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Navy Blue Eyes

Seeing Her.

Kellin Quinn woke, yet again, to the sound of a TV and the distinct feeling of rocking that could be nothing other than the movement of the tour bus beneath him. He rubbed his eyes and rose hesitantly, raising his left hand to run his fingers through his messy ink-black hair.

Though it took him a moment of disoriented thinking, he remembered all of the previous months' events. His heart sank all over again. Kellin ran a palm over his face, noticing his cheeks were still damp with tear-tracks. Before he could allow himself time to sink back beneath his sheets, to hide in his bunk for the rest of... well... the rest of forever, he was interrupted by a quiet knock on the faux-wood door to the bunk room.

"Kell?" Kellin heard Justin's voice before he saw his figure emerge into the small room, "We're stopped for breakfast. Er, or lunch. Come on out when you're ready, we'll be grabbing a table inside."

Kellin nodded, not looking up from his hands, which he had rested on his lap as he twirled his fingers. Justin nodded, too, though he knew Kellin couldn't see him. He excused himself quietly, leaving Kellin to pull on a wrinkled white V-neck, black skinnies, dark sunglasses, and a random pair of sneakers before he made his way toward the front door to the bus.

Even though he wanted nothing more than to disappear into his bed and get rid of his own skin to escape, Kellin knew there was no use refusing the guys, they'd only yank him out to eat anyway. At least this way he was able to walk out on his own two legs, managing to retain a shred of dignity.

As he stepped through the door, Kellin shoved his hands deep into his jean pockets, doing a quick scan through the small-town diner's interior. Gabe waved his arm above his head, catching Kellin's attention. The latter of the two crossed the room apprehensively, dreading the ache his cheeks would take on after his plastic smile'd been plastered on his dry, cracked lips for ages.

Justin, Jack, Gabe, and Jesse had claimed a large booth near the back of the restaurant. All of the guys wore sunnies and either a hood or a beanie, all in vein attempts to blend in. Even without being in a world famous band, they had a hard time blending in, (what with their skinny black denim, various piercings, destroyed t-shirts, and numerous splotches of inked-skin) even in their individual adolescent ages they'd always managed to stick out profusely.

Kellin plopped down nearest the edge, wanting to give himself an easy escape just in case another one of his mind-splitting headaches or overwhelming urges to cry washed over him. He smiled flimsily toward the guys as the waitress came and got their orders, they'd all ordered something simple (Kellin not even looking at the menu but instead just copying whatever Jack'd gotten, knowing he wouldn't take a bite either way) seeing as they all knew today was a rushed one, they had an important place to be by three o'clock.


"Family of Katelynne Quinn Bostwick?" The harsh-looking nurse called out, tapping her squeaky sneaker annoyingly loud on the cold tile floor of the waiting room. Gabe shoved his shoulder into Kellin's, the latter of the two jumped up from his semiconscious state, hurrying to join the nurse.

"Yes? That's, uh, that's me. I'm her husband." Kellin couldn't seem to find the right words, everything was difficult for him just now. The old lady with the bright, falsely-blushed red cheeks nodded nevertheless, she probably dealt with sleep-deprived, emotional wrecks all the time.

"Right, well," Kellin rubbed his eyes quickly, trying to wake himself enough to listen to the woman's sharp words, "She's fine. She's headed into Infusion just now. She's still insisting that she go alone, some of them do that. She'll be out in," She pushed the sleeve of her tweedy-bird scrubs up to check her watch, "two to three hours."

"Sure... Will you tell her I lover her?" Kellin knew he was being silly, it was just medicine today, he would see Katelynne in a few hours, but the fact that she had been stubborn for days about doing this bit alone made Kellin's stomach twist painfully. The nurse only nodded in response before tuning on her heel and squawking her way down the hall. Kellin turned back the the guys as he fell into the hard chair once again. "She's going in to Infusion just now. They said it'll be a few hours."

The boys nodded at Kellin, affirming their understanding. They all stood, Kellin following suit to give them bro-hugs, before they left Kellin as he'd requested. Earlier they'd had a heated discussion or two about Kellin's insistence to be left alone while Kate was in, but they all eventually ended with resigned sighs and the boys giving in to Kellin's wishes. They understood that he wanted to just sit quietly and think, it was how he coped with the few things he couldn't just laugh off.

After the room had cleared out, Kellin slumped back into his hard waiting-room chair.

"They'll probably all text you within a few minutes, I usually just use the classic, 'Doing fine, thanks. Doctor's coming now. Talk to you later.' That usually shuts 'em up."

The voice was low, but feminine. Kellin turned his head to the side and saw the speaker. He couldn't distinguish much about them, though, as all he could see was the back of a heather-grey hoodie sat with their back to him in the chairs across the room. "Er..." Kellin stumbled over his words, too exhausted to comprehend enough of what was happening, "Wh- What?"

"Your friends. They never feel like they've helped enough. They could personally wipe your ass and still feel there's more they could do. Just kinda give 'em the simple tasks, like a toddler that wants to help their parents clean the house. If you keep 'em busy with the small stuff they usually quit buggin' you for a while."

The voice was clam, knowledgeable, sounding almost bored with their own information. Kellin shifted a bit in his chair, something about the hollowness in the voice made him nervous. The uncomfortable pit in his stomach (which, granted, he'd been dealing with for months now) bubbled a bit, making Kellin a bit worried about keeping down the two bites of pasta he'd nibbled on. "Sure. Thanks for... that."

The hooded figure nodded in response, but stayed facing away from the gaunt, sunken-in man behind. Kellin focused on himself again, he'd just wanted to be alone, he needed time to think. Though he seemed to do nothing but sleep, his lids still felt heavy. He sunk into his chair again, feeling like he himself wasn't doing enough. His wife was doing this on her own, for the most part, just like she'd wanted. But Kellin still felt guilt in his heart like a lead ball. Throughout the month or so since the information landed, the Quinn's had been trying to carry on with life as usual. Even though Kellin was persistent about leaving tour and coming home to be with Katelynne, she just wouldn't allow it. Though there had been a few changes. Kate's parents had come to stay in Kellin and Katelynne's house so as to keep Copeland when Kate was having her down days, such as today.

Kellin plugged his headphones into his iPhone, planning to turn on music, but was stopped when a nurse came out of the hall. He shot up, ramrod straight, and yanked his earbuds out roughly. The woman didn't look his way once, though. Instead, she walked around his seat straight to the hooded-figure. Kellin kept his eyes and ears out anyway, paying close attention as he was suddenly direly-curious about the mystery speaker. All he saw, however, was that the nurse didn't say a word to the person. The speaker just got up upon seeing the nurse and followed behind the scrub-clad woman. Kellin paid close attention as the pair breezed past him, seemingly comfortable around each other, like old friends. Kellin noted that the mystery figure wore the grey hoodie that was at least four sizes too large for their tiny frame and black tights, finished off with leather combat boots. Nothing about the outfit really told Kellin about them, it could be a boy or a girl... hell it could be a talking animal for all he knew.

Within a moment, they were out of Kellin's sight. He sighed, knowing he'd probably never solve the puzzle of the hooded-figure now, and went back to scrolling through his phone. It vibrated in his hand, a text.


From Gabe:
Hey Kell, you doing alright? Anything we can bring you?? We're out at the grocery store just down the street. Want snacks?? Anything??


Kellin paused, not really feeling in the mood to reply, then dropped his locked phone onto his lap with the message un-responded to. He felt completely drained. Just after, the phone vibrated again.


From Jesse:
Hey man. were at the store. need anything?

From Justin:
yo whats up r u alright

From Jack:
Hey. Are you okay? Why aren't you respondinh?

*responding?


Kellin felt even more tired than he did a minute ago, if that was even possible. He picked up his phone and turned it over in his palm a few times before unlocking it. The strange stranger's words ran through his head. A small grin played on his lips as he pounded on the keys, typing up a group message to the guys.


From Kellin:
Hey, I'm fine. Don't need anything. Don't worry a bit. All good, thanks though. Doc's coming now, talk to you later.


He laughed (yes, actually LAUGHED, for what seemed the first time in years) at how they all gave quick responses of understanding and then left him alone. The voice really knew what they were talking about.

Finally, a nurse returned. Yet again, though, it wasn't for him. The nurse was followed by the hooded-stranger again, though the stranger wasn't really following, more leading. They obviously didn't need any direction.

What surprised Kellin most was that the figure nodded to the nurse, who turned and left, before taking a seat in one of the chairs right near Kellin. Kellin shifted in his chair again, trying to maneuver himself so that he could better see who was behind that now-familliar grey hoodie. Kellin's eyes studied the person as they kept their face hidden and played with their iPhone.

"So what're you in for?" The voice was the same as before, low but feminine, slow and steady, almost bored sounding. The person didn't raise their eyes from their phone as they spoke, but Kellin still felt inclined to respond as if their eyes were burning holes into him.

"My wife. Breast cancer. Stage three." He wasn't sure why he told this stranger this information, he'd hardly even said a word about it to his band mates and he never talked to his wife about this topic even though she was much more calm and comfortable about it than he was. So then why was he so open about it with this hidden stranger? He couldn't tell.

"Ah. Gotcha." There was a slight bob of their head, a nod of understanding, "Well she'll make it. They always make it back from a stage three, especially breast cancer, that one never keeps ya down. You'll be walking out of here with a cured wife and a real smile -not the fake kind you wear now- before you know it."

Kellin was oddly comforted by the person's apparent knowledge and promise of happiness, he had never been so confident in his wife's safety as he was in that moment.

After a moment of silence, Kellin began to really study the figure before him. There was the slightest glimpse of a few strands of rich, chocolate brown hair hanging from the shrouded hooded-person. The black leggings were more visible now, but that wasn't what caught Kellin's eye. The tights were stuck out at odd angles by what appeared to be the stranger's bones protruding though. The person's knee and ankle bones were terrifyingly visible, this person had to be severely underweight. Next, Kellin looked to the figure's arms as they now shoved their massive hoodie sleeves up to their boney elbows. He saw that their wrists, too, were stretched at sharp points where the bones almost broke the thin, pale skin. There were blue and purple blotches littering the stranger's near-colorless skin. Bruises.

Kellin had to look away for a moment, just to clear his head of the thoughts and questions that swirled around his brain in the most dizzying way. Soon thought his gaze was drawn back to the person, like an extremely powerful magnet. As his eyes settled back onto the mystery person's arms, he noticed something else. Red lines ran up and down the white skin of their forearms. Scars, cuts, some old and raised and pink and others that were bright burgundy and slightly open and fresh.

"Ahem." The person cleared their throat loudly, drawing Kellin's widened eyes up to meet their own, "Need something?"

But Kellin couldn't find the words to respond. He was busy studying the face of this stranger. A beautiful girl, no older than eleven or twelve, looked back at him. With pale skin, sunken-in cheeks, and deep purple circles under her eyes, the girl looked as if she'd never once slept. But that wasn't what held Kellin's attention so acutely, it was her eyes themselves.

Her orbs were a shade of blue Kellin had never before encountered, they were a dark, never-ending universe. Like looking into a tunnel or a deep well, they seemed bottomless. They had seen sadness none could even imagine, yet they almost never shed tears. They were navy blue, and beautiful, and... Kellin couldn't quite describe what else they were...

Captivating. That was it. They were captivating. There was no other word he could conjure up to describe the pull her eyes commanded. There seemed to be an unspoken law, they demanded your full attention be given to her, but much the same there appeared to be a silent beauty that drew your attention and -whether you wanted to or not- you had to pay her gaze mind. Not that he wished this pull to disappear. In fact, he'd never wanted anything so much as he wanted to hold her stare. In a moment, he knew she'd taken control of him... he saw that he had no more choice in the matter. Not one inch of him wanted to have it any other way. He was under her control, and he understood that could destroy him, yet there was no one whom he wished to destroy him more than the small girl with the navy blue eyes. The two sat there together in an overbearing silence. Both trying to take each other in, both trying to understand the person at their opposite. Before much more thought was allowed, the same stout nurse returned once more.

"She's ready." Was all she said, so Kellin started to get up, but the nurse shook her head at him. She pointed to the girl, who stood and turned, not sparing another single glance for the man she left behind. The man who couldn't help but feel more empty without her there already.

The nurse stopped, though the small, skinny girl kept walking on. The old lady made her way back to Kellin, she now sat straight across from him. "Did she say something awful to you?"

The question confused Kellin. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, she has a history of scaring off the new people. Tends to stick her nose where it doesn't belong, that one. I apologize for anything she said. Just avoid her, most learn to after a while."

Kellin shook his head, trying to clear it, "No, no. She didn't say anything bad. She was perfectly polite."

The nurse raised her penciled-on eyebrows, as if she didn't believe him, but shrugged anyway and began to leave.

"Wait." Kellin grabbed her by the wrist, but quickly let go at the look of shock and indignity on the woman's overly-made-up features. "Just... Why's she here? What's her name?"

"Sorry." The nurse didn't look sorry at all, as she yanked her arm out of his reach as if he were a cockroach, "Can't say. Office confidentiality rules."

With that she turned and left. Leaving Kellin all alone, with more questions than ever before.

Notes

Here's chapter one. What do you think?
Thanks,

MM

Comments

Where in the world is Mati Marie!? :(

Hey !
please continue this story... i need to know what happens to Rowan.

Xxbsx Xxbsx
5/10/16

Are you still writing this story?

Are you still going to finish this story. I'm still in love with Rowan and I really need closure. I know it's been like 8 months but please finish it. I'd still love to read it