I Can't Heal The Way I Feel About You
Do you think you're the only one who feels the way you do?
“I’m not gonna be mad at you or anything. I’m just wondering. Look.” He turned his arm over to show me the scars that lined his bicep. They were hardly visible under his tattoos, but they were there. I knew he self-harmed at one point in time, but I didn’t really think about it much.
“Oli, it doesn’t really matter. I’m sure your problems were much worse.”
“No, don’t minimize your problems. They’re just as important. How old is that?”
“Like 6 months maybe. Don’t worry. I haven’t done it recently. I’ve been over 100 days clean actually. So seriously, don’t worry about it.”
“Alright...but why did you do it? You’ve heard plenty about my issues I’m sure. I’d like to hear about yours.” I hesitated. Did I really want to tell Oliver Sykes, someone who I looked up to and didn’t want to disappoint, about my self-harm habits? I mean, those times are over. But yet, I spilled. Everything. The anxiety, the cutting, the eating habits...all of it. For some reason it felt right tell him all of this. His expression was very understanding the entire time. When I was finished I looked at him and waited for him to speak. He looked down, looked into my eyes, and then he did something I was not expecting. He got up, and he kissed me. Hard. I fell back onto the bed, and he pushed his tongue into my mouth. I grabbed a handful of his hair and ran my hands through it. He tasted so good. But then he stopped.
“What are you doing?” I pouted at him.
“This isn’t fair. You’re only here for the day. I can’t lead you on like this.” He was right. I’m sure I’d be depressed for weeks afterwards. But I couldn’t resist. I straddled him, but he pushed me off.
“No, Charlotte. It’s not fair of me.” He turned away from me. I closed my eyes and tried not to tear up.
“I’m sorry.” He kissed my cheek. “You’re really sweet, and your story is inspiring, but you have to leave, and I don’t want both of us upset over it. And I’m assuming you have university to finish.” I did, and I was planning on going to medical school once I was done. There was no way I could have been in a relationship with him at this point in my life...if that’s what he wanted. But I tried to look at it in a different light. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I tried to kiss him again, and this time he let me. I pushed him down onto the bed, but then he took control again and turned me over so I was under him. He kissed my neck and bit my ear. I moaned softly, trying not to be loud. I didn’t want the rest of the guys to hear me. We slid under the blankets, and he cupped my boobs in his hands. Was this seriously happening? I was hooking up with Oliver Sykes. He grabbed my long, black hair with one hand and tugged. I moaned, but then stopped because I could feel someone else’s presence. I opened my eyes. Shit.
“Oli, it doesn’t really matter. I’m sure your problems were much worse.”
“No, don’t minimize your problems. They’re just as important. How old is that?”
“Like 6 months maybe. Don’t worry. I haven’t done it recently. I’ve been over 100 days clean actually. So seriously, don’t worry about it.”
“Alright...but why did you do it? You’ve heard plenty about my issues I’m sure. I’d like to hear about yours.” I hesitated. Did I really want to tell Oliver Sykes, someone who I looked up to and didn’t want to disappoint, about my self-harm habits? I mean, those times are over. But yet, I spilled. Everything. The anxiety, the cutting, the eating habits...all of it. For some reason it felt right tell him all of this. His expression was very understanding the entire time. When I was finished I looked at him and waited for him to speak. He looked down, looked into my eyes, and then he did something I was not expecting. He got up, and he kissed me. Hard. I fell back onto the bed, and he pushed his tongue into my mouth. I grabbed a handful of his hair and ran my hands through it. He tasted so good. But then he stopped.
“What are you doing?” I pouted at him.
“This isn’t fair. You’re only here for the day. I can’t lead you on like this.” He was right. I’m sure I’d be depressed for weeks afterwards. But I couldn’t resist. I straddled him, but he pushed me off.
“No, Charlotte. It’s not fair of me.” He turned away from me. I closed my eyes and tried not to tear up.
“I’m sorry.” He kissed my cheek. “You’re really sweet, and your story is inspiring, but you have to leave, and I don’t want both of us upset over it. And I’m assuming you have university to finish.” I did, and I was planning on going to medical school once I was done. There was no way I could have been in a relationship with him at this point in my life...if that’s what he wanted. But I tried to look at it in a different light. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I tried to kiss him again, and this time he let me. I pushed him down onto the bed, but then he took control again and turned me over so I was under him. He kissed my neck and bit my ear. I moaned softly, trying not to be loud. I didn’t want the rest of the guys to hear me. We slid under the blankets, and he cupped my boobs in his hands. Was this seriously happening? I was hooking up with Oliver Sykes. He grabbed my long, black hair with one hand and tugged. I moaned, but then stopped because I could feel someone else’s presence. I opened my eyes. Shit.
Omg I just reread this and I remember why I loved this so freaking much
2/10/14