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This One is for You.

Time to Wake Up

The next day I hoped to wake up and it was all a bad dream, but I was wrong. It all happened and now, Austin wasn't even talking at me. Not even looking at me. It hurt, and kept me distracted. What would I do without him. Felicity was going home in three days too. Summer was ending soon too. I walked around the venue and listened to music, took some pictures, but nothing could get my mind off of him. The way his face looked before he turned away from me, like I had hit him below the belt.

I couldn't fathom how hurt he was, but I was hurt too. The only thing was, is that he tried to apologize, and I wouldn't listen. I was to much of an idiot. It was to late now. He wasn't going to talk to me. He didn't even want to look at me. I sigh, and sit alone in the bus. This is how I want it to be for now. Alone.

Later that night everyone's going out, but I'm staying in. Austin is staying in too. I didn't think he would stay but when I sat in the back lounge and seen his legs sitting off the couch I knew he was. I need to talk to him, and no matter what my heart feels like right now, I needed to do it. I take a deep breath and walk towards the front slowly. He doesn't even look from the television he's watching.

"Hey... Can I talk to you?" I ask quietly, not looking up to much. He doesn't answer, he keeps his eyes stuck onto the television, and doesn't even acknowledge the fact that I'm there. "Austin." I say. "Please talk to me." He sighs and looks over to me. "We've been friends for a really long time, and I think we can both agree we need to actually talk and not jump to assumptions."

"Yeah, it's a little to late for that." he mumbles. "But go on." ouch...
"I just don't want anything to change. I wish you and I could work out, and I think we can after we talk about this."

"I don't want to talk about it." He says coldly, and turns his eyes back to the TV screen. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest, like my heart just gave out. My stomach feels sick. Tears are streaming down my cheeks before I can even try to stop them. I just slowly backed away and quietly climbed into my bunk. I cried, and cried, and sobbed. I knew he heard me, but he didn't care. He didn't care at all.

The next day, went by just the same, I was alone. Today my heart hurt worse than yesterday. I cried a few times, but no one was around to hold me. I didn't like being alone today. Felicity joined me later in the afternoon.

"Lily, I love you, come party with me tonight... it's my last night on tour." She begs grabbing my hand. "You need to get your mind off of everything anyway."
"I don't know." I shrug. She gives me puppy dog eyes, and I sigh. "But I will, because I love you." She smiles big grabbing me into a hug.

"You're going to look hot okay? You and Austin will be talking again tonight." I smile weakly, and silently hope so.

The night comes, and I'm getting ready with Felicity, not all there. I put on a dress that followed my curves, and showed off my collar bones. I put on gold jewelry and did black winged eyeliner.
"You ready?" She asks slipping on her heels. I nod looking into the mirror. My eyes still looked a bit swollen from crying so much, but I looked better than I thought I would. I follow felicity like a puppy, like I haven't been around all tour.

I feel Austin's eyes as we make our way past him to Alan and out the door. I know Austin's coming with us, but trails behind, where I can't see him. I want to turn around and jump onto him, hugging him and kissing him. This was all my fault.

When we get to one of the tour buses, Felicity hands me a cup. I drink it so quickly, and I grab another which is also chugged. It doesn't burn going down my throat because my heart already hurts. I don't dance with anyone, I just drink, and watch Austin who has been talking to a blonde girl for the last half hour. Her long blond hair is straight and down. She's got her hand on Austin's lap, and he's intently listening to whatever she's saying. I scoff, and when a guy with a drink, asks me to dance, I say yes. We dance close together, and even though I'm drunk I stand my ground, and take more glances at Austin. He looks at me and for a minute, I thought he was going to come sweep me off my feet, but he doesn't. His eyes move up and down me, but turn back to the blonde.

I turn to get another drink, this time I try and pace myself, everything is already spinning a bit. I see Austin and the girl again, and this time she's sitting on his lap. I want to throw up, and I want to cry. I slip away from everyone, I stumble my way back to the bus, to cry once again.

I stumble around sobbing louder than I thought. My heart was crushed. I felt like I could die at any moment. Everything was blurry and I was falling all over the place. I didn't care, I didn't care at all. When I get into my bunk I lay on my side, and start trying to catch my breath, but it turns into silent tears, and a frog in my throat.

I start to dose off, but I hear people come in, and when I hear Austin's voice my eyes dart open. I quietly slide out of my bunk, and tip-toe to the curtain. I peak out to something that makes my mouth dry, my heart sink right back into my stomach, my hands tremble. She's on top of him, kissing his lips, the lips that I kissed a few nights ago. His shirt is off, her skirt is up.

"What the fuck!?" I can't keep quiet. "Why?" the girl jumps up and fixes herself backing away. "Why would you do this to me?" I feel warm tears racing down my face. She runs for the door, but I don't care for her.
"Lily, we aren't together." He says, but he won't look up at me.
"But you love me." I say. "I love you. We were in a fight... but you went and kissed her... you really don't care."
"How can you say I don't care!? I have to walk around pretending to be happy, smile, do it for the fans because they deserve it... but I don't care?" He stands up. "Bullshit."
"You don't care, because if you did you would have talked to me. You would have wanted to talk about it. But you didn't." I let out a sob. "I loved you." I say, "I loved you so much."
"Lily, I love you."
"You don't." I shake my head. "If you loved me you wouldn't have done that, and you wouldn't have let go so easily. You wouldn't have given up on me... but you did."
"Lily, I-I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd think that way." He comes to touch me.
"No Austin don't touch me!" He flinches away. "You knew exactly how I'd think, we were best friends for years. How could you not know? You didn't care." He doesn't say anything he just looks into my eyes. "I think I'm going to leave."
"No." He says, and when I look at his eyes, I see tears in them. "Please don't leave me."
"I'm going to move back in with Felicity until I find my own place. Austin, I'll leave you alone, okay?" I say. "I'll leave you alone." I blink a tear away and turn away from him.
"Please don't." He cries. "I love you, and I need you." He says. "And I know you need me too." I shake my head.
"But you don't need me Austin, because there is so much more out there for you..." I say, and even though it hurts, I know it's true. He can do better then this. I know he can.
"Please Lily stay. We can work things out. I'm drunk, but I love you. I will tell you in the morning I'll remember everything, Lily stay." He's saying and my heart aches more with each word.
"I just can't." I say. I grab my things and head out the door, I'll tell someone else to grab the rest. Austin watches me.
"Please. Lily, don't go." He says. I'm dialing for a cab, I'll stay in a hotel for the night, and find a way home tomorrow.
"You know what? Go!" He says suddenly. He grabs my bags and throws them out the bus, he's so angry and upset. "Don't come back. Don't even think to come back." He's saying so loud, I shake. I shudder. "I'll never love you again if you leave." He's sobbing, and I don't know what to do, so I run. I grab my things off of the ground, and I run.

Austin.

I cry and kick the chair. I sit down on the couch and sob into my hands. My best friend is gone. I told her I'd never love her again, but I never stopped anyway. I couldn't believe that she left.
"Austin what just happened?" Alan rushes in. "Felicity is running after lily as we speak." He's out of breath. "Austin, are you okay? ... That's a dumb question." He says sitting next to me.
"She left, she's never coming back. She's moving out." I say, trying to avoid his eyes, my crying.
"She couldn't have meant that... you didn't mean what you said, you have to know she didn't either..." I don't say anything, being very skeptical over what he said to me. I just don't know this time.
"Lily's going to a hotel." Her name makes my head jerk up, but it's just Felicity. She glares at me, but she comes back in. "I'm going with her." She sighs. She disappears, and returns with her bag and a purse.
"Please make sure she's okay." I say quietly.
"I will." She says. She takes me by surprise with a hug. "Lily wanted to give this to you." She hands me a paper, and Lily's favorite giraffe necklace. I want to cry again, but I hold it in for right now. I hold the tiny giraffe in my hand. "Thank you for letting me come here, I had a blast." Felicity says, hugging Alan and Tino and Phil who just walked in the door. "I'll catch you all later! Keep in touch."
I don't know what to do, I just sit the with my head in my hands. I read the letter.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Is scribbled on the paper, obviously quickly written. I need to run after her. She can't go. I run, until I can't anymore, and I see the back of a taxi pulling off into the night. I fall onto my knees and cry. Thinking she's never coming back.

Lily.

Once I get to the hotel room, I book a flight back home... home for what? Another day? I try not to replay the night over and over again, but I know that it's impossible not to. All night I do, like a movie. I
cry until I can't anymore. It's daylight and I haven't slept at all, and I have a flight to catch with Felicity.

I think about Austin the whole time, from the moment I step onto the plane, until the moment I get into my old apartment. I'm alone. I trace the walls to my home with my hand. Everything has been left here without Austin and I, and I'm leaving for good. I head straight back to Austin's room, and I just stand there. I walk around, looking at the things he's left behind, pictures of him and I from a while ago, I open one of his dresser drawers and grab a shirt of his. I bring it to my nose and breath it in, and I collapse to the floor as if my legs just didn't work. I'm here sobbing alone, on Austin's bedroom floor. I crawl my way up to his pillows and I hold onto what's left of him. I cry, until I sleep, for the first time in a day.

I wake up, I don't know how long after, I look at the clock and it's 9 a.m. I felt groggy, and I didn't want to move. I see a lot of missed calls, from Austin and from Felicity. I call her back.
"Oh my god... did you want me to send the cops over?" She says groggily. "You've been sleeping for about a day... I got worried." I smile but that disappears quickly.

"I'm fine. I'm going to start packing today. I'll bring a little over at a time." I say, "I'll be fine." I lie. I get into my room and start packing but I start sobbing again, I can't bring myself to do this, but I know I need to.

--Two weeks later--

Austin.

Two weeks ago, I lost her. Two weeks ago, and her face hasn't left my mind. I keep her necklace hanging in my bunk. I go out smiling, and if it wasn't for my fans, I couldn't even pretend to be happy. My dad is coming to visit, since I haven't seen him since before tour.

I don't say anything to him right away, I just bring him into a hug. I don't want to let go. I get him settled in, and show him our new tour bus. After we head over to the stage, and he watches us perform. I love having my dad with me, he's the greatest. He's the one thing that means a lot to me. After the show we head back to the bus, and sit down to relax.

"So where's lily?" he asks. "Been looking forward to seeing her again." the name stings, and my mouth grows dry.
"We... We aren't friends anymore." He looks at me wide eyed, confused. I explain to him the whole situation. "Now she won't talk to me, for two weeks. We've never gone without talking more than maybe a day... I'm so lost without her dad, I don't know what to do. I really love her, I think I'm in love with her... It took me so long to realize it."

"Well, Austin." He takes a deep breath and exhales. "You need to get her back." I listen to his words, knowing that my dad could help me more than anyone. "You clearly love that girl, I always knew it... so did your mother." When he brings up my mom, I shut my eyes. Remembering her beautiful face. "Funny, we always thought you'd get married to her." he laughs a little. "Listen son, I can tell you this, she loves you. You love her. You need to get to her, and tell her exactly how you feel. Don't hold back. Tell her the truth." He smiles that reassuring grin, I've always loved. "You can do it, you just need to be firm, be truthful, tell her how much she means to you. If she loves you, she'll know what you're saying is true. Learn from this. Both of you, will need to take this as a lesson for a better future." I nod.

"Thanks dad." I smile and hug him again.
"Now, go get her champ."
"Tour isn't over for another week." I sigh, "I can't leave."
"You'll figure something out." He smiles, and I know he's right, just as an idea flies into my head.

Lily.

"Okay, that's it, you're getting out of bed." Felicity comes into my room, turning on a light. I cringe. I liked staying in my dark room, watching romantic movies. "You need to get dressed into something hot, and come meet some new people with me.
"I just don't feel like it today... maybe in a week or two."
"Look, Lily, you need to do this, for you." She folds her arms. "Trust me, by the end of tonight you'll feel so much better." I ponder my options, try to think of a way out. I guess one day won't kill me. I've been in bed for about two weeks, since I moved most of my stuff into Felicity's.
"I have nothing to wear." I sigh, "Sorry."
"Perfect I bought you something... jump into the shower." She grins, and heads out of the guest room I've been barricaded in for the past weeks.
When I come out an outfit is laid out for me, like I'm a child. When I put the red dress on, I actually like it. I love the cut-out back. She even left a pair of heels that I love, strapped black ones. I decide to do my makeup too Who knew an outfit could make me feel better already?
"Wow, this is the Lily I've been missing." I hear Felicity's voice chime in behind me. "Ready?" she asks. I nod following her.

We drive in the car for an hour and she still hasn't told me where we're going. I tap my foot nervously, I don't know if I want to know. I hated secrets and surprises, but as soon as I go to ask her where we're going, for the fifth time, we're pulling into the parking lot, for warped tour...

Notes

Lily's Look

Comments

I loved this!
INeedYourLove INeedYourLove
8/14/13
thank you! :)
TheStorm TheStorm
8/11/13
This was so cute! ^,^