Two days pass, and I fake my laughter with Austin, I try not to look at him to much. I try not to let it get in the way of my photography. Felicity is great, she listens to me babble one, and cry. She tells me that he'll realize it, probably to late. But I don't think so, he could never love me, like I love him.

"We have a great party to go to tonight." Felicity tells me one day. She beams. "Austin and the guys were telling me all about it." I feel my heart sink at the sound of his name, but I force a smile.

I climb out and decide I want to party tonight, forget that night, I want it gone. I go with skinny jeans with lace under holes down my legs, and a black shirt that shows off my collarbones. My makeup is dramatic, and my hair is it's usual curly style. I throw a bowler hat and some jewelry and I'm just about ready. Felicity hands me a pair of red heels she brought, and I stick those on too. Lily goes for skinny jeans and a hot pink top. Hot pink heels and earrings. Her long dark hair is curled to perfection. I envy how much better she looks than me.

"Ready?" Austin asks me, when I'm standing looking into the mirror. He hands me a red cup. "You look beautiful Lily, as always." His smile is outrageously gorgeous tonight. I take the cup from his hand and start to chug, the alcohol burns going down my throat, but nothing can hurt more than earlier. I want him to push me up against the mirror, tell me he loves me, kiss my lips, but I doubt he will. He stands there for a moment and when we catch each other's eyes, I know I want to tell him everything, let it all spill out... but I don't. I just fake a smile, and move past him.

The party isn't in a tour bus tonight, everyone's outside. A moveable fire pit was being used as a bonfire. Music played and drinks were flowing. Felicity and I danced around together and Felicity found a guy to hangout with. I'm feeling more and more drunk, and many guys are talking to me, but the only guy I could think of was Austin.

I start talking to a guy named Tom. He was really sweet, really funny. I still only thought of Austin. I glance around the crowd of people partying, and I find him across the fire sitting next to some girl. Their laughing at something and she bats his eyes at her. She has short blonde hair, a body to die for. I find Austin's eyes and we both don't smile, or anything we just, connect. The blonde girl grabs his hand and is holding it in hers. I can't bare the sight.

I've seen Austin with girls before. I've never felt my heart fall into my stomach the way it did. I try focusing on Tom, but I'm trying to drink away the sight I seen. I glance to the side again, not being able to keep my eyes off of him or them... She's sitting on his lap, but he doesn't look so amused anymore, and I wasn't amused from the beginning. I stand up quickly.

"I'm sorry." I say trying to keep my balance, how much did I drink. "I've got to go." I say closing my eyes, so everything stops spinning.
"Can I walk you back?" He asks.
"I-I just need to be alone." I say, feeling guilty. "You're a great guy, can we talk tomorrow." I say quickly, and he smiles and nods.
"Of course we can." I give him a smile and I see the girl, putting her hands through his hair. I can't take it anymore, and I don't want to know what comes next.

I'm walking towards the bus, I must look like an idiot, I can't walk straight, hell, I can't even think straight. What has happened to me? A week ago, Austin and I were best friends, and nothing was ever thought of it. Today I'm jealous, he's with a different girl. I roll my eyes at that one. How silly am I? I forget for a minute where the bus is, so I stand against another to see if the world will stop spinning.

"Oh, it's you again." An old, familiar voice rings.
"Yeah." I say trying not to look at Brandon.
"Maybe we can try again, you know you and I?" He's clearly drunk. I can't tell if it's more than me or not. I shake my head.
"Listen, no." I say. He grabs my arm, and when I try to pull away from him I can't.
"Let her go." Austin's voice is stern, and Brandon immediately follows his instructions, leaving me to hold the bus again.
"I was going to help her." He says, but who knows if that's true. I don't look at Austin. I just start walking fast towards the bus, though I don't know where that is. I know Austin is following me, though, he doesn't say anything.
"Why'd you leave?" I ask, "You looked like you were having so much fun."
"You're passing the bus." He says pointing to the bus, with their giant Of Mice & Men logo on it. I just fold my arms and walk inside.
"Why'd you leave." I want to know.
"I just wasn't having fun." He says.
"Looked like it..." I mumble.
"What's that supposed to mean." he asks. "You know I wasn't or I wouldn't have left. His words probably sound like mine, drunken and slurred.

"You had a pretty blonde girl sitting on your lap. I don't know why you followed me, there was no point in doing that, and besides, you could be bringing her home and having just sex with her. No, you follow me. You just, you--"

Without finishing my long statement, he pins me against the refrigerator, he puts his hands on my face, gentle. His lips are on mine. I forgot what I was going to say anyway, I push him off of me.

"Don't fucking do that." I say. "W-Why did you do that?" I ask quietly. He comes back for more, and I let his lips part mine, let his tongue slip into this very drunk kiss. I can't stand it anymore, I want Austin. I want him right now. I slide my hands up his chest around his neck, through his hair. This kiss is drunk and reckless and I like it.

"Do you love me?" He asks. "Do you really love me?" He's more drunk than I thought. I nod quickly.

"More than anything in the entire world." I say in between kisses. He moves his kisses down to my neck and I can't help but let out a little moan. He picks me up, and lets me wrap my legs around him we move to the couch. His hands are exploring my body, as if they haven't before. His hands push up my black shirt, up and over my head.

"You're so beautiful." He says, kissing my chest. I pull off his shirt, and push myself on top of him this time. I kiss his skin, warm, soft, sweet. I gently bite, and kiss each spot on his neck. He lets out a quiet groan, and that makes me smile. I now have the power to make him feel the way he made me feel the other night.

****

I kiss down his bare chest, right down to his waist, I look up at him, his eyes tell me that they want more, but I don't give it to him just yet, kissing back up his body. I feel him grow hard, beneath my hand, lightly rubbing above his jeans, kissing his lips, biting lightly and pulling away. I unbutton his jeans and he helps me pull them off, along with my bra. Before I even have time to pull of my own jeans he's pushing himself on top of me.

"You're the best thing that has ever happened to me." He says in my ear, making me shiver. He unbuttons my jeans and pulls them off, kissing down my leg, to my thigh, to my hips. I want him. I want more of him. I'm trembling like crazy as he pulls my underwear off too. I slide his boxers off, and let him kiss me more.

Finally, he slides himself into me, again I feel complete. I feel our breathing getting heavier, and heavier. I love his smell, his soft skin, his tattoos, his lips, the way he kisses me. I arch my back and he holds my head close to his, our eyes meet, and I moan without breaking the eye contact. He picks me up letting me climb on top of him. Picking up the pace, I slide my fingers between his, our eyes not leaving each others gaze. His lips come up to mine, lightly kissing them. He pushes himself back on top of me as we come to the finish. He lets out a loud groan as he tilts his head back, and we're both laying there trying to catch our breath.

*****
"Do you really love me?" He asks again, and this time without hesitation I tell him,
"Yes I love you, more than anything in the world." He smiles, and kisses my lips again. "Do you love me...?" I steal his shirt, that was to the top of my knee because of how tall he was.

"Yeah I do." He says, and I'm not sure if I really believe it "I'm going to shower... care to join?" He grins. I suppose it would be a good idea, because it's hot, and sticky and sweaty. I nod silently. He grabs my hand and leads me to the shower.

The hot water feels so good, just clearing everything up. I wonder if Austin and I could be together. Would the band accept that? The fans? Austin lightly massages my shoulders kissing down them, I put my arm around his head, and run my hands through his now damp hair. I want more moments like this with him, but I'm skeptical at this point, if that is even a possibility. Asking him now, probably isn't the best idea either, knowing his drunken state.

We finish up with more kisses, he pulls me into his bunk with him, I'm against the window, and we stare into each others brown eyes for a really long time. He strokes my hair, and have my hand near his chest, lightly tracing my own personal love tattoos. For a while we do this. We hear people come in the bus, we don't care. We hear them getting ready for sleep and finishing partying. We hear the bus start up, and the hum of the road beneath us. We don't care, nothing is in our world as of right now. Just Austin and I with each other, we needed nothing else.

Austin's P.O.V.

My head is pounding, I have no idea what went on last night. Lily is sleeping soundly in my bunk, wearing my shirt, and not much else. I slowly move out of the bunk trying my best not to wake her. I find Alan sitting in the front lounge, watching something on his lap top. I grab some orange juice and sit across from him.

"We need to talk." Alan says.
"Okay...?" I ask confused
"Can you just tell me what's going on with you and Lily?" He asks. I shush him a bit, and shake my head.
"I don't know what you're talking about..." Lying to Alan now too.
"Okay, this is going to sound a bit fucked up dude, but I heard you two last night. Before you guys showered..." I feel my whole face heat up. "I was sleeping really and when I was going to put my iPod on, you guys were going to shower so it's not like I was snooping okay."
"okay so..."
"Do you like her more than what you say you do?" He looks at me, his light hazel eyes are burning holes into my skin.
"I-I don't know." I whisper.
"Well, you need to tell her how you feel dude." He sighs. "Not to sound sappy, but she has to love you, you and her have been just friends for way to long."
"We're just friends." I say, "That's the way it's going to stay." I lie some more. I'm terrified at the way I feel about Lily. She's been by my side for the longest time, but that could change in a relationship.
"Then stop fucking her." He says seriously. "Because she's going to think something is up." He puts his earphones on and doesn't want to hear anything else from me. I sigh, I love Lily, I'm afraid to lose Lily. I wish these feelings would just go away.

Lily.

I heard Alan and Austin's conversation, and now I know it's going no where. I feel tears build on my eyes. I shut them quickly and the tears spill down my cheeks. I can't believe he just said that. I want more of him. When I feel him climb into the bunk, I pretend I'm sleeping as he puts an arm around me. I can't help but cry more when he does this, I need to run. I decide to climb over him, and go somewhere else, anywhere else.

"What's wrong?" He asks concerned, but I don't reply, I simply can't fathom the words. I go to the back lounge and lock the door, I hold my knees close to my chest, and cry more than last time. I was such a fool. How could I love Austin more than I already did? My head was a mess because this shouldn't be happening. None of it should have happened. I'm mad at myself more than anything in the world. I want to be alone, sulk in bed, but on tour you're rarely alone.

"Lily open the door." I hear Austin.
"No." I sob. "Go away." I cry more. He keeps trying to open it, but I refuse. I need to be alone. I want to be alone.
"Lily, please." He begs. "I want to talk." I open the door and let him in. He shuts it behind him. "Tell me what's wrong." He says.
"Nothing." Clearly, he knows.

"Lily, you're crying." He rolls his eyes.
"Why'd you tell me you loved me? Why'd you kiss me!?" I notice I'm yelling. "Why'd we have sex?" I ask, tears rushing from my eyes.
"W-What."
"You told me you loved me. Called me beautiful." I fold my arms, going from upset to angry. "Why?"
"You are beautiful, I do love you." He says, "But do you think you and I being in a relationship would work?" He asks. "You and I have been on my mind for the past days. We have the best friendship I could ever ask for why would you want to ruin it?"
"Me!?" I almost want to hit him. "You didn't feel anything?" I ask, "You really didn't feel anything...?"
"I-I don't know what I felt." He says, looking down. "I still don't know."
"Why'd you kiss me?" I ask, "Again."
"I was drunk." He says. I shrug my shoulders.
"Great to know." I say. He leans into me and tilts my chin up to him. "Stop, I don't want to be your little test Austin."

"Lily, I just I don't know." He says. "I want to kiss you, I want you to stop crying. I want this to work out, but I'm afraid... fucking terrified." His hand is moved to the side of my face, and I place my hand over his. "I don't want to lose you as a best friend... "

"Well you won't." I say looking down. "M-Maybe we could try..." I say. He smiles, and it gives me a bit more ease. He puts his forehead to mine.

"I think we could." He smiles. "I just don't want the friendship ruined if we get really serious."

"Austin." I shake my head and stand on my tippy toes as tall as I can. "You are my best friend." I say. He leans down a bit more smiling and kissing my lips. Finally, he kisses my lips. Finally. I smile during this kiss. I feel what I felt the first time we kissed, like fireworks going off. Like no one else in the world existed. My past erased, and everything alright.

Notes

Lily's Look