After the party, I was finally able to start enjoying my time back in Long Beach by going out with Natalie and Austin, and occasionally Adam when he was in the area. I felt accepted and I felt like I was finally going to be able to close the “Alan Chapter” of my life and officially move on from him. I didn’t see him around too often, but that was partially because I was hardly even home. I only had two more weeks before I had to return to work and I wanted to enjoy these two weeks because I knew that once I went back in to that office, work would be my everything once again. And I was okay with that. It would allow me to focus on myself and on my future and help me to get away from the drama with Alan.

Jane was becoming too much to handle. For the small amount of time that I was home, she was either crying, puking, screaming, or complaining. Her hormones were running wild, and I knew that was because of the baby, but it was adding unnecessary stress onto my shoulders, and I didn’t handle stress very well. I knew that I couldn’t just leave her though, so I was stuck dealing with all of it on the nights that Alan didn’t stay over. And on the nights that he did stay over, I would retreat to Natalie’s house. I didn’t want to risk another encounter with Alan.

“Can we stop talking about her?” Natalie groaned as she readjusted herself on the couch. It was one of the nights that Alan had decided to stay with Jane, so that meant I was at Natalie’s for the night. I felt bad for always staying over, but she insisted – said she liked the company. Plus, I liked to think that we got along well. We were pretty different in our styles, but our personalities matched up perfectly.

I sighed and pulled my blanket over my head. “Sorry,” I mumbled. I situated myself so I was taking up the entire loveseat – my legs hanging off one end and my head propped up on the other. “I don’t want to watch a movie anymore. I’m bored.”

“Want to smoke?” she asked with so much excitement that I couldn’t say no. I pushed my blanket off of my body and got up instantly, shaking my head.

We slipped on some shoes and left to her backyard, sitting around her patio furniture with a bong in the middle of us and small pill bottle containing weed. Neither of us smoked very often, but it was nice to unwind and have fun every once in a while. Natalie used to smoke back in her high school days and had some fun things to smoke out of because of it, but tonight we settled on a small, glass bong with the stereotypical pot leaf embellished on the middle of the tube.

We passed it around for about thirty minutes before Austin called and invited us to go out with him and Adam. We agreed right away, even though I was still a bit hesitant about spending time with Adam. Especially when it was with Austin and Natalie – it felt too much like a double date and I didn’t like that.

I did my best to get ready, but I was sluggish and, well, pretty fucking stoned.

Natalie was applying her fake eyelashes, but she couldn’t get them on because she would start giggling uncontrollably and her hands would shake. “Can you try?” she asked me with a pout.

“I don’t know,” I said as I began to massage the carpet with my toes – flexing them and pulling at the shag. “I can try, but I suck at doing other people’s makeup.”

She handed me the eyelashes that she had already applied the glue to. I held it up to her eyes and successfully got the first one on, and I did it pretty well, too. I was holding up the second pair and trying to get her to stop laughing as I came closer to her eyes.

“Stop laughing!” I laughed right back.

“What are you guys doing?” Austin’s voice bellowed from behind me, a playful tone in his voice, but the deepness made me jump out of my skin. I tossed the eyelashes into the air, waved my arms above my head and collapsed onto the floor all in one motion. “Addie, damn, I didn’t mean to scare you that bad!” Austin laughed.

I remained on the ground, suddenly feeling like I wouldn’t be able to get up even if I wanted to. I gently began to rub my cheek on the carpet, feeling a lot like a cat in the position I was laying in. I wasn’t laughing, and I wasn’t smiling – I was completely serious about the feeling of her fucking carpet. It was amazing. And I felt like it was so comforting that I could just sleep just the way I was.

“Dammit Addie!” Natalie laughed. She picked up the eyelash and went to look at herself in the mirror. She applied more glue and was able to get the eyelash on by herself and continue on with the rest of her makeup.

I heard Adam’s voice from the living room and grew excited. I pushed myself up so I was on all fours and began to slowly crawl out of the room. Dragging my knees on the carpet very gently as I did so.

“What the fuck are you doing, Addie?” Austin asked.

“I’m a cat, bitch,” I responded as I slowly made my way toward the living room. I began to let out a couple of meows.

“Wait a minute…are you guys high?” Austin asked, amusement on his face.

Natalie suddenly burst into laughter, squealing after accidentally getting mascara on her cheek.

“Smoke weed, nigga!” I said as I scurried away and into the living room. I looked up, expecting to only see Adam sitting in there, but instead saw Phil, Adam and Alan.

Adam and Phil gave me a curious look and Alan seemed to have amusement on his face. I stopped moving entirely – just staring at them on all fours. I slowly adjusted myself so I was in a normal sitting position with my legs folded neatly beneath me. I was very thankful that I had decided to wear shorts instead of a skirt or dress.

“Well…this is awkward…” I said as I stared at the three of them. “Where’s Tino? And Aaron? And the girls?”

“Tino and Aaron are doing their own thing. They girls are having a girls’ night,” Phil chuckled a bit.

“They’re over at your house,” Alan said.

I felt a bit disappointed because I didn’t get invited, but then I remembered that Natalie and Jane didn’t get along…and Natalie had mentioned something about not getting along with the others, too. I couldn’t help but wonder why they didn’t like each other? Natalie was so much fun – she was just like me, actually. Did that mean that they didn’t like me, either?

“I think too much,” I admitted out loud as I nodded. The three of them gave me a strange look but I just ignored them. My head was light and my body felt even lighter.

“What are we going to do?” Natalie asked as she emerged from the room with her hair a mess. I looked over her appearance – it was unusual for her to look so disoriented, especially when she was just staring in the mirror. Austin walked out behind her while – not so discreetly – pulling up his zipper.

“Woooooww,” I laughed as I realized what they had just done. “That was fast,” I laughed.

The three others began to laugh along as well, but Austin and Natalie seemed completely unfazed by it. I enjoyed their relationship. They were able to be open about their relationship, but yet here I was…living the life of a closet whore.

We ended up piling into Austin’s car – illegally double-buckling me and Adam in the backseat beside Phil and Alan. I was crushed up against the door and Adam was sitting beside me, his body facing me. I looked up and saw Adam staring down at me.

“Hi,” he breathed.

I giggled. “Hi,” I said softly. I don’t know why, but I suddenly felt attracted to Adam and had the urge to kiss him. I decided to bite my lip to pull away from the urge, especially with Alan sitting on the other side of the backseat.

Who cares if Alan sees you kissing Adam? Or flirting with Adam? He impregnated your sister, remember?

I gently released my lip and tilted my head up, just barely meeting my lips with Adam’s – creating a light smacking sound to echo through the car.

“Woah!” Austin commented as he looked through his rear-view mirror. “Did I just see that really happen? Did that really just happen?”

I blushed and looked away quickly, feeling overly embarrassed and very awkward. My high was starting to wear off and I really wished that I could smoke some more. I was far too aware of this entire car. Alan’s confusion. Adam’s attraction toward me. It was too much and I decided that I would much rather be watching a movie on Natalie’s couch.

“Addie, did you just kiss Adam?” Austin said loudly, a laugh of disbelief escaping his lips. “Adam…dude…I don’t think I’ve ever even see you talk to a girl! And now you’re kissing Ads? When did this happen?”

“The party a few nights ago,” Adam said confidently.

“I never even noticed! Is that why you were in her room toward the end of the night?” Austin asked as he wiggled his eyebrows.

That’s when I saw Alan’s orange hair whip to the side, his eyes staring at the back of Adam’s bald head. I hated how open they all were with their relationships. I take back what I said earlier about it – I wanted to go back to being a closet whore. It was much easier that dealing with this awkward tension. And poor Phil was sitting right in the middle of it without having any idea. Phil knew me back in England, but he had no idea that Alan and I were in love. And he definitely had no idea that we had hooked up – twice – since I had returned home. Not even Austin knew about the second one. Or Natalie. We had somehow kept it between us.

“It wasn’t even like that,” I muttered, finally responding to Austin’s comment.

“Well,” Adam chuckled. “It was kind of like that.”

“No,” I snapped. Adam immediately shut up, but his smile was still on his face.

“Well, we can make it like that,” Adam whispered into my ear. Shivers ran along my body and I couldn’t deny that the idea of having sex with Adam did get me excited. There was something about him that I was attracted to. Or maybe I was just attracted to the idea of getting my mind off of Alan.

We pulled up to the Orange Country fair and I immediately lit up with happiness and wonder. Natalie squealed and got out of the car as soon as it was parked – not even waiting for Austin to turn it off. She opened my door and I nearly fell out from how I was leaning on it. I was able to catch myself just in time, though.

“I love the fair!” she bounced a bit. Her hands were shaking with excitement and her bloodshot eyes were wide with happiness as she stared at the shining lets ahead of us.

I looked straight ahead, immediately put into a trance by the blinking lights and buzz of the people behind the entrance. My high slowly washed over me once again, and I felt care-free and ready to have fun. Natalie and I linked arms and went ahead of everybody – I decided to pay for my own ticket since I was sick of everybody paying for me. They hardly even knew me, and them paying for me felt like I owed them something – especially when it was Alan who paid. I didn’t need him to treat me like his girlfriend.

My memory became foggy as we walked around the fair. I didn’t play many games or ride too many rides, but I was just enjoying the sights and the atmosphere. The smell of dirt and cotton candy was enticing and the squeals from the rides and the ringing of the games was a beautiful melody to my ears.

“Here,” Adam said as he approached me, holding out a large, stuffed Dolphin. “For you.”

I grabbed the dolphin and squeezed it, immediately pressing my cheek to the cheap fabric. It smelled of packaging and was extremely stiff, but I still loved it and continued to squeeze it. “Thank you,” I said with a smile.

Adam smiled triumphantly, glad that I accepted his cliché gift. We all began to head toward the food trucks, and as we started walking, I felt Adam slip is hand into mine. I accepted it, and it felt nice to be publicly accepted like that. I was just afraid of when Alan was going to notice…

“Oh! I want some of that!” Alan hurried up from behind us, casually walking right in between me and Adam, forcing our hands to pull apart as he walked toward the Turkey Leg truck in front of us. He remained in between us a bit – keeping enough distance so it wasn’t too obvious, but also staying close enough so Adam couldn’t quite grab my hand again.

Adam was completely oblivious to Alan’s actions and just rolled his eyes with a laugh, but I knew exactly why Alan did that, and it made me furious, to say the least. He had no right to pull me away from Adam. So what if I wanted to hold hands with him? Or kiss him? I could even date him if I wanted and Alan had no say in the matter because he was with my sister.

We took up an entire picnic bench – all of cramming onto the seats as we all held our different dishes. Alan with his steamed Turkey Leg, Phil with his carne asada and beans, Natalie and Austin sharing a plate of rolled tacos, Adam with his salad, and me with my funnel cake. I wasn’t hungry enough for actual food, and decided that I could treat myself to the fried, sugary goodness of a funnel cake – complete with powdered sugar and whipped cream.

I pinched off a piece of the funnel cake and popped it into my mouth, moaning at the taste and twitching my left eye a bit. I liked to be silly – what can I say?

“That was scary,” Natalie laughed as she picked up one of her rolled tacos. She bit on the end and then returned to her conversation with Austin.

“You’re quite the character, aren’t you, Addie?” Phil commented with a wide smile.

I shrugged and felt myself becoming a bit shy once again. “Only on Tuesdays,” I said.

“But…it’s Saturday,” Adam said.

“Way to burst my bubble, Adam,” I said as I rolled my eyes.

Adam laughed and watched as I put more of my funnel cake into my mouth. “You kind of missed your mouth a bit,” he laughed.

I frowned. “I did?”

“You’ve got sugar right there,” Adam poked at my cheek with a napkin covering the tip of his finger. “Got it.”

I blushed and looked back down at my cake. Nobody had ever been so…cute with me before. Nobody had given me a stuffed animal from the fair. Nobody had held my hand in public like that. Adam was being so sweet…he was acting like he was my date. Was he my date? It felt like it, and I didn’t really mind the idea of it. If Alan could be happy in a relationship…then so could I.

But it still felt off. The fact that Alan was still there was just complicating everything. He was always on my mind, and if he wasn’t, then he was there in the flesh, forcing me to look at him and forget about ever being with anybody else in my entire life. But Adam was sweet, and he made me nervous – not quite as nervous as Alan made me feel, but there was still something there.

After we all ate and shopped around, we decided to head back since Anouk called Phil and wanted him to go home. It was getting late anyway, and we were all fairly tired. I was especially tired since my high had worn off – I was ready to pass out at any moment.

I cuddled up to my dolphin in the backseat. I wedged it in between myself and the door so I was a bit more comfortable. Adam casually draped one arm over my body and I felt extremely warm and content. I was ready to go to sleep.

“Addie?” Adam whispered quietly. The rest of the car was dead silent, and I knew that they could all hear Adam whispering.

“Yeah?” I whispered back.

“When we get home, I have to ask you something, okay?”

“Okay,” I replied simply. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about what he was going to ask me, but it was impossible.

We got stuck in traffic since the fair was closing and everybody was trying to get out of the parking lot all at once. I kept my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep, but really I was just lost in my thoughts – which is exactly what I didn’t want to happen.

What if Adam asked me out on a date? What if he told me he liked me and asked me if I felt the same? What if he asked me to be his girlfriend?

No, this isn’t high school, Addie.

But, what if he somehow caught on to the way Alan was acting? Or what is Aaron or Tino or Phil told him about how I knew Alan in England? What if he was going to ask me about Alan?

Adam lifted me into his arms and carried me up into Natalie’s house while she said goodbye to Austin on the front porch. He set me down on the couch and I sat up a bit, but remained curled into his chest. I didn’t want him to let go. I didn’t want to let go of the idea of someone actually caring about me.

“Addie…”

I looked up to him and saw his wide eyes staring down at me. Whatever he had to ask me was making my heart pound out of my chest and my ears and neck to burn with embarrassment and anticipation. Instead of opening his mouth to say anything, he instead reached down and locked our lips. I responded immediately to the kiss by closing my eyes and gently applying pressure. We moved our lips a few times in unison, but for the most part it was an extremely innocent, romantic kiss. I felt a small amount of butterflies tickling my stomach, but I mostly could hear my mind screaming at me and my heart saying, woah, wait a minute…that’s not Alan.

We pulled apart and kept our eyes closed and our noses touching. “Wow,” Adam chuckled, his breath hot against my lips. “Ads, you’re so amazing and I want to take you out sometime.”

“Is that what you wanted to ask me?” Relief washed over me. I was expecting him to bring up Alan, but he didn’t.

Adam nodded nervously. “Yeah.”

“It didn’t sound like much of a question to me,” I laughed.

“So, is that a yes?” Our eyes were open now and Adam stared into them so intently – searching around to find a certain answer.

“Yes,” I said softly.

Adam smiled widely and kissed my forehead before sitting up and slipping out the front door to get a ride to wherever it was that Adam stayed when he was in Long Beach.

I got up and headed over to Natalie’s guest bedroom just before she walked inside and locked the door. She went straight to her room and shut the door behind her, and I was thankful that she wasn’t going to question me about Adam, but I knew that the questions were going to be coming sooner or later.

And I didn’t know how I would answer them because I honestly had no idea what I was doing with myself anymore.

I crawled onto the bed once I changed my clothes and curled up into a ball on top of the blankets. What the hell was I doing? Did I even like Adam? I honestly couldn’t answer that. Adam was nice, cute, and extremely fun to be around…but he was no Alan, that’s for sure.

No, stop comparing him to Alan. He’s with Jane. You can’t have him.

For some reason I couldn’t believe myself though. Something deep down told me that Alan belonged to me. Something told me that I could have Alan – that no matter how this story pans out in my head, Alan ended up with me. And I was determined to make that happen.

Notes

Addie's Outfit

This chapter's a bit on the shorter side, but it's an update none-the-less! I, hopefully, should have the next update out in a few days.
Thank you all for your comments and messages! It means a lot to me :) I love reading your reactions and thoughts - even if I don't reply to all of them, I do see them!

What do you think about Adam?
Why don't the other girls get along with Natalie?
How is Addie going to get Alan to be her's?