. Something so beautiful and fascinating and strong in its flight, yet so easy to destroy. He therefore hugged her tighter, in a protective way, taking Rowan into her bedroom and setting her on the bed before shuffling through the clean clothes on her desk for a sleep shirt. All of them looked worn-through, thinned out and frayed, and he knew that probably meant they were comfortable but it also made him realize just how little belonged to her. He held up one finger, letting her know he’d be right back. He left her curious gaze behind as he darted down the hall, creeping into his room without disturbing his slumbering wife.

Upon returning he smiled a tentative smile at Rowan and held out a handful of fabric. She looked at it, then back to him before speaking in a croaky whisper, “What’s this?”

“I noticed how much you love that shirt you’re wearing and, I don’t know, I thought you might like some others that weren’t covered in dirt and blood.” His voice was soft too, and calm. Her skepticism turned into a look of embarrassment as she ducked her head and accepted the clothing whist Kellin took a seat beside her on the quilt. “Don’t get me wrong, I think you rock that shirt better than I ever did, and Kate has plans to spoil you with new clothes, but… well when I was your age my dad had been gone for a while, he left three days before my fourth birthday, but I found this old box in the basement of his leftover clothes and stuff. I remember ransacking it and wanting to destroy all of it, I hated him for a long time, but I ended up pulling on this shirt he used to wear around the house on lounging days and I kept it. It’s actually in this house somewhere. I just thought maybe, I mean, I know I’m not your real dad, but I thought maybe you’d want to wear ‘em. Like, you know, to remind yourself that I’m here or–”

His babbling was cut off as Rowan reached one hand between them and took his, hers lost within his much larger palm, and leant her head onto his shoulder. “Thank you.”

It was quiet a while and Kellin had decided that was all she had to say when her voice slipped into the comfortable atmosphere once more.

“I used to have this pillowcase, my mother had used it on the pillow in my crib when I was a baby. I slept with it every single night. I even…” She peered up at him in a mixture of bashfulness and threatening, “Don’t laugh.” She demanded, he grinned with half his mouth and made an X over his heart to show she was safe, “I sucked my thumb until I was eight. I used to hold the pillowcase in my hand and suck my thumb.” She chuckled breathlessly to herself before her expression soured, “I was angry with my mother, she’d told me that she’d have Scott burn the pillowcase if I didn’t stop acting so childish so… Well, I didn’t want either of them to have the power to end that era of my life without my say-so. I burned it myself that night. I’ve regretted it every day since.” Kellin threaded his fingers through her hair and combed through it in a comforting manner as she abandoned her previous position and climbed onto his lap to curl into his chest before continuing. “When I first got here, that night at dinner, Katelynne let me put this on after I bathed and I remember getting this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was so terrified. It shows so much more skin than I’m used to but… I don’t know when, but something changed and I felt like it was you with me. All the time. Not that you weren’t there already but it was like, you were the shirt. You protected me from others seeing my hideous scars. You were the only layer of safety between me and the rest of the world. I know that’ll probably sound stupid but it’s true. So this,” she held up the shirts in her hands, “means more than you know.”

Kellin was still getting used to this new Rowan, the one who trusted him enough to talk for a long period of time about something real, and his heart thudded in his chest as he hugged her close, “I’m always here.” She nodded against him and he smiled, “Now come on, let’s get you ready for bed.”

“I’ve always thought that was a weird expression,” Rowan commented as she climbed off him and stood on the floor, “I mean, you get ready to go out, or to go to war, but really you’re just changing clothes to go to sleep. How does that qualify as a process of preparation?”

Kellin shook his head, not being able to stop the smirk tugging his lips as if they were attached to a marionette’s strings. “You really do amaze me, kid.” She stuck her tongue out at him before setting the shirts out beside where he sat, examining them.

She held up one, it had his face on it and read out the dates of a tour long ago, and arched an eyebrow, her own smirk blossoming, “Really?”

Kellin crossed his arms over his chest and pouted defensively, “It was the first one with my face. It was a memory, okay?”

She half-scoffed, half-laughed before setting that one down and riffling through again. There were about five others to choose from but she chose one and decided it was the one she liked best. Kellin was amused to see it was another Anthem shirt that proclaimed, ‘Without Money We’d All Be Rich’. One of his personal favorites, as evidenced by the fraying hem and small hole in one shoulder. She grinned to herself, not knowing he noticed, Kellin assumed, and took it into the bathroom. It was a little unnecessary, seeing as there was clearly no door, but if it made her feel better he allowed it. He turned his back out of respect for her and waited until she reemerged, the shirt falling nearly to her knees and her dirty clothes wadded up in a ball in her small hands. She gave him a proud grin, twirling in a circle as if showing off a prom dress, and set the clothes on the desk.

“Thanks,” she told him again, sitting on his lap once more. It was peaceful. He let her get comfortable, her ever-frigid hands and toes tucked up to her chest and her head right over his heart, as he stroked her hair soothingly.

Kellin knew not to kid himself, this euphoria that seemed to keep Rowan’s spirits high was the direct effect of the conversation earlier, she wasn’t magically cured. He knew it’d take time and patience and love to get her where she deserved to be emotionally, but it was a start. It was a nice glimpse into what life might be like for them as she got better, calm and smiling and joking and happy. This was why he endured the sleepless nights by her hospital bed, the days of her not speaking, the cuttingly cold things she’d say when she felt backed into a corner. It was the hope, the knowledge, that one day she would smile even when no one was looking. She would laugh at his dumb jokes without meaning to, she’d be able to have a door to her room and he’d only have to worry she was hiding a boy inside rather than a blade. The future could be terrifying, but it also held the life he knew she deserved. If it meant he had to brave her night terrors and fitful tears to reach that goal he’d do it without a second thought.

“I think I want to go to sleep,” her words were a little slurred and Kellin smiled to himself at the groggy sound of it.

“Alright” he stood up, holding her as she was, and moved to pull back the covers with one hand before setting her down. He started to lay down beside her but she shook her head, a soft smile on her lips that didn't look forced or calculated, only kind, “What?”

“I think you should sleep with Katelynne,” she stated smoothly, her eyes alight with some thought or feeling Kellin couldn’t quite distinguish.

“Okay…” He was hesitant, scared that she was hiding something. Did he have to worry over what was hidden in this room already? He knew he had to lock away the needles per the doctor’s advice but he’d hoped it would be a superfluous precaution, not a necessary one. A small voice in the back of his mind also whispered, telling him his other reason to be concerned. Had he done something to upset her? She’d seemed so relaxed, but was it an act? Had Kellin given her any reason to be weary? He’d never done anything to remind her of Scott, right?

Her smile dropped a bit, a serious look replacing it. As if she could read his mind she explained, “I’m not angry or anything. I just thought you deserved a night with your wife rather than babysitting me.”

“You know I don’t mind staying with you, right?” He didn’t tell her the rest, that he actually enjoyed staying with her. It was something in the way her features smoothed out in her sleep, every worry seeming to wash away. Something in the way she had no walls up, she just curled into his side as she slept and, even if she’d been snippy or upset with him before falling asleep, he was put at ease as she slumbered, cuddled into him. It was just a little reminder to him that, no matter the fact her scars were still plainly visible and her bones still protruded from her skin like icebergs jutting up from the sea and her eyes were bordered on the bottom with grayish shadows that never seemed to disappear, she was in many ways not the same girl he saw in the waiting room. She was getting better. However, he couldn’t deny that he missed waking up to Kate’s arm thrown over his side, her chest flush against his back so that he could even feel her heart beat in time with his. She was his wife, the love of his life, after all and he was enticed by the idea of time with her as well.

“I know. Go, Tatt, be with your wife. I’m fine,” her eyes were wide, the full force of their tidal pull flooding his thoughts. He could see into her, through those bottomless pools, and saw that she was being honest, this was just her being kind. No hidden meaning. He kissed her forehead and pulled her duvet up to her chin, making her giggle softly. After jogging into the bathroom to gather the medical supplies he flipped off her light and turned to leave as her silky whisper ghosted through the dark to him, “Goodnight.”

---

Sleep fell over Katelynne like a heavy blanket, the anti-nausea pills making the drowsiness more thick in the air, even her thoughts turned sluggish. These were just some of the effects of the medications that helped her stay alive but made her occasionally question if it was even worth it. Every time she even considered that, however, Kellin seemed to sense it. Like a dog senses a storm brewing or an epileptic attack on the horizon, his emotions were so intertwined with her own that he always appeared in her darkest moments. Only minutes before she’d had the pill bottle in her hand, contemplating just not taking the medication. The Zofran, the anti-nausea pills, wouldn’t kill her if not taken but it was the intention that mattered. The thought swimming through her mind, would it really be that bad to just not deal with medication at all? Chemo included? As if he could tell, Kellin had appeared. He slid onto the bed beside her, their backs against the headboard, and bent his head down to press a featherlight kiss to her exposed shoulder, lingering there before leaning over to open the bottle in her hand and pass her the glass of water from the nightstand.

Just like that she’d been brought to Earth. There was a reason to deal with this tortuous treatment: her family. She had two sons who needed their mother, a baby daughter as well as a teenage one, and a loving husband. She was needed here. She wanted to be here. She wanted to hear her boys’ voices change, be there to chide them about proper attitude towards a girl before they went on their first dates, help them coordinate their ties and corsage to their prom dates’ dresses the way only a mother can. She wanted to watch Copeland get her first crush, be there to hold her after her first heartbreak, to tell Kellin off when he tried to frighten off Cope’s first real boyfriend, help her chose a wedding dress. She wanted to see Rowan heal, to watch her walls break down and her tears to only be over a stubbed toe, to help her through the tribulations of adolescence and be the mother the girl deserved to have. She wanted to relax on the couch, holding Kellin’s hand, while their grandchildren opened the multitude of presents she spoiled them with on Christmas. There was so much left she wanted to see, to do, to learn.

This all came to her in the one second her eyes flitted over her husband’s as he handed her the glass. Perhaps this was part of why she felt so connected to Rowan, these momentary lapses in judgement. She knew how it felt to look at your own reflection and be revolted by what you saw. To look around yourself, surrounded by familiar faces, and feel so intensely disconnected that you wonder if you’d ever even met those people before. To look at your own hands and think, if even for a millisecond, that you had the power to end it all. But unlike herself, Rowan hadn’t had someone else to live for, someone to hold when the weight of your desire to take your life into your own hands became too much. Katelynne hoped that she, along with her family, could be exactly that for the broken girl.

Now, as sleep had claimed Katelynne for an undetermined time, who would be there for Rowan? Kellin had assured her that Rowan was safe, in fact that she’d suggested sleeping alone by herself. Kate savored the feeling of Kellin’s heartbeat as it thrummed in his chest where she lay her head. She drank in the knowledge that, after FaceTiming her sons before bed, everyone she loved was safe and happy like one dying of thirst. These were the moments that got her through the rest.

It was hard these days to wake Kate, the meds making her slumber a heavy one, but something woke her that night. Call it mother’s intuition, or whatever you like, but it was the smallest thrill that ran from the top of her silky, hairless head to the tips of her purple painted toes. She rubbed her bleary eyes and sat up, ignoring the wave of dizziness that ensued, and looked around. It was pitch black and, while her eyes adjusted, she just listened. Cope wasn’t crying and at first the little snores from her husband and the baby monitor were the only indicators that she wasn’t simply alone in the house but, slowly, another sound trickled into her consciousness, that of small gasps. Katelynne shot one hand out and felt around for the lamp’s switch before flipping it on, once again blinking as her pupils dilated.

There, in the corner of the room, Rowan was leaning against the wall, her eyes closed and her lips parted a bit. A surge of panic coursed through Kate, followed by a pang of sympathy, as Rowan’s eyes fluttered open in the sudden light. Her shallow cheeks went pink as she saw Kate was awake and looking back at her. Katelynne offered her a kind smile, “Rowan, what’s wrong?”

“Sorry,” was all the reply given as Rowan stood up and tugged Kellin’s shirt down.

“Don’t be,” Katelynne responded instantly, patting the empty edge of the bed though Rowan still didn’t move. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, ‘m fine,” she muttered, both speaking in hushed tones as Kellin’s unconscious form buried his face into his pillow.

Katelynne gave the girl a knowing look, “Why don’t you sleep with us tonight?”

“No, no. I just, uh, thought I heard something. I was just checking you guys were okay. And… you are. So… I’ll go then,” Rowan tripped over her own feet in her stupor, but righted herself and glanced embarrassedly at Katelynne.

“C’mon, I’ve been missing my boys bugging us to sleep in here. Would you do it for me?” They both knew that was only half true, but it seemed to make Rowan calmer.

Acquiescing, Rowan crossed the room slowly, pausing at the edge of the bed. Katelynne grabbed one of Rowan’s hands and tugged her, now patting the bedding in-between Kellin and herself. Blushing and looking at her own hands, Rowan crawled across Kate and settled beneath the comforter. Katelynne kissed her forehead and turned the lamp off, throwing the room into darkness once more. Rowan turned on her side, her face toward Kellin and her ragged spine, every disc pushing the fabric of Kellin’s shirt at odd angles, toward Katelynne.

As she always enjoyed when she was little, Katelynne ran her fingers up and down Rowan’s back in a waterfall-like motion. Instantly the rigid set of the girl’s shoulders slackened, her posture slowly relaxing until Katelynne could see the faint outline of her sharp ribs gently rise and fall in her sleep. Closing her eyes once more, sleep enveloped Katelynne quickly.

---

“Oh my God, that’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Katelynne’s voice reached Rowan’s ears as if from underwater. Trying to grasp at her conscious thoughts, Rowan pulled herself toward the orangish light of her closed eyelids. Prying them open, Rowan saw Kate, fully dressed, leaning against the en-suite master bathroom’s door and looking back at her. Confused, Rowan looked around herself. She’d ended up in her foster-parent’s bed, and furthermore she found she was stretched horizontally across the bed, her head on Kellin’s stomach and her feet at the opposite edge where Katelynne must’ve been before getting ready. Rowan’s eyes met Kellin’s, also just barely waking up, and they exchanged a brief look of amusement at the other’s appearance. Kellin, hair completely out of order and eyes drooping half-closed as he leant up on his elbows, was chuckling as he looked at the girl sprawled across himself and the bed, the latter of whom had dry lips and bloodshot eyes, her hair also a tousled mess.

Kellin smirked, turing to Katelynne, “Do I even have to ask?”

She grinned back, holding up her phone in a taunting way, “You already know the answer.”
Rowan felt she was missing something and, glancing between the two, asked, “What is he not asking?”

“She has taken, I’m sure, dozens of pictures of us sleeping and has them for blackmail,” Kellin fell back onto the bed, huffing in exaggerated annoyance that was contradicted by his breathy laugh.

“I’d never blackmail Rowan!” Countered Katelynne, receiving a dubious look from her husband, “You, on the other hand, deserve it.”

Their lighthearted teasing was equally entertaining and endearing in Rowan’s eyes, but she quickly sat up and began tugging at her hair, trying in vain to make it lie at least a little more flat.
Katelynne, catching her breath from her laughter, looked to Rowan with a mile wide smile, “You better go get ready, you and I have a date.”

Rowan’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion but she followed Kellin as he led her down the hall, into her bathroom, after grabbing two boxes from his own drawers. Upon reaching the room she realized his intent, feeling dread spread through her like wildfire. She knew it was odd, she’d caused herself pain on a regular basis and had pain inflicted on her by others in much higher volumes throughout her life but this felt different. Possibly it was the fear of getting better, she mused while holding up the hem of Kellin’s shirt she wore, the cold air of the bathroom rushing to her exposed stomach and legs like evil bees, or maybe it was that she wasn’t so emotionally numb anymore. She figured that was the main issue, now that she was slowly deconstructing her own walls she was feeling everything she’d forced herself to ignore for so long.

Kellin knelt before her, this time he tried to distract her as he prepared her skin and the needle, “So Katelynne has big plans for you two today.”

Rowan, seeing what he was trying to do, played along. Part of her really did want to know more but she mostly just wanted to let Kellin think he was succeeding in his efforts, “Oh yeah? Should I be scared?”

“Very,” Kellin chuckled, though it was a hollow one and the smile never touched his eyes as he pinched up her skin. He spoke at the same time as he inserted the injection, all the way until he removed it, “I think she wants to take you to the mall. Be warned, she’s a stylist. She’s going to go crazy. She’s been dressing up Copeland since the day she was born, but I’m sure she’s itching to get her hands on a taller model.”

Rowan released the breath she’d held as he tossed out the syringe, “Well now I’m officially terrified.”

Kellin ruffled her already disastrous hair, “Go get dressed.”

Whilst he cleaned up, she tugged on her charcoal tights and black hoodie, stuffing her feet into her boots and lacing them just as he emerged, the boxes of her meds tucked beneath his arm.

“Damn, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were excited to get away from me,” he grinned at her as she pulled a brush through her curls, only dropping it when she gave him a panicked look and froze.

“You’re not coming?” It was like he was seeing a much younger Rowan, her big blue eyes gazing up at him, full of fear, and her hands twisting nervously around the brush she clutched with an iron grip. Even her voice seemed smaller, softer.

“It’s just a couple hours. I swear, I’m just a phone call away.” He tossed the boxes on her bed and stood before her, bending his knees so that they were at eye-level, and prying one hand free of the brush to hold with his own, “You’ll be fine. You won’t be alone, and I’ll be back beside before you know it. You won’t even have time to miss me.”

Rowan looked skeptical of that promise but nodded, knowing that she needed this time with the woman who would soon be, for all legal purposes as well as caring ones, her mom, “Okay.”

Maybe it would be, okay that is, but it might not be. Neither of them could assure the other that things would in fact be okay. But it needed to happen, that they both understood. Kellin took the brush from her and motioned for her to turn around and sit at the desk. She obeyed, and he began brushing out her tangles at a slow, measured pace.

“Maybe you are a girl after all,” Rowan joked, giggling to herself at the thought but it, too, was an empty one.

“I’ll have you know I am definitely male. I just went to beauty school," he retorted, not really helping his case all that much.

Rowan turned her head up to give him an incredulous look, “What?”

“It’s not weird! Stop looking at me like that!” He grumbled playfully, signaling for her to look ahead again, which she did, while he started french braiding her hair, “It’s where I met Kate.”

“What made you start a band instead of pursue that then?” She was no longer teasing him, she was just curious. There was still so much they didn’t know about each other and both were eager to rectify that issue.

“I didn’t like having to make conversation with the customers, plus I’d been making music since I was a kid. Before I was even in the band I am now I was in two others.” Kellin shrugged, which Rowan caught from the corner of her eye as he set the brush down, the end of her braid pinched between his fingers as he began searching her desk drawers with his free hand. Finding a bag of new hair ties, purchased by Katelynne among other random girl things that she’d stocked this desk with upon finding out Rowan was coming home with them, he twisted it around the braid until it was taught. He released her hair, letting it thump lightly against her back, falling between her ever-visible shoulder blades. “Now let’s go eat.”

Rowan no longer drug her feet or tried to avoid it, just sat down and accepted the bowl of cereal, Coco Puffs which reminded her of the midnight snack with Kellin, and munched slowly, swallowing as much as she could without feeling sick. Of course, the guilt of feeling full still ate away inside her like acid, the feeling of failure and revulsion. Now, though, she didn’t cave to it, though she knew she might’ve if she’d been left alone too long at that time, but kept herself distracted. She ended up making a deal with herself, she wouldn’t eat anything else all day, just to quiet the voices screaming in her head. She was half sure she was lying to herself, but also half sure she’d end up keeping to promise, and neither was an appealing option.

“Are you ready, Ro?” Katelynne asked, setting down her glass of water after taking a pill Rowan knew all too well from helping her birth mother.

Rowan bobbed her head, “I think so, ready as I’ll ever be.”

The grin on Rowan’s lips was matched by Kellin’s, both sharing a conspiratorial look that Katelynne clocked. Cleaning up Copeland’s mess on the highchair tray, Kate narrowed her eyes at her husband, then at their elder soon-to-be daughter, “Whatever nonsense Kellin’s told you is lies. You’ll have fun!”

Kellin stifled a laugh behind his fist, feigning a cough, and took his and Rowan’s dishes to the sink, kissing Katelynne’s cheek on the way, “I’d never say otherwise, dearest.”

Casting Kellin a shrewd look, Katelynne passed him Copeland, “You, get her changed. And you,” she turned to Rowan, “go grab anything you want to take.”

Off on their missions, Kellin disappeared into the nursery with a babbling and giggling Cope whilst Rowan ducked into her room once more. She threw her busted up cell into her pocket, brushed her teeth quickly while avoiding looking at her reflection, and left again, reconvening in the hall with her family.

Katelynne couldn’t drive as it was so Kellin drove them all in the SUV, dropping Rowan and his wife off but keeping Cope in her carseat as they drove off.

Katelynne turned to the mildly petrified child at her side, “Oh don’t look like we’re going to the dentist, I promise it won’t be that bad.”

Rowan gave her a small grin and followed as they wove through crowds on their path to whatever torture chamber –store– Kate had in mind first. They arrived at Forever 21, but Rowan hardly noticed the name as her heart was racing, thundering in her ears. So many people. So many judgmental looks she felt shooting at her from all sides. She tried to keep her head down, only shuffling behind Katelynne by watching her heels on the tiled floors of the store, but eventually they reached a few racks Kate wanted to discuss.

“What kind of clothes do you like?” She asked Rowan, swiping hangers against the metal pole fast enough that they were a blur to Rowan. She had no idea how to answer, nor how Katelynne even got a good look at anything on the rack with how quickly she worked. Kate paused to take in Rowan’s puzzled expression before returning to the clothes, “I mean, what’s your style? What do you want your clothes to say about you?”

Rowan had only ever bought what she had to have, and usually in dark colors so as to better blend. She didn’t want her clothes to say anything about her, she just wanted people’s eyes to slide right over her as if she weren’t there at all. “Um…” What was she supposed to say? ‘I really just want to look like pavement, or better yet where’s the invisibility cloak section’? Not only was that a dumb answer, it also made her feel guilty. She didn’t want to seem ungrateful, plus she was enjoying the unconscious look of concentration and joy on Kate’s face as she led Rowan in what seemed like circles through the shelves and displays. “I’ve never really thought about it before?” There, that was true enough.

“Well, judging by the things you’ve brought with you, you like relaxed stuff, right?” To this Rowan nodded vigorously, relaxed was definitely a good description of what she liked. “And you aren’t a pink kind of girl,” Now Rowan shook her head back and forth so fast she looked as if she’d get whiplash, making Katelynne chuckle as she led them both up the escalator, a small pile of clothes tossed over one arm, “you seem to like Anthem. We can get you more of that easily, but that’s no fun. We need to have you feeling good about yourself.”

Rowan knew that a new top wouldn’t fix the level of self hatred she harbored, but she couldn’t deny that she liked the idea. The thought that by finding some trendy tee she’d feel like she didn’t deserve to be locked underground somewhere. “Do clothes do that? For you anyway, do they make you feel better about yourself?”

Now guiding Rowan toward a table covered with leggings and snagging a ridiculous amount, Katelynne gave Rowan a sidelong look that was a mix of happy and concerned. “Yes. I think that’s why I like them so much, designing outfits and looks, I feel prepared. You know? Like, I get up, I wash my face and I do my makeup. But I really don’t feel ready to go out until I’ve picked out clothes that feel comfortable. That say something about who I am, without ever needing to hear me speak.”

The way Kate spoke about it fascinated Rowan, it was like hearing Kellin talk about music. She loved the look of unadulterated passion, unfiltered adoration for the topic. It almost made her want to shop for herself as if she could, by extension, feel that pleasure that Katelynne obviously felt. “That’s beautiful.”

Katelynne paused again, smiling the most serene smile she’d shown Rowan yet, and continued, this time throwing Rowan looks as she spoke and scanned yet more clothes. “When all this began with my health, I went through a period where I just gave up on it. On my love for fashion. It was so unimportant in comparison to the things I was being faced with, so infinitesimal when contrasted with the battle I was fighting for my own life. But Kellin noticed. I just started wearing baggy clothes, sweats and pajamas even, and he confronted me about it. I told him how I looked didn’t matter anymore, I had just lost my hair and I look so tired all the time, and I just didn’t think it mattered. He told me that it was never about what I looked like, which was true but I didn’t realize until he said it, that it was about how I felt. And that my cancer shouldn’t be allowed to take feeling good away from me. If wearing sweats was what made me feel good then I should wear them but, and this was what I really wanted, if I would feel better dressing like I always had then I should do that.” She shrugged a little, running her hand through a stack of sweaters looking for the smallest size they offered, “It may sound untrue but I honestly have felt better since I went back to looking and doing as I liked before the diagnosis.”

Rowan almost burst into tears right there in the middle of a bustling store, just at the realization of how strong Kate truly was. Losing partial custody of her sons, raising a baby, her husband’s hectic career, and taking in the hardest case of a foster kid to grace the planet all while battling cancer. It seemed unfair that something so cruel and disgusting could try to inhabit Katelynne but despite it all the woman smiled and stood tall and fought with everything she had. Rowan was so proud to be standing next to her.

“So,” Katelynne slid back into the lighter (in her opinion anyway) topic with ease, showing Rowan the mound of fabric in her hands, “it’s time to find what makes you feel good.”

---

“Hey man!” Kellin left the car door open behind him, not wanting to leave Copeland alone, and gave Matty a tight hug.

Pulling back, Matty studied Kellin, “You look… good, man. Really good.”

Kellin put a hand on his hip, “Are you saying I don’t always look this fabulous?”

Bumping his shoulder against Kellin’s, Matty walked around to the passenger side door, “Well, duh. I’m the fabulous one here.”

Laughing at his friend’s antics, Kellin buckled in while Matty reached a hand to the backseat and greeted Copeland fondly. “Really though, thanks.”

Matty nodded, “So what exactly is this oh-so-important secret mission about?”

Kellin’s eyes found his best friend’s before shifting the car into Drive, “You’re going with me to legally adopt Rowan.”

---

“C’mon, just one more and we’ll leave this sore.” Katelynne bribed, knowing Rowan was drowning in No’s and Maybe’s, not yet a single For Sure.

Rowan sighed, leaving on the pair of black jeggings she’d been wrangled into half an hour before, and tugged on the final shirt. It was a black chiffon button up, requiring a tank top underneath, with leather cuffs and collar. She did as Katelynne had instructed, looking at herself only from the neck down as if examining a mannequin, but she still felt it was an odd look. The shirt billowed, thankfully not hugging the protruding bones that stretched most clothes at disgusting angles, but it was a bit too long and too large, even in a extra extra small, seeming to swallow Rowan up.

She stepped out anyways, but as soon as she pulled back the curtain Katelynne saw her expression and shook her head, “Not the one.”

So far Rowan had tried on seventeen graphic tees, five nice blouses, two dozen pairs of leggings, and every beanie the shop had to offer. Her limbs ached like she’d run a marathon and the static electricity had brought a halo of baby hair out of her braid, making her look like the child of an Ewok. Despite the plethora of choices, only two chunky sweaters, one in navy and the other in black with a white bat print around the collar –which was on sale as it’d been part of their Halloween line, and the pair of jeggings she currently donned had been added to the Maybe pile. Despite Katelynne’s pep-talk, they had yet to find what made Rowan feel good, but Kate was determined not to give up.

Changed back into her own clothes, Rowan tugged out the No’s to hand to the saleswoman who looked pissed off, with good reason in Rowan’s opinion as they’d probably made her restock half the store with all of the rejects. Katelynne helped carry the remaining lot toward the cashier. At the last second Rowan tossed in three beanies (sapphire blue, burgundy, and pepper grey) on Kate’s insistence. After purchasing the measly items she’d coaxed Rowan into, Katelynne tugged the exhausted child over to the accessories.

“But we already payed,” Rowan tried, but Kate just grinned and continued sorting through jewelry.

“I just wanted to make sure, I already want to take you to Icing for most of it, but I was seeing if they had anything you just couldn’t live without.” Rowan thought this was not an accurate representation for clothes, dire need, but she let Kate have her fun. “What about these?” She held up a pair of skull earrings that would look good with the bat sweater.

“Don’t have my ears pierced.” Rowan shrugged apologetically, somehow feeling bad that she had to deny Katelynne more entertainment.

“Oh,” Her eyebrows (most of the hair thinned out, but penciled in to look almost natural) drew together as they walked out of the store and toward Icing, “do you want them pierced?”

Rowan thought about it, did she? She’d never been given opportunities to try to look pretty, it wasn’t on her daily list of ‘things-to-do-to-survive’, but she liked the idea. She imagined herself looking like some of the girls she’d seen around on occasion, ears perforated with half a dozen studs and maybe an eyebrow sparkling with silver. It almost made her feel good. “Can we do that? I’m not too old or something?”

“Pick out whatever ones you want.” Katelynne, having reached the shop, handed Rowan the small plastic shadow box that displayed the various earrings for first timers. “I’ll go let them know.”

Rowan liked the Cobalt Crystal Balls and the Stainless Steel Stars, but couldn’t decide which. Even once the two employees ushered her to the back where there was a chair and counter, Rowan couldn’t make up her mind.

“So which ones do you like, hon?” Katelynne asked, beaming as if she were watching a child walk for the first time. Rowan felt that it was sort of appropriate, seeing as both Kate and Kell were taking in a kid but missed all of the fun firsts of childhood, and suddenly felt anger at her own birth parents. They got to see those firsts but never cared, the nurse in the maternity ward told Rowan one day that her birth father hadn't even been there when her birth mother went into labor, nor did her mother want to breastfeed her or even hold her until they were released from the hospital– and here Katelynne was, going out of her way to make that abandoned little girl feel special and loved.

“I can’t decide,” Rowan told them sheepishly, “I like the steel stars and the four millimeter cobalt ones.”

“Why not both?” Katelynne suggested cooly, never losing her smile.

“I can do that?” Rowan lit up at the idea, it was even clear in her glistening eyes and the way she almost bounced on the chair in excitement.

“You’re the mother?” One of the salesladies asked Katelynne, who promptly opened her mouth to correct it, but Rowan stepped in first.

“Yes,” she said certainly, as if this was just her simple little normal life where her mom was taking her out for the day. Rowan knew, however, that it was only pretend. In reality Rowan couldn’t muster up the courage to pin such a heavy word on Katelynne, the only ‘mother’ Rowan had ever known was never a mother at all and Rowan couldn’t put such terrible memories in contact with the gracious woman before her. Still, it was nice to pretend all the same, so long as she didn’t have to say the word.

“Well if you say it’s okay, then we’re good. But it’ll be pretty painful.” The worker looked apprehensive, as if this would change Rowan’s mind. Rowan, however, didn’t bat an eye.
“I don’t care.” She was enjoying the fact that they didn’t know her story, it felt like she could tell them she was whoever she wanted to be and it would be the truth in their eyes. They couldn’t see her scars, they never had to know that pain was an everyday occurrence in her life, just that she was a brave kid who wanted her ears pierced.

“Alright then,” the second confirmed, handing Kate papers to fill out and asking for a driver’s license to ensure legality, before readying Rowan. They cleaned everything thoroughly and then marked her ears, two little purple dots on each lobe. “Ready?” Rowan nodded fervently, “Which earring where?”

“The blue on the bottom, stars behind them.”

Katelynne embarrassed Rowan by taking a picture with one hand while letting Rowan hold the other as one employee took either ear, doing the blue balls first. Rowan didn’t even flinch, just swallowed the throbbing heat in her ears as they prepped the second, still she liked that Katelynne offered her hand for the sake of caring. They were done in a matter of minutes and sent her off with a bag of cleaning supplies and instructions. Rowan had to practically drag Katelynne from the store, the latter insisting that Rowan buy something but Rowan said the money for the earrings was too much already. She was happy. So Katelynne left it.

A whirlwind of stores, changing rooms, No piles, and only five more items (two new undershirts, two pairs of leggings, and a pack of socks from Journeys) later, they’d canvased just about the whole mall. Rowan mopped fake sweat from her forehead, fanning her face with her hands as if she were about to faint, and making Katelynne giggle. They’d had to take a handful of breaks to let Kate sit down and Rowan had demanded to carry the bags, but other than that it went smoothly. Arms laden with their purchases, seeing as Kate had snuck in at least three bags’ worth that Rowan hadn’t asked for, Rowan followed Katelynne to a kiosk around a corner where you could rent a cart.

“Oh, Katelynne! Hey!” The clerk hugged Kate and Rowan was intensely worried with how well they knew each other. How the hell often did Katelynne have to rent a cart?! “Just one today?” Kate payed the three dollars and they took the cart, which was tall and narrow, two baskets stacked on top of each other, and looked very little like a grocery cart.

Stuffing it with the bags, Katelynne turned to Rowan, “Okay, two more and I think we’re done.”

Rowan almost groaned, half playfully and half in agony, but restrained herself, “Where to?” Without a word Katelynne directed her to a large store that almost made Rowan want to hide in the children’s play area. Oh hell no. This was not happening. Her face was flaming, she pressed her icy hands against it in embarrassment, and tried to look anywhere but at the shop. “Please please please no!”

But Katelynne was already inside and Rowan had to rush behind, right into Victoria’s Secret. Birth mother or not, going into a lingerie shop with your mom-figure for the first time was nothing short of horrifying. Katelynne was calm, just looking at various bandeaus before noticing Rowan’s panic. She let slip a small chuckle, rolling her eyes at the way Rowan just pushed the cart, staring at nothing but the wheels, “You can’t not wear underwear. Unless you wanna go commando, which I highly doubt.”

Teasing tone aside, Rowan’s head snapped up, her eyes wide. “N— No. But— But… Do we have to? Can’t you just buy me more of what you bought before and I’ll wait outside?”

“It’s not that bad, sweetheart, it’s just underwear. Everyone wears it. No big secret here.” Her brown eyes were alight with amusement but she tried to seem comforting all the same, Rowan still followed as if she were walking to her own execution. “The gallows aren’t scheduled till five.” Katelynne joked, earning a sharp look from Rowan that only made it funnier.

“So what exactly am I supposed to, like, do?” Rowan rubbed one hand against the nape of her neck, trying to look like she wasn’t incredibly uncomfortable.

“Make you a deal, you go pick out five pairs of panties from the PINK section and I’ll find you a bra. Okay?”

Rowan nodded, now looking like she was headed into battle as she scoured the labels where Katelynne pointed. She picked one boy short, one bikini fit, one pair that were blue lace, and two pairs that claimed they were seamless. All were chosen at random, but all in dark colors, and she hurried off to find Katelynne.

Rowan found her at the fitting rooms, holding three bras. One white, one tan, and one black… all with at least a little push-up. Apparently it was all they carried that was small enough to fit Rowan’s ribcage. Ashamed of her own imperfections, the girl politely took the items into a fitting room. It was so awkward to strip down completely and see her reflection out of the corner of her eye. She tried it all on to make sure it fit, xxs and 30A were the right sizes, and then took a moment to just look at herself. This was something Rowan always avoided at any cost but she wanted to really see. The mirror had some uplifting saying in pink lettering across the top but it wasn’t what Rowan focused on. Before her stood a girl, looking hardly eleven, her skin a creamy pallor littered with slashes and burn marks. Blinking, she looked again, only at her face. She saw blue orbs gazing back, their color intensified by the cobalt hue of the earrings shining in her ears, and she could almost picture herself differently. This face, full of small features and pink cheeks, pasted on the body of a healthy thirteen year old, off to a day of middle school where others her age spent their time. The jewelry really did make her smile, biting her lip to hide it, they made her feel that finally, after years of others having the control over her body, this was hers. She made this choice, she picked them out, she made herself into the girl staring back now. She hurried back into her own clothes but leaving on the bra that Kate had already payed for, and let Katelynne buy the rest. It wasn’t all that bad now, she felt a little more grown up, a little more like Kate, and that was something the aspired to be.

“Last one.” Katelynne declared as they rode the elevator and walked a little ways down, “We don’t even have to go in if you don’t want to. I know it can be a little much for some people, I just thought we’d surprise Kells and get something of Sleeping’s.”

They approached a medium sized store that had a glass front, the door surrounded in a faux-brick facade. The name was Hot Topic, and even though Rowan could see it was dark inside she really didn’t know why this place would frighten someone. Victoria’s Secret was much more terrifying. “Let’s go.”

Katelynne grinned, striding in at Rowan’s side and chatting animatedly, “I thought we could get you something with his face and embarrass him, or maybe with one of his friends’ faces…”

Her words were lost as she continued to weave through the store, pushing the cart, assuming Rowan would follow. Rowan, though, had come across an entire rack of leggings and fell in love with at least three pairs. She was already being eaten alive with guilt at how much money the Quinn’s had wasted on her but she thought she’d just try these on. She had to know if they would look as good on, that’s all. She also came across various skirts and jeans. She knew skirts weren’t an easy task what with her mutilated legs but if she tried them on with a pair of black hose… She grabbed a red and black plaid skirt with tule around the hem and a simple black leather skirt cut in what was called a ‘skater’ style, as well as two pairs of acid wash jeans.

Rowan stumbled next toward the rows upon rows upon rows of tee shirts. Most were black but each proclaimed different things. She saw Sleeping with Sirens printed on more than a few and laughed to herself at the weirdness of it, moving on to a few dresses. She grabbed one that was called ‘B-Movie Dress’, made by Hell Bunny, that was white with black trim and a print of random cheesy horror movie posters in red and green.

She had a feeling that she wouldn’t like any of these on herself any more than she’d liked the rest, she just hated how anything looked on her body, but she felt it was worth a shot. Katelynne materialized at her side, making Rowan jump, and flashed a thousand watt smile at the small pile of clothes tossed over Rowan’s tiny arm. “Are these to try on?”

Rowan nodded, ducking her head, and followed along as Kate called over an attendant to open the changing room. She was left inside with the clothes she’d chosen, the walls around her were a hellish red and the mirror and bench were both outfitted in black, and Rowan wondered why anyone would be scared of this store. They were just colors, just clothes, what was the big deal? She pulled on a pair of leggings called ‘Beetlejuice leggings’ and, to her immense shock, liked them. She wanted to buy them and wear them every day and let Katelynne pair them with some top and show them off. Her heart thundered in her chest as she cracked open the door and allowed Katelynne to see.

Without even looking at the leggings Katelynne locked eyes with her future daughter, “Well I’ll be damned, that’s it.”

Rowan nodded a little bit, not trusting herself to speak for fear of sounding silly, but let her own smile tug at the corners of her lips, “I think so.”

“Are there more? Keep going!” Katelynne looked like she was holding in a squeal so hard that she’d pop.

Rowan shut herself inside and threw on one pair of leggings after the other, ending up modeling and falling in love with four pairs, before Kate demanded to see skirts. Rowan obliged, yanking on the tights before showing off both skirts, and having Katelynne decide she was getting it all wether she liked it or not. This made Rowan hesitate to try more on, she’d already cost them so much, but Katelynne gave her these big puppy dog eyes and she caved. The dress was a Hell Yes, as were the blue and gray pairs of acid wash jeans.

Now fighting back a grin of her own, Rowan reemerged and was taken directly to the checkout. “Go ahead and look around some more, I’m just setting this stuff up here.”

Rowan darted into the black abyss again, now looking at the overwhelming amount of shirts once more. She heard two girls chatting and giggling nearby and, as she always did, immediately assumed they were laughing at her. She fought the feeling off, picking up a shirt that said My Chemical Romance in her size and, liking the design, held it as she sifted through more. There were two Sleeping with Sirens shirts she liked as well as one that said ‘Beverly Hills 666’. Finally she stumbled upon a shirt with a familiar face on it. Tugging it free, she got a good look and was a mixture of amused and mortified, nearly dropping the fabric in shock. It had Vic’s face on it and in bold letters read, ‘VIC FUENTES OR DIE’.

“You like Pierce, too?” A girlish voice interrupted Rowan’s horror, making her wide eyes swivel around to see the two girls smiling at her, one wearing the exact shirt in Rowan’s hand and the other in an Anthem Made crew neck.

“I’m Sydney, this is Tayler.” Rowan took a mental note: Tayler= Anthem, Sydney= creepy Vic shirt. Sydney had emerald green eyes and blonde wavy hair, the bottom layer dyed black, while her friend had almond shaped eyes that looked the color of fresh coffee, her raven black hair hanging pin-straight to her shoulders and her bangs cut blunt across so low that they almost hid her eyes completely. “I like that My Chem one you grabbed as well.”

They were both smiling kindly, looking friendly and sweet, but Rowan began tugging at her sleeves and hoodie in her anxiety. “Thanks.”

“I also love that Anthem shirt you’re wearing, I tried to find one online but apparently it's not for sale anymore,” Tayler seemed disappointed at the thought, “did you buy yours a while ago then?”

Rowan nodded, her eyes surreptitiously dashing around in search of Katelynne.

“I like how you cut it also, the sleeves off and all, it’s just like Kellin’s.” Hearing his name made Rowan’s ears perk up, it was so odd to hear his name on a stranger’s lips but the word had rolled off Tayler’s tongue like she said it a million times a day, like it was her sibling or best friend. “In fact, I just saw this shirt on the other shelf that has him shirtless on stage on it and, ugh,” it was this weird groaning sound that Rowan couldn’t place, “I would totally do him.”

This made Rowan almost gag. That was her, well, dad they were talking about and the mere thought sent a shiver down her spine.

“She would,” Sydney cut in, “but she knows he’s all mine. One day hers and Justin’s son will date our daughter, but until then I won’t share.”

They giggled as if they’d heard the funniest thing in the world, holding on to each others’ hands as they laughed as though they’d fall over by letting go. Rowan was frozen, not knowing what the hell she was supposed to do in this situation. She didn’t want to tell them who she was, not wanting to be heckled for autographs from him or something, but she didn’t know how to politely ask them to stop talking about fucking her dad.

Thank God, Katelynne slid in. She didn’t seem to see the other girls at first, but she saw the frantic looks Rowan was tossing between herself and the two nearby, and she caught on. She turned around just in time, not acting as if she knew Rowan at all, and smiled kindly at the friends, who suddenly looked like they’d seen a ghost, then simultaneously began apologizing for talking about her husband like that and assuring her they were just playing around and were really big fans. They even asked her for a picture and for her to sign their receipts, which mystified Rowan as she scurried to the check out with her shirts. Adding them to the pile, she made idle chit chat with the cashier until Katelynne returned, the girls already out the door and furiously pounding on their phones.

“Hey, Cam.” Katelynne smiled, addressing the man behind the counter like old friends. Rowan supposed Kate probably saw a good deal of him, between the Sleeping with Sirens and Anthem stuff for sale that, she’d told Rowan, Kellin liked to come in and sign to surprise some lucky fan.

“How’ve you been?” Cam didn’t ogle at Kate or drool all over himself so Rowan figured he must take a more responsible approach. He had black hair, buzzed on the left side but to his shoulder on the right, and more tattoos than even Kellin had. His smile was welcoming and shone with two studs decorating his upper lip.

“Pretty good, actually. I’m almost done with the first round.” So he knew about her cancer, that surprised Rowan. Her birth mother forbade her from discussing it with anyone but hospital personnel, unless it was to get something out of someone by playing the pity card. It’d sickened Rowan. But Katelynne was clearly friends with this man and he beamed at her, genuinely pleased that she was doing well.

“I’m glad. Now, who’s this?” Cam directed the last part to Rowan, who gazed up at Katelynne for an answer.

“You’ll keep this between us for now, right?” Katelynne asked, seriously but as though she already knew the answer.

He nodded, “You know I will.”

She grinned, nodding at Rowan, the latter didn’t really know what she was supposed to say, only that she was allowed to tell him. How did she explain this? Katelynne came to stand behind her, putting her hands on Rowan’s shoulders at first before using the left to brush back the messy baby curls framing Rowan’s face. “This is Rowan, she’s going to be a Quinn very shortly.”

Cam seemed surprised but it morphed quickly into a smile, winking at her as he finished ringing the items up, “Lucky little girl.”

She couldn’t help the large grin in response, it was hard not to smile back at him. “I know. I sure as hell am.”

He laughed at that, folding her clothes and bagging them as he ran the credit card, “I bet they’re lucky to have you, too.”

Katelynne’s hand fell to Rowan’s shoulder again, “We sure as hell are.”

“It was good to see you, Katelynne. Keep me posted, okay?” Cam passed over the bags (Kate had again slipped extras in behind Rowan’s back) and gave them both a final smile, “It was nice to meet you, Rowan.”

“Likewise,” she beamed, following Katelynne out of the door. As soon as they emerged Rowan felt suddenly very exposed in the big, open, white mall, missing the cozy warmth of the store they’d just barely left.

Katelynne, one had on the basket and the other holding Rowan’s, began another journey, “Let’s go to the food court, that’s where Kell’s meeting us.”

---

“You’ll have to wait for the courts to approve the actual adoption but it shouldn’t be a problem as no new guardians or family members have come forward, besides you’ve already been approved as foster parents which means you are fit guardians in the eyes of the sate. The rest is just paper work and waiting.” The round-faced woman’s voice was kind and reassuring, “In the meantime, you’ll be sent home with a new folder of her past as well as a few pamphlets and forms that your wife has to sign as well. Today, though,” her watery blue eyes met Kellin’s and she smiled, “you can process the name change form.”

Kellin’s pulse hastened, “That’d be great, thank you.”

She left the office, presumably to grab the paperwork, and Matty bounced Copeland on his leg in his chair to Kellin’s left, looking to his friend, “Someone looks excited.”

Kellin rolled his eyes playfully but then grew serious, “This is it. I mean, she’s really going to be ours.”

“Well, not ours technically. Unless that’s why you brought me, to profess your undying love for me and suggest we adopt Rowan as a gay couple.” Matty’s sly smirk made Kellin want to childishly stick his tongue out.

“If you wanted to make out with me you just had to ask, Mullins.” Matty made fake retching noises, but Kellin just sighed, “She will be ours though. I mean, once she’s part of my family she’s part of yours as well. Cope already calls you Uncle Matty.”

Matty let Copeland play with his fingers as it seemed to be fascinating to her at the moment, “I’d be proud to call Rowan family.”

This, all jokes aside, was why Kellin had brought Matty along. His supportive attitude, caring nature, and ability to make Kellin laugh when he was sure he was about to pass out. “Me too.”

“Here we are.” Ms. Brown handed Kellin a few papers, and Matty offered to handle the rest, a sizable folder and loose papers. “Just fill that out. Seeing as this is a form for name change pertaining to adoption the process is unique. Even more so with the fact that you’ll be out of state soon, we’ve waived the process of adjudication in your case, so you won’t have to go to court or anything, you just have to fill it in and I’ll do the rest. Did you want a new birth certificate with your names as the parents, too?”

“Yes, thank you,” Kellin said yet again, he really couldn’t say it enough. This woman was helping him make Rowan his, he couldn’t give enough gratitude.

“I have step out for a bit, just leave the papers with my secretary once you’re done, I’ll have the rest ready to go.” She left a moment later and the pen in Kellin’s hand suddenly weighed a thousand pounds.

He set it to paper, copying over from the other paper in his hand where details were needed.

ADJUDICATION OF FACTS OF PARENTAGE: *
(TYPE OR PRINT CLEARLY IN BLACK INK ONLY)

PART I: INFORMATION TO LOCATE RECORD

1A. NAME OF CHILD–FIRST:
ROWAN

1B. MIDDLE:
ELIZABETH

1C. LAST (BIRTH):
STRATTON

2. SEX:
FEMALE

3. DATE OF BIRTH–MM/DD/YYYY:
07/31/2001

4. NAME OF PHYSICIAN ATTENDANT / CERTIFIED ATTENDANT PRESENT AT BIRTH:
CALVIN BRACY, MMD.

5A. PLACE OF BIRTH–NAME OF HOSPITAL OR FACILITY:
SEATTLE CHILDREN'S NEONATOLOGY

5B. CITY:
SEATTLE

5C. COUNTY:
KING

6A. FULL NAME OF FATHER/PARENT– FIRST:
STEVEN

6B. MIDDLE:
PARKER

6C. LAST (BIRTH):
STRATTON

7A. FULL NAME OF MOTHER/PARENT–FIRST:
CARLOTTA

7B. MIDDLE:
ELIZABETH

7C. LAST (BIRTH):
JENNINGS

PART II: INFORMATION AS IT IS TO APPEAR ON NEW RECORD

FULL NAME OF CHILD AS ORDERED BY COURT--
8A. NAME OF CHILD–FIRST:
ROWAN

8B. MIDDLE:
ELIZABETH - QUINN

8C. LAST:
BOSTWICK

FATHER/PARENT--
9A. FULL NAME OF FATHER/PARENT–FIRST:
KELLIN

9B. MIDDLE:
QUINN

9C. LAST (BIRTH):
BOSTWICK

10. STATE OF BIRTH:
OREGON

11. DATE OF BIRTH–MM/DD/YYYY:
04/24/1986

MOTHER/PARENT--
12A. FULL NAME OF MOTHER/PARENT–FIRST:
KATELYNNE

12B. MIDDLE:
MARIE *

12C. LAST(MARRIED):
BOSTWICK

13. STATE OF BIRTH:
OREGON *

14. DATE OF BIRTH–MM/DD/YYYY:
05/22/1981 *

SWORN STATEMENT:

I, Kellin Quinn Bostwick, declare under penalty of perjury under the laws of the State of California, that I am an authorized person, as defined in California Health and Safety Code Section 103526 (c), and am eligible to receive a certified copy of the birth, death, or marriage certificate of the following individual(s):

NAME OF PERSON LISTED ON CERTIFICATE:
ROWAN ELIZABETH STRATTON

APPLICANT'S RELATIONSHIP TO PERSON LISTED ON CERTIFICATE:
(Must Be a Relationship Listed on Page 1 of Application)
FATHER

Subscribed on this 1st day of June, 2014 at Los Angeles, California .

x_________________________
(Applicant's Signature)

This would be it, the last detail needed, his signature. Matty irrupted Kellin’s train of thought, his voice subdued, “Have you already got one of these?”

Looking to his left Kellin saw Matty indicating the folder on his lap, “Yeah we got one before bringing her home originally.”

“So you’ve read it then?” Matty prompted, taking a purple paper from Copeland’s inquisitive grasp.

“No.” Kellin’s gaze was level, his expression smooth, but Matty looked back at him in confusion. “I wanted her to tell me whatever I need to know in her own time. I was told about her health stuff, other than that it’s up to her.”

“I get that,” Matty nodded, “but shouldn’t you at least look at the other stuff? Make sure she’s not deathly allergic to strawberries or something?”

Kellin wavered, he hadn’t really thought about it that hard. He’d been busy trying to get from one minute to the next, he hadn’t even started packing or anything. Matty had a point, of course, but Kellin still felt it was an invasion of Rowan’s privacy, what little of that remained. “We already had to take all the doors off her room, re-baby-proof the house, hide anything sharper than plastic utensils, and uproot her from the only home she’s ever known. There’s very little she has left to herself, I just wanted her to feel like she was still her own person, you know?”

“Maybe have Kate do it then? I just want to make sure there’s nothing in here that could help Rowan.” Matty let the subject go with a kind smile, allowing Kellin to submerge in his own head once more.

Matty was right, Kellin knew there were plenty of things about Rowan he had yet to learn but maybe waiting for her to speak wasn’t the best option, after all talking about it might just make things harder for her. He stored the thought away, deciding to deal with it later, and made the final scribble. It was one he’d made a million times, on anything from arms to receipts to posters to bras, but this time it was as if he were writing it for the first time in his life. Each curve seemed more prominent, each point much sharper, and the resulting image stared back at him in vivid ebony ink.

He sighed, “I think I’m done.”

“Let’s go get us another Quinn then.” Matty passed Kellin the papers and carried a groggy Cope against him, her cuddling into his chest and beginning to fall asleep as they walked, she was just that comfortable with Matty.

“I was told to give these to you, correct?” Kellin struggled to speak around the block in his throat and coughed awkwardly to clear it, passing the filled out form to Ms. Brown’s secretary once outside the office.

“Sure, I’ll be right back.” It was surely only five minutes the blonde was gone but it felt like hours as Kellin began pacing.

“You’re gonna wear a hole in the floor if you keep that up.” Matty put one hand on his friend’s shoulder in a tender gesture.

Kellin then began wringing his hands, probably wearing off his tattoos with how roughly he twisted and untwisted his fingers, until the girl returned with yet more papers. “Here you are, I’ll let Ms. Brown know you left. Have a nice day.”

Matty replied to the woman in a polite way but the words he spoke never reached Kellin’s ears. He only heard his heartbeat, thump-thumping so loudly he was sure everyone around heard it as well. In his hands he held various legal things but on the top of the stack sat the thing he couldn’t believe, a freshly printed birth certificate. It was even warm from the printer, the ink might’ve smudged if Kellin’s hands weren’t frozen in one position on the edges of the image. On the multicolored paper he saw Rowan’s new name. His middle name as her second, as well as his surname. It seemed to fit so well. He could already hear the ring it had, Rowan Quinn. It was perfect.

As he followed behind Matty, Kellin’s eyes stayed zeroed in on the certificate, seeming to think it’d disappear if he looked away. Her parents were, on here at least, and soon to be more substantially, Katelynne and Kellin. The knowledge warmed him while Matty buckled Copeland in and jumped into his seat.

“Where to next, dear husband of mine?” Matty teased, looking as pleased on his best friend’s behalf as if he’d just adopted Rowan for himself.

“To pick up our same-sex-couple love child of course.” Kellin retorted, driving off with the sounds of Blink-182’s All the Small Things filling the car.

Notes

Shout Outs:
tiff
DarlingYou'llBeOkay
Cin-D182 [x3 ;)]
Ishipolin
Jordan070701
sleepingwithkatie

Okay guys. First I'd like to give you all a huge thank you for your support of this story, between your comments and the VERY ADORED AND WELCOMED new subscribers and votes since just the last chapter I'm beyond overwhelmed.

I posted this story with the intention that maybe one or two people would read it and maybe connect to the characters but the sheer number of readers has blown me away. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

This chapter was a little out of my comfort zone, as Rowan was out of hers as well, so I hope it wasn't disappointing to any of you. Writing Rowan as she begins the work of healing internally is new, it's very in tune with where the story is going and isn't something I'm unhappy doing but at the same time it's a whole new area of struggle that I myself am battling and therefore it's as unknown to me as it is to Rowan. This is new territory but I feel it's still genuine, in sync with where Rowan is, and still organic in its origin and placement. It's also hard for me to word seeing as I'm just now discovering it for my own, so I hope you'll bear with me.

On another note, this was something else I've been dying to write. This is, I think, a pretty important step in their journey but I hope it doesn't seem like a filler or something since there's no direct drama?

Here's something else I thought I'd share with you. I write this in Pages before posting and I thought it'd be fun to share with you some stats:

Story's Birthdate: Between Mid-February and Early-March 2013 (I've lost the exact date it was created, but this is my best guesstimate.)
# of Characters Introduced (Up to current posted chapter): 32
# of Chapters Written (Including those not yet posted): 18
# of Words (Up to current posted chapter): 120, 718
# of Pages Written (" "): 206
# of Reads (Combined total from all sites): 8, 462
# of Comments (" "): 72
# of Subscribers (" "): 63
# of Votes (" "): 110
# of Reads Since Last Chapter(CH.14): +1k

Anything else you guys are curious about or want to know behind the scenes, comment and I'll try my best to give you a good answer. Or maybe this was stupid and totally bores you, if so I apologize.

HERE'S SOMETHING (I hope, Maybe, Possibly?) EXCITING:
We're only three chapters away from the start of the (FICTIONAL) Warped Tour! Any last minute band suggestions or requests need to be submitted before the next chapter is posted.

Thank you. Much love,
MM

* - DISCLAIMER: ALL INFORMATION PRINTED HAS BEEN OBTAINED, IN SOME INSTANCES, BY NON-RELIABLE SOURCES OR FABRICATED FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS WORK OF FICTION EXCLUSIVELY.