Rise & Rise Again
kiss me hard before you go.
"How's everyone doing today?" Austin asks to the crowd, his grin big enough to see all the way from the back of the venue. I can't help but smile back. Wrapping my arms around myself, I watch my newly-reacquired fiance bounce around the SoundWave stage with his four best friends. This is Austin Carlile at his finest; standing with a mic in his hand, sweat dripping down his lanky, tattooed body and hundreds of lost, hurt teenagers screaming his lyrics back at him. I remember some of the first songs he ever wrote, most of them right after his mother's death.
"That's fucking awesome!" The crowd yells at his words. My hand tightens around my bicep as I get goosebumps. I understand why he loves what he does so much.
"We have one last song to play for you guys," Austin says, going from one side of the stage to the other. There's a raise in the volume of the crowd. "Can you guess which one it is?"
The crowd shouts, almost chants, the street names that Austin and I grew up on in our little Florida town.
"That's right," Austin says softly, but just loud enough to almost silence the crowd. "Second and Sebring. This song was written for my guardian angel that is sitting up in Heaven right now watching over all of us."
I smile sadly, now, knowing how Austin gets when he talks about his mother. He always beats himself over how she died... alone, because him and his father were working.
"But today, I'm going to dedicate this song to another sweet angel smiling down on us." Confusion comes from me, the band, and the crowd. What was he talking about? "Julia Rose Carlile," he starts, making my breath hitch in my throat. My fingernails dig into my arm. "Baby girl, I only got to hold you once in my arms, but I'll forever hold you in my heart. Your mother and I love you."
The crowd isn't quite sure of how to react to this information. There had been rumors all last year of my pregnancy, but they died down after Warped since I wasn't seen all too much. Austin was going to wait until we were married to announce sweet Julia Rose. Now? Now everyone would know that we had a baby, and she died.
Austin stepped up to the drum riser to grab his water bottle, but he paused when he saw me. We both had tears in our eyes, threatening to fall. I could see Adam in the pit, and I knew he was at the perfect angle to get Austin and I in the shot he took. I was going to ask for a copy.
Aaron begins the song like he has been since he joined the band, and I have to break Austin's stare so he know to take the queue for him to begin his part. I smile, this time a happy smile, as he turns his attention back to the crowd that is singing back at him with just as much emotion.
Things seemed to blur together from there. When the song ended and the band gave its farewell for this show of Soundwave, Austin scooped me up in his arms, shirtless and sweaty, and held me close. It was his turn to cry.
"I miss her," he tells me. The band and the techs move around us, packing up quickly. We have almost a full week until the next shows.
"I know you do," I say softly to him, running my fingers through his hair, having it stick up because of his sweat. His hands grip the back of my top as he cries into my shoulder. Adam comes up behind us, his camera well packed away from this emotional moment.
"I don't want to interrupt," he says softly, "but they need us to go so the next band can set up."
I nod, and Adam walks away, but Austin doesn't plan on moving. My hands rub circles in his back and brush through his hair, continuously. Austin still doesn't move, but his shoulders stop shaking and his cries almost completely go silent. Softly, I whisper to him.
"Austin, sweetie, lets go back to the trailer and cool off, okay? Get some water and food in our stomachs then we'll head to the hotel, okay?"
He doesn't say anything for a few moments, other than a whispered like a little kid, "Okay."
Austin's arms loosen around me, and he straightens back up. His eyes are puffy and his cheeks are red, but no one will bother us if we hurry. Stretching my neck, I kiss his cheek softly before pulling back and give him a small smile. The light in his eyes glows, making the brown irises seem brighter. He gives me a smile in return. Taking my hand in his, Austin leads us back to the trailer. We pass a few familiar bands, some I've interviewed and some I have on my to-do list. Most of them, Austin is close friends with - since there is only a few people in this entire world he can't be friends with - and greets them with a smile and a wave. A few look at his puffy face, and some don't even notice since they are also running late themselves.
The rest of the band is already half packed and changed from their sweaty show clothes. I put a clean towel and a fresh pair of clothes in Austin’s arms and let one of the guys show him to wear the showers are located. Adam looks up at me from his laptop and smiles. He motions for me to come over and I do, curious since I know it’s about the shot he took earlier. I look at it, and slowly my hand comes up to cover my mouth. Anyone on that side of the venue would have been able to see what Adam had captured with a simple click of his camera.
“Can I have a copy?” I ask, and he nods. He saves the edit, and closes the screen.
“Zoe,” I turn, looking at the bottle of water and snack that Tino is holding out for me. I smile and nod.
“Thanks, Ti.” He turns the smile and transfer the food to my hands. I sit in one of the fold out chairs beside Adam and watch as he continues to go through the shots from today’s show. Some are of just the basic movements of moving from trailer to show, and others are action shots – my favorite.
He’s got the guys, he has interaction between the guys and other bands, and there are even a few of other shows he caught before Of Mice’s set time. All of them are a different subcategory of Adam Elmakias’ shooting style – right in on the action but still not right in their faces. It gives the fan to be closer to their idol without even being there. I can see the freckles on Austin’s cheeks and can count each hair that’s flying from Phil’s head, and the exact moment when Alan hits a chord, and the emotion in Aaron’s and Tino’s faces as they sing along to the part of the song that isn’t even theirs to sing.
It’s beautiful, in a unique, manly kind of way. I love looking at Adam’s prints, and even have a few framed in my apartment back in California.
I see a chair being pulled up beside me. Looking over, Austin sits down and gulps down a bottle of water as he places a small towel on his head to help dry his damp hair. When he places the bottle down, I smile at him, and he reaches over to intertwine our fingers together.
Quietly, I ask him if he’s okay, and with a smile and a quick peck on the lips, I have my answer, although I’m not thoroughly convinced. I’ll get it out of him later and ask why he broke down so quickly in front of everyone. When Austin cries, he cries by himself with no one around. This is the first time, since his mother’s death and since he left Florida right after high school, I’ve seen him cry in front of me. I knew Second and Sebring affected him on a deeply emotional level, but never before have I seen him act that far on the feelings in front of others.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, surprising me. I pull it out and swipe my finger across the screen to read the message sent to me. I stare at it with wide eyes - fuck.
Where the hell are you?! You have an interview with Paramore and Woe is Me right now!!!
I groan, letting my head fall back as I look at the text again.
"Goddamn Brad and his horrible scheduling," I mumble. Austin glances at me, frowning.
"What's up?" His lanky hand softly rubs against my knee, feeling the muscle tense from the sudden text message I had just recieved.
"I have two interviews right now that I knew nothing about and I'm just ready for fall out. I'm exhausted."
Austin takes my hand in his, and smiles at me apologetically even though it's not his fault that I have two interviews and Nick is probably going to kill me and I'm wasting the bands' time just sitting her wallowing in the misery of having to actually do what my job requires. I love my job, but only to an extent. One interview a day is enough, but three? Someone shoot Brad for me, please.
"Well, it only makes it worse if you just keep sitting there," Austin tells me, leaning over to kiss my shoulder as he continues to run his fingers over my knee. It soothes me, slightly, but I'm still mad that I have to leave him for some stupid twenty minute interview. I want to stay right there and never move from the spot.
"I'll give you a kiss," he tries to compromise and I take it. I hear Tino whistle in the back before him and Aaron and Phil laugh. His smooth fingers carress my cheek and his lips softly glide with mine. Austin pulls away, making me whine softly and pout.
"One more?" I ask for, but he laughs and shakes his head, pushing my hip gently to make me stand.
"Go or else you'll never get to the interview and Nicky will beat me up for letting you skip it."
I'm sure Austin could take Nick in a fight.
"That's fucking awesome!" The crowd yells at his words. My hand tightens around my bicep as I get goosebumps. I understand why he loves what he does so much.
"We have one last song to play for you guys," Austin says, going from one side of the stage to the other. There's a raise in the volume of the crowd. "Can you guess which one it is?"
The crowd shouts, almost chants, the street names that Austin and I grew up on in our little Florida town.
"That's right," Austin says softly, but just loud enough to almost silence the crowd. "Second and Sebring. This song was written for my guardian angel that is sitting up in Heaven right now watching over all of us."
I smile sadly, now, knowing how Austin gets when he talks about his mother. He always beats himself over how she died... alone, because him and his father were working.
"But today, I'm going to dedicate this song to another sweet angel smiling down on us." Confusion comes from me, the band, and the crowd. What was he talking about? "Julia Rose Carlile," he starts, making my breath hitch in my throat. My fingernails dig into my arm. "Baby girl, I only got to hold you once in my arms, but I'll forever hold you in my heart. Your mother and I love you."
The crowd isn't quite sure of how to react to this information. There had been rumors all last year of my pregnancy, but they died down after Warped since I wasn't seen all too much. Austin was going to wait until we were married to announce sweet Julia Rose. Now? Now everyone would know that we had a baby, and she died.
Austin stepped up to the drum riser to grab his water bottle, but he paused when he saw me. We both had tears in our eyes, threatening to fall. I could see Adam in the pit, and I knew he was at the perfect angle to get Austin and I in the shot he took. I was going to ask for a copy.
Aaron begins the song like he has been since he joined the band, and I have to break Austin's stare so he know to take the queue for him to begin his part. I smile, this time a happy smile, as he turns his attention back to the crowd that is singing back at him with just as much emotion.
Things seemed to blur together from there. When the song ended and the band gave its farewell for this show of Soundwave, Austin scooped me up in his arms, shirtless and sweaty, and held me close. It was his turn to cry.
"I miss her," he tells me. The band and the techs move around us, packing up quickly. We have almost a full week until the next shows.
"I know you do," I say softly to him, running my fingers through his hair, having it stick up because of his sweat. His hands grip the back of my top as he cries into my shoulder. Adam comes up behind us, his camera well packed away from this emotional moment.
"I don't want to interrupt," he says softly, "but they need us to go so the next band can set up."
I nod, and Adam walks away, but Austin doesn't plan on moving. My hands rub circles in his back and brush through his hair, continuously. Austin still doesn't move, but his shoulders stop shaking and his cries almost completely go silent. Softly, I whisper to him.
"Austin, sweetie, lets go back to the trailer and cool off, okay? Get some water and food in our stomachs then we'll head to the hotel, okay?"
He doesn't say anything for a few moments, other than a whispered like a little kid, "Okay."
Austin's arms loosen around me, and he straightens back up. His eyes are puffy and his cheeks are red, but no one will bother us if we hurry. Stretching my neck, I kiss his cheek softly before pulling back and give him a small smile. The light in his eyes glows, making the brown irises seem brighter. He gives me a smile in return. Taking my hand in his, Austin leads us back to the trailer. We pass a few familiar bands, some I've interviewed and some I have on my to-do list. Most of them, Austin is close friends with - since there is only a few people in this entire world he can't be friends with - and greets them with a smile and a wave. A few look at his puffy face, and some don't even notice since they are also running late themselves.
The rest of the band is already half packed and changed from their sweaty show clothes. I put a clean towel and a fresh pair of clothes in Austin’s arms and let one of the guys show him to wear the showers are located. Adam looks up at me from his laptop and smiles. He motions for me to come over and I do, curious since I know it’s about the shot he took earlier. I look at it, and slowly my hand comes up to cover my mouth. Anyone on that side of the venue would have been able to see what Adam had captured with a simple click of his camera.
“Can I have a copy?” I ask, and he nods. He saves the edit, and closes the screen.
“Zoe,” I turn, looking at the bottle of water and snack that Tino is holding out for me. I smile and nod.
“Thanks, Ti.” He turns the smile and transfer the food to my hands. I sit in one of the fold out chairs beside Adam and watch as he continues to go through the shots from today’s show. Some are of just the basic movements of moving from trailer to show, and others are action shots – my favorite.
He’s got the guys, he has interaction between the guys and other bands, and there are even a few of other shows he caught before Of Mice’s set time. All of them are a different subcategory of Adam Elmakias’ shooting style – right in on the action but still not right in their faces. It gives the fan to be closer to their idol without even being there. I can see the freckles on Austin’s cheeks and can count each hair that’s flying from Phil’s head, and the exact moment when Alan hits a chord, and the emotion in Aaron’s and Tino’s faces as they sing along to the part of the song that isn’t even theirs to sing.
It’s beautiful, in a unique, manly kind of way. I love looking at Adam’s prints, and even have a few framed in my apartment back in California.
I see a chair being pulled up beside me. Looking over, Austin sits down and gulps down a bottle of water as he places a small towel on his head to help dry his damp hair. When he places the bottle down, I smile at him, and he reaches over to intertwine our fingers together.
Quietly, I ask him if he’s okay, and with a smile and a quick peck on the lips, I have my answer, although I’m not thoroughly convinced. I’ll get it out of him later and ask why he broke down so quickly in front of everyone. When Austin cries, he cries by himself with no one around. This is the first time, since his mother’s death and since he left Florida right after high school, I’ve seen him cry in front of me. I knew Second and Sebring affected him on a deeply emotional level, but never before have I seen him act that far on the feelings in front of others.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, surprising me. I pull it out and swipe my finger across the screen to read the message sent to me. I stare at it with wide eyes - fuck.
Where the hell are you?! You have an interview with Paramore and Woe is Me right now!!!
I groan, letting my head fall back as I look at the text again.
"Goddamn Brad and his horrible scheduling," I mumble. Austin glances at me, frowning.
"What's up?" His lanky hand softly rubs against my knee, feeling the muscle tense from the sudden text message I had just recieved.
"I have two interviews right now that I knew nothing about and I'm just ready for fall out. I'm exhausted."
Austin takes my hand in his, and smiles at me apologetically even though it's not his fault that I have two interviews and Nick is probably going to kill me and I'm wasting the bands' time just sitting her wallowing in the misery of having to actually do what my job requires. I love my job, but only to an extent. One interview a day is enough, but three? Someone shoot Brad for me, please.
"Well, it only makes it worse if you just keep sitting there," Austin tells me, leaning over to kiss my shoulder as he continues to run his fingers over my knee. It soothes me, slightly, but I'm still mad that I have to leave him for some stupid twenty minute interview. I want to stay right there and never move from the spot.
"I'll give you a kiss," he tries to compromise and I take it. I hear Tino whistle in the back before him and Aaron and Phil laugh. His smooth fingers carress my cheek and his lips softly glide with mine. Austin pulls away, making me whine softly and pout.
"One more?" I ask for, but he laughs and shakes his head, pushing my hip gently to make me stand.
"Go or else you'll never get to the interview and Nicky will beat me up for letting you skip it."
I'm sure Austin could take Nick in a fight.
this is perfect. <3
6/18/14