Lily.

Austin and I have been distant. The sex hasn't been like before. I feel him drifting away. Everything is mindless. He goes to the studio and works, I stay home and sulk. He comes home and it's mindless talking, and mindless kissing, mindless sex. Nothing is the same. Felicity stops by and tries to get me out of the house, and I finally agree.
We go out to a little cafe and order some food. It's nice to sit in the sun, I feel like I haven't been outside in years. The sun is kissing my skin, and I'm warming up to it. I loved living in sunny California. And I smile to myself for the first time in weeks.
"How's everything going? she asks biting into her salad.
"Okay." I lie. She swallows the bite she had in her mouth, and looks up at me suspiciously.
"Yeah, okay Lily, like I believe that for one second." She drops her fork and folds her arms. "Lily, you've lost a shit ton of weight. You look sick. You look pale. You haven't texted or called me in weeks. What's going on?" I know I have to talk about it. Thank goodness I'm wearing these sunglasses.
"Austin and I are distant." I say picking through the bread on our table. "It's not the same." I bite my lip and drop the bread, my appetite is gone.
"Well, get in there, and... and spice it back up." She says. "You have to do it before he leaves in a week." My heart drops into my stomach.
"What?" I say, my mouth is getting dry. Austin didn't tell me they were going on tour again.
"Tino told me last week." she says, and her eyes grow wide. "Austin didn't tell you?" I feel my eyes stinging with tears. I grab my purse and fish out money for what I ordered and I throw it on the table and begin to walk away. I feel like my heart is in a million pictures. Why didn't he tell me? Was he planning to just leave? I hear Felicity calling my name but I don't turn around. I start to run even though I'm in heels. When I get home, I burst through the door and scream, as tears fall out of my eyes. I cry against the door filled with anger.So many questions are rushing through my mind. These tears are filled with fury and sadness, but I knew what I had to do.

--

When Austin comes home, I've had a lot of wine, and a lot of time to think. I sit in the bed room, waiting for Austin, with a lot to say. When he comes into the room, I just sit on the bed and stare at him.
"We need to talk." I say.
"About what?" he asks kicking off his shoes.
"Do you love me anymore?" I stand up.
"Yeah, of course I do." He says.
"But are you in love with me anymore?" I ask. He hesitates, but looks away.
"Yes."
"You're lying. How can you lie to my face."
"Lily-"
"Austin, I know things have changed between us." I say. "I know things aren't the same."
"Well, I've just been upset."
"And I haven't? I haven't lost a child, my best friend, and my fiance all in one month?" I ask sarcastically. "Austin, it's not the same." He stands there wide eyed. "I want to stay with you, and be with you, and have things the way they were. I want to be able to tell you how I'm feeling, and kiss you and have sex with you the way it was before, but that's not going to happen is it?"
"But we can fix this, and fall back in love and... and get married..."
"Austin you're going away on tour again in a week. How do you expect us to fix this in one week?" I say, I feel tears welling in my eyes again. He looks surprised. "and were you planning to just leave? Without telling me?" I sniffle and try my hardest to keep back these tears.
"Lily, I was going to tell you."
"When? Tomorrow? The day you were going to leave? When?"
"I didn't want to upset you."
"But you know I like the truth." I say. "I can't do this anymore."
"Do what?"
"I can't sit at home alone while you work, and do things and tour while I sit at home and wait for you to come back. I can't do it. I can't keep pretending everything is alright when it's not."
"We can fix this." He says repeating himself again.
"No we can't." The tears are falling once again. "Stop lying to yourself and me. We cannot fix this. Maybe one day, but not now."
"Why are you doing this?" He asks, and I notice he has tears in his eyes too. "You promised you wouldn't leave again."
"But you were leaving me in a week." I say. "We can't live like this, and I am sorry I lost our baby. I'm sorry I couldn't hold this together and be strong. I'm not strong." I cry. "I'm sorry I let this fall apart, but I can't live like this." I say. I slide off the engagement ring, and I slide off the promise ring. I go to hand it to him, but he pushes my hand away aggressively, and the silver rings are on the floor.
"If you're going to leave, then do it. Just leave!" he starts to shout. "Like everything else I love, just leave!" He has tears flowing from his eyes.
"Austin I'm sorry."
"Leave!" he roars, and I shutter at the loud tone of his voice. He picks up my bags and goes for the door throwing them out.
"I didn't want it to happen this way." I say, blubbering like an idiot. "Austin I love you and I always will." I say following him.
"I loved you, but you're abandoning me again." he says angrily. "Now go." He holds the door open for me and I stand there for a moment, regretting this. I go to touch his face, and try to look in his puffy eyes.
"I love you." I say. "I really do." He doesn't say anything, he just pushes my hand away, and looks away. I feel my heart shattering in my chest, and I walk out the door. He slams it before me and I hear him lock the doors. I run back to it, trying to open it. "Austin wait." I cry. "Please open the door." I beg. "Please let me back in. I'm sorry." I weep against the door that isn't budging. I don't know how long I stand there crying but I feel as if it was an eternity. He's not going to open the door. He barely said goodbye.This was my fault. I wasn't a good girlfriend to him. I was terrible, and it was all my fault.

Austin.

I loved her and I lost her and it's all my fault. I couldn't bring myself to open the door, and now I'm regretting my decision. My heart was aching in my chest. I sat against the door crying for hours. I did love her, but I was angry. I just wish I had said it. I wish I told her I was going away for a few months. I was stupid. I should have showed her. I should have showed her I loved her and how much. I needed time to clear my head but when I got home from this tour, I would get Lily back and never let her go.

Lily.
3 years later.

I roll over and he pulls me close into his arms. I take in that sweet scent as he kisses my hair. I am home. I hold my arms around, not wanting him to go in a few hours, but I knew he had to. He rolls on top of me, and I giggle as he kisses down my neck and back up to my forehead. I smile, as he starts to tickle my sides and nibble at my ear. I laugh out loud pushing him away, but he pulls me back in for more kisses.
"I'm going to miss you." I whisper to him, running my hands through his soft brown hair.
"Well, I'll be coming back in two weeks, and we'll be getting married." He says smiling a huge white tooth grin, that makes me smile. He kisses my lips and climbs off of me. I turn on my side to watch him walk away, before he shuts the door he smiles at me, "Coming?" I nod smiling big to follow him into the shower.
After showering, checking over his packed items, and many many kisses later I'm standing at the door saying goodbye.
"I'll miss you Love." He says, before turning away.
"I'll miss you too Adam." I smile as he makes his way to the cab waiting in our driveway.