Too Young To Live This Way
The Devil You Know Is Better Than The Ghost You Don't
I felt guilty because I didn’t read the rest of it. I thought the whole song was going to be about me hurting myself. He bent down and rested his forehead against mine and gently kissed me on the lips.
“Let me sing you what I have so far.” Austin said and pushed me into the chair. I had no choice but to listen to him as he flicked switches and turned knobs before going into the room in front of me. He closed his eyes and licked his lips before opening and screaming the first two lines. My heart felt heavy as I listened to the next.
A blood evacuation consumes her. Her only way of stopping the pain.
Tears streamed slowly down my face and I made no effort to wipe them away. He said this was going to get better but so far it was bad. Then the chorus came.
She doesn’t realise I’m here. I wanna believe there is still hope. Hope for her heart, hope for her soul and hope for us. It feels like she’s hanging at the end of her rope. I need to believe there is still hope.
My breath hitched and I wiped my eyes with my thumbs as Austin opened his eyes and stared at me as he sung the next line to me.
She only hurts herself to show that she can feel. I have faith though, that she’ll be fine. Faith is all we need.
I didn’t want to know how he knew that. How did he know that by cutting myself is the only way I can feel something? That I’m numb inside. He stopped screaming and I knew that was as far as he’d gotten in writing the song. He took the headphones off and threw them to the floor before shoving back through the glass door.
I didn’t say anything I just stood up and wrapped my arms around his waist. He hugged me tightly, like his life depended on it. I squeezed him back.
“It wasn’t going to be released.” Austin murmured to me as he pushed my hair away from my face. I sniffled and wiped my nose on my hoodie sleeve. “I was going to record it and put it on your iPod. So if you felt like cutting then you’d know I’m always here.”
“I know you’re here for me.” I felt him guide me to the sofa and pulled me down so he could hug me and not have to bend over so much. I snuggled into him and knew I wanted to be closer to him. I wasn’t sure how to voice it though.
“What are you thinking about?”
“I want to have sex.” I stumbled out and I felt him chuckle before brushing my hair away from my face again to look me in the eyes.
“After the show if you still feel the same way then we will.”
I nodded and kissed an exposed piece of skin on his chest. He ran his hand down my back and whispered something in my hair.
“What was that?”
“I said I’ve got an interview tomorrow and then it is just me and you for the rest of the week.”
“Okay.” I wasn’t going to argue with him on anything that involved his band. He was famous and I was lucky that he even looked at me in the first place. Austin reached over and took the remote from the small table next to the sofa and clicked the CD player on. Instrumental came on and I closed my eyes.
“Like it?”
“Yes.”
“It’s for our new single. Tears in the Sky.” There weren’t any lyrics but I enjoyed listening to the song. It sounded like it was going to be a slow mellow song. It was on repeat and I heard Austin humming a few times but I was trying not to listen. I wanted to hear the album when everyone else did.
I don’t know how long we stayed in that position but Alan knocked on the door. Austin shouted for him to come in and he pushed the wooden door. He took in the sight of us and smiled. I smiled sleepily at him and he sat on the swivel chair.
“Gielle is going to be at the show.”
“Why the fuck is that bitch going to be there?” Austin grumbled under me and I couldn’t help but smile at him. He sounded like he was going to throw a temper tantrum. I knew he was hurt because she cheated on him but he didn’t need to be so stroppy about it.
“She says she saw your tweet.” Alan bought his Twitter up on one of the computers around and turned the screen to show us. A picture of us was on Austin’s Twitter and under it was comment from Gielle saying ‘see you tonight, bitch.’
I sat up and climbed off Austin before pulling him. He sighed and rolled his head around before stretching his arms above his head.
“Well she won’t see me there.” I mumbled and crossed my legs under me. I received duplicate glares from Austin and Alan. “What?”
“Of course you’re going to be there. I’m showing you off.”
“I’m not causing friction between you and your ex.” I said and reached into the small mini-fridge in the corner and searching for a bottle with Austin’s name on. I came up with a can of Monster energy drink. I cracked the top and took a sip before handing it to him.
“It’s her fault we split. She cheated on me. I deserve to be happy. The stupid cow can rot in hell.” Austin stood and pulled Alan with him. “Come on. We’ve got a show to prepare for. Taylor, I want you to go with Aaron and he’s going to get you a new outfit.”
“I’ve got clothes and Aaron is needed here. I promise I’m good, Austin.”
“I love you.” He said to me before kissing me on the tip of the nose and leaving the room with Alan in tow. When I finally appeared in the living room the sofas had all been moved and a drum kit was there, along with amps and guitars.
They didn’t pay me any notice as they broke into song. O.G. Loko was being played and I sat on the kitchen counter to watch my man in action. By the time he was screaming the last line to Still YDG’n he my sweating and I was wet. I wasn’t ashamed of admitting it to myself now. I was turned on by Austin and I loved it.
He strolled up to me and was breathing heavy. I used a towel beside me to wipe his head and he kissed me roughly. I kissed him back and wrapped my arms around his sweaty neck.
“We should shower.” He mumbled and unzipped the top of my hoodie so he could rest his head on my chest. “I can hear your heartbeat.”
“It beats for you.” I whispered and he kissed me. Gently this time. “You shower first.”
“Together.”
“No. You’ll get side-tracked and your show is in forty minutes.”
“Mm, Kay.” When Austin didn’t make a move I nudged him and he heaved a sigh before pushing himself up. “I wanna sleep.”
“Show first.”
“Kay.” He mumbled again and finally stood. He blinked lazily before smiling. While he ventured upstairs to shower I climbed in the downstairs bathroom. The whole shower was glass and the water was stingingly hot. I was washing my hair when I heard Austin open the door.
“Let me sing you what I have so far.” Austin said and pushed me into the chair. I had no choice but to listen to him as he flicked switches and turned knobs before going into the room in front of me. He closed his eyes and licked his lips before opening and screaming the first two lines. My heart felt heavy as I listened to the next.
A blood evacuation consumes her. Her only way of stopping the pain.
Tears streamed slowly down my face and I made no effort to wipe them away. He said this was going to get better but so far it was bad. Then the chorus came.
She doesn’t realise I’m here. I wanna believe there is still hope. Hope for her heart, hope for her soul and hope for us. It feels like she’s hanging at the end of her rope. I need to believe there is still hope.
My breath hitched and I wiped my eyes with my thumbs as Austin opened his eyes and stared at me as he sung the next line to me.
She only hurts herself to show that she can feel. I have faith though, that she’ll be fine. Faith is all we need.
I didn’t want to know how he knew that. How did he know that by cutting myself is the only way I can feel something? That I’m numb inside. He stopped screaming and I knew that was as far as he’d gotten in writing the song. He took the headphones off and threw them to the floor before shoving back through the glass door.
I didn’t say anything I just stood up and wrapped my arms around his waist. He hugged me tightly, like his life depended on it. I squeezed him back.
“It wasn’t going to be released.” Austin murmured to me as he pushed my hair away from my face. I sniffled and wiped my nose on my hoodie sleeve. “I was going to record it and put it on your iPod. So if you felt like cutting then you’d know I’m always here.”
“I know you’re here for me.” I felt him guide me to the sofa and pulled me down so he could hug me and not have to bend over so much. I snuggled into him and knew I wanted to be closer to him. I wasn’t sure how to voice it though.
“What are you thinking about?”
“I want to have sex.” I stumbled out and I felt him chuckle before brushing my hair away from my face again to look me in the eyes.
“After the show if you still feel the same way then we will.”
I nodded and kissed an exposed piece of skin on his chest. He ran his hand down my back and whispered something in my hair.
“What was that?”
“I said I’ve got an interview tomorrow and then it is just me and you for the rest of the week.”
“Okay.” I wasn’t going to argue with him on anything that involved his band. He was famous and I was lucky that he even looked at me in the first place. Austin reached over and took the remote from the small table next to the sofa and clicked the CD player on. Instrumental came on and I closed my eyes.
“Like it?”
“Yes.”
“It’s for our new single. Tears in the Sky.” There weren’t any lyrics but I enjoyed listening to the song. It sounded like it was going to be a slow mellow song. It was on repeat and I heard Austin humming a few times but I was trying not to listen. I wanted to hear the album when everyone else did.
I don’t know how long we stayed in that position but Alan knocked on the door. Austin shouted for him to come in and he pushed the wooden door. He took in the sight of us and smiled. I smiled sleepily at him and he sat on the swivel chair.
“Gielle is going to be at the show.”
“Why the fuck is that bitch going to be there?” Austin grumbled under me and I couldn’t help but smile at him. He sounded like he was going to throw a temper tantrum. I knew he was hurt because she cheated on him but he didn’t need to be so stroppy about it.
“She says she saw your tweet.” Alan bought his Twitter up on one of the computers around and turned the screen to show us. A picture of us was on Austin’s Twitter and under it was comment from Gielle saying ‘see you tonight, bitch.’
I sat up and climbed off Austin before pulling him. He sighed and rolled his head around before stretching his arms above his head.
“Well she won’t see me there.” I mumbled and crossed my legs under me. I received duplicate glares from Austin and Alan. “What?”
“Of course you’re going to be there. I’m showing you off.”
“I’m not causing friction between you and your ex.” I said and reached into the small mini-fridge in the corner and searching for a bottle with Austin’s name on. I came up with a can of Monster energy drink. I cracked the top and took a sip before handing it to him.
“It’s her fault we split. She cheated on me. I deserve to be happy. The stupid cow can rot in hell.” Austin stood and pulled Alan with him. “Come on. We’ve got a show to prepare for. Taylor, I want you to go with Aaron and he’s going to get you a new outfit.”
“I’ve got clothes and Aaron is needed here. I promise I’m good, Austin.”
“I love you.” He said to me before kissing me on the tip of the nose and leaving the room with Alan in tow. When I finally appeared in the living room the sofas had all been moved and a drum kit was there, along with amps and guitars.
They didn’t pay me any notice as they broke into song. O.G. Loko was being played and I sat on the kitchen counter to watch my man in action. By the time he was screaming the last line to Still YDG’n he my sweating and I was wet. I wasn’t ashamed of admitting it to myself now. I was turned on by Austin and I loved it.
He strolled up to me and was breathing heavy. I used a towel beside me to wipe his head and he kissed me roughly. I kissed him back and wrapped my arms around his sweaty neck.
“We should shower.” He mumbled and unzipped the top of my hoodie so he could rest his head on my chest. “I can hear your heartbeat.”
“It beats for you.” I whispered and he kissed me. Gently this time. “You shower first.”
“Together.”
“No. You’ll get side-tracked and your show is in forty minutes.”
“Mm, Kay.” When Austin didn’t make a move I nudged him and he heaved a sigh before pushing himself up. “I wanna sleep.”
“Show first.”
“Kay.” He mumbled again and finally stood. He blinked lazily before smiling. While he ventured upstairs to shower I climbed in the downstairs bathroom. The whole shower was glass and the water was stingingly hot. I was washing my hair when I heard Austin open the door.
Notes
Title Cred : Young GunsMy song writing skills are shit. While you're here why not check out my blog?
hope-is-in-music.tumblr.com
What is the name of your sequel babycakes?!?! I. MUST. READ. MORE!
10/28/16