Red
July 10, 2012 - Noblesville, Indiana to July 11, 2012 - Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
uly 10, 2012 – Noblesville, Indiana
“Hey, is everything okay?” Austin asked grabbing my shoulder and making me face him.
“Yeah, why?”
“You've been ignoring me…” His eyes flashed with hurt and I had to look away to keep myself from
tearing up in front of him.
“No, I’ve just been busy.” I shrugged turning to put the microphone into the trailer.
“Raegan, don’t lie to me.” He said following me. “You haven’t responded to any of my texts in the last
few days nor have I seen you.”
I turned sharply to face him which took him by surprise; he took a step back and waited for me to speak. “I’m not ignoring you, Austin. I’ve just been busy. It’s only been like a day and a half.” He looked away from me, his features cast in an angry gaze. I made my way around him and exited the trailer making my way straight towards the bus.
In truth, I had been ignoring him. I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to him after seeing him riding around on that stupid fucking bicycle and then hearing that he had had a wife. And not just a wife. One he had cheated on.
I went straight for my bunk, shutting the curtain behind me, and pulled the covers over my head. The curtain opened not a moment later and I slowly rolled over to see the intruder.
“What?” I asked.
“Are you okay?” Alex asked with a chuckle.
“Kinda…”
“What’s going on?”
Taking a deep breath and running my fingers through my hair I debated on telling him or not.
“Rae, you’ve been confining yourself to the bed and a little birdie told me you’re avoiding Austin.”
“I’m not avoiding him!...Okay, maybe I am…”
“What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now…”
“Okay.” With that he shut my curtain and I heard him head towards the back lounge.
It was then that I decided that pretending nothing was wrong was going to be a lot easier than ignoring and avoiding him. Our set had been awful that day with the tension between us becoming more and more obvious as we practically avoided each other on stage. I didn’t want a repeat of that tomorrow.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
July 11, 2012 – Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
“Can I talk to you?”
Austin’s eyes seemed to light up at the simple question I had just asked him. “Ye – yeah. Yeah. Of course.”
I walked away from the band and the crew members that were bustling about as we prepared to go on stage.
“Look,” I swallowed hard forcing myself to do this. “I just wanted to apologize for the way I was acting. There was a lot going on…”
“Rae, you can tell me when something’s bothering you. You don’t have to shut me out like that.”
“I just wasn’t comfortable talking about it.”
“Well, thank you. I accept your apology.” He smiled wide as he took a sip from his solo cup and headed back towards everyone else.
“Fuck…” I sighed in frustration. I had done it for the good of the show. I was hoping it had worked.
The show went off without a hitch and seemed much more relaxed than the day before had. But I still couldn’t look at Austin the same anymore. He walked back with me to All Time Low’s bus, mostly with an awkward silence lingering between us like an unpleasant smell.
“So…” He said as he approached the bus door. “Do you maybe want to spend the night?”
“Uh…” I had been waiting for a question like this. “No, I think I’ll stay here. Jack wanted me to help him with a – a um…a thing. Yeah, Jack needs help with a thing.”
“Rae, you don’t have to do this. I get it.” He turned and started walking away.
“Austin, wait.” I said making him stop and turn to look at me. “Can we watch Lord of the Rings later?”
“What?” He asked looking just as confused as I felt inside.
“Can we watch Lord of the Rings later?” What the fuck am I saying? Raegan, get rid of him. Stop
keeping him around.
“Uh, sure. I’ll text you, okay?”
“Yeah.” I placed a smile on my face and got on the bus.
“What the fuck was that?” I said out loud to myself as I trudged up the stairs.
“What the fuck was what?” Came Alex’s voice.
“Aw, I did it again!” Jack was standing in his underwear, hair everywhere, with a bottle of barbeque sauce in his hand.
“You drank the barbeque sauce!” Alex laughed turning to face him.
“Why do we even have this fucking shit!” Jack screamed tossing the bottle into the trash and grabbing a bottle of vodka.
“How many times are you going to forget the third drawer doesn’t have alcohol in it?” Alex asked.
Jack flipped him off and headed back to his bunk.
“So now what happened to you?” Alex asked as I plopped down on the couch across from him.
“I just told Austin I wanted to watch Lord of the Rings tonight.”
“Lord of the Rings? Why?”
“Good fucking question.” I said. “I honestly wish I could tell you!”
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Austin: Do you still want to watch this? Haha
Me: Duh!
Austin: Come over now. Alan says bring popcorn
I raided the pantry for some snacks and made my way over to their bus. All the while wondering to myself what the fuck I was doing. Maybe the whole ex-wife/cheating thing wasn’t bothering me. Maybe I still wanted to try things with him.
Satisfied my brain was making a little sense again, I headed for the back lounge and plopped myself between Austin and Alan.
“Here, Ginge.” I said dumping the snacks into his lap.
“Oh my god, I love you Raegan.” He said happily running to pop his popcorn in the microwave.
We started the movie and I was surprised Austin didn’t try to cuddle with me, actually I was almost saddened. I was really starting to miss him and the little things he and I shared.
I popped up Twitter and stopped when I saw his tweet on my newsfeed:
@austincarlile: Drinking Yoohoo and watching LOTR Two Towers with some of my best friends in the world in my back lounge. Life is good.
Smiling I retweeted it and then replied to him with:
@RaeJones: @austincarlile @AlanAshby I wuv u guise soo mucho!
I heard Austin’s phone go off with the notification and I sent him a smile which he returned. Maybe things would work out between us.
“Hey, is everything okay?” Austin asked grabbing my shoulder and making me face him.
“Yeah, why?”
“You've been ignoring me…” His eyes flashed with hurt and I had to look away to keep myself from
tearing up in front of him.
“No, I’ve just been busy.” I shrugged turning to put the microphone into the trailer.
“Raegan, don’t lie to me.” He said following me. “You haven’t responded to any of my texts in the last
few days nor have I seen you.”
I turned sharply to face him which took him by surprise; he took a step back and waited for me to speak. “I’m not ignoring you, Austin. I’ve just been busy. It’s only been like a day and a half.” He looked away from me, his features cast in an angry gaze. I made my way around him and exited the trailer making my way straight towards the bus.
In truth, I had been ignoring him. I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to him after seeing him riding around on that stupid fucking bicycle and then hearing that he had had a wife. And not just a wife. One he had cheated on.
I went straight for my bunk, shutting the curtain behind me, and pulled the covers over my head. The curtain opened not a moment later and I slowly rolled over to see the intruder.
“What?” I asked.
“Are you okay?” Alex asked with a chuckle.
“Kinda…”
“What’s going on?”
Taking a deep breath and running my fingers through my hair I debated on telling him or not.
“Rae, you’ve been confining yourself to the bed and a little birdie told me you’re avoiding Austin.”
“I’m not avoiding him!...Okay, maybe I am…”
“What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now…”
“Okay.” With that he shut my curtain and I heard him head towards the back lounge.
It was then that I decided that pretending nothing was wrong was going to be a lot easier than ignoring and avoiding him. Our set had been awful that day with the tension between us becoming more and more obvious as we practically avoided each other on stage. I didn’t want a repeat of that tomorrow.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
July 11, 2012 – Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
“Can I talk to you?”
Austin’s eyes seemed to light up at the simple question I had just asked him. “Ye – yeah. Yeah. Of course.”
I walked away from the band and the crew members that were bustling about as we prepared to go on stage.
“Look,” I swallowed hard forcing myself to do this. “I just wanted to apologize for the way I was acting. There was a lot going on…”
“Rae, you can tell me when something’s bothering you. You don’t have to shut me out like that.”
“I just wasn’t comfortable talking about it.”
“Well, thank you. I accept your apology.” He smiled wide as he took a sip from his solo cup and headed back towards everyone else.
“Fuck…” I sighed in frustration. I had done it for the good of the show. I was hoping it had worked.
The show went off without a hitch and seemed much more relaxed than the day before had. But I still couldn’t look at Austin the same anymore. He walked back with me to All Time Low’s bus, mostly with an awkward silence lingering between us like an unpleasant smell.
“So…” He said as he approached the bus door. “Do you maybe want to spend the night?”
“Uh…” I had been waiting for a question like this. “No, I think I’ll stay here. Jack wanted me to help him with a – a um…a thing. Yeah, Jack needs help with a thing.”
“Rae, you don’t have to do this. I get it.” He turned and started walking away.
“Austin, wait.” I said making him stop and turn to look at me. “Can we watch Lord of the Rings later?”
“What?” He asked looking just as confused as I felt inside.
“Can we watch Lord of the Rings later?” What the fuck am I saying? Raegan, get rid of him. Stop
keeping him around.
“Uh, sure. I’ll text you, okay?”
“Yeah.” I placed a smile on my face and got on the bus.
“What the fuck was that?” I said out loud to myself as I trudged up the stairs.
“What the fuck was what?” Came Alex’s voice.
“Aw, I did it again!” Jack was standing in his underwear, hair everywhere, with a bottle of barbeque sauce in his hand.
“You drank the barbeque sauce!” Alex laughed turning to face him.
“Why do we even have this fucking shit!” Jack screamed tossing the bottle into the trash and grabbing a bottle of vodka.
“How many times are you going to forget the third drawer doesn’t have alcohol in it?” Alex asked.
Jack flipped him off and headed back to his bunk.
“So now what happened to you?” Alex asked as I plopped down on the couch across from him.
“I just told Austin I wanted to watch Lord of the Rings tonight.”
“Lord of the Rings? Why?”
“Good fucking question.” I said. “I honestly wish I could tell you!”
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Austin: Do you still want to watch this? Haha
Me: Duh!
Austin: Come over now. Alan says bring popcorn
I raided the pantry for some snacks and made my way over to their bus. All the while wondering to myself what the fuck I was doing. Maybe the whole ex-wife/cheating thing wasn’t bothering me. Maybe I still wanted to try things with him.
Satisfied my brain was making a little sense again, I headed for the back lounge and plopped myself between Austin and Alan.
“Here, Ginge.” I said dumping the snacks into his lap.
“Oh my god, I love you Raegan.” He said happily running to pop his popcorn in the microwave.
We started the movie and I was surprised Austin didn’t try to cuddle with me, actually I was almost saddened. I was really starting to miss him and the little things he and I shared.
I popped up Twitter and stopped when I saw his tweet on my newsfeed:
@austincarlile: Drinking Yoohoo and watching LOTR Two Towers with some of my best friends in the world in my back lounge. Life is good.
Smiling I retweeted it and then replied to him with:
@RaeJones: @austincarlile @AlanAshby I wuv u guise soo mucho!
I heard Austin’s phone go off with the notification and I sent him a smile which he returned. Maybe things would work out between us.
9/17/13