I sighed as I looked up at myself in the mirror, finishing up my mascara. I looked at my hair, attempting to fluff it up. I was a natural red head, thanks to my mother. Though I got lucky enough that it wasn’t that bright orange, “ginger” red, it was more of a dark auburn, people often mistaking it for brown on more than one occasion. It was long, coming to a stop at the small of my back, framing my heart shaped face. I was pale, being the red head that I am and I burned easily in the sun but my face was specked with light brown freckles. Thankfully they were small little dots, and went well with my skin tone. I looked at my eyes, my favorite thing about me. They looked tired and I attempted to smile, my pale pink lips curving slightly but I stopped. I wasn’t in a very good mood.
I hadn’t gotten a decent amount of sleep in the past few days, the dark blue bags under my eyes confirmed. I sighed again as I smeared some concealer over them and let my eyes travel down my body in the mirror. I was standing in just my bra and underwear, my pale skin seeming to glow against the white lace fabric. I had lost weight since moving here, partly because I barely had enough money to buy food for myself and also because I was stressing out about not having enough money, at all. I bent down and opened up the cabinet, pulling out my scale. I took a deep breath, these things still made me nervous.
I gasped when the number came up. I had lost fifteen pounds in a month, ever since moving here. “Shit,” I muttered. I looked at my body again. While I still had some curves, I could see they were slowing disappearing. My arms were way too skinny and I could just see the edge of my ribs poking against my skin. I put the scale away and picked up the small piece of paper that fell by my feet. I looked at it and grimaced. It was the last picture I wanted to see. Me, when I was at my heaviest, the same one I had showed Austin months ago.
I liked to keep it by my scale, as a reminder that I was not that girl anymore, and to make sure I never saw her in the mirror again. This time though, I just felt ashamed. That girl in the picture would be so disappointed looking at me now. That was the one thing we had always wanted to make sure about ourselves; that we stayed healthy, looking at me now, I knew it wouldn’t be long before someone started to question my health. I slipped the picture back in its spot and stood, my hand brushing against my side, following the trail of small, tattooed black birds that flew along my ribs, starting at my hip bone, coming to a stop right below my left breast. It was my favorite tattoo.
I knew that if I didn’t start taking care of myself, the birds would shrink, getting warped against my ribs. I slipped on my blue scrubs and looked at myself once more in the mirror. I frowned as I saw a small tear stream down my cheek. What was I doing? A lot had changed in seven months. Who was I?
I closed my eyes. I felt completely and utterly lost.

~*~
“Hey Jen,” I smiled as I placed the clipboard down on the desk. I had been at work for eight hours now and was beyond ready to head home. Thankfully I had just finished with my last rotation and could head out as soon as I signed a few papers.
“Hey Lu,” she said, typing at the computer when she suddenly stopped, remembering something. “Oh, hey, so this guy just came in and I was wondering if you could give him a quick checkup, you know how to do that right? I’m kind of slammed right now,” she sounded exhausted and began typing again.
“Um, is it alright for me to do that?” I questioned. I knew the basics of preforming a checkup and quickly scanned the clip board she handed me, but I technically was just an assistant, and not really qualified to perform a checkup on my own.
“Oh, yeah, I still don’t see why they haven’t suggested advancing your license; you’re more than ready to become an actual nurse.” She smiled. “And besides I checked with the patient, he said it was no big deal, just wanted to make sure his heart was beating right.” She chuckled, seeming to remember something.
“His heart?” I asked, looking at the clip board again.
“Yes, he has Marfan syndrome, said it should be fine but had a little pain a few days ago. Really all you need to do is check his heart rate and blood pressure.”
“Oh,” I said and I was still very confused. Marfan syndrome usually required a cardiologist, which I certainly was not, but I shrugged and headed to the exam room. If all I had to do to go home was check this guy’s heartbeat, I guess I could manage.
I pushed the door open, looking down at the paper. “Hello, Mr…” I trailed off, my voice catching in my throat as I saw the name on the clipboard.
What? Was this a joke?
I snapped my head up and gasped. Nope, it sure wasn’t a joke. I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was sitting on the exam chair, twirling his thumbs. He looked up when he heard me speak and a smile tugged at his lips.
“Hey Lulu.” He grinned now, full on cheesy grin.
“Austin,” I breathed and almost dropped the clipboard. I couldn’t find any more words.