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Just Breathe

alone together

The entire ride to the small homey diner both boys picked out was a nervous one, well, it was for Austin at least. Austin did not have a working vehicle to use and Alan did not have a vehicle at all, so the diner was not only nice and homey, but it was close by Austin’s apartment. The two boys walked by each other, close enough to reach out and hold hands with ease. Though, when Alan did go to hold Austin’s hand, Austin put his hand in his jacket pocket, throwing an apologetic look at Alan before averting his eyes to the ground. The younger boy wasn’t discouraged by this though, because he was the type of person to never give up when he sees something he thinks is worth it, and Austin was already more than worth it to him.

When they arrived at the diner Alan held open the door for Austin, who blushed and entered, his long fingered hands still in his pockets. Austin picked out a booth in a cozy corner of the room and slid into the seat, Alansliding in across from him while flashing that adorable 100 watt smile of his. Usually when people stared at Austin as much as Alan was, Austin would usually get up and leave. However, the way Alan was staring wasn’t like how others usually looked at Austin, or at least, how Austin felt people looked at him. Alan’s eyes were bright and curious. They weren’t harsh or judgmental in any way. The soft brown orbs were gentle and warm.

Austin bit his lip and met Alan’s intense gaze for a moment before looking away shyly, whispering to the waitress that he would like a water with lemon before picking up his napkin and rolling around in between his long fingers. The younger boy watched him curiously, wondering if the elder boy had always been shy or if something happened to make him this way. Either way, Alan was determined to break through Austin’s shell.

“So Austin. How’d you find Sophie? I know I left her at home that day.”

Austin blushed and looked up at Alan to speak to him. “I s-saw her in the window and the b-building was on f-fire. I c-couldn’t just leave her.”

Alan’s eyes widened. “You went inside?”

Austin shook his head quickly. “N-no I climbed up the tree and s-smashed the window and got her.”

Alan’s eyes widened, if possibly, more and he blinked a few times. “Austin you could have been hurt!”

Austin blushed and looked at his hands. “I c-couldn’t just l-leave her.”

Alan reached across and put his hand on top of Austin’s. “Thank you forsaving my baby. I was so sad when I thought I lost her in the fire. When I saw the flyers you put up I literally started jumping around.” The elder boy blushed but didn’t move his hand from Alan’s. The younger boy’s hand was soft and warm on Austin’s.

The waiter set their drinks down on top of the table, but Alan did not remove his hand. The young man didn’t care what others thought of him or his sexuality. Austin did not care either, and didn’t remove his hand from under Alan’s. The only things Austin feared was getting hurt and once again not being good enough. Would he ever be good enough? Alan wrapped his fingers around Austin’s fingers and squeezed gently, pulling the elder man from his darkening thoughts. Austin looked up at him and smiled at him, making Alan flash him his smile that made Austin’s stomach do little flips.

Both boys ordered breakfast for dinner, the elder getting pancakes and bacon and the younger waffles and sausage. Playful banter over which meal was better ensued, followed by fits of laughter and holding hands across the table top. The two only stopped holding hands to dig into their food, and then resumed after paying and walking to the nearby park to star gaze.

Star gazing sounds like a corny and cliché thing to do, but in fact, it was actually very romantic and entertaining in itself. Austin lay on his back in the soft glass with the smaller boy next to him, hands tightly clasped together.

“Austin?” The raven haired boy looked to his right at the pretty boy lying next to him. “Yeah Alan?” Alan was already looking to his left at the elder boy, his eyes bright with curiosity. He had many questions to ask the older boy. Why was he wearing a jacket in the middle of June? Why was he so shy? Did he like Alan as much as Alan liked him? What was his favorite song? Alan wanted to know anything and everything about the boy next to him. He didn’t know exactly where to start.

While Alan contemplated on what to ask Austin, the taller boy watched Alan’s face. Austin really just wanted to move closer and kiss the red haired boy. He quickly shook those thoughts from his head, swallowing quietly. He couldn’t think those things. He needed to stop holding hands with Alan, he needed to apologize for leading Alan on and leave. But he couldn’t bring himself to unlatch his hand from Alan’s because at that moment, Austin didn’t feel so worthless. He felt like he could be enough, for once.

“What’s your last name?”

Austin smiled a little. “Carlile.” Alan grinned. “Oh I like it. I’m Ashby by the way. Alan Ashby.” Austin’s eyes crinkled at the corners when his smile grew. “That’s a c-cute name.” It was Alan’s turn to blush. “Thanks Aus.”

The nickname made Austin look back up at the stars. Gielle used to call him Aus, back before she left him for someone else and slapped him in the face with every insecurity he had ever confided in her about.

Austin felt Alan’s hand squeeze his. “Hey, are you okay Austin?” Austin looked over at him, his chocolate colored eyes sad. “S-sorry. I was thinking about m-my ex-wife.” Alan blinked. “You were married?” Austin nodded once. “She left m-me six m-months ago.” Austin couldn't the tears that began to roll down his cheeks. Alan’s face softened and he pulled Austin close, hugging him. “I don’t know w-why I’m still s-sad, after all this t-time.” Austin sniffled and buried his face into Alan’s chest. It was slightly awkward because Austin was so much taller than Alan, but they made it work. “It’s okay to be sad sometimes Austin. One day you’re going to be okay. It gets better than you know.”

No one’s ever told him things like that. Usually people would tell him to just get over it or that time heals all wounds. Austin sighed softly, the tears ceasing as the comfort of Alan’s embrace surrounded him. They stayed like that, hugging each other, for a little while before Alan nudged him. “I really don’t want to stop hugging you, but I’m thinking that cuddling would be a lot more comfortable inside, on a bed.” Austin nodded and stood up with Alan and they walked back to his apartment, hand in hand.

Comments

I'm crying

April Wootton April Wootton
2/6/14
OMG i cried through the last chapter! why?
@austincarlile69
I actually like that idea. I may write a one shot of his life after, thank you for reading and the lovely comment(:
Oh my god, I wanna cry ;-;
Is it weird I'm crying this hard ? I'm so late on this comment, I haven't had internet but this is beautiful. I'm sad there isn't a sequel to see him moving on or whatever but it was just beautiful.