Red
July 13, 2012 - Holmdel, New Jersey
Jack, Alex, and Alan had spent the evening calming me down and talking things out with me. Alan had assured me on multiple occasions that things were going to work out and that Austin was not only drunk but he had really believed the rumors and was trying his best to be a dick to me.
I woke up to Alex rubbing my back and handing me a big cup of coffee in the front lounge. I sat up slowly feeling a blanket slide off my lap as I looked up at Alex taking the cup from him.
“You fell asleep out here last night.” He explained sitting across from me as I took a sip. He had made it just the way I like it.
“This coffee is really good…” I murmured bringing a smiled to his face as he anticipated my answer.
“I feel alright.” I shrugged grabbing my phone and seeing three text notifications on the lock screen; five from Austin, two from Alan, and one from a random number. “Ugh, he texted me…” I groaned sliding my finger across Austin’s name to read his first.
Austin Carlile: Raegan, im reel sory. Pleasee text me bck
Austin Carlile: i promisssssssse to maKE his uP too u
Austin Carlile: Call me tomoRRow to tak please
Austin Carlile: I was a dic nd im so sorr rae
Austin Carlile: I lov you, rae
“What’d he say?” Alex asked casually.
“It’s all drunken gibberish. But he basically said he’s really sorry and he loves me…”
“What!” Alex asked in disbelief.
I sighed and quickly responded with:
Me: Are you up yet?
I went to Alan’s messages to read his next.
Alan Ashby: Text me if you need anything
Alan Ashby: Meow $$$$
I rolled my eyes and went on to the other text message.
+1-345-232-55673: Hey Rae, It’s Vic
“Oh, fan-fucking-tastic.” I said throwing my phone onto the other couch for Alex to see who had texted me.
“Well this isn’t going to look good…” Alex said looking back at me.
“I regret ever giving him my number now.” I said with a sigh.
Alex handed me back my phone and I saved Vic’s number so that I’d have it in case he texted or called again. I finished my coffee and got ready for the day. I went back to my bunk to see I had a text from Alan letting me know what time set was and I had some from Austin.
Austin Carlile: Rae, I just wanted to apologize for everything last night. Not only was I really drunk but I shouldn’t have believed what people were saying without going to you first.
Austin Carlile: I hope you can forgive me because I really love having you as a friend and I was being such a dick
Austin Carlile: Can I make you dinner tonight?
Austin Carlile: Hello?
Me: Hey, sorry. My phone was in my bunk charging. I accept your apology, I’m sorry for what I said to you last night. Dinner sounds great, see you at set?
Austin Carlile: I honestly don’t even remember what you said to me last night, but I probably deserved it haha yeah see you in a bit
I grabbed my guitar and headed outside to play for a little while and think about the world. I had had this melody in my head for days and I was going to see if I could make anything out of it.
The snapping sound of a camera made me look up to see Austin towering above me holding one of Adam’s cameras.
“What the hell are you doing?” I asked as he snapped another one.
“Taking pictures.” He said simply. “Wait, this one’s great!”
He turned the camera around to show me the picture he had just taken of me oblivious to everything around me, completely focused on my guitar. Austin let out an accomplished laugh before bounding away to take more pictures.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
“I’m sorry I didn’t have anything else to make besides steak tips…” Austin said as he tended to the grill. I was sitting on one of the chair with my head leaned up against their bus.
“It’s fine.” I shrugged pulling my knees up to sit Indian-style in the chair.
Most of the time an awkward silence hung between the two of us and I couldn’t stand it. It was like torture being here with him and not knowing what to say or how to feel. He seemed to feel the same way I did about it. We were both tense with emotions as we sat and ate our dinner making small talk.
I was worried that things between us weren’t ever going to work out, that they were never going to be the same.
“Rae?”
“Mmm?”
“Why don’t you like Kasey?”
I dropped my fork with a loud clatter making Austin cringe slightly. “What?”
“Why don’t you like Kasey?” He asked again.
“Is that a serious question?” He nodded waiting for me to continue. “Austin, she doesn’t like you for who you are. She likes you because you’re in a band. She has always been obsessed with band guys. She’d date a fucking house fly if it was in a band. She’s stupid and she’s just using you to get to other guys. Why, are you still talking to her?”
“A little bit.” He admitted.
Anger boiled up through my body again and I tried not to let it get to me. I checked my phone, pretending to look at the time and think of an excuse to leave at the same time.
“I have to go.” I said quickly standing up.
“Why?” He asked looking a bit sad.
“I promised Jack I’d watch Home Alone with him tonight.” I lied.
“He’s seen that like 600 fucking times!” Austin said catching on.
“I know, but I promised. Thank you for dinner though. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“Yeah.” He said with a roll of his eyes as I turned and headed back towards my bus.
I was so angry he was still talking to Kasey. She was such a stupid person, what did he see in her? I realized that if he was going to play this game, then so could I.
I woke up to Alex rubbing my back and handing me a big cup of coffee in the front lounge. I sat up slowly feeling a blanket slide off my lap as I looked up at Alex taking the cup from him.
“You fell asleep out here last night.” He explained sitting across from me as I took a sip. He had made it just the way I like it.
“This coffee is really good…” I murmured bringing a smiled to his face as he anticipated my answer.
“I feel alright.” I shrugged grabbing my phone and seeing three text notifications on the lock screen; five from Austin, two from Alan, and one from a random number. “Ugh, he texted me…” I groaned sliding my finger across Austin’s name to read his first.
Austin Carlile: Raegan, im reel sory. Pleasee text me bck
Austin Carlile: i promisssssssse to maKE his uP too u
Austin Carlile: Call me tomoRRow to tak please
Austin Carlile: I was a dic nd im so sorr rae
Austin Carlile: I lov you, rae
“What’d he say?” Alex asked casually.
“It’s all drunken gibberish. But he basically said he’s really sorry and he loves me…”
“What!” Alex asked in disbelief.
I sighed and quickly responded with:
Me: Are you up yet?
I went to Alan’s messages to read his next.
Alan Ashby: Text me if you need anything
Alan Ashby: Meow $$$$
I rolled my eyes and went on to the other text message.
+1-345-232-55673: Hey Rae, It’s Vic
“Oh, fan-fucking-tastic.” I said throwing my phone onto the other couch for Alex to see who had texted me.
“Well this isn’t going to look good…” Alex said looking back at me.
“I regret ever giving him my number now.” I said with a sigh.
Alex handed me back my phone and I saved Vic’s number so that I’d have it in case he texted or called again. I finished my coffee and got ready for the day. I went back to my bunk to see I had a text from Alan letting me know what time set was and I had some from Austin.
Austin Carlile: Rae, I just wanted to apologize for everything last night. Not only was I really drunk but I shouldn’t have believed what people were saying without going to you first.
Austin Carlile: I hope you can forgive me because I really love having you as a friend and I was being such a dick
Austin Carlile: Can I make you dinner tonight?
Austin Carlile: Hello?
Me: Hey, sorry. My phone was in my bunk charging. I accept your apology, I’m sorry for what I said to you last night. Dinner sounds great, see you at set?
Austin Carlile: I honestly don’t even remember what you said to me last night, but I probably deserved it haha yeah see you in a bit
I grabbed my guitar and headed outside to play for a little while and think about the world. I had had this melody in my head for days and I was going to see if I could make anything out of it.
The snapping sound of a camera made me look up to see Austin towering above me holding one of Adam’s cameras.
“What the hell are you doing?” I asked as he snapped another one.
“Taking pictures.” He said simply. “Wait, this one’s great!”
He turned the camera around to show me the picture he had just taken of me oblivious to everything around me, completely focused on my guitar. Austin let out an accomplished laugh before bounding away to take more pictures.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
“I’m sorry I didn’t have anything else to make besides steak tips…” Austin said as he tended to the grill. I was sitting on one of the chair with my head leaned up against their bus.
“It’s fine.” I shrugged pulling my knees up to sit Indian-style in the chair.
Most of the time an awkward silence hung between the two of us and I couldn’t stand it. It was like torture being here with him and not knowing what to say or how to feel. He seemed to feel the same way I did about it. We were both tense with emotions as we sat and ate our dinner making small talk.
I was worried that things between us weren’t ever going to work out, that they were never going to be the same.
“Rae?”
“Mmm?”
“Why don’t you like Kasey?”
I dropped my fork with a loud clatter making Austin cringe slightly. “What?”
“Why don’t you like Kasey?” He asked again.
“Is that a serious question?” He nodded waiting for me to continue. “Austin, she doesn’t like you for who you are. She likes you because you’re in a band. She has always been obsessed with band guys. She’d date a fucking house fly if it was in a band. She’s stupid and she’s just using you to get to other guys. Why, are you still talking to her?”
“A little bit.” He admitted.
Anger boiled up through my body again and I tried not to let it get to me. I checked my phone, pretending to look at the time and think of an excuse to leave at the same time.
“I have to go.” I said quickly standing up.
“Why?” He asked looking a bit sad.
“I promised Jack I’d watch Home Alone with him tonight.” I lied.
“He’s seen that like 600 fucking times!” Austin said catching on.
“I know, but I promised. Thank you for dinner though. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“Yeah.” He said with a roll of his eyes as I turned and headed back towards my bus.
I was so angry he was still talking to Kasey. She was such a stupid person, what did he see in her? I realized that if he was going to play this game, then so could I.
9/17/13