I groaned and threw my head back into Austin's lap. He scooted back quickly scooted back and looked down at me bouncing him knee so my head bobbed. I looked over at Annie.
"Do I have to?" I said like a small child. She nodded trying to keep a straight face she ended up giggling and smiling anyway. I stood up and stretched.
"I need a shower." I said picking at the hem of my shirt. Alan sat straight up.
"Can I come?" He smirked I laughed and shook my head. I went to my room and gathered all of my clothes and double checking. Long sleeves, jeans, underwear, hoodie. no exposed skin. I dashed into the bathroom. Locking the door I examined myself in the mirror. I had a cut on my cheek from the fight and one down my lip. I ran my finger down the scar on my eye and pushed my shirt collar away to reveal more of my collarbones and the scars that lie beneath. I pulled my shirt up at the sleeves examining the scars there. I dragged the shirt over my head and saw all of them. My ribs, my hips, back, shoulder to wrist, the few stray ones littered around my breasts. I fumbled with the buckle on my jeans and turned to examine my profile. I was far to skinnyin places and far too fat in others. I wrestled my pants to the floor. The scarring was more prominent on my thighs and seamed to fade the closer to my ankles. I pushed against the mirror with a grunt. It was lying to me. There was no way my clothes could cover this much carnage. Everyone thought I was fine. I thought about what I'd said to Devin. He'd been the only other person to see me practically naked. He said he could handle it. He froze in horror and cringed away from me like I was a monster. No one in the entire world would see themas beautiful. No one should. They're the biggest part of me. I didn't keep people out for my good. I did it for theirs. I'd even tried to shake Alan off and he ran after me. Boys are so stupid. I unhooked my bra and ran my finger along the surgery scar. My heart was defective. I have cardiomyopathy and another congenital heart disease. The doctors said I was lucky they didn't have to crack open my chest. I laughed at them. I started running the water and pushed my underwear to the ground. As I stepped underneath the water I imagined all my scars coming off and flowing down the drain. The tiny little lines everyone had given me slowly disappearing. I'd cut myself on the edge of their words but some had actually taken objects against me. I've been in too many fights since then. I'm not going to lay down and take anything ever again. I slammed my fist against the tile and hissed as it opened the ever present wounds on my knuckles. I sighed and cleaned myself up stepped out of the shower and began dressing my cuts and noticing my bruises finally setting in to that fabulous dark purple. I pulled on my clothes and got ready to face the world. I opened up the bathroom door and walked to my studio where everyone was gathered now. Tino and Phil had taken up space flipping through my artwork with Annie and Sara, the manager of Silence Code. Aaron and JC seemed to enjoy playing in my fabric drawer by my sewing stuff Austin and Alan were socializing with Martin, And Nick. Ryan was leaning against the corner hungover as hell all by her lonesome. A few girls and a boy I hadn't met were creeping dangerously close to my soundboard and computer. I whistled loudly and everyone stopped dead in their tracks and turned to me.
"Now for those of you I haven't met. There is one rule of this room. Stay away from the sound booths, soundboards, and my computers. Understood?" I said and and the little group quickly disbanded but Alan defiantly scurried that way.
"I didn't notice this! How did I not notice this? You have a fucking home studio!?!?"