This One's For You
When You Can't Fall Asleep At Night
When I woke up I was outside again, but I was all alone. I started to walk back to the bus but I collapsed to the ground. I could feel bruises forming on my arms and legs. I knew I shouldn't have come back to Warped Tour. Why me, why? I stayed on the ground for a while longer until I stopped crying and headed for the buses. I just wanted to forget all about this night, hide away somewhere deep down inside.
When I got back to the bus I went straight for the shower and turned the water as hot as it would go and scrubbed as hard as I could. But no matter how much I scrubbed I still felt disgusting. After an hour of scrubbing and crying I got out of the shower and inspected my body. There were bruises on my upper arms and around my wrists, there was more bruising around my ribs, and more bruises around my ankles. I crawled into my bunk and waited for the sun to rise. It shouldn't be much longer.
When everyone had woken up I was already on the couch with a big hoodie on and sweats, I do not need them to see my bruises. Austin sat next to me and tried to pull me into his lap but I flinched, dammit. He's going to know something is wrong if I keep flinching. "Uhm, sorry you just scared me." He looked at me a little concerned but then he turned to the tv,
"Ciara, how could I have scared you if you watched me walk over to you?" Shit. What do I say now?
"So, you want to get some breakfast? Yeah, breakfast sounds good." I'm not even hungry. How could I eat after what just happened. He just grabbed me and nobody cared, nobody even gave me a second look. Nobody cared, nobody cares. I quickly got up and left the bus, I didn't want anyone to see me crying. Not that they would care. I ran fast and hid behind another bus. I started crying hard. Suddenly I felt someone's arms wrap around me I flinched and pulled away and started to get up to run. It was just Vic. "S-sorry I..." I what? I got raped last night and if anyone touches me I will freak out and run away?
"Ciara, are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you. Why are you behind our bus?" I just stared at him. I mumbled sorry and then started to walk away. Where was I going? I ran into Austin while I was walking,
"THANK GOD I FOUND YOU. I was so worried. Are you okay? Why were you crying? What's going on?" I stared past him then looked down to the ground. I can't tell him. He will realize I'm a piece of shit and never speak to me again. He pulled me into his arms and I flinched again. But this time I felt safer.
"Last night, I-I was raped." I pulled away from him not knowing what his reaction would be. I started crying again. He hates me. Why did I tell him? It just slipped out. Oh god.
"Who was it, I'm going to kick his ass. Did you see his face?" I just shook my head. His eyes got wide and he went to hug me again but then pulled away,
"Ciara, I'm sorry. You probably don't want to talk about it. But we have to tell someone." I can't tell anyone. I don't want to be that girl that got raped on Warped Tour. I can't be that girl.
"Austin I can't tell anyone. I can't be that girl that got raped TWICE at Warped. I just can't. I just need to forget it ever happened." He looked at me, his eyes begging me to tell the police. I just can't, I want to but I can't. I turned away from him and headed for the bus.
When we got back to the bus I went straight for my bunk. I don't want to talk to anyone I just want to sleep until this awful memory is gone. I climbed into my bunk and stared at the stars on the ceiling of my bunk, I could feel my eyelids getting heavier and I finally fell asleep.
I woke up screaming and covered in sweat. Everyone was crowded outside of my bunk and Austin and Alan were trying to calm me down. It was like as soon as I fell asleep I was back on that dirty old mattress, but I hadn't blacked out. I was experiencing the whole thing again. I could hear him shouting things at me, and I cold feel him holding me down. Oh god, and he said my name. It was awful. Was that really what happened that night?
When I got back to the bus I went straight for the shower and turned the water as hot as it would go and scrubbed as hard as I could. But no matter how much I scrubbed I still felt disgusting. After an hour of scrubbing and crying I got out of the shower and inspected my body. There were bruises on my upper arms and around my wrists, there was more bruising around my ribs, and more bruises around my ankles. I crawled into my bunk and waited for the sun to rise. It shouldn't be much longer.
When everyone had woken up I was already on the couch with a big hoodie on and sweats, I do not need them to see my bruises. Austin sat next to me and tried to pull me into his lap but I flinched, dammit. He's going to know something is wrong if I keep flinching. "Uhm, sorry you just scared me." He looked at me a little concerned but then he turned to the tv,
"Ciara, how could I have scared you if you watched me walk over to you?" Shit. What do I say now?
"So, you want to get some breakfast? Yeah, breakfast sounds good." I'm not even hungry. How could I eat after what just happened. He just grabbed me and nobody cared, nobody even gave me a second look. Nobody cared, nobody cares. I quickly got up and left the bus, I didn't want anyone to see me crying. Not that they would care. I ran fast and hid behind another bus. I started crying hard. Suddenly I felt someone's arms wrap around me I flinched and pulled away and started to get up to run. It was just Vic. "S-sorry I..." I what? I got raped last night and if anyone touches me I will freak out and run away?
"Ciara, are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you. Why are you behind our bus?" I just stared at him. I mumbled sorry and then started to walk away. Where was I going? I ran into Austin while I was walking,
"THANK GOD I FOUND YOU. I was so worried. Are you okay? Why were you crying? What's going on?" I stared past him then looked down to the ground. I can't tell him. He will realize I'm a piece of shit and never speak to me again. He pulled me into his arms and I flinched again. But this time I felt safer.
"Last night, I-I was raped." I pulled away from him not knowing what his reaction would be. I started crying again. He hates me. Why did I tell him? It just slipped out. Oh god.
"Who was it, I'm going to kick his ass. Did you see his face?" I just shook my head. His eyes got wide and he went to hug me again but then pulled away,
"Ciara, I'm sorry. You probably don't want to talk about it. But we have to tell someone." I can't tell anyone. I don't want to be that girl that got raped on Warped Tour. I can't be that girl.
"Austin I can't tell anyone. I can't be that girl that got raped TWICE at Warped. I just can't. I just need to forget it ever happened." He looked at me, his eyes begging me to tell the police. I just can't, I want to but I can't. I turned away from him and headed for the bus.
When we got back to the bus I went straight for my bunk. I don't want to talk to anyone I just want to sleep until this awful memory is gone. I climbed into my bunk and stared at the stars on the ceiling of my bunk, I could feel my eyelids getting heavier and I finally fell asleep.
I woke up screaming and covered in sweat. Everyone was crowded outside of my bunk and Austin and Alan were trying to calm me down. It was like as soon as I fell asleep I was back on that dirty old mattress, but I hadn't blacked out. I was experiencing the whole thing again. I could hear him shouting things at me, and I cold feel him holding me down. Oh god, and he said my name. It was awful. Was that really what happened that night?
Notes
Well it's my last night in Cancun and I met a guy in an Of Mice & Men shirt, I went over and introduced myself, and told him how much I loved his shirt. Turns out he doesn't speak English wooo awesome. Anyways I'm flying out tomorrow, I hope you liked this chapter and I'll update as soon as possible.TITLE CREDIT- Of Mice & Men
10/25/13