Everything was a blur after I talked to Austin. I got back to the bus, the others was preparing for the next show and I just took my tea, some painkillers and my penicillin. Then I took my duvet and wrapped it around me before I moved over to the big couch in the back lounge. All I wanted right now was to lay down and just… Think. About everything. My past, my future and what I was doing now. Or maybe I should think about the future. Maybe I should start living in the moment. Live right now. Since I might not make it until tomorrow.

Shit.
What if I died in my sleep?
What if I died while I was on stage and sang?

There was so many “what if’s” right now. What if… What if… What if. Two innocent and meaningless words but together they could tear anything apart. Together they happened to be strong and could mean everything.

What if.

I must have fallen asleep becuse suddenly I woke up to the feeling of someone lifting me up. I opened my eyes just enough to see Elijah carry me over to my bunker, and gently putting me down there before he closed the curtain. I smiled and looked at him.
"Sleep well" he said just as the curtain closed and smiled.
"Goodnight" I said and drifted off to sleep again.

The next few days passed and I got my voice back. When I finally was of my meds I decided to come back and sing with the guys again. I was going to give my everything. My life would be Semuncia. This would be my legacy. My future. I was going to make this band big.

- - -

Austin’s POV

I noticed a small change i her behavior. It was like she was a little bit distant but at the same time not. Like she wasn’t telling something. But when I asked about she just looked at me.
"Please Essie, tell me what’s wrong" I asked. She teared up a little.
"It’s just… I feel like I failed them when my voice disappeared that night" she said. She looked at me with sad eyes. I smiled and hugged her.
"It’s okay Essie, you had tonsillitis, i think they forgive you” I said.
"But still… I failed them" she said. I hugged her even tighter.
"Don’t let it bother you, you have’t failed anyone" I said and kissed her temple. She smiled a little but the sadness never left her eyes. But at least I knew what she was upset about.

- - -

It was time for my first performance and I was nervous as hell.
"Relax, your voice won’t fail you this time" Scott said and patted my shoulder. I smiled and shook my head.
"I guess not" I said, and then we took the stage. The crowd cheered and smiled.
"HELLO AGAIN" I called out and they chanted my name. I laughed a little and I saw that the guys felt good about having me back.
"I guess I’m not Jaime, but at least I’m back from a week with tonsillitis” I said. They cheered again and I smiled.
"I know my voice failed me the last time I stood on stage, and it might again. Who knows. Nut I promise you that I will from this day and on give you my fucking everything, HOW ABOUT THAT?" I called out and the crowd cheered even bigger than before and we began playing.

What surprised me the most was the fact that I didn’t feel the tumor. I didn’t feel any pain in my throat. I didn’t feel anything. And it scared me at the same time because that made me forget about it sometimes. I forgot that it was there. And how the fuck do you forget about a bomb inside you?

Well I did. A few times. And tour was coming to it’s end, and I was going to Hawaii with Austin. Wonder how that is going to turn out.