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I Can't Drown My Demons, They Know How to Swim

My Body's Failing

~Austin's POV~

"Hey Austin you wanna hang with me and Shay after you get off work today?"

I knew what Alan was trying to do. He was trying to get me out of the house. I pretty much
never left anymore. I didn't wanna be around anyone, I didn't want to do anything. I didn't
even want to go to work but I needed the money. After all I would be 18 soon, I needed to fend
for myself, blah adult stuff. I wanted nothing more than to go home, pop my ear buds in and
write some songs.

"Alan I'd love to but I just don't feel up to it."

"Austin you never feel like doing anything anymore. When am I gonna get my best friend back?"

"I am still the same person I was months ago."

"That's complete bullshit!" Alan lashed out

I guess he'd finally cracked, I guess he was pissed at me now. That would make tonight easier.

"Well then I guess I'm not then. I can't fucking fix it."

"Let me help you, please Austin I'll do anything just talk to me. Please."

I could see the pain reflected in his eyes that I could hear in his voice.

"Alan, you just wouldn't understand."

"Of course I'm not going to fucking understand! You won't talk to me or anyone else, we can
all see how much you're hurting and it's hurting us that you fucking talk to someone! You
can't just keep it in like that! You're hurting yourself Austin and dammit I'm not gonna
sit here and watch. Why won't you just fucking let me help you?!"

"I can't just fix it Alan. It's not something you can just fix. don't you think if I could I
would? I would definitely rather not burden you guys with my own shit, and I sure as hell don't
want to discuss it with a random stranger who doesn't know shit about me. I've got to go anyway.
I'll talk to you later."

I could see the hurt flash across his face as I turned to leave for work. It wasn't long before
I reached the mall, and the music store. I hoped that time would fly by.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Austin I made spaghetti for dinner. Your favourite." My Dad greeted me as I walked in.

"I'm not hungry Dad."

"But you love spaghetti, you used to eat half the pan by yourself." he smiled at me trying to
convince me to eat it.

"I liked it when Mom made it."

I watched his smile slowly fade away. I knew I hurt him, he was taking her death as hard as I was.

"I'll put some on a plate and put it in the microwave in case you decide you want to try it later,
okay?"

"Whatever Dad, I'm going to my room."

"Okay son, if you need anything let me know."

"Not likely." I mumbled as I made my way up the stairs.

I made it to my room and put my iPod in it's dock and shuffled the playlist. I walked over to my desk
and started going through the drawers. Looking for the bottle I had taken out of the medicine
cabinet. It was some of Dad's depression meds he was on, Prozac.

I examined the little half white, half green pills inside.

-Did I really want to do this?

-What would Mom say?

-She shouldn't have left me then.

-Ugh, I just can't take it anymore, and the constant bullying.

-I'd be so much better off if I was with her instead of here.

About a million thoughts went through my head. I knew I was going to do it anyway. I don't know why I was creating reasons for it. I had been thinking about it for weeks. Pushing my friends away,
pushing my Dad away, just making it easier for him and them.

I pushed down the cap a twisted. I dumped about 8 or so of those tiny colored capsules into my hand. I tilted my head back, opened my mouth, and dropped them in. I knew I didn't have long. I would most likely pass out soon, black out or something. I wrote my Dad a quick note and left it on my
desk.

It was then I heard a soft knock on the door.

"Austin, buddy you okay?"

I could respond everything was hazy and dizzy. I tried to form words but nothing came out.

"Austin." he said a little louder

A few seconds passed.

"Austin! Answer me please!" I could hear the pleading in his voice.

No matter how hard I tried the words wouldn't come out. I tried to walk to the door. No sooner had I
gotten up than I met the floor.

~Dad's POV~

"Austin! Answer me please!"

I wish he would just answer, I knew he didn't wanna talk but I needed to talk to him. A few seconds
passed and I heard a loud thunk, of which sounded like Austin hitting the ground.

"Austin!" I screamed "Austin, what happened?!" I begged

I barged in, breaking the door in the process because it had been locked. Nothing I had ever seen
could prepare me for what I saw in my son's room. He was sprawled across the floor, and a note
laying on his desk. I didn't need to read the note to know what it had said. I saw my Prozac on the
desk.

"FUCK!" How could I have been so fucking stupid?

I was on the ground next to him in minutes. I flipped him over. I gently tapped his face with my
hand.

"Austin." No response

I hit a littler harder.

"Austin!"

This time it was a full fledged slap.

"AUSTIN! ANSWER ME PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU!"

I lowered my head to his chest and tears ran down my face and I reached for my phone in my pocket, after what I had just heard.

A faint heartbeat. I could still save him.

"911 how can I help you?"

"I need an ambulance right away, my son has just tried to commit suicide."

"I need your address sir......"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~Austin's POV~

I woke up to beeping machines and bright lights in my face. I immediately knew what happened, and I let out a big sigh. I heard footsteps approaching my bed. I looked over to see my Dad's face.
He wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear.

"Please don't leave me, you're all I have left."

I felt like an utter piece of shit.

"I can't help you, and I don't want you to hurt yourself. Austin I have no choice they're making me
send you to a mental hospital for a while until you get better."

"I don't want to go to a crazy house." I was utterly horrified

"Austin I have no choice, they're taking you tomorrow whether I take you or by ambulance, and I have to bring all your clothes and things tomorrow because you're not getting dismissed until tomorrow morning before we leave for Valle Vista. I'm gonna need a list of everything you want. I'll just go ahead and pack all your clothes."

I couldn't believe this. Mental hospital, fuck. My Dad leaned down again, and kissed me on top of the
head.

"I love you, Austin."

Notes

Let me know how I'm doing. Please I need all the feedback.

Title Credit: The Depths.

Comments

Awwwwe I ship them so hard

ello beautiful ello beautiful
11/5/14
Thank you guys so much <3
I'm working on a Jalex if you guys want me to post the link here when I'm done I can do that
broken_beauty95 broken_beauty95
10/18/13
Ive never cried so fucking hard over a fanfiction. Well done. Well fucking done.
omam831 omam831
10/14/13
Another fanfic that has me ship Austiver even more. Good job
YDG'N Hailey YDG'N Hailey
10/14/13
Your welcome :) <3 your story is actually the first fanfiction I ever started reading and your story out me really into fanfiction :)