This One is for You.
Before I know it
My heart is racing, I glare over at Felicity. "I can't be here." I say. "Why would you bring me here?"
"Lily, relax." she says, my head is spinning and I feel like I want to vomit. Relax? I start to laugh.
"Felicity, are you insane?"
"Listen it's the last night, I thought you had to be here, there's going to be great photo ops, we don't need to go near Austin."
"Well I didn't grab my camera so, we can just go."
"I did." She says reaching back and bringing my camera up front.
"Well, I don't have the money to get in."
"I've got laminates." She says reaching in her glove compartment. I sigh, I guess it would be alright. I'm already dressed anyway. I might as well take some great shots.
"Fine." I bite my lip, "But please, can we not go near Austin."
"We won't." She says, "Promise."
We get inside, and walk around. I do get fabulous shots of bands performing their last sets of the summer. They all look like they're having the best time. I say hi to old friends that I haven't seen in weeks. I get hugs, and tell them how I've been.
The end of the night is coming soon. I haven't seen Austin all day, half of me is cheering the other half of me is sulking. I miss him so much, everything reminds me of him. The sadness starts to leak back in, as Felicity pulls me away to the main stage.
There he is. Coming out to the stage to the sea of fans. I watch in awe just like everyone else, as they erupt with screams. I just watch and I feel tears start to sting my eyes. I wonder if he's thinking about me, I wonder if knows I'm hear. Felicity is nowhere to be found.
"Lily!" I hear my name being broadcasted loudly over the big speakers, by a voice I know all to well. "Lily, if you're out there, I want you to come up hear right now." The whole crowd is buzzing and talking, and I stand there stunned. Austin is calling my name, and I just stood there.
"Austin?" I yell, and kids start turning around to face me. "Austin!" I yell again, without thinking, I start running thought the crowd, not even thinking. The crowd helps me up, crowd surfing me to Austin. He pulls me up on stage and pulls me into the biggest hug I've ever received. A hug that feels like I haven't seen him in years.
"Lily, I love you. More than anything in the entire world." He says, his forehead to mine. "Don't ever leave me again."
"I love you too." I sob, "I could never leave again." I say, and before I could say any more, he kisses me. He kisses me like it's our last or our first, he kisses me like we're the only two people on Earth. I hear the crowd erupt with cheers, claps, whistles. This kiss says more than our words ever could. This kiss, is telling us how much we've missed each other, how scared we both were, how much we meant to each other, how much we loved each other. This kiss said it all.
"Let's be together." He says, "For as long as we both can live." He says.
"Yes." I smile huge, for the first time in weeks. We hug again, the crowd cheers and Austin picks up the microphone.
"What do you all say, about continuing this party!?" He says to the crowd who responds loudly, never letting him down. He smiles and me as I head off stage, where Felicity is smiling with an evil grin. The music starts up behind me.
"You planned this didn't you?" I ask folding my arms giving her an evil stare, though my smile wouldn't fade.
"Nope." She smirks. "He did." I turn around to see him jumping around stage, he looks over to me smiling big. I feel my heart jump in my chest. I wipe under my eyes, because they're probably smudged, messing up my makeup. I couldn't be any happier than in this moment.
When the set is finished everyone is buzzing with adrenaline. The crowd lingers still screaming and cheering. Austin is back to me, kissing my lips. I missed this too much to even explain. I pull him away with me, back to the bus right where we left off.
"I missed you so much." He says, pulling away, but keeping his hand on the side of my face. He sits back, holding my hand in his. "I talked to my dad, and he helped me see... you were always, the only girl for me." He smiles looking into space, and then back at me. "Always." His smile is so huge, I can't help but smile with him.
"Well..." I say. "You were always the guy for me... obviously." I giggle, and kiss him again. "Well, what do you say we go out and party for tonight? Celebrate the end of a fabulous tour?" I say standing up. "I can't believe I missed the end." I frown.
"Well, lets go miss. You've got lots to catch up on." He pulls me along with him. We end up at a huge out door cook out. I missed this, I missed him. I can't stop repeating myself. His hand and mine barely leave each other all night. We can't get away from each other, and we both enjoy it that way.
Later we're both drunk, laying on top of the bus, looking up at the night sky. The vast darkness sprinkled with stars. It's beautiful. We hear people hooting and hollering in the distance, along with the bass of speakers. The air is warm, but a light breeze can be caught from up here. Our hands are intertwined, and we're both silent. I always wonder what thoughts fly through people's heads, at moments like these. I un intentionally look over to Austin. His eyes are tracing the stars, a slight smirk is on his lips. I wouldn't want this moment any other way. He looks over at me slowly.
"Hi." He fully smiles that breathtaking smile, and I purse my lips trying not to smile like an idiot.
"Hi." I reply. We say nothing else. We both turn our heads away, looking back up at the night sky. Still beautiful, the way it will always be.
"I'm drunk." Austin says. "So I'm not to scared to tell you, how much I love you."
"Scared?" I ask turning to him.
"I don't want you to leave ever." He says. "My heart was broken. Lily." He says sitting up. "broken."
"I told you Austin. Never again." I kiss his lips, I want him to know I wouldn't run again. "Never again."
The night finished with us cuddling in his bunk for the last time for a little while. Falling asleep with Austin was something I missed. I barely slept without him. Hearing his breathing slow and steady helped me sleep. Having his arms wrapped tightly around me, like I would be blown away. I took in the familiar smell I missed. I couldn't wait to have this every day. That was soon to come.
-Two months later.-
"I'm not used to this." I say, eating a bite of my Austin's sushi.
"Hey, that's mine." He frowns, but smiles after. I push the plate at him, so he can have a bite. "You'll get used to it." He says after swallowing his piece. "You'll have too. You're stuck with me for good." He laughs standing up.
We sit in our brand new house. A small one story with two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a living room, a dining room, and of course a kitchen. We have a good size backyard, that we can't wait to have cookouts in. With a pool a good sized swimming pool. The house is a light earth-tone green, and that sold me from the start.
Austin and I now share a bedroom, a shower, a bed. I loved waking up to him every morning, and next tour was not going to be fun for me. I missed him enough as it was when he went to record for days at a time.
"That's not true." I joke. "There's an extra room in this house."
"But you love my cuddling." he says with puppy dog eyes and his bottom lip sticking out.
"eh... it's alright." I giggle, because I know I do love his arms wrapped tightly around me.
"Excuse me?" He laughs tackling me to the floor and pinning me beneath him. "I will cuddle the fuck out of you." He grabs me into a hug and I can't stop laughing. I love him so much, and after a few minutes I'm staring up at his face. He's staring into my eyes. It's everything I've ever wanted. I wouldn't take this man for granted at all. I lightly pull his chin down to me, and kiss his lips softly.
"What was that for?" He asks smiling above me.
"For everything." I say softly.
"Everything?" His lips part with a smile. I nod.
"You." I grin. "You are my everything." Austin's phone starts ringing, ruining our moment. I don't want to get off the floor with him, but I let him answer his phone.
"Hey." He answers. I smile standing in front of him. He starts getting into the conversation. "What!? That's in a month." he says worried. I look at him concerned. "Yeah of course." he says. His eyes haven't met mine, to assure me everything is okay. "Alright, I'll talk to you later." He hangs up the phone and lets out a sigh.
"Austin... what's going on?"
"Well, we're going on tour in a month."
"Already?" I ask. I knew he loved touring more than anything in the world, but I didn't want him to leave me for three months.
"What's wrong?" He asks. I probably look distraught, but I quickly throw on a false smile.
"Nothing."
"Lily I can see it in your eyes." He comes closer to me and tilts my chin up. "It's one month, I'll be back before you know it."
"I know. It just... sucks." I try to find a better word, but I just fold my arms. "We just moved in here... I'm going to be all alone." He cups his hands around my face and kisses my lips. He's letting me know, without words that everything will be okay.
"Well, we have a month." He smiles.
"Let's make the most of it... watch movies and walk around without pants on." I giggle jumping onto the couch, Austin sits with me and we finally start the movie that has been waiting for us to push play. He pulls me close and I hold his hands... I'm sure going to miss this.
Before we know it, it's the day he leaves for tour. Austin is at rehearsals this morning, I lay alone in bed. I'm crying silently. I don't want him to see the tears. When I hear our front door I quickly wipe my eyes, pretend I'm sleeping still. I hear his footsteps coming down the hall, him putting his keys onto the kitchen table. I hear him talking quietly to someone, or maybe he's on his phone.
"say hi to mommy." He says quietly. I feel my heart drop, what the hell is he talking about. I slowly turn over, to a little surprise. A little Chihuahua is crawling towards me.
"Oh my goodness!" I shriek. It's got a little face, and little paws. It's black fur is soft, when I pick it up. "Is this for me?" I ask, falling in love with his big black eyes. I'm holding him close to my chest. Austin smiles and nods. I pull him to me and kiss his lips.
"I don't want you to be completely alone. He's a little teacup Chihuahua he won't weight anymore than 2 or 3 pounds."
"He's so precious!" I say. "What's his name? Does he have one?!"
"Nope, that's up to you." He smiles and sits with us.
"I like Lennon." I say, "Like John Lennon."
"I like that too." Austin says quietly. After a few minutes of silence, "I'm really going to miss you lily." Don't you dare make me cry Austin. I think to myself.
"Let's go get your stuff. You leave in a few minutes." I say quickly standing up and bringing the puppy with me. Austin is grabbing his suitcases, pre-packed from last night and follows me to the living room. I feel my heart sinking into my stomach. A car horn is beeping outside. I hold back the tears stinging my eyes. He grabs me into a tight hug, and doesn't let go even as the horn keeps beeping out front. I grab onto him as if I'm going to die if I let go.
"I'll be back before you know it." He whispers slowly pulling away, and leaving one last kiss on my lips. I turn away so he doesn't see the tears dripping down my eyes.
"I love you." I choke out, before he can't hear me anymore.
"I love you too!" he smiles, that heart melting smile, and I quickly close the door, and sink to the floor. I let out my tears, and sob loudly. I'm going to miss him. It'll be Skype dates and quick phone calls until he returns. I sit for a while, crying. I try to repeat the words, "I'll be back before you know it." over and over again, hoping this is true. Before I know it, he'll be back in my arms, kissing my lips. Before I know it.
"Lily, relax." she says, my head is spinning and I feel like I want to vomit. Relax? I start to laugh.
"Felicity, are you insane?"
"Listen it's the last night, I thought you had to be here, there's going to be great photo ops, we don't need to go near Austin."
"Well I didn't grab my camera so, we can just go."
"I did." She says reaching back and bringing my camera up front.
"Well, I don't have the money to get in."
"I've got laminates." She says reaching in her glove compartment. I sigh, I guess it would be alright. I'm already dressed anyway. I might as well take some great shots.
"Fine." I bite my lip, "But please, can we not go near Austin."
"We won't." She says, "Promise."
We get inside, and walk around. I do get fabulous shots of bands performing their last sets of the summer. They all look like they're having the best time. I say hi to old friends that I haven't seen in weeks. I get hugs, and tell them how I've been.
The end of the night is coming soon. I haven't seen Austin all day, half of me is cheering the other half of me is sulking. I miss him so much, everything reminds me of him. The sadness starts to leak back in, as Felicity pulls me away to the main stage.
There he is. Coming out to the stage to the sea of fans. I watch in awe just like everyone else, as they erupt with screams. I just watch and I feel tears start to sting my eyes. I wonder if he's thinking about me, I wonder if knows I'm hear. Felicity is nowhere to be found.
"Lily!" I hear my name being broadcasted loudly over the big speakers, by a voice I know all to well. "Lily, if you're out there, I want you to come up hear right now." The whole crowd is buzzing and talking, and I stand there stunned. Austin is calling my name, and I just stood there.
"Austin?" I yell, and kids start turning around to face me. "Austin!" I yell again, without thinking, I start running thought the crowd, not even thinking. The crowd helps me up, crowd surfing me to Austin. He pulls me up on stage and pulls me into the biggest hug I've ever received. A hug that feels like I haven't seen him in years.
"Lily, I love you. More than anything in the entire world." He says, his forehead to mine. "Don't ever leave me again."
"I love you too." I sob, "I could never leave again." I say, and before I could say any more, he kisses me. He kisses me like it's our last or our first, he kisses me like we're the only two people on Earth. I hear the crowd erupt with cheers, claps, whistles. This kiss says more than our words ever could. This kiss, is telling us how much we've missed each other, how scared we both were, how much we meant to each other, how much we loved each other. This kiss said it all.
"Let's be together." He says, "For as long as we both can live." He says.
"Yes." I smile huge, for the first time in weeks. We hug again, the crowd cheers and Austin picks up the microphone.
"What do you all say, about continuing this party!?" He says to the crowd who responds loudly, never letting him down. He smiles and me as I head off stage, where Felicity is smiling with an evil grin. The music starts up behind me.
"You planned this didn't you?" I ask folding my arms giving her an evil stare, though my smile wouldn't fade.
"Nope." She smirks. "He did." I turn around to see him jumping around stage, he looks over to me smiling big. I feel my heart jump in my chest. I wipe under my eyes, because they're probably smudged, messing up my makeup. I couldn't be any happier than in this moment.
When the set is finished everyone is buzzing with adrenaline. The crowd lingers still screaming and cheering. Austin is back to me, kissing my lips. I missed this too much to even explain. I pull him away with me, back to the bus right where we left off.
"I missed you so much." He says, pulling away, but keeping his hand on the side of my face. He sits back, holding my hand in his. "I talked to my dad, and he helped me see... you were always, the only girl for me." He smiles looking into space, and then back at me. "Always." His smile is so huge, I can't help but smile with him.
"Well..." I say. "You were always the guy for me... obviously." I giggle, and kiss him again. "Well, what do you say we go out and party for tonight? Celebrate the end of a fabulous tour?" I say standing up. "I can't believe I missed the end." I frown.
"Well, lets go miss. You've got lots to catch up on." He pulls me along with him. We end up at a huge out door cook out. I missed this, I missed him. I can't stop repeating myself. His hand and mine barely leave each other all night. We can't get away from each other, and we both enjoy it that way.
Later we're both drunk, laying on top of the bus, looking up at the night sky. The vast darkness sprinkled with stars. It's beautiful. We hear people hooting and hollering in the distance, along with the bass of speakers. The air is warm, but a light breeze can be caught from up here. Our hands are intertwined, and we're both silent. I always wonder what thoughts fly through people's heads, at moments like these. I un intentionally look over to Austin. His eyes are tracing the stars, a slight smirk is on his lips. I wouldn't want this moment any other way. He looks over at me slowly.
"Hi." He fully smiles that breathtaking smile, and I purse my lips trying not to smile like an idiot.
"Hi." I reply. We say nothing else. We both turn our heads away, looking back up at the night sky. Still beautiful, the way it will always be.
"I'm drunk." Austin says. "So I'm not to scared to tell you, how much I love you."
"Scared?" I ask turning to him.
"I don't want you to leave ever." He says. "My heart was broken. Lily." He says sitting up. "broken."
"I told you Austin. Never again." I kiss his lips, I want him to know I wouldn't run again. "Never again."
The night finished with us cuddling in his bunk for the last time for a little while. Falling asleep with Austin was something I missed. I barely slept without him. Hearing his breathing slow and steady helped me sleep. Having his arms wrapped tightly around me, like I would be blown away. I took in the familiar smell I missed. I couldn't wait to have this every day. That was soon to come.
-Two months later.-
"I'm not used to this." I say, eating a bite of my Austin's sushi.
"Hey, that's mine." He frowns, but smiles after. I push the plate at him, so he can have a bite. "You'll get used to it." He says after swallowing his piece. "You'll have too. You're stuck with me for good." He laughs standing up.
We sit in our brand new house. A small one story with two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a living room, a dining room, and of course a kitchen. We have a good size backyard, that we can't wait to have cookouts in. With a pool a good sized swimming pool. The house is a light earth-tone green, and that sold me from the start.
Austin and I now share a bedroom, a shower, a bed. I loved waking up to him every morning, and next tour was not going to be fun for me. I missed him enough as it was when he went to record for days at a time.
"That's not true." I joke. "There's an extra room in this house."
"But you love my cuddling." he says with puppy dog eyes and his bottom lip sticking out.
"eh... it's alright." I giggle, because I know I do love his arms wrapped tightly around me.
"Excuse me?" He laughs tackling me to the floor and pinning me beneath him. "I will cuddle the fuck out of you." He grabs me into a hug and I can't stop laughing. I love him so much, and after a few minutes I'm staring up at his face. He's staring into my eyes. It's everything I've ever wanted. I wouldn't take this man for granted at all. I lightly pull his chin down to me, and kiss his lips softly.
"What was that for?" He asks smiling above me.
"For everything." I say softly.
"Everything?" His lips part with a smile. I nod.
"You." I grin. "You are my everything." Austin's phone starts ringing, ruining our moment. I don't want to get off the floor with him, but I let him answer his phone.
"Hey." He answers. I smile standing in front of him. He starts getting into the conversation. "What!? That's in a month." he says worried. I look at him concerned. "Yeah of course." he says. His eyes haven't met mine, to assure me everything is okay. "Alright, I'll talk to you later." He hangs up the phone and lets out a sigh.
"Austin... what's going on?"
"Well, we're going on tour in a month."
"Already?" I ask. I knew he loved touring more than anything in the world, but I didn't want him to leave me for three months.
"What's wrong?" He asks. I probably look distraught, but I quickly throw on a false smile.
"Nothing."
"Lily I can see it in your eyes." He comes closer to me and tilts my chin up. "It's one month, I'll be back before you know it."
"I know. It just... sucks." I try to find a better word, but I just fold my arms. "We just moved in here... I'm going to be all alone." He cups his hands around my face and kisses my lips. He's letting me know, without words that everything will be okay.
"Well, we have a month." He smiles.
"Let's make the most of it... watch movies and walk around without pants on." I giggle jumping onto the couch, Austin sits with me and we finally start the movie that has been waiting for us to push play. He pulls me close and I hold his hands... I'm sure going to miss this.
Before we know it, it's the day he leaves for tour. Austin is at rehearsals this morning, I lay alone in bed. I'm crying silently. I don't want him to see the tears. When I hear our front door I quickly wipe my eyes, pretend I'm sleeping still. I hear his footsteps coming down the hall, him putting his keys onto the kitchen table. I hear him talking quietly to someone, or maybe he's on his phone.
"say hi to mommy." He says quietly. I feel my heart drop, what the hell is he talking about. I slowly turn over, to a little surprise. A little Chihuahua is crawling towards me.
"Oh my goodness!" I shriek. It's got a little face, and little paws. It's black fur is soft, when I pick it up. "Is this for me?" I ask, falling in love with his big black eyes. I'm holding him close to my chest. Austin smiles and nods. I pull him to me and kiss his lips.
"I don't want you to be completely alone. He's a little teacup Chihuahua he won't weight anymore than 2 or 3 pounds."
"He's so precious!" I say. "What's his name? Does he have one?!"
"Nope, that's up to you." He smiles and sits with us.
"I like Lennon." I say, "Like John Lennon."
"I like that too." Austin says quietly. After a few minutes of silence, "I'm really going to miss you lily." Don't you dare make me cry Austin. I think to myself.
"Let's go get your stuff. You leave in a few minutes." I say quickly standing up and bringing the puppy with me. Austin is grabbing his suitcases, pre-packed from last night and follows me to the living room. I feel my heart sinking into my stomach. A car horn is beeping outside. I hold back the tears stinging my eyes. He grabs me into a tight hug, and doesn't let go even as the horn keeps beeping out front. I grab onto him as if I'm going to die if I let go.
"I'll be back before you know it." He whispers slowly pulling away, and leaving one last kiss on my lips. I turn away so he doesn't see the tears dripping down my eyes.
"I love you." I choke out, before he can't hear me anymore.
"I love you too!" he smiles, that heart melting smile, and I quickly close the door, and sink to the floor. I let out my tears, and sob loudly. I'm going to miss him. It'll be Skype dates and quick phone calls until he returns. I sit for a while, crying. I try to repeat the words, "I'll be back before you know it." over and over again, hoping this is true. Before I know it, he'll be back in my arms, kissing my lips. Before I know it.
8/14/13