I woke up and rolled out of my bunk running for the bathroom and emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. I stood shakily and brushed my teeth in the sink, splashing some of the cool water on my face. I looked at my reflection in the little mirror that hung above the sink. I couldn’t even muster up encouraging thoughts, let alone any words to say to myself. My whole body was screaming at me to run back to my bed and hide away under the covers all day and not leave my bunk. Something bad was going to happen today. I just knew it.

I stepped out of the bathroom and almost ran right into Alex who had been coming out of the back lounge.

“Woah! Rae! You scared me!” He said with a laugh placing his hands on my shoulders. His face fell when he looked at me and my eyes suddenly found the toes of his worn out Converse much more interesting than anything else in the world. “Raegan…look at me. I know where we are is freaking you out today, but I promise you that everything will be fine. Okay?”

“I just wanna stay in my bunk all day.” I admitted feeling more and more sorry for myself.

He pulled me into him wrapping his arms around me, “Get dressed, okay? And come outside. You’ll like where we’re parked today.” He gave me a smile as he pulled away from me and headed for the front of the bus.

I sighed and tried to put on a brave face and push the uneasy feelings away. It was difficult but I knew if I made it through today, everything would be fine. I got dressed and put on simple makeup. I made my way outside and was greeted with the site of Of Mice & Men’s bus parked right next to ours. A smile graced my face for the first time that morning as I jumped down from the bottom step and shut the door behind me.

“Alright, 3…2…1…GO!” I heard Jack scream and I turned to see him, Alex, and Aaron shot gunning beers together while Adam snapped pictures furiously.

“It’s 11 in the morning!” I exclaimed as Jack through his can on the ground with a triumphant scream.

“Rae! Hop on the back with me!” Jack demanded as he made his way over to the four wheeler he carted around from venue to venue. “We have to bring Vinny some shirts!”

“I…I think I’ll just stay here…” I said awkwardly as I tried to sit down in a chair. Jack started up the engine and revved it.

“It’ll be good for you, Rae.” Alex said with a smile as he dropped a bag of shirts in my lap. “Go ahead.”

Groaning I got up and climbed onto the back with Jack. I looped my arm through the bag handles and wrapped my arms around Jack’s waist.

“Titty Fuck!” He hollered as we took off and headed towards the venue. We had to drive slower once we got to the actual venue because the kids had started piling in. It wasn’t long before we made it to the All Time Low tent. I hopped off and handed Vinny the bag.

“Thank you so much Rae!” He said. I nodded and then hopped back on the quad just as Jack had started to get swarmed with fans.

“Look the fuck out, please. I will run you over.” Jack said trying to get people to move out of the way so that we could get back to the buses. Eventually he was able to and as we passed security he sped up.

“There you are!” Austin said as I got off the quad and made my way over to him.

“Hi,” I said as he placed a kiss on my lips.

“I was wondering where you had got to.” Austin seemed to be in more than a good mood this morning and I was worried that I was going to end up putting him into a bad one. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I didn’t sleep good last night…” I mumbled pushing my hair back.

“That’s ‘cause you didn’t stay over! I told you to stay over last night, babe.” He said smiling down on me to prove his point. “I gotta run, I have fucking press all morning before set. I’ll text you though, okay?”

“Yeah, have a good day.”

He placed a big sloppy kiss on my lips before giving me his biggest smile yet and running off to catch up with Tino.

I collapsed into one of the chairs under the Glamour Kills tent in front of our bus and pulled out my phone scrolling through my social networking apps. Being in the crowds for just that short amount of time had had my body so tensed up it felt like it would take weeks for me to be able to relax again. It was like every kid that walked by was either going to recognize me or was going to actually be him.
And he was going to steal me away again.

I got lost in my anxiety ridden thoughts for a long time, starring at the ground in front of me. Every bad memory I had from the last two years was running through my mind like a never ending slide show. The fact that I didn’t even have to be in Boston to feel like this was amazing to me. I couldn’t even imagine what putting my feet on the soil there would be like again.

“Raegan…Rae”

I looked up blinking to see Alan standing over me, he was sweaty indicating he had just gotten back from playing his set.

“Are you okay?” He had a look of deep concern on his face as he looked me over. “You’ve been sitting here like this for hours.”

“No…” I admitted. “I have a lot of anxiety today.”

“How come?” he asked plopping down into a chair across from me.

I shrugged. I wouldn’t have been able to explain it to him if I wanted to.

“Well hey,” He said placing a hand on my knee and making me meet his eyes. “Austin wanted me to
come get you. He said he texted and tried to call you a bunch.”

“Really?” I asked feeling embarrassed I hadn’t even heard my phone going off although it had been in my lap all afternoon.

“Uh, yeah…” Alan said watching as I picked the phone up off my lap and saw all the missed calls and texts. “Anyway, we’re doing a signing and he wanted you to come out and meet the fans. It’s at our
tent. You can head over now.”

“I don’t wanna go alone.” I said quickly as he stood up.

“Well, I mean I was going to change. Just go now, you’ll be fine.”

“Alan, I can’t go alone.” I said again trying to stress to him that no matter what I couldn’t be out in
the crowds by myself.

“What are you talking about? You do it all the time, Rae. You’ll be fine.” He said with a laugh.

“Alan, no. I can’t. Something bad will happen to me.”

“Raegan, you’re being really fucking weird.”

“Just please, Alan!” I said practically screaming. “Don’t make me go alone!”

“Okay! Okay!” He said trying to get me to quiet down. “Look, Raegan…Austin wanted you there as soon as possible. I’m going to run on the bus and grab a shirt. You get a head start, I’ll catch up with you before you even make it to the venue, okay?”

“Promise?” I asked swallowing hard. I could tell by the look in his eyes that I had really freaked him out and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

“Yes.” He said nodding. “I promise.”

“Okay.” I said turning slowly and walking between the buses. I sighed deeply and turned my feet towards the venue. Every step I took I whispered to myself that I’d be okay. I was only walking to the Of Mice & Men tent, which wasn’t that far. I was going to sit with the guys and meet some kids. That would make me feel better. And I’d have Austin by my side. Everything was going to be okay.

I made it to the entrance to the venue and turned to see if I could see Alan’s ginger head heading my way yet. I couldn’t see anything. I turned and realized I could see the top of the Of Mice tent from where I was standing. I could make it there. I’d be okay. Everything was going to be fine.

I tightened my grip on the Smart Water bottle that was in my hand and stepped into the venue. I walked quickly towards the Of Mice tent, looking around at ever face. I was beyond paranoid as I made my way through the crowds getting ever close to the tent.

I could see Austin smiling up at one of his fans, that’s how close I had gotten. I stopped for a moment
to take the sight in, relieved that my worries had been for nothing. A smile formed on my face as I was about to take another step. A body stepped in front of my, blocking my sight of Austin. I looked up at the face and felt my heart stop. He was standing in front of me with that awful smirk on his
face.

“I knew I’d find you again, you little fucking bitch.” He mumbled.

The water bottle fell from my hand. He started coming towards me and I turned to run. But I was too slow, he grabbed a hole of my wrist and yanked me back towards him causing me to cry out. His hand came up and covered my mouth keeping me from making any noise. I struggled against his hold trying to get someone’s attention, anyone’s. But everyone that walked by was too busy excitedly hurrying off to spend time with their favorite bands.

I bit the skin of his hand hard causing him to cry out and fling me to the ground. “Fucking slut!”

I jumped up from the ground and made a mad dash for the Of Mice tent figuring that was much closer than trying to head for the buses.

I was almost there when I felt something grab ahold of the back of my hair. “Not so fast, Raegan!”

“AUSTIN!” I screamed. Several people at this point had stopped and started looking at what was going on. “AUSTIN! TINO! PHIL! AARON! AUSTIN!”

“Shut the fuck up!” He screamed trying to pull my hair harder to make me stop.

I watched as the guys looked up as I was screaming and their eyes went wide with horror.

“HEY!” Austin yelled jumping up and running towards us closely followed by Tino.

“You fucking bitch. I’m going to fucking kill you when I get you back home.” He mumbled in my ear.

I kicked his shins trying to get away from him. Austin and Tino were approaching quickly followed by more guys from bands, crew members and a few fans. Austin yanked me away from his grip throwing me into someone and I realized Alan had miraculously appeared out of the blue and caught me. I heard the sound of skin hitting skin and as I started bawling into Alan’s chest.

I’m not really sure what happened after that. The next thing I could remember happening was sitting
down on the couch in their tour bus bawling my eyes out.

“Who the fuck was that guy, Raegan!” Austin screamed pacing in front of me. His nose was bleeding slightly.

I couldn’t answer him, I just kept crying.

“Dude, calm down…” Alan said sitting next to me.

“I just watched my girlfriend basically get kidnapped! How the fuck can I calm down?”

“You’re scaring her!” Alan yelled back trying to get Austin to realize how hard I was crying.

He slowly sank down onto the couch next to me and placed a hand on my back. “Rae,” He said and I turned throwing my arms around his neck and crying into his chest.

“I need Alex. I need Alex. I need Alex.” I repeated over and over.

“Rae, he’s on stage right now.” Austin said calmly rubbing circles on my back.

“I need Jack. I need Jack. I need Jack.” I started saying.

“Someone call Matt.” Austin said and I heard Tino agree to do it.

“Rae, calm down. You’re going to make yourself sick.” Austin said hugging me to him with a sigh.

“Matt said get her over to their bus. They’ll be there as soon as they can.” Tino explained.

“Come on, Rae.” Austin said standing and pulling me to my feet. I doubled over as the tears racked my body once more. He had to practically carry me over to the other bus.

I stopped crying long enough to let Austin change me into pajamas. He tried to ask questions again and I burst into a new fit of tears shaking my head and causing him to pull me into him again. The sound of the bus door opening, followed by footsteps quieted my sobbing.

“Raegan!” I heard Alex’s voice say and I jumped up in his arms.

“It was him! He tried to take me!”

“Fuck…” I heard Jack mumble.

“Who is this guy?” Alan asked entering the bus.

“Dude…just wait…” I heard Jack whisper to him.

“C’mon Rae.” Alex said putting his arm around me and leading me towards the back lounge. “I’ll be back out soon guys.”

We went in and shut the door to the tiny room. I sat down on the couch, Alex sitting next to me.

“I fucking knew that would happen Alex! I fucking knew it!” I screamed suddenly feeling anger gripping my body.

“What happened?” Alex asked searching my eyes for the truth.

“I was walking to Of Mice & Men’s tent…Alan had said Austin wanted me to be there and that he’d catch up with me…I was almost there when he stepped in front of me and grabbed me.” I started sobbing again as I said the last few words. “He said he was going to take me home and kill me.”

“Raegan, you don’t live with him anymore. Calm down, okay. I promise you. What happened today shouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry I didn’t take it more seriously this morning. You’re not going anywhere near him, ever again. I’ll make sure of it. Okay?”

I nodded slowly. My eyes didn’t even have tears to cry anymore. Alex pulled me in for a hug. “What do you want me to tell Austin?” He asked.

“Nothing.” I said.

“Raegan, he has to know eventually if you’re going to be with him.”

“I just want to go to bed.” I mumbled standing up and making my way out of the room. Everyone looked up at me as I opened the door and shuffled down the hall way. I got to my bed, opened the curtain and climbed in shutting it roughly behind me.

“She okay?” I heard Jack ask as Alex made his way back up front.

“Yeah, she’s going to be fine. She’s just really shaken up right now.”

“What happened?” Austin asked. “Who was that guy?”

“Look, she doesn’t want me to say anythi-“

“I deserve to fucking know!” Austin yelled.

“Dude, I know. I know. Look, that guy did a lot of fucked up shit to her.”

“Should have fucking killed him when I had the chance…” Austin muttered.

“Austin, I know you’re really angry right now, but this is something she needs to tell you about when she’s ready. I can’t say anything about it.” Alex explained. “You don’t know how bad I want to, man. But I can’t do that to her.”

“I understand.” Austin said after taking a moment to take it all in.

“So…did he like get arrested?” Jack asked awkwardly.

“Yeah, he did.” Alan answered.

Someone changed the subject and the guys made their way outside. I pulled the blankets over my head and willed my body to fall asleep.