I was lucky that my father was so desperate for me to accept him. Desperate enough for him to let me take Nance’s old car when I told him I was going to go take care of some things. It was ugly thing. A peeling, yellow Volkswagen that was so outdated I was sure it had no original parts to be able to actually determine the year of model. But the engine was solid and roared loudly when I turned the key.

I pushed my sunglasses over my eyes as I rolled out of the driveway, not bothering to even put it in reverse. Driving in reverse while driving a stick-shift was quite the chore and I was thankful I could avoid it. As I turned out onto the street, the car stalled a couple of times while I tried to get used to the sensitivity of the clutch. It had been ages since I drove a stick and I was surprised I could remember at all. I finally got the hang of it just in time to make it to the freeway entrance.

I knew exactly where I needed to go and I knew exactly what I needed to say. But first I had to see Adam and apologize to him. I was certain that Jane had told them all what happened. It seemed like something she would do, especially after the way she left the scene in a fit of rage and tears. Surely Anouk would know, and she would tell Adam in a heartbeat.

I felt horrible for leaving Adam so out of the loop with my situation with Alan. It wasn’t right of me to have sex with Adam and date him and act like I was genuinely invested in him – which I was, kind of. But it was mostly an investment to bury my feelings for Alan. To make me think that I had the chance to move on from Alan, but the truth was that I didn’t. Alan had thrown me under the bus when Jane caught up and I had told him to stay away, but the truth was that I didn’t want him to stay away. Even after he had pulled something so evil I still wanted him around. Just not like this. Not while Jane was pregnant and they were together. Which unfortunately meant that what I had said to him had to be how it was. He needed to stay away from me because I didn’t have the strength to stay away from him. If he were to approach me, or come knocking on my door in the middle of the night, I would follow him no matter what. I would let him in my room no matter what. Because I just loved him too much to not be with him every possible chance I could get.

I pulled up to Austin’s house and immediately noticed a few extra cars parked in front of it. I was hoping they didn’t belong to anybody that we knew. Anybody that could be inside that house while I showed up.

I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Adam to ask if he was home. I waited for ten minutes and didn’t get a reply. Just as I was about to give up and drive away, I noticed Adam’s light switch on. I could see his window from where I was parked. His blinds were wide open, and after a minute I saw Adam pacing around his room, tossing a few things around and then rubbing his bald head in frustration.

I got out of the car and walked up to the front door. I knocked twice – two confident, loud thumps. I wasn’t going to be weak anymore this was it. This was-

“What are you doing here?”

The front door swung open and there stood Anouk. Behind her I could see everybody else standing in the living room.

Well, this is definitely going to change things.

I took in a deep breath, pushed my chest out just a bit to show confidence and pushed right past her. I entered the house and felt nervous as everybody stared at me. I could see Jane and Alan sitting in the backyard – Jane was moving her hands frantically as her face was contorted from a mixture of her anger and her crying. Alan was defending himself, obviously trying to lie and tell her that it was nothing. That I was nothing. But I was here to change that. I was here to make everything right, even if it meant making my own sister hate me and potentially losing the few friends that I had made since I had moved back from England. It was only fair to Jane for her to know the truth about everything.

Aaron tried to ask me what I was doing but I just pushed past everybody and headed straight over the hallway and down to Adam’s bedroom. I knocked twice before pushing open the door. I entered slowly, shutting and locking the door behind me. I walked in and looked around the disheveled room before I noticed Adam sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

“Adam,” I said softly.

“What, Ads?” he asked, without lifting his head. “What more can you screw up?”

I had never heard Adam be mean before, and even though his words came out in a gentle and sincere tone, I knew that had meant for them to hurt me. And as much as it did hurt, it felt good, too. It felt good for someone to tell me how I had screwed things up now that they had a reason to tell me that. The last few days when Jane would tell me how I ‘fucked everything up’ I had no idea what she was talking about – why did she believe that before she had a reason? Now that Adam had a reason to say it, I was willing to hear it.

“I’m sorry, Adam,” I murmured. I wanted to sit down next to him and just repeat how sorry I was for using him. How sorry I was for developing some feelings for him when we both were emotionally unavailable.

“How long have you been seeing him?” he asked softly. “God, why does everybody have to cheat?” he asked himself in a whisper. I knew that he wasn’t necessarily talking about me, but everybody involved in this horrible love affair – Alan, Jane, myself and even himself.

“I’ve known him since before he knew Jane. We met in England when they were there for a while on tour.” It felt so good to finally admit it to somebody. To finally let somebody know that I had Alan first. Even though Austin knew, and the rest of the band, for that matter. But none of them knew that I still had feelings for him. Well, until today.

“So you came back here just for him?”

I shook my head and sat down on the bed next to him, quickly correcting his statement. “No, I had no idea he lived here at all. I had no idea he was with Jane. I used to live in Long Beach before I transferred to my University in England. And at first my plan was to remain in England and just stay there and work, but I missed home too much and decided to come back when the company I was interning at offered me a transfer. So I came back and the first day I was back…I saw him…with Jane.”

I was pretty sure you could hear the heartbreak in my voice, but I didn’t care. I needed Adam to know the truth. It was only fair to him. “I know about you and Jane,” I said softly. “I know that you still love her.”

“Yeah,” Adam exhaled deeply. “No matter what I just…”

“You just can’t stop, right?” I murmured, finishing his sentence for him. “Yeah, I know how it is.” I couldn’t help but let out a slight chuckle.

“Did you ever have feelings for me at all?”

I nodded, but not very confidently. “I think so, yes. You?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. It hurt to hear, but all I wanted was the truth. “I was always attracted to you, no doubt about that.” This time he let out a small chuckle. “I don’t know what it is about you Feeney sisters. You’re both so different but you’re both so god damn addicting. I feel like my heart is being broken right now by finding out you love Alan. And not because you’re the second girl to leave me for him. But just because you’re really special, Addie. You’re beautiful and so much fun and fuck are you good in bed.”

I blushed and rolled my eyes as I gently knocked my shoulders against his. “You’re not so bad yourself, Adam. I’m sorry this had to happen. If things were different, if all these old feelings weren’t holding us back from each other, I think we could have worked out.”

Adam finally lifted his head to offer me a big smile. “Thanks, Addie. I think so, too. And I’m also sorry. I’m sorry we’re so miserable, but at least we can sit together and cry now, right?”

I shook my head and let out a relieving sigh through a smile. “Yeah, I guess so.” I stood up, feeling suddenly nervous now that our talk had come to an end. “I have to go face everybody else now.”

Adam nodded. “You do that. I’m going to continue to hide out in here.” He collapsed back on the bed and let out a groan while rubbing his hands over his face. “I can’t believe this is all happening.”

I sighed. “Me neither.” I walked over to the door and gently pulled it open. “We’ll still be cool, right?”

He propped himself up on his elbows and smiled at me with a wink. “Of course,” he said. “Good luck, Addie.”

“Thank you, I’m definitely going to need it.”

I left Adam’s room and walked down the hall to see the rest of the group all in the living room. Jane and Alan had joined them, and I could still feel the tension between them. My heart was pounding harder and fast with every step and I was certain that I was going to explode with the anxiety that had risen up to my throat. I took in a deep breath just as I came into view. All eyes were on me and I’d never felt so out of place and unwanted in my entire life.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Jane stood up quickly and glared at me with her most evil glare. I hated seeing my own sister look at me with so much disgust.

“I came here to tell you the truth, Jane,” I said. My voice was a lot more confident than I had thought it would be. “And I’m hoping that I can get the same from you.”

Jane scrunched her nose a bit and scoffed as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I have nothing to say. I don’t owe you any explanations.”

“I think you do, actually,” I chuckled. “Before anything even happened you had your best friend put me in the hospital. What did you say to her? What did you tell her about me?” I was angry now, fuming even. The more I thought about how much of a fake my own sister was turning out to be the more I wanted to just yell at her and tell her that I slept with Alan behind her back. I wanted to hut her for the way she had been, but I knew better than to tell her everything like that.

“She told me the truth,” Anouk spoke up. “She told me about how you’re a leech.”

“Anouk, it’s okay,” Jane said, worry suddenly in her eyes when she heard Anouk speak. “You don’t have to-“

“No, Jane. I can’t stand people like her,” Anouk replied. She turned her attention back over to me. “Being in a relationship with someone who has money, or even just knowing someone who has money is a constant struggle. The fans always assume that we girlfriends and wives want nothing but their fame and money. Even friends of friends of friends are attacked by people. We’re constantly accused of not really loving these guys.”

I furrowed my eyebrows when she paused for a moment. “Okay…and where are you going with this?” I asked. “How does this relate to me?”

“Not just you, but Natalie, too!” Anouk pointed her finger over to the couch behind us all where Natalie was sitting beside Austin. “You’re both nothing but money-hungry sluts!”

Austin stood up quickly, taking a defensive step in front of Natalie. If he was any angrier, steam would be blowing from his ears. He was panting with frustration as the veins in his neck seemed a bit more defined. “Anouk, shut up already! Leave Natalie alone god dammit! You know nothing about her or our relationship so stay the fuck out of it.” Austin turned to look at Phil, hoping that he would take control of his fiance’s anger. Or at least remove her from the area. But Phil just shrugged with panic on his face. There was no controlling Anouk. She was just like Jane: relentless.

“No, Austin. Fuck you and fuck your slut!”

“Get the fuck out of my house!” Austin yelled as he pointed toward the front door.

Anouk ignored him completely and turned her attention back over to me. “Coming back to Long Beach just because Jane told you her boyfriend is Alan Ashby, guitarist of a successful band? Using Jane just for Alan’s money is fucking pathetic. And then to make a move on him? Really? How fucking selfish can you get?”

“So that’s what she told you,” I laughed as I rolled my eyes. Jane had told Anouk that I was using her for money? More specifically, Alan’s money? I hardly even left my room or spent time with Jane and Alan, how could I be a leech? Alan had only ever spent money on me once: when we went shopping the first day I had returned home. And it was pretty clear that I was not expecting Alan to be there, let alone pay for my things.

Jane hung her head low. She knew that she had told Anouk a lie. She knew that this was going to bite her in the ass. But what she didn’t know was how.

“I’ll have you know that’s not true,” I said calmly.

“Oh, yeah? Please, explain to me how it’s not true because everything seems pretty damn clear to me.” She crossed her arms over her chest and then jutted her hip out as she stared at me. I looked around the room, analyzing all of the eyes. The boys somehow all knew what was happening. They had that look on their faces that told me do it. Even though they had no idea what they were encouraging me to do. I finally met Alan’s gaze. He was staring at me so blankly until our eyes locked. Something clicked and I saw the regret. I saw the pain. I saw how he was…trapped. He was stuck and didn’t know what to do.

“Well?” Jennifer added, giving me a bit of snarky attitude as well. I heard Adam emerge from his room down the hall, but didn’t turn around. The audience was waiting, and all I had left to do was tell the story.

“There was no way that I would have come back if I knew that Alan was Jane’s boyfriend,” I began. I was about to open my mouth to speak again, but Anouk interrupted me.

“That’s it, really? How the fuck are we supposed to believe that? Wow, I thought you were supposed to be smart. And that’s the only thing you can come up with? I’m surprised you even tried. Just do us all a favor and leave. Take your leech of a friend with you. Austin can do whatever the fuck he wants with you guys since he seems so defensive over no-good whores.”

Now I was angry at that point. I was beyond angry. I was in the depths of hell, dancing in the flames, laughing maniacally, cursing her soul to death and begging the devil to make her suffer. Not only did she insult my friends, but she also insulted my intelligence. That’s something you just don’t do.

“Oh no,” Alan muttered softly when he saw the wild flames in my eyes. Alan knew how I felt about my intelligence – about anybody’s intelligence really.

I quickly shook my head, getting rid of my thoughts before the flashbacks started. The whole room was waiting; all still in their positions as they waited for me to continue.

I decided not to go off on Anouk. I decided to just continue to stare at her with the depths of hell burning in my irises. I was sure that she could see my anger. I was sure that she was intimidated I could see it in the way that she had taken a subtle step back, closer to Phil.

This was it. It was time. I looked to Alan for a brief second and sent him an apologetic smile. He stared at me in confusion as he tilted his head to the side with a very slight smile, but he soon wiped the smile off of his face when he realized what I was about to do. I saw the relief in his eyes, but also the fear and the panic.

“That boy, Jane? The one you asked me about earlier, back on the first day I came back from England, do you remember that very brief conversation?”

Jane looked up and stared at me with confusion. “It was hardly a conversation at all. You didn’t want to say anything about him. You seemed so happy when you thought about England so I asked you if there was a boy and you said yes.”

“Was that before or after Alan showed up and you introduced us, dropping his name for the first time since you’d started dating?”

Jane was silent for a moment and let out a sigh of defeat. “That conversation was before I told you who Alan was.”

Anouk shot her a look of hurt when she realized that Jane had been lying. Jane ignored it and continued on. “Why?” Jane asked.

“Because that boy…in England…was Alan.”

Jennifer, Amanda, Anouk, and Jane all gasped loudly and all eyes immediately turned to look at Alan for confirmation. He opened and closed his mouth a number of times, trying to think of something to say, but really he just ended up looking like a fish.

“I knew Alan before you knew him, Jane,” I said softly. Realization struck as she looked between us. Nobody said anything.

“Is…is that true?” Anouk asked, looking to the guys for confirmation. They remained silent and anger slowly began to come back to me.

Why weren’t they sticking up for me? Why was it that everybody was against me in this situation?

The room was silent and I felt horribly unwanted. I felt like this was it for me. The only people I knew in Long Beach were all turning against me, making me the crazy one. When really, I was crazy, just not the only one. I bowed my head with a sigh and shook my head.

“I get it,” I said softly. “I’m clearly not wanted here anymore. Even by those of you who know the truth. I guess. I guess this is goodbye.”

I could feel the tears coming on as I thought about how miserable it was going to be to call my work and tell them to revoke my transfer and send me back to England. I thought about how humiliating it would be to call my ex-roommate from England, Jelina, and beg her to not rent out my old room. But I guess I never really belonged here. I should have remained in England, where everything was better. Where I was happy and in love with the boy who loved me back.

“Alan, what the fuck!” Natalie yelled. I could hear her voice breaking, and I was so thankful that somebody finally stuck up for me. Even though Natalie couldn’t confirm that I had known Alan since she wasn’t there in England, I knew that she believed me. I knew that Austin knew it, too, but if he were to speak up, nobody would believe him because apparently everybody was against him, too. Well, the girls were against him at least.

“Say something you fucking prick!” Natalie yelled again, tears now falling from her eyes. “This is fucking bullshit. You’re all fucking assholes. Fuck all of you! I knew I didn’t like you for a reason,” Natalie yelled. She stormed off into Austin’s room, making it a point to hit her shoulder against Anouk’s.

“I can’t believe you guys,” Austin said sadly as he shook his head. He walked over to me and placed his hand on my shoulder before giving me a sad smile. “I would do more if I could, Ads. They just-“

“I know,” I said softly. “Thank you, Austin.”

He walked off and followed Natalie into his bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. I looked back to the room and sighed as I looked over everybody’s expressions. Alan was staring right through me with wide-eyes. Jane was groaning and making angry hissing noises as she pulled at the roots of her hair. Anouk, Jennifer, and Amanda were by her side, trying to calm her down as she began to pace in the small area between the couch and the television. Phil and Aaron were staring at each other, not talking, while Tino seemed to be off in his own little world as he sat down on the couch.

Adam was standing in the hallway still. I could feel his gaze from behind me. I decided to turn around and face him, and as soon as I saw his face the tears fell from my eyes.

“Goodbye, Adam,” I said softly.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve made up my mind,” I said softly. “I-I need to go.”

I turned back around and walked toward the door, as soon as I opened the door to leave, I heard the room grow quiet as everybody was staring at me once again.

“Well, bye,” I said lamely.

“Get out of here,” Jane spat. “You’re no sister of mine. You’re a fucking liar. Why are you so determined to ruin my life?”

I shook my head. I had no answer for her, really. Just the simple truth. “I thought it was right that you knew the truth.”

She laughed and shook her head. “You’re fucking insane.”

“Well, I guess it’s good that you won’t have to see me again,” I said softly. I turned to look at Adam who seemed traumatized by it all. He seemed to piece together my goodbye and was now shaking his head. “Tell Austin that I’m sorry for bringing this drama into his home. And tell Natalie that I’ll miss her and thanks for letting me stay with her. And thank you, Adam. You’ve been a real friend.”

Adam opened his mouth to object, but I left the house before I could hear anymore words. I quickly walked across the street and stepping into that horrible yellow car. I sat in the car for a while, just letting the tears clear from my eyes as I realized what I was doing and what I had done.

They knew now. They knew the truth. Well, they knew the gist of it. I wished that I could just sit down and tell them the story detail by detail – from the first moment I met Alan to the second I left his room on his last night in England. I wished that I could tell them about how quickly we fell in love. I wished that I could have Alan defending me, or at least admitting that it was the truth. At this point I didn’t care if Alan remained with my sister. Well, of course I would prefer for him to be with me, but at this point I just wanted the lying and the cheating and the sneaking to stop. I just wanted to come clean. I just wanted somebody to be on my side for once. I was sick of being the dirty little secret.

I turned my head quickly, snapping my attention back to the house when I heard the front door swing open and hit the stucco wall behind it. Alan came running out, looking frantic and frazzled. He looked left, then right, before meeting my gaze. I saw his mouth move, most likely saying my name, as he began to walk toward the car. I shook my head and wiped my tears to clear my vision before quickly starting up the car. He was near the window when I finally was able to get the car started after pumping the clutch a few times to loosen it up. I pulled down the street, watching as Alan jogged after me for a few steps before slowly coming to a stop. I watched in my rear-view mirror as he stood there, calling after me, while I began to turn. Just before I could disappear around the corner, I saw Jane running out to his side.

It would be the last image of him – Alan standing by my pregnant sister’s side as I drove out of their lives.

I parked in the driveway and saw the lights were on in the living room. It felt weird driving up to my father’s house, but I knew that I wouldn’t be driving here for long.

I pulled out my cell phone and searched through my contacts, hitting Call when I found the name I was looking for.

“Addie! Hey, how are you? Long time no talk!”

I sighed loudly and blinked back the fresh wave of tears. “Hey, Jelina,” I said softly.

“Addie, is everything okay?”

Hearing her accent made me miss England even more, and that’s when I felt more pain. Returning to England would only bring back memories of Alan and our romance, but at this point, I craved it. I craved those happy memories of us holding hands freely and making love on my couch while Jelina wasn’t home. And those nights we sat on the beach and watched the sunset, and those mornings when he would order in room service after failing to cook me breakfast. I missed the memories of Alan that lingered around my old home. I missed Jelina, and I missed the atmosphere. I missed the weather. I missed England, because it was my home…not here.

“Jelina, did you ever rent out my room?”

“Er…no, not yet. Why?”

“Take down the ads. I’m coming home.”

Notes

Well, a lot of you predicted it. She's heading back to England now.

What did you think of her reveal? Do you think it was the right thing for her to do? Why didn't Alan stick up for her? Why didn't any of the guys say anything?

And what about Jane? Why would she lie to Anouk and spread rumors about her own sister?

I love hearing your reactions and comments! Please keep them coming! Love you all xoxo