The asian tour was finally over and it was time for us to go back to the states. Caspian and the others had noticed I had lost a lot of weight lately and they said that after this tour we would take a small break for a few weeks. So that I could rest and gain some weight again. Because they thought it was because of stress.

I knocked on the front door and Austin opened, and he just stared at me when I stood there and smiled.
"Shit, I thought I made sure they would have you eat" he said and looked at me. I had always been thin, but I was very thin right now.
"It was very stressful in Asia" I said and laughed, but he still just stared at me. Then he moved so I could walk in and I saw that Alan and Tino was there.
"Wow, someone lost some weight" Alan said and stared as well.
"Come on, it’s not that bad" I said.
"Yes it is" Austin said and sat down on the couch again.
"I’m feeling like I want to force feed you" Tino said and chuckled. I laughed and I saw that Alan and Austin smiled as well.
"And I have to ask you something" Austin said and looked at me.
"What?" I asked and sat down beside him.
"I heard something that they had to call an ambulance for you, why didn’t you tell me?" he asked.
"I was just having hard time breathing, it was nothing" I said and shook my head.
"Nothing? Essie, did you just heard yourself. Hard time breathing?" Austin snapped. I looked at him and then I smiled.
"I’m fine, okay?" I said. He muttered something and I knew he wouldn’t let it go.
I was sitting outside and looking at the colorful sky in the sunset, and drinking some tea. Austin came out and he put a blanket over my shoulders. He sat down beside me and he looked at me.
"I also heard something else" he said and looked at me.
"And what is that?" I asked and looked at him.
"There is a rumor that you have started doing… drugs" he said.
"I don’t do drugs Austin" I said.
"Please tell me the truth, are you doing drugs?" he asked and looked at me. I looked back and then I shook my head.
"No Austin, I’m not doing drugs" I said.
"Because I heard it from Danny Worsnop, and then from Matt Nicholls" he said. I stared at him. He had heard it from them? there was a rumor out that I do drugs? WHAT THE FUCK?!

- - -

Austin’s POV

I woke up ad saw that she sneaked out from bed and into the bathroom. I walked after and looked through the door as she picked out a small box. She picked out two pills and her hands trembled. She looked at them with fear before she quickly swallowed them and sighed in relief.
Fuck. She was really doing it. Drugs. Essie fuck no… Just no.

- - -

I had a new doctors appointment and I was getting nervous. Today they would be doing new tests to see if it was getting worse or if it was the same. But I already knew that it was worse.

He walked in and he didn’t have a happy look upon his face.
"It seems like the tumor has gotten bigger, so I would really recommend you to do the surgery" he said and looked at me. I shook my head and took a deep breath.
"Never" I said. He sighed and nodded, and wrote something down.
"Then I better get you something stronger than pain killers" he said.

Not only did he give me painkillers, he also gave me a prescription on a gel that I should swallow that made my throat numb. So that I wouldn’t feel anything. The only thing was that together they would give me the same effects as if I were on drugs. Dilated pupils and I would probably get addicted to it.
"But I guess it’s better than being in pain" he said.

- - -

About three weeks later, just before our new tour, the guys asked me to come to the studio. I was surprised and wondered what they wanted, since we had agreed to have a day off today before we finally went on tour. To spend time with out families and close ones.
"Hi guys" I said and smiled. They gave me weak smiles and i wondered what was going on.
"Essie, we have something to tell you" they said.
"What?" I asked.
"We know that you are not just doing painkillers anymore" Caspian said. I swallowed and stared at him.
"We’ve seen your dilated pupils and the abstinence you sometimes get" Elijah continued.
"God, we can see that your pupils are enlarged right now" Scott sighed. My hands trembled. What were they going to say? Should I tell them?
"So we have all decided, or agreed…" Scott continued.
"On what?" I asked.
"That you’re not coming on tour with us" Aaron said. My heart dropped and I just stared at them. I stared at them.
"But…" I began but Scott stopped me.
"We have decided that it’s for the best, and for the band’s future, that you no longer will be the vocalist of Semuncia" he said.