California Dreamer
chapter ten
The rain was still coming down hard as Austin parked in front of my apartment building. He turned the car off and pulled my hand up to his lips as he gently kissed the back of it. I smiled and leaned back against the seat. I didn’t want this moment to end. There was another crash of thunder as Austin let out a small chuckle. I turned to look at him.
“What?” I asked, confused. He was staring at me, a huge smile on his face.
“Fucking Pizza Hut,” he muttered with a laugh, shaking his head.
I smiled. “Yeah, I guess I should apologize for that huh?” I looked at him; he was still smiling, which I was thankful for.
He didn’t say anything though and just continued to look at me, raising his eyebrows. “I’m waiting.” He finally said, bringing his face closer to mine.
I couldn’t help but stare at his lips. Those lips that I had dreamt about for so long were finally so close to me that I couldn’t help but bring my lips closer, until I felt them touch his. He laughed against my lips but it he kissed me back, hungrily. I took his face in my hands and pulled him closer as the kiss deepened. He let go of my hand and gripped my side, giving me a slight push, encouraging me to move closer to him. I started to get up and he took the opportunity of my new position to grab my hips and pull me into his lap so that I was straddling him in the front seat. We stayed like that for a few minutes, refusing to allow any space between us than there already was, I had my arms wrapped tightly around his neck while his arms were snaked around my waist, pulling me so tight against him it was almost painful.
We both chuckled as I hit the horn with my ass and I pulled away from him, resting my forehead against his. We were both breathing heavy and I pecked him on the lips one more time.
“How was that?” I asked, still a little breathless.
His laughter echoed in the car as he grinned at me. “I think that was one of the best apologies I have ever gotten. I think you’re forgiven.” He kissed my nose.
I smiled as I untangled myself from him and sighed as I leaned away from him. He frowned at the space between us.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, rubbing my arms.
“I should get going.” I said and flipped over into the passenger seat. He sighed in protest. “I have an early shift tomorrow, working a double, and not to mention, I’m still soaking wet.” I looked down at my scrubs, plastered to my body and shivered.
He grabbed my hand again. “I can come with you,” he said with a sly smile, leaning over and kissing my neck.
I took a deep breath and tried to form words but Austin was making that really difficult.
“I, I…I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I finally managed to get out.
He kissed my neck one last time and pulled away to look at me. “Why not?” he pouted and frowned, crossing his arms like a little kid.
I couldn’t help but laugh as he was trying hard not to smile. “Because I have a feeling that if I invite you in, there won’t be much sleeping going on.”
He laughed and I saw something flash in his eyes. “And that would be a bad thing?” he questioned, his voice husky and I watched as his eyes trailed down my body, sparkling.
God damn, this man would be the death of me.
“Yes.” I said simply and frowned. “Like I said, I’m working a double shift tomorrow and…” I trailed off as he placed his hand on my knee, smiling. “And I’m tired.” I managed to finish, my voice low.
It was then that I realized just how tired I was. I hadn’t been sleeping much since moving to California, my mind always somewhere else when I tried to fall asleep. It was restless. Plus I had been picking up extra shifts and working ridiculous hours just trying to make as much money as possible so I could have enough to where I wouldn’t worry too much about what would happen to me between paychecks. California was a lot more expensive than I had imagined and rent was due soon. I closed my eyes and leaned back against the seat. I felt Austin take his hand off my knee and I turned to look at him. He was looking at me, concerned.
“Lulu,” he started and his voice was low, loving, and full of concern and it startled me. “Are you, are you alright?” he asked me again.
And the way he said it, made me shiver. I could hear the concern, and love, there was so much love in his voice. He truly did care about me. And he could tell I wasn’t the same girl he met seven months ago. He had to have sensed that something changed.
I mean, was I alright? Sure. I was here in California, I had a nice stable job, and I had made a few friends but was I really alright? Was I eating? Sometimes. Was I sleeping? Not really. Was I happy? I wanted to say yes. I mean I still managed to smile, even if it was fake and forced most of the time.
I had turned to stare out the window, noticing the rain was starting to calm down. I could feel Austin looking at me, waiting for an answer. I didn’t know what to say. What could I say? There was so much he didn’t know, so much he wouldn’t understand. A lot had happened in seven months, most of which I wanted to forget. But I knew I had to say something, I had a feeling he wouldn’t let me out of the car until I did.
“I will be.” I whispered and leaned over to quickly peck a kiss on his cheek and grabbed my bag off the floor, pushing the door open and climbing out before he had a chance to say anything. I closed the door, smiled at the window, hoping he was looking and ran to the front door of my building, quickly turning my key and ran up the stairs to my door.
Once I got in I leaned against the door as I closed it and took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I opened them, looking around at my tiny apartment. There was my mattress on the floor in the corner because I couldn’t afford a bed frame, my blankets balled up at the end from when I had jumped out of bed earlier. I had a small loveseat in the middle, in front of the small flat screen my dad had sent me my first week here, though I couldn’t afford cable so all I watched was DVDs, if I had time, I had been working so much lately. And then there were cardboard boxes everywhere. Some empty, others not even opened from when I first moved in. My sister was still sending me things and I was often too tired to go through them when I got them so I just started to pile them around the room.
I sighed. California had always been my dream and yet, now that I’m here, I just couldn’t seem to find the motivation to actually make it seem like my home. Part of me was scared, what if things didn’t work out? I mean what if I had to move back? Could I? I thought about returning home to my mother and felt a shudder pulse through my body. I stood up straight and made my way to the bathroom. I started the shower and quickly took off my clothes, jumping into the warm water and I let it wash over me and I decided something right then and there.
I decided that I was going to start enjoying this, enjoying this life that I was living. Sure, it was not perfect but if I didn’t do anything, it would never be. I decided that my next day off I would start to go through all my boxes and finally start to make this place my home.
I got out and dried myself off, not bothering to get dressed as I slipped under my covers, and for the first time, in a long time, I managed to fall asleep right away, my mind drifting away with Austin smiling at me, and I knew that I really would be okay. It was just going to take a little time.
***AUSTIN’S POV***
“And I’m tired,” she breathed and I looked at her. I really looked at her as she leaned back against the seat, closing her eyes.
I realized she looked exhausted, like she hadn’t slept in days. Even in the dim light of my car I could see the heavy bags under her eyes. I watched as her chest rose gently and fell back down and I realized that she had lost weight since the last time I had saw her. I thought back to the hospital, how tiny she had looked in her scrubs, as if she was swimming in them. I remember thinking how small her wrist looked as she scribbled something down on the paper and just the way she looked in general.
Anyone who looked at her would see that she seemed happy, like she was enjoying life but if they had taken the time to look closer they would see the mask that she was wearing. They would have noticed the fake smile she wore and how hard it was for her to actually appear happy. What had happened to her? I remember that day I met her. The way she looked at California with so much wonder, she had so much life in her, even if she wasn’t sure what she was doing with her life at that moment. She was just enjoying life as it as it went by, not really a care in the world. It was one of the reasons I had fallen for her. She was just so different than any of the other girls I had met.
I took my hand off of her knee, though all I really wanted to do was scoop her up in my arms, pull her close and never let her go, and waited for her to look at me. Once she did I asked her the same thing I had asked not too long ago.
“Lulu, are you, are you alright?”
It took her a few minutes to answer, and she turned to look out the window, though my eyes never drifted away from her. I wondered what she was thinking. What had happened to this beautiful girl in the past seven months? She was still beautiful, so very beautiful, but she didn’t believe in herself anymore and I started to get angry, I was going to figure out what caused my beautiful girl to feel so worthless and doubt herself, and I was going to make sure she never felt that way again. I quickly smoothed my expression when I saw her looking back at me. We locked eyes and I couldn’t help but notice how lifeless hers looked. Just before she spoke though I saw a flash of something, a flash of the girl I had met seven months ago.
“I will be.” She whispered and quickly kissed my cheek before grabbing her bag and nearly running out of my car, though she did throw me a quick smile before she went into her building.
So something had happened to her, I realized as I started my car and began to drive away. The only good thing was that she seemed to realize that she wasn’t the same girl and it seemed like she wanted to be that girl again. I decided right then and there that I was going to see the girl I had fallen in love with seven months ago, no matter what it took. I was going to make sure of it.
A small beep caught my attention as I looked down at the floor where Lulu’s bag had been. I saw her phone and realized she must have dropped it when she grabbed her bag. I reached down to pick it up and I froze when I saw the name. Why on earth would she have that saved as a contact? Who was this person?
I stared, puzzled as the name “DO NOT ANSWER!!!” called her once again.
“What?” I asked, confused. He was staring at me, a huge smile on his face.
“Fucking Pizza Hut,” he muttered with a laugh, shaking his head.
I smiled. “Yeah, I guess I should apologize for that huh?” I looked at him; he was still smiling, which I was thankful for.
He didn’t say anything though and just continued to look at me, raising his eyebrows. “I’m waiting.” He finally said, bringing his face closer to mine.
I couldn’t help but stare at his lips. Those lips that I had dreamt about for so long were finally so close to me that I couldn’t help but bring my lips closer, until I felt them touch his. He laughed against my lips but it he kissed me back, hungrily. I took his face in my hands and pulled him closer as the kiss deepened. He let go of my hand and gripped my side, giving me a slight push, encouraging me to move closer to him. I started to get up and he took the opportunity of my new position to grab my hips and pull me into his lap so that I was straddling him in the front seat. We stayed like that for a few minutes, refusing to allow any space between us than there already was, I had my arms wrapped tightly around his neck while his arms were snaked around my waist, pulling me so tight against him it was almost painful.
We both chuckled as I hit the horn with my ass and I pulled away from him, resting my forehead against his. We were both breathing heavy and I pecked him on the lips one more time.
“How was that?” I asked, still a little breathless.
His laughter echoed in the car as he grinned at me. “I think that was one of the best apologies I have ever gotten. I think you’re forgiven.” He kissed my nose.
I smiled as I untangled myself from him and sighed as I leaned away from him. He frowned at the space between us.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, rubbing my arms.
“I should get going.” I said and flipped over into the passenger seat. He sighed in protest. “I have an early shift tomorrow, working a double, and not to mention, I’m still soaking wet.” I looked down at my scrubs, plastered to my body and shivered.
He grabbed my hand again. “I can come with you,” he said with a sly smile, leaning over and kissing my neck.
I took a deep breath and tried to form words but Austin was making that really difficult.
“I, I…I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I finally managed to get out.
He kissed my neck one last time and pulled away to look at me. “Why not?” he pouted and frowned, crossing his arms like a little kid.
I couldn’t help but laugh as he was trying hard not to smile. “Because I have a feeling that if I invite you in, there won’t be much sleeping going on.”
He laughed and I saw something flash in his eyes. “And that would be a bad thing?” he questioned, his voice husky and I watched as his eyes trailed down my body, sparkling.
God damn, this man would be the death of me.
“Yes.” I said simply and frowned. “Like I said, I’m working a double shift tomorrow and…” I trailed off as he placed his hand on my knee, smiling. “And I’m tired.” I managed to finish, my voice low.
It was then that I realized just how tired I was. I hadn’t been sleeping much since moving to California, my mind always somewhere else when I tried to fall asleep. It was restless. Plus I had been picking up extra shifts and working ridiculous hours just trying to make as much money as possible so I could have enough to where I wouldn’t worry too much about what would happen to me between paychecks. California was a lot more expensive than I had imagined and rent was due soon. I closed my eyes and leaned back against the seat. I felt Austin take his hand off my knee and I turned to look at him. He was looking at me, concerned.
“Lulu,” he started and his voice was low, loving, and full of concern and it startled me. “Are you, are you alright?” he asked me again.
And the way he said it, made me shiver. I could hear the concern, and love, there was so much love in his voice. He truly did care about me. And he could tell I wasn’t the same girl he met seven months ago. He had to have sensed that something changed.
I mean, was I alright? Sure. I was here in California, I had a nice stable job, and I had made a few friends but was I really alright? Was I eating? Sometimes. Was I sleeping? Not really. Was I happy? I wanted to say yes. I mean I still managed to smile, even if it was fake and forced most of the time.
I had turned to stare out the window, noticing the rain was starting to calm down. I could feel Austin looking at me, waiting for an answer. I didn’t know what to say. What could I say? There was so much he didn’t know, so much he wouldn’t understand. A lot had happened in seven months, most of which I wanted to forget. But I knew I had to say something, I had a feeling he wouldn’t let me out of the car until I did.
“I will be.” I whispered and leaned over to quickly peck a kiss on his cheek and grabbed my bag off the floor, pushing the door open and climbing out before he had a chance to say anything. I closed the door, smiled at the window, hoping he was looking and ran to the front door of my building, quickly turning my key and ran up the stairs to my door.
Once I got in I leaned against the door as I closed it and took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I opened them, looking around at my tiny apartment. There was my mattress on the floor in the corner because I couldn’t afford a bed frame, my blankets balled up at the end from when I had jumped out of bed earlier. I had a small loveseat in the middle, in front of the small flat screen my dad had sent me my first week here, though I couldn’t afford cable so all I watched was DVDs, if I had time, I had been working so much lately. And then there were cardboard boxes everywhere. Some empty, others not even opened from when I first moved in. My sister was still sending me things and I was often too tired to go through them when I got them so I just started to pile them around the room.
I sighed. California had always been my dream and yet, now that I’m here, I just couldn’t seem to find the motivation to actually make it seem like my home. Part of me was scared, what if things didn’t work out? I mean what if I had to move back? Could I? I thought about returning home to my mother and felt a shudder pulse through my body. I stood up straight and made my way to the bathroom. I started the shower and quickly took off my clothes, jumping into the warm water and I let it wash over me and I decided something right then and there.
I decided that I was going to start enjoying this, enjoying this life that I was living. Sure, it was not perfect but if I didn’t do anything, it would never be. I decided that my next day off I would start to go through all my boxes and finally start to make this place my home.
I got out and dried myself off, not bothering to get dressed as I slipped under my covers, and for the first time, in a long time, I managed to fall asleep right away, my mind drifting away with Austin smiling at me, and I knew that I really would be okay. It was just going to take a little time.
***AUSTIN’S POV***
“And I’m tired,” she breathed and I looked at her. I really looked at her as she leaned back against the seat, closing her eyes.
I realized she looked exhausted, like she hadn’t slept in days. Even in the dim light of my car I could see the heavy bags under her eyes. I watched as her chest rose gently and fell back down and I realized that she had lost weight since the last time I had saw her. I thought back to the hospital, how tiny she had looked in her scrubs, as if she was swimming in them. I remember thinking how small her wrist looked as she scribbled something down on the paper and just the way she looked in general.
Anyone who looked at her would see that she seemed happy, like she was enjoying life but if they had taken the time to look closer they would see the mask that she was wearing. They would have noticed the fake smile she wore and how hard it was for her to actually appear happy. What had happened to her? I remember that day I met her. The way she looked at California with so much wonder, she had so much life in her, even if she wasn’t sure what she was doing with her life at that moment. She was just enjoying life as it as it went by, not really a care in the world. It was one of the reasons I had fallen for her. She was just so different than any of the other girls I had met.
I took my hand off of her knee, though all I really wanted to do was scoop her up in my arms, pull her close and never let her go, and waited for her to look at me. Once she did I asked her the same thing I had asked not too long ago.
“Lulu, are you, are you alright?”
It took her a few minutes to answer, and she turned to look out the window, though my eyes never drifted away from her. I wondered what she was thinking. What had happened to this beautiful girl in the past seven months? She was still beautiful, so very beautiful, but she didn’t believe in herself anymore and I started to get angry, I was going to figure out what caused my beautiful girl to feel so worthless and doubt herself, and I was going to make sure she never felt that way again. I quickly smoothed my expression when I saw her looking back at me. We locked eyes and I couldn’t help but notice how lifeless hers looked. Just before she spoke though I saw a flash of something, a flash of the girl I had met seven months ago.
“I will be.” She whispered and quickly kissed my cheek before grabbing her bag and nearly running out of my car, though she did throw me a quick smile before she went into her building.
So something had happened to her, I realized as I started my car and began to drive away. The only good thing was that she seemed to realize that she wasn’t the same girl and it seemed like she wanted to be that girl again. I decided right then and there that I was going to see the girl I had fallen in love with seven months ago, no matter what it took. I was going to make sure of it.
A small beep caught my attention as I looked down at the floor where Lulu’s bag had been. I saw her phone and realized she must have dropped it when she grabbed her bag. I reached down to pick it up and I froze when I saw the name. Why on earth would she have that saved as a contact? Who was this person?
I stared, puzzled as the name “DO NOT ANSWER!!!” called her once again.
This is so amazing. I don't think you understand how much I'm in LOVE with this. So don't think I'm weird, but before I go to bed each night I like to read Austin Carlile fan fic..i love him and it just helps me sleep and shit. ANYWAYS, i came across this and ended up reading all ten chapters tonight. I cannot wait for you to update! Probably the best thing I've ever read before!
12/23/13