I woke up in a fit of tears and cold sweats. “Babe, are you okay?” Austin asked, awaking from his slumber.
“Y-Yeah, just had that dream again.”
“Okay. Come here. Come and give Austy some love.” I crawled over to Austin and led my head on his tattooed chest running my finger over his scar.
It’s been 3 weeks since Tony was put in hospital and into a coma even though they said he would be out of it within 2. When it hit the 2 week mark and he was still not awake I kept getting frequent nightmares occurring every night. Most nights I was afraid to sleep.
THE DREAM.
I walked into the hospital with my head down. This has been my routine for the past 3 weeks, from 9am until 7pm, I sat by his bed not wanting to move.
I quickly found his room and just like usually his stone cold body was in that same position. I walked over to his bed and sat on the chair beside him. I placed two fingers over his un-touched wrist which I did every day. I could barely feel it. It was just as faint as ever. I stared at his lifeless body remembering all the unforgettable times we spent together.
I held his had as tight as I could and started to sing ‘Yeah Boy And Doll Face’ to him.
Were you honest when you said,
"I could never leave your bed",
Wake me up and let me know you’re alive
And will you fall in love again?
Is the scent slowly spreading?
I’ve been answering machines all night
And are the doctors dancing in
While the ambulances sing?
Another boy without a sharper knife…
The moment that’s where I
Kill the conversation, wrap this up
With a knife that loves to feel
How do you know how deep to go before it’s real?
Can I even complicate your breathing?
I guess I’m just your average boy
This is me with a knife in the back
And a grip on the grass
It’s cold and I don’t want to be here
I guess I’m never comfortable or situational
Are we losing or beginning
To try a new life without you?
The moment that’s where I
Kill the conversation, wrap this up
With a lie that I’m enjoying every minute with myself
And she could make hell feel just like home
So I’m never leaving her alone
But if you’re lightning lips aren’t mine
Then I don’t know the awkward stranger to my right
But she’s crying
I only need one hand to drive
When you’re with me
You are my getaway
Oh, no!
And don’t you ever feel alone? And don’t you wish you were home?
Cut the lust tonight; all right, all right
Tell me why my little Mona Lisa told a lie, lie, lie, lie
Do you want me? Do you want to let me know that you’re okay?
A diamond gold ring customized to cut your circulation
But I couldn’t let you go; no, I’d never let you go my dear
So keep talking ‘cause I love to hear your voice
Voice again
I finished the song with tears streaming down my face. I heard a long beep noise. I looked at the heart monitor that was on the other side of the bed, the line was flat. I pressed the emergency button but no one was coming so I ran out of the room and screamed for someone to come. I saw a doctor running nearly falling over in the process. I rushed back into the room and kissed his forehead.
“I love you Tony, forever and a day.” The doctor ran in followed by a load of nurses, a few pulling me away from him but I refused. He looked so peaceful lead there. I was in hysterics. The guy I loved was led on the bed with no pulse and I couldn’t help him. I just wanted him in my arms.
I refused to leave the room so they placed me in a corner where I just cried my eyes out. Ididn’t think I had any tears left in me but in that very moment it felt like I hadn’t cried for years and I just had to let it all out. I banged my head against the wall “It’s all my fault, it’s all my fault, IT’S ALL MY FUCKING FAULT.” I shouted over and over. I had a few scabs healing on my rib cage. I decided to scratch at them making them bleed in the process.
I looked him through blurry eyes to see them placing the electrode patches onto his bare chest and pressing the defibrillator on them. I screamed as I saw his body jump a small amount of the bed. More tears were flowing now, I was an emotional.
The doctors didn’t want me to be in the room any longer so they decided to call security to get me out. I kicked and screamed and cried a little more but I was no match for the two muscly security guards pulling me out of the room. They pinned me onto one of the seats in the waiting room but decided to take me somewhere else because I was causing too much of a scene.
I felt a sharp scratch on my hand and I soon drifted off to sleep.
I woke up and got straight off of the bed, I must have been put in another hospital room. I went into Tony’s room but he wasn’t there. I started to panic. I ran to the secretary.
“WHERE HAVE THEY TAKEN HIM?” I shouted at the young girl behind the desk. I didn’t mean to be rude but I needed her to know how much I needed her to tell me where he was.
“Sorry ma’am who are you looking for.”
“Tony…Tony Perry.” I said in more of a calm voice. Her face dropped. She nodded and led me to another room.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered before heading back to her desk.
Something bad has happened otherwise she wouldn’t of said ‘I’m sorry.’
I slowly walked into the other room, which seemed to look like an office, not wanting to be told the truth about what has happened.
“Miss. Taylor. Please, take a seat.” I sat down and stared at my hands.
“Miss-“
“You can call me Iris.” I said in a small voice.
“Iris…I’m sorry to say this but we didn’t manage to save him, it was too late.”
I looked up at the doctor to see him holding back tears. I couldn’t do it though, tears that I didn’t know I still had came pouring down my cheeks.
END OF DREAM
I woke up and wandered down stairs to get some coffee. I went into the living room and sat down on the love seat and stared into oblivion before I heard the doorbell ring. I checked my phone. It was 8am who in their right mind is here at this time in the morning. I placed my freshly grounded coffee down and the small table and walked to the front door.