A Day's Hell is a Night's Heaven
shayco.
"Shayley."
It has been four months since we last saw each other. He doesn't remember much from that night, and neither do I, but when we woke up that next morning with no condom in sight, it was obvious the risk that we had taken. None of the guys knew about Shay and I, and we were going to keep it that way.
"Hey, Ellie. Long time, no see, huh?"
He gives me a small smile, biting at his lip ring, and it makes my heart clench; pain blossoms in my chest because he thinks there may be something between us because of this.
"Yeah." I don't know what else to say. I'm married. I'm pregnant, four months down that road, and I don't know who the father is. I'm now stuck with the two men I've been with, for the next two months. "It's been awhile."
Somehow, we end up in a hug; his calloused hands holding my lower back and neck. My arms are wrapped under his, covering my body in warmth. It's a warmth I have missed, a warmth that Kevin has never been able to give me.I've missed you. It was one night that changed my life, our lives.
"I missed you, too," he whispers into my blonde hair, making me realize that I had said it out loud. "I haven't been able to get you off my mind. You're constantly taking over my thoughts. You make me forget lyrics and chords. I'm so glad I found you, again."
My muscles tense, but his hands make me feel a soothing heat that relaxes me. My hands fist in his flannel shirt, making it slightly wrinkled between my fingers. There's a few more seconds in the hug before I pull away and grab his hand, pulling him from the catering building. I tell Eric, over my shoulder, that I'll be right back. A few other bands are coming over for food. They wave, but we aren't getting much attention from them.
"Shayley," I start, pausing slightly as I make sure I've attracted all of his attention. "I'm pregnant."
Before the full-nature of what I told him can get through his thick skull, his lips are pressed to mine and I'm wrapped in his arms once again. I hesitate, because he makes me feel so good about myself, but then I push him back and cover my mouth. He looks confused, with his blue eyes shining a certain way before they fall to my hand covering my mouth.
"You're married?"
It's a question, but said more as a statement. The light in his eyes is crushed by those two simple words. But then, his eyes widen, almost as if he's in shock.
"Is it mine?"
"I don't know," I answer truthfully. "I didn't show any symptoms until a month later, and Kevin and I had been together already by that time."
It's quiet. There's a buzz of guitars and bass, and drums behind it, as we stood there outside the catering building. My phone starts to ring. It's Tristan, wondering where I am with our lunch. I don't answer. I can't keep my eyes off of Shayley because I'm scared of what he'll do next. I'm scared of what I'll do next.
"Who's your husband?" he asks after the silence grows into a blistering boulder on our shoulders. My mouth goes dry.
"Kevin Hanson."
Suddenly, Shayley is sending his fists into the side of the brick building. I jump at the sickly crack that comes from his fingers as they break as they ram into the wall. I cover my mouth to muffle my sound of surprise. Shayley curses, cussing to himself and his luck, as he nurses his hand to his chest. He has to play later today.
"You're married to Kevin Hanson!" he yells, and I shush him, but he only seems to get louder to smite me. "We've toured with them before, Ellie! I know those guys! And I just got his wife pregnant!"
"Maybe he's not yours, Shayley!" I yell back. He goes still. I repeat myself.
"It's a boy?"
"I don't know, yet." My fingers splay across my stomach, holding the small bump with soft hands. "I have an appointment in two weeks. They said I should find out then."
He's quiet before asking another question. "And when can we find out who the father is?"
"After the baby is born."
"How far along are you?"
I don't know. "Maybe four months, at the most, if he's yours. Three and a half if he's Kevin's."
Shayley frowns. "Why do you keep saying 'he'?"
I smile fondly, looking at my hands. There's a slight flutter in my throat. "I've always wanted a son, for some reason."
"Thought of any names?"
This time I hesitate. I have thought of one and I'm very fond of it, and will ten times out of ten use it no matter who the father is or what gender the baby is... "I like Bayley." He stares at me, lips slightly parted. His chest tightens as he takes a quick inhale before exhaling. There's a glint in his blue eyes that I can't quite describe. I try to read his expression, but not even those eyes are giving him away, now. "Works for a boy and a girl," I mumble to myself, looking away and down to the ground at his feet.
"I like it," he tells me, and for some reason I'm happy he does. "Bayley Hanson has a nice ring."
I like Bayley Bourget, better.
Suddenly, from the way Shayley's blue eyes lit up an brightened, I realized that I had said that out loud. Shay's eyes hold a newfound hope in them.
"I've got to go," I tell him and take off in a brisk walk/run back to my tent. He calls after me, wanting me to wait so we can talk, but I weave through the tents and aisles until I'm back at my Woe, is Me tent. Tristan stares boredly up at me over the rim of his sunglasses and frowns at my empty hands.
"What happened to my food?" he asks, watching me as I sit down on my fold out chair. I shrug and distract myself with my phone, checking emails and answering tweets from fans and friends. Suddenly, a small notification pops up; I frown, not used to getting these types of notices. Tapping it with my finger, I watch, confused, as it loads on the screen of my smartphone. Once I read it, my eyes widen.
shayleydayshellbourget tweeted you!
@elliebelliehanson: I love surprises, how did you know?
It's already gotten over 200 faves and close to 50 retweets, which is crazy, but I realize why. I'm getting an onslaught of tweets and mentions now, fans asking what it was. All Shayley answers with is:
You'll see in five months.
My mouth goes dry as I turn off the screen of my phone and shove it into the pocket of my shorts. Tristan looks over at me but I keep my eyes glued to the ground, breathing heavily as I try to slow down my heart rate. Now, suddenly, I want to go home; back to my home in Indiana where there are nothing but small towns and horses and cute little coffee shops that I'll sit at all day, thinking of new designs for merch and ads and do what I do best - be a stay-at-home wife.
My whole life I've been given everything, and even though I've tried, I wouldn't make it on my own. I can't keep a steady job since I have no experience of college education. I barely passed through high school. My mom was raised in the kind of lifestyle to always rely on the man in the household, and I grew up to think in the same mindset, and now that I was a stay-at-home wife, soon to be mom, I realized that I should have done more with my life and I hated what I had become.
I had to change where my future was headed.
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫
“Ellie?”
I look up from the computer screen at Hance. He’s holding out a can of Dr. Pepper, ready for me to take it and talk. This is how we always start off our long talks. Kevin went out with the rest of the boys, but Andrew is in the back lounge playing the PlayStation.
Without any hesitation I take the can and close my laptop. Hance slides into the opposite seat from me on the other side of the table and begins to drink his own soda. There’s a slight silence between us, and all that can be heard is the faint sounds coming from Andrew’s video game.
“Kevin hurt his hand this morning,” Hance starts off, taking another swig of his drink. I stare at my hands, cupped around the can, and nod. “How’d he do that?”
This time I hesitate.
“Ellie…” Hance tries to urge me on, but stops when he sees my tears. I’ve tried so hard not to cry lately, but finally it’s too much. “Ellie, what’s wrong?”
“I’ve done something horrible, Hance,” I admit, finally, dropping my head into my hands. He gets up and sits on my side, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
“No you haven’t, Ellie. Kevin has always had jealousy issues, you’ve known that from dating him for four years.”
“No, Hance, you don’t understand!” I yell, pushing his arm off of me. Andrew has paused his game, listening to us. Now I don’t care who hears me.
Hance frowns. “What are you talking about?”
“I slept with another guy, Hance!”
Silence.
You can’t even hear the buzz of the venue. It’s like the whole world has heard me scream that. It’s like I’ve finally admitted it to myself.
“So Kevin isn’t the father?” he whispers, scared to break the silence, almost. Andrew has come up front, staring us, shocked. I can’t look at either of them.
“I don’t know.”
Hance and Andrew both suck in a quick breath before Hance gets up to trade his Dr. Pepper for a beer. No, not a beer, a sharp swallow of whiskey. Andrew follows him. I keep my head dropped into my hands.
“With who?”
I mumble Shayley’s name. Hance and Andrew frown, looking at one another before sitting back at the table; Hance beside me, Andrew across from us.
“Who?” Andrew asks, and to keep from dragging it out any longer—
“Shayley Bourget.”
Hance is throwing the first thing he can get his hands on, a box of cereal, into the wall of the front lounge. I wince, keeping my eyes down.
“Fuck, Ellie! I could understand some faceless guy, but Shayley? Shayley! We’ve toured with them! We’re practically best friends! And you go and sleep with their bassist!”
I start to cry again because it is like the weight has been put on tenfold. Andrew’s frown deepens, but he says nothing.
Suddenly the bus door opens and in walk the rest band walks in, laughing and pushing each other up the stairs. When they see the mess caused by Hance throwing the box, they stop and stare at us. Kevin sees my watery cheeks almost immediately.
“What the hell is going on in here?” he asks, balling his fists up, ready to punch the first thing that he can get his hands on.
I wipe at my cheeks, trying to gain my composure. They aren’t supposed to be back for another hour or so.
“Nothing, Kevin. We were just talking, and you know how I’m over emotional right now. We’re okay, baby, nothing happened.”
I get up and walk over to him, trying to calm the anger that I know his boiling in him. He doesn’t calm down, though. Kevin pushes me aside gently, which surprises me, and goes up to Hance and Andrew.
“What the fuck did you say to my wife?”
“Other than stating the fact that she’s been cheating on you?”
I stare at Andrew with surprise. Why did he say that? He’s never told Kevin anything I’ve said before, so why now? Why is he ruining everything now? I was going to work it all out and—
“What?”
Kevin’s voice is eerily calm, soft, and it scares me. It scares the shit out of me. My body tenses as it gets ready for the hit that I know is coming. Kevin turns, hands relaxed. He looks at me over the top of his glasses and—
The bus jolts me awake. I stare at the ceiling of my bunk, looking at all the pictures. I look over at Kevin. He’s sound asleep, his glasses hanging above his head, with his arm wrapped protectively around my waist.
It was all a dream. Just a sick, terrifying dream.
As soon as Tristan and I packed up the merch and tent I came back to the bus to nap. I never had that conversation with Hance and Andrew. It never happened.
And it’s never going to happen.
I roll onto my side, curl up to Kevin, and fall asleep with my head beside his on the pillow. I try to sleep, but I just end up staring at the curtain behind his head for three hours.
It has been four months since we last saw each other. He doesn't remember much from that night, and neither do I, but when we woke up that next morning with no condom in sight, it was obvious the risk that we had taken. None of the guys knew about Shay and I, and we were going to keep it that way.
"Hey, Ellie. Long time, no see, huh?"
He gives me a small smile, biting at his lip ring, and it makes my heart clench; pain blossoms in my chest because he thinks there may be something between us because of this.
"Yeah." I don't know what else to say. I'm married. I'm pregnant, four months down that road, and I don't know who the father is. I'm now stuck with the two men I've been with, for the next two months. "It's been awhile."
Somehow, we end up in a hug; his calloused hands holding my lower back and neck. My arms are wrapped under his, covering my body in warmth. It's a warmth I have missed, a warmth that Kevin has never been able to give me.I've missed you. It was one night that changed my life, our lives.
"I missed you, too," he whispers into my blonde hair, making me realize that I had said it out loud. "I haven't been able to get you off my mind. You're constantly taking over my thoughts. You make me forget lyrics and chords. I'm so glad I found you, again."
My muscles tense, but his hands make me feel a soothing heat that relaxes me. My hands fist in his flannel shirt, making it slightly wrinkled between my fingers. There's a few more seconds in the hug before I pull away and grab his hand, pulling him from the catering building. I tell Eric, over my shoulder, that I'll be right back. A few other bands are coming over for food. They wave, but we aren't getting much attention from them.
"Shayley," I start, pausing slightly as I make sure I've attracted all of his attention. "I'm pregnant."
Before the full-nature of what I told him can get through his thick skull, his lips are pressed to mine and I'm wrapped in his arms once again. I hesitate, because he makes me feel so good about myself, but then I push him back and cover my mouth. He looks confused, with his blue eyes shining a certain way before they fall to my hand covering my mouth.
"You're married?"
It's a question, but said more as a statement. The light in his eyes is crushed by those two simple words. But then, his eyes widen, almost as if he's in shock.
"Is it mine?"
"I don't know," I answer truthfully. "I didn't show any symptoms until a month later, and Kevin and I had been together already by that time."
It's quiet. There's a buzz of guitars and bass, and drums behind it, as we stood there outside the catering building. My phone starts to ring. It's Tristan, wondering where I am with our lunch. I don't answer. I can't keep my eyes off of Shayley because I'm scared of what he'll do next. I'm scared of what I'll do next.
"Who's your husband?" he asks after the silence grows into a blistering boulder on our shoulders. My mouth goes dry.
"Kevin Hanson."
Suddenly, Shayley is sending his fists into the side of the brick building. I jump at the sickly crack that comes from his fingers as they break as they ram into the wall. I cover my mouth to muffle my sound of surprise. Shayley curses, cussing to himself and his luck, as he nurses his hand to his chest. He has to play later today.
"You're married to Kevin Hanson!" he yells, and I shush him, but he only seems to get louder to smite me. "We've toured with them before, Ellie! I know those guys! And I just got his wife pregnant!"
"Maybe he's not yours, Shayley!" I yell back. He goes still. I repeat myself.
"It's a boy?"
"I don't know, yet." My fingers splay across my stomach, holding the small bump with soft hands. "I have an appointment in two weeks. They said I should find out then."
He's quiet before asking another question. "And when can we find out who the father is?"
"After the baby is born."
"How far along are you?"
I don't know. "Maybe four months, at the most, if he's yours. Three and a half if he's Kevin's."
Shayley frowns. "Why do you keep saying 'he'?"
I smile fondly, looking at my hands. There's a slight flutter in my throat. "I've always wanted a son, for some reason."
"Thought of any names?"
This time I hesitate. I have thought of one and I'm very fond of it, and will ten times out of ten use it no matter who the father is or what gender the baby is... "I like Bayley." He stares at me, lips slightly parted. His chest tightens as he takes a quick inhale before exhaling. There's a glint in his blue eyes that I can't quite describe. I try to read his expression, but not even those eyes are giving him away, now. "Works for a boy and a girl," I mumble to myself, looking away and down to the ground at his feet.
"I like it," he tells me, and for some reason I'm happy he does. "Bayley Hanson has a nice ring."
I like Bayley Bourget, better.
Suddenly, from the way Shayley's blue eyes lit up an brightened, I realized that I had said that out loud. Shay's eyes hold a newfound hope in them.
"I've got to go," I tell him and take off in a brisk walk/run back to my tent. He calls after me, wanting me to wait so we can talk, but I weave through the tents and aisles until I'm back at my Woe, is Me tent. Tristan stares boredly up at me over the rim of his sunglasses and frowns at my empty hands.
"What happened to my food?" he asks, watching me as I sit down on my fold out chair. I shrug and distract myself with my phone, checking emails and answering tweets from fans and friends. Suddenly, a small notification pops up; I frown, not used to getting these types of notices. Tapping it with my finger, I watch, confused, as it loads on the screen of my smartphone. Once I read it, my eyes widen.
shayleydayshellbourget tweeted you!
@elliebelliehanson: I love surprises, how did you know?
It's already gotten over 200 faves and close to 50 retweets, which is crazy, but I realize why. I'm getting an onslaught of tweets and mentions now, fans asking what it was. All Shayley answers with is:
You'll see in five months.
My mouth goes dry as I turn off the screen of my phone and shove it into the pocket of my shorts. Tristan looks over at me but I keep my eyes glued to the ground, breathing heavily as I try to slow down my heart rate. Now, suddenly, I want to go home; back to my home in Indiana where there are nothing but small towns and horses and cute little coffee shops that I'll sit at all day, thinking of new designs for merch and ads and do what I do best - be a stay-at-home wife.
My whole life I've been given everything, and even though I've tried, I wouldn't make it on my own. I can't keep a steady job since I have no experience of college education. I barely passed through high school. My mom was raised in the kind of lifestyle to always rely on the man in the household, and I grew up to think in the same mindset, and now that I was a stay-at-home wife, soon to be mom, I realized that I should have done more with my life and I hated what I had become.
I had to change where my future was headed.
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫
“Ellie?”
I look up from the computer screen at Hance. He’s holding out a can of Dr. Pepper, ready for me to take it and talk. This is how we always start off our long talks. Kevin went out with the rest of the boys, but Andrew is in the back lounge playing the PlayStation.
Without any hesitation I take the can and close my laptop. Hance slides into the opposite seat from me on the other side of the table and begins to drink his own soda. There’s a slight silence between us, and all that can be heard is the faint sounds coming from Andrew’s video game.
“Kevin hurt his hand this morning,” Hance starts off, taking another swig of his drink. I stare at my hands, cupped around the can, and nod. “How’d he do that?”
This time I hesitate.
“Ellie…” Hance tries to urge me on, but stops when he sees my tears. I’ve tried so hard not to cry lately, but finally it’s too much. “Ellie, what’s wrong?”
“I’ve done something horrible, Hance,” I admit, finally, dropping my head into my hands. He gets up and sits on my side, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
“No you haven’t, Ellie. Kevin has always had jealousy issues, you’ve known that from dating him for four years.”
“No, Hance, you don’t understand!” I yell, pushing his arm off of me. Andrew has paused his game, listening to us. Now I don’t care who hears me.
Hance frowns. “What are you talking about?”
“I slept with another guy, Hance!”
Silence.
You can’t even hear the buzz of the venue. It’s like the whole world has heard me scream that. It’s like I’ve finally admitted it to myself.
“So Kevin isn’t the father?” he whispers, scared to break the silence, almost. Andrew has come up front, staring us, shocked. I can’t look at either of them.
“I don’t know.”
Hance and Andrew both suck in a quick breath before Hance gets up to trade his Dr. Pepper for a beer. No, not a beer, a sharp swallow of whiskey. Andrew follows him. I keep my head dropped into my hands.
“With who?”
I mumble Shayley’s name. Hance and Andrew frown, looking at one another before sitting back at the table; Hance beside me, Andrew across from us.
“Who?” Andrew asks, and to keep from dragging it out any longer—
“Shayley Bourget.”
Hance is throwing the first thing he can get his hands on, a box of cereal, into the wall of the front lounge. I wince, keeping my eyes down.
“Fuck, Ellie! I could understand some faceless guy, but Shayley? Shayley! We’ve toured with them! We’re practically best friends! And you go and sleep with their bassist!”
I start to cry again because it is like the weight has been put on tenfold. Andrew’s frown deepens, but he says nothing.
Suddenly the bus door opens and in walk the rest band walks in, laughing and pushing each other up the stairs. When they see the mess caused by Hance throwing the box, they stop and stare at us. Kevin sees my watery cheeks almost immediately.
“What the hell is going on in here?” he asks, balling his fists up, ready to punch the first thing that he can get his hands on.
I wipe at my cheeks, trying to gain my composure. They aren’t supposed to be back for another hour or so.
“Nothing, Kevin. We were just talking, and you know how I’m over emotional right now. We’re okay, baby, nothing happened.”
I get up and walk over to him, trying to calm the anger that I know his boiling in him. He doesn’t calm down, though. Kevin pushes me aside gently, which surprises me, and goes up to Hance and Andrew.
“What the fuck did you say to my wife?”
“Other than stating the fact that she’s been cheating on you?”
I stare at Andrew with surprise. Why did he say that? He’s never told Kevin anything I’ve said before, so why now? Why is he ruining everything now? I was going to work it all out and—
“What?”
Kevin’s voice is eerily calm, soft, and it scares me. It scares the shit out of me. My body tenses as it gets ready for the hit that I know is coming. Kevin turns, hands relaxed. He looks at me over the top of his glasses and—
The bus jolts me awake. I stare at the ceiling of my bunk, looking at all the pictures. I look over at Kevin. He’s sound asleep, his glasses hanging above his head, with his arm wrapped protectively around my waist.
It was all a dream. Just a sick, terrifying dream.
As soon as Tristan and I packed up the merch and tent I came back to the bus to nap. I never had that conversation with Hance and Andrew. It never happened.
And it’s never going to happen.
I roll onto my side, curl up to Kevin, and fall asleep with my head beside his on the pillow. I try to sleep, but I just end up staring at the curtain behind his head for three hours.
Please update soon! This is amazing!
4/19/14